He has a girlfriend but started dating me

[caroline9999]

You always hope he is the one he is the soulmate and you make a choice even if you know it's wrong your hopes matter more. Knowing he has a girlfriend since some time did not hinder me seeing this man who I met in a city that I just moved to. We fell in a bubble he was saying the right things that we found each other and he started taking me out to meet his friends , dinners etc and to top all that we had the best physical interaction . His girlfriend is 8 years older than him and they didn't get married which seemed odd. While we started being more public he started pulling back . Sending me "I miss you " messages once a week or every 10 days only saying he is so busy . I finally said I can't deal with this situation as I haven't seen him for 4 weeks he apologized writing long messages saying he has work and all will be good and we will see each other soon . It was his bday and I didn't congratulate him and haven't heard from him since 2 weeks .

 

I know my behavior is not of a modest person as he is involved with someone since many years but don't people fall in love regardless ? I would have never stepped in if he was married or if there were kids I have my limits but shall I give up on him ?

[Hollyj]

How would you feel if you were in her shoes?

 

Stop excusing away your lack of values, and recognize that you are a selfish cheater. You did not have limits, as you got involved with someone in a relationship, no difference than if he were married and had kids. Terrible.

 

I see you had it done to you, and now you are doing it to another. Good grief!

[HeartGoesOn]

I know my behavior is not of a modest person as he is involved with someone since many years but don't people fall in love regardless ? I would have never stepped in if he was married or if there were kids I have my limits but shall I give up on him ?

 

It may be helpful to ask yourself, how you would feel if you were the person he's been involved with for many years? As for, having your "limits" where do girlfriends, as opposed to wives/kids fit in?

[Hermes]

Caroline.

 

No, they do not.

 

"but don't people fall in love regardless ? "

 

.....he was saying the right things that we found each other

 

Reality matters more. Not "hopes". As an adult you have the faculty of being able to think things through.

[boltnrun]

You're making fun of her for being 8 years older, but aren't you 5 years older than your ex who cheated on you?

 

Does that extra 3 years make some kind of difference?

 

I guess now you understand the viewpoint of the woman your ex cheated on you with, right?

[caroline9999]

I am not making fun I would never allow myself to belittle other people . My point is why doesn't she want to get married after such a long time but that's not for me to judge

[caroline9999]

Thank you for not judging and your wise words

[caroline9999]

I like the quote you are right I justify just to feel better but instead I am just behaving wrongly and will end up hurting people and myself

[caroline9999]

Things happen in life we are all humans and can't always be perfect. I am not a cheater he is I have never cheated on anyone I promised my commitment to. Did I fall for the wrong man ? Yes i did but why don't you take a step back and say it in kind words we all have been through bad times no need to be so judgmental . My ex had plenty of women but I found out because women always sense i just don't want to fall victim to a hobby cheater

[Hermes]

Caroline.

 

Look:

 

"You always hope he is the one he is the soulmate and you make a choice even if you know it's wrong"

 

IMO it is a good idea to ditch that word "soul-mate" from the vocabulary. I feel it can lead to the creation of idealization and well, "fog".

 

No indeed, no one is perfect. far from it.

 

But:

 

"and you make a choice even if you know it's wrong your hopes matter more"

 

Wrong choice, Caro, not wrong man. There are qutie a few types like him out there, but the important thing is to get the radar into gear and see them coming.

[boltnrun]

Things happen in life we are all humans and can't always be perfect. I am not a cheater he is I have never cheated on anyone I promised my commitment to. Did I fall for the wrong man ? Yes i did but why don't you take a step back and say it in kind words we all have been through bad times no need to be so judgmental . My ex had plenty of women but I found out because women always sense i just don't want to fall victim to a hobby cheater

 

I'm sure the woman your ex cheated on you with felt the same way. I presume you were just as understanding about how she felt...correct? After all, she couldn't help falling for the wrong man!

[greta96]

My point is why doesn't she want to get married after such a long time but that's not for me to judge

 

Probably because deep inside she senses he is a cheater and doesn't want to tie her life to a sleazeball.

[ThatwasThen]

Things happen in life we are all humans and can't always be perfect. I am not a cheater he is I have never cheated on anyone I promised my commitment to. Did I fall for the wrong man ? Yes i did but why don't you take a step back and say it in kind words we all have been through bad times no need to be so judgmental . My ex had plenty of women but I found out because women always sense i just don't want to fall victim to a hobby cheater

 

You may not have cheated but you enabled someone to cheat. That's just as "wrong" as being the cheater. If you don't want to be judged for behaviour that is judgeworthy, then you need to see a priest who will make you say 10 hail Mary's and then obsolve you of your wrong doing. Easy religion, that.

 

YOU don't want to fall victim of a "hobby cheater?" If you care about yourself, you'll hone your morals and personal boundaries so that you don't fall victim to being a "hobby other woman."

 

Good luck... I hope you work on your boundaries so that you quickly tell taken men to go take a flying leap on a rolling donut right out of your life.

[Capricorn3]

You may not have cheated but you enabled someone to cheat. That's just as "wrong" as being the cheater. If you don't want to be judged for behaviour that is judgeworthy, then you need to see a priest who will make you say 10 hail Mary's and then obsolve you of your wrong doing. Easy religion, that.

 

YOU don't want to fall victim of a "hobby cheater?" If you care about yourself, you'll hone your morals and personal boundaries so that you don't fall victim to being a "hobby other woman."

 

Good luck... I hope you work on your boundaries so that you quickly tell taken men to go take a flying leap on a rolling donut right out of your life.

 

I can only say "Amen" to that.

[ThatwasThen]

Bless you, 'my child'

[missmarple]

he is involved with someone since many years but don't people fall in love regardless?

 

Sometimes they do..but when they do, they break up...or even get divorced if they're married. When they keep both relationships, they're just serial cheaters.

[catfeeder]

I'd be careful not to position myself with anyone who has given me a front row seat to his capacity for disloyalty. I'd enjoy him for about 5 minutes before it would occur to me that someone who would be disloyal WITH me can just as easily turn on a dime to become disloyal TOWARD me.

 

I know myself, and I'm not made of the stuff to mess with people I can't trust. That's not a moralistic finger wag, it's practical. I'd just rather not live with a tight stomach every time my back is turned.

 

Good luck with that.