I'm so mad at my BF!

[cnsmith093]

I know this may seem like I am venting but this morning I had 15 mins before work and I wanted a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, it's only around the block from me and so is my BF house and my job! ( I'm lucky I know) so I was talking to him before I ran out to get my coffee and he asks me to get him a sandwich too. I said fine as long as the line isn't long I don't have much time and I have to get to work. The line wasn't long as I'm waiting for his food he calls me and asks me where I am I tell him I'm waiting for your food I'll be there ASAP. So I get in the car he calls me again and tells me he needs an orange juice! I said I can't!! I freaked out on him I'm already almost late I have to bring him food and how dare he call me for something else.. aggravated with the entire situation. I get to his house hes walking as slow as anything up to my car with an attitude because I yelled at him! .. no respect for my time or my job I am so pissed off, be courteous for me and my job! And he wasn't.. he could've came to get me and we could've went together and he could've dropped me off to make my life easier .. i was told no! I'm just so pissed off.. no maturity I am second guessing our relationship ☹️

[moodindigo91]

Psh I wouldn't have gotten him a sandwich. Does he have a job himself?

[reinventmyself]

So what prevented you from telling him respectfully, 'No, I am sorry. I don't have time to bring a sandwich to you" How would he know it's an inconvenience to you if you don't tell him so.

If you don't speak up and do it any way you forgo the right to complain about it.

[Tyler1209]

Honestly he's only human and u and him should talk about how u guys feel without getting pissed off about the situation

[Wiseman2]

Sorry he sounds like a brat.

The line wasn't long as I'm waiting for his food he calls me and asks me where I am I tell him I'm waiting for your food I'll be there ASAP. So I get in the car he calls me again and tells me he needs an orange juice!

...same guy?

[DancingFool]

You had no right to freak out and yell at him. He asked assuming you might still be waiting on the food. All you needed to do is let him know you are already on the way. You were out of line completely by freaking out and raising your voice, not him. If anything, you owe him an apology for raising your voice at him. You are lucky he hasn't dumped you yet.....

 

Frankly, if time is short and you are going to be such a mess about it, then maybe reconsider how you go about your mornings and learn to say no you can't from the get go and politely so you don't have to stress like that because it sure brought out your colors.

[butterfly45]

If you want my humble opinion, don't make yourself so 'available' during the working day. Have your phone off and answer it during your lunch break/after work. People take le pee until they realise you can't answer to their every beckoned call.

[ParisPaulette]

Honestly the whole things sounds like my kids with the, "oh hey this, and oh hey while you're at it" and "mom, I forgot to ask for orange juice..." so step back, regain a sense of humor a bit, and think of it as training wheels for momhood. You need to learn to manage your own time first above anyone else's 'cause the man has feet and lives close to the place too, so you need to learn to tell him no or that you will do X and then the rest is simply, "Nope, no can do."

 

In a calm logical fashion. If he throws a tantrum then you hang up and revisit the merits of having this boyfriend. He made a simple enough request and you can make a simple response back, "No."

 

I do think after you told him you were running late for work then at that point he could have been more considerate. But if it had been me a simple, "Sorry sugar pants, I'm running late, see you tonight," would have been my response in the first place.

 

Then if he threw a bit ol' tantrum about that he'd be looking for a new girlfriend 'cause I don't do high maintenance. And yeah, at that point expecting your girlfriend who you aren't paying and who isn't your mom to play fetch for you over being on time for her job is high maintenance.

 

Who's got time for that?

 

P.S. I just looked at the other thread on him. Oh jeez, just dump this guy already. He's got you playing "Mom" by cooking and cleaning for him and now this? Yeah, it's time to DTMFA and do better for yourself. He's given you the role of "Mom" and you do not ever want a relationship where you're the parent and they're the child. Just dump him. You're trying to turn a lazy selfish jerk who wants free maid service into a boyfriend, sorry there's no spell I know of that'll do that. Dumping him will solve these little problems though.

 

P.P.S. To those saying he didn't know she was running late - she made it a point to tell him she was running late to work and would only have time to get him X if the lines weren't long. Then he calls her again to ask where she is and she tells him she's still in line. She didn't lose it on him until she was driving back to him and then he calls A THIRD TIME IN HOW MANY MINUTES - so 3 phone calls in what 10 minutes (like a toddler screeching for their food) and demands she again go back and get him something else. At that point she did what any of us would likely do and lost her sh** and I don't blame her. Read her other thread, I'd have dumped the guy a long time ago.

 

I said fine as long as the line isn't long I don't have much time and I have to get to work. The line wasn't long as I'm waiting for his food he calls me and asks me where I am I tell him I'm waiting for your food I'll be there ASAP. So I get in the car he calls me again and tells me he needs an orange juice! I said I can't!!

[Snny]

So I get in the car he calls me again and tells me he needs an orange juice! I said I can't!! I freaked out on him I'm already almost late I have to bring him food and how dare he call me for something else.. aggravated with the entire situation. I get to his house hes walking as slow as anything up to my car with an attitude because I yelled at him! .. no respect for my time or my job I am so pissed off

Wow. Chill out.

 

I agree with the others he might not have known your schedule or even realized you were running late. And you B'ed him out and feel he disrespected you?

 

It's the other way around- your reaction was disrespectful.

 

And yea, he's walking slowly because you overreacted and were acting like a psycho. Personally I would be put off by someone yelling at me over the phone and then tried coming over to my place.

 

Sorry, if time was so important then fault is yours. It is YOUR responsibility to manage your own time. He was not holding you up at all- you decided to get him breakfast when you only had 15 mins to clock in for work. Very poor planning on your behalf.

 

Please work on your priorities before you fly off the handle and blame others for your problems.

[cnsmith093]

He knew I was running late- it's not the point of flying off the handle or anything like that or that I should control myself It's doing everything for this kid and nothing is enough. I've tried everything. He knew I only had a few minutes to spare and I was doing something for him because that's the person I am. He wants to call and keep asking me for things it's not right. Be respectful and courteous of my time and also my job! That's new by the way.. i know that if someone loves and cares about me they would respect that I need to be at work on time and they can fend for themselves..and I don't mind doing things for him obviously but when I'm in a tight window be respectful , I'm doing the best I can..he is a 25 year old man.. everyone has a breaking point... The point of me going to his house was because I had to bring him the food too, it's not like he was going to come get it!

[ThatwasThen]

Why not just say "sorry, I'm running late and can't?" It would be less hurtful then screaming at him because you're feeling over utilized by him. No?

 

Adding: Learning to say "no" while not feeing guilty about it when you have to will do a lot to make your partnership more copacetic... believe it or not, tis true.

[reinventmyself]

The point of me going to his house was because I had to bring him the food too, it's not like he was going to come get it!

 

But you didn't HAVE to bring him food. You chose to.

If he doesnt get it himself then he'll just go hungry. Maybe that might motivate him.

 

I posed the question in your last post about this man/child. Do you want be a partner or a parent?

You just referred to him as a kid. I don't know about you but I don't date kids, I date men

As a grown woman you should too

[limichelle]

If you are going to be so upset about him asking for things why do you waste your time doing it for him?

Instead of being hostile with him and thinking of him as a kid. Maybe you need to step back and take a deep breathe and have been honest about saying "no" in the first place even if he begs.

You are playing the mother role too much here. Time to tell him to get his own food and you are working and not bother you or show him the door.

 

Lisa

[SkellyWoozle]

He knew I was running late- it's not the point of flying off the handle or anything like that or that I should control myself It's doing everything for this kid and nothing is enough. I've tried everything. He knew I only had a few minutes to spare and I was doing something for him because that's the person I am. He wants to call and keep asking me for things it's not right. Be respectful and courteous of my time and also my job! That's new by the way.. i know that if someone loves and cares about me they would respect that I need to be at work on time and they can fend for themselves..and I don't mind doing things for him obviously but when I'm in a tight window be respectful , I'm doing the best I can..he is a 25 year old man.. everyone has a breaking point... The point of me going to his house was because I had to bring him the food too, it's not like he was going to come get it!

 

And bawling at him in the middle of a coffee shop is mature as well?!? Sounds like you're as bad as each other. Way around it is don't do it in the first place. Switch your phone off, do what you've got to do and let him do what he's got to do... he's a grown man, he's got legs and the coffee shop is 2 minutes around the corner......

[catfeeder]

Decide how much and for how long you want to be angry at him for being angry at you for being angry at him... it's a useless cycle.

 

Even people we love can be thoughtless. It can make us angry, but we get to pick our outward response to that--and we can choose to escalate it into the cycle of doom, or we can choose a better way to respond to it that nips it. For instance, I would have told him, "You're a funny guy...I'm already outta there." and that's it.

 

There's a difference between 'reacting' and 'responding'. Reactions are our initial feelings, but the way we respond is our choice. Try making it a new habit to pause and ratchet down your responses to anger, and see whether that tones down his. If not, and he continues to blow his fuse and behave selfishly, then put those instances in your pocket to consider whether he's really the right guy for you.

 

Head high.

[Wiseman2]

Why do you continue to be at this unemployed spoiled brat's beck and call, like a mommy? Why can't he get his rear out of bed and find a job and get his own coffee, food, etc.?

It's doing everything for this kid and nothing is enough. I've tried everything. ..he is a 25 year old man..The point of me going to his house was because I had to bring him the food too, it's not like he was going to come get it!

[MissCanuck]

This has very little to do with the orange juice.

 

What's really the problem here, OP? Because it seems there is a lot of underlying hostility toward him and that your reaction was the result of built-up anger. You referred to him as "this kid" - why is that?

 

EDIT: Just read your previous thread about this relationship. You've been playing maid and mommy to him, and he is showing virtually no appreciation. Stop enabling his lazy arse. You need to learn to say no, and mean it.

[cnsmith093]

Update- it's over !