What makes a man go back to an abusive woman?

[lostlove76]

Continually talking about something keeps us feeling connected to said thing/person/activity/whatever. It's part of the initial process of denial in not wanting the relationship to be over. We cling to anything that makes us feel like it is still an active part of our life, not something that is OVER and done. Totally normal and understandable. But this thread reveals two things:

 

- You are stuck in this stage for much longer than you should be over a two month relationship. I think this is partly because of the obsessive personality you mention having, and partly because you were very lonely in your new place, and you latched onto this guy in a really profound and frankly unhealthy way.

 

- You continue to ask HOW to get past this, not think about him etc. You've been given solid advice, repeatedly. You persist in ignoring that advice, and continue asking for help and telling us how unhappy you are. That is what makes it seem like attention-seeking, and eventually the patience and sympathy for that activity will begin to wane.

 

We are here for you, charliegurl. I think we've all proved that. But we can't help you unless you choose to help yourself by taking the advice given, and taking some action. As I told you long ago on your other thread, emotional healing requires an act of will. All the knowledge and insight you've been given here means nothing if you don't choose to use it.

 

I agree with your first paragraph, having been where Charliegurl is for a loong time recently. As a couple posters here well know I talked and talked and talked about it for a very long time. It was what I needed to do, and I was so very lucky to have people who were patient with me about it (both here and in real life). Then there finally came a time where I felt less need to talk about it so constantly.

 

But I want to jump in and say that I don't find it attention-seeking at all. CG is feeling hurt and lonely and confused, and is just seeking support.

 

Also wanted to address being still so hung up after such a short relationship. I meant to say something about this a while back at some point and never did. I think when it's so short and good, you're even more likely to obsess. You never get past the honey-moon infatuation stage, there is little if any fighting, everything is wonderful. There are no specific problems between the two of you that cause a breakup. It feels like you've won the lottery and had it suddenly yanked away from you before you got to fully enjoy it. Whereas with longer-term relationships, you've had time to discover their faults, butt heads about things, discover incompatibilities, etc. So when it ends, you at least have those things to grasp onto, rather than it feeling like you've lost something perfect. Just a general observation, and something I've spent time thinking about before.

[CharlieGurl]

If you feel like you "have to" know why, you'll end up feeling exactly as you do right now forever.

 

Not an appealing prospect, I presume.

 

You do know what to do to move on. The real question is...does it mean more to you to maintain some kind of connection to him, no matter how painful and negative? Or does it mean more to you to feel positive and healthy?

 

I don't feel positive and healthy and I guess I probably didn't feel that way before him either or I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. I quit my job, left my city and friends and flipped my life upside down to make a fresh start and a new career for myself because of all the voids I was feeling in my life...then I meet him and feel optimistic and happy for the first time in a long time. And now I have to go back to that horrible feeling I had before. I guess staying in this even just a little bit keeps me away from being where I was before (even though this is worse, i do know it's temporary, where that old feeling was so permanent feeling). I haven't thought of this before actually until right this second.

[boltnrun]

I don't feel positive and healthy and I guess I probably didn't feel that way before him either or I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. I quit my job, left my city and friends and flipped my life upside down to make a fresh start and a new career for myself because of all the voids I was feeling in my life...then I meet him and feel optimistic and happy for the first time in a long time. And now I have to go back to that horrible feeling I had before. I guess staying in this even just a little bit keeps me away from being where I was before (even though this is worse, i do know it's temporary, where that old feeling was so permanent feeling). I haven't thought of this before actually until right this second.

 

So you changed your life to make it better, yet you still feel like your life isn't positive? Leaving and starting over made it worse instead of better?

 

I'm just trying to understand.

 

Edited to add: I'm sure you know pinning your happiness on someone else isn't healthy either. If you're unhappy with yourself and you rely on someone else to "make" you happy, your disappointment will be profound if they don't end up doing for you what you'd hoped they would.

[Batya33]

hmm. yeah, maybe. I think it's really hard to say...this is all speculation which is what drives me crazy. We will never know the real details. And i suppose I don't have to in order to move on. It's just been really hard. I'll be okay.

 

I wasn't speculating -simply stating general common sense that people move towards pleasure and away from pain. Why he thought she gave him more pleasure than you, you likely will never know and it's irrelevant to your life and future.

[CharlieGurl]

So you changed your life to make it better, yet you still feel like your life isn't positive? Leaving and starting over made it worse instead of better?

 

I'm just trying to understand.

 

It's a long story I guess. I have wonderful friends in my life in Toronto. But I haven't found love and that's something I want so desperately. I have been 10 years without real love and it's so scary to think I'll never have it. My job was lame and I couldn't stand sitting at a desk all day. The people I worked with were amazing but it wasn't enough to make me want to stay in that career. If I had a family at home and a really happy outside life, I could have worked there forever...but because I didn't have the family OR the career, i decided to make a change that I had control over (since I can't really control finding the right guy)...so I came to a small town where I knew it would be cheaper to live and there is little to do so distractions would be few so i could focus on my school. The problem is, I am basically isolated here because the people in my class, although nice, are not real "friends" and there are only 2 girls with whom I have an outside friendship with...but they have their own lives. One lives outside of town and is getting married and is young (mid 20s) and has lots on the go, and the other is a mom of 3 and also works while in school...no real time to hang out with me...which I totally get.

 

I just have a lot of loneliness and I knew it would be hard...but I saw it as "short term pain for long term gain"...but when I met this guy, I kind of thought I had hit the jackpot in terms of having met someone my own age, who seemed crazy about me, who wanted to do things with me all the time, who I had very good chemistry with...and i had a small taste of what I had been missing. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I felt excited and hopeful. And then everything crashed around me.

[CharlieGurl]

I know it's not up to someone else to "make" me happy. But really, isn't that what's most important to people in this world - our connections with others? I have a very happy disposition (ok not on here and not right now lol) and am happy with my own company (i need it, in fact) but I can't lie and say that finding love would make me way happier. How can anyone say otherwise?

[CharlieGurl]

I agree with your first paragraph, having been where Charliegurl is for a loong time recently. As a couple posters here well know I talked and talked and talked about it for a very long time. It was what I needed to do, and I was so very lucky to have people who were patient with me about it (both here and in real life). Then there finally came a time where I felt less need to talk about it so constantly.

 

But I want to jump in and say that I don't find it attention-seeking at all. CG is feeling hurt and lonely and confused, and is just seeking support.

 

Also wanted to address being still so hung up after such a short relationship. I meant to say something about this a while back at some point and never did. I think when it's so short and good, you're even more likely to obsess. You never get past the honey-moon infatuation stage, there is little if any fighting, everything is wonderful. There are no specific problems between the two of you that cause a breakup. It feels like you've won the lottery and had it suddenly yanked away from you before you got to fully enjoy it. Whereas with longer-term relationships, you've had time to discover their faults, butt heads about things, discover incompatibilities, etc. So when it ends, you at least have those things to grasp onto, rather than it feeling like you've lost something perfect. Just a general observation, and something I've spent time thinking about before.

 

Thank you so much for this. It's exactly how I feel. I am not seeking attention. And I HAVE listened to the advice. Just because I haven't acted on the one thing that has been told to me (to cut him off completely) doesn't mean that I haven't taken and of the advice and doesn't mean I won't take other advice when I'm ready. It's not black and white.

 

I have had relationships that lasted a year that didn't have this affect on me when it ended, and I think you nailed it right on the head why. I hadn't seen his faults yet, I hadn't seen any ways that we weren't compatible. I hadn't understood the depths of his unhealthy relationship. And we were at the peak of the honeymoon phase just a few days before he started acting distant. And then it was done. And I really don't think a there is a specific amount of time that someone must be over their ex by. How can it possibly work that way? I saw him every day for 2 months.Most 2 month relationships, you see the person a couple of times a week. This had progressed way faster than that. Anyway I'm not trying to defend it but explain how I see it.

 

I do understand that people are frustrated with this and will eventually stop responding. To be honest, I probably would too. I get it. I'm not an idiot. I'm just struggling because of my own unhealthy reasons.

[gypsybird87]

I feel this thread has devolved into

 

CG: I'm sad and hurting. I can't stop thinking about him. Why did he do this? How can I move on and feel better?

 

ENA: multiple responders post encouragement, empathy, support, and consistent advice.

 

CG: thank you all. You are so right. I know I need to do that..... I'm sad and hurting. I can't stop thinking about him? How can I move on and feel better??

 

Maybe it's just me but I can only tell someone to come in out of the rain so many times. Perhaps I'm the only one that feels that way on this thread. So I'll bow out and leave the rest of you to it. There are a lot of folks here who read and don't post, so I hope all the advice on this thread has helped them. And I hope it will help you too, charliegurl, when you're ready. Sending you peace and courage.

[lostlove76]

You're welcome, CG. I see a lot of myself in you, and what you're going through, so I relate and understand. I wish it were all easier. I wish the hurt didn't last so long. But it's not easy, and it hurts for as long as it hurts. I had some really great advice on my thread, tons of great suggestions, and I didn't follow them all right away either. You have to just do what you're ready for and capable of. Sometimes when you're so sad and feeling so down, and your mind is so consumed with thoughts of him, it's hard to muster the energy to do much of anything at all. So just be patient with yourself and take it as it comes.

[Ms Darcy]

Continually talking about something keeps us feeling connected to said thing/person/activity/whatever. It's part of the initial process of denial in not wanting the relationship to be over. We cling to anything that makes us feel like it is still an active part of our life, not something that is OVER and done. Totally normal and understandable. But this thread reveals two things:

 

- You are stuck in this stage for much longer than you should be over a two month relationship. I think this is partly because of the obsessive personality you mention having, and partly because you were very lonely in your new place, and you latched onto this guy in a really profound and frankly unhealthy way.

 

- You continue to ask HOW to get past this, not think about him etc. You've been given solid advice, repeatedly. You persist in ignoring that advice, and continue asking for help and telling us how unhappy you are. That is what makes it seem like attention-seeking, and eventually the patience and sympathy for that activity will begin to wane.

 

We are here for you, charliegurl. I think we've all proved that. But we can't help you unless you choose to help yourself by taking the advice given, and taking some action. As I told you long ago on your other thread, emotional healing requires an act of will. All the knowledge and insight you've been given here means nothing if you don't choose to use it.

 

I agree with this.

 

And if you have obsessive thoughts, the payoff of this journal is to continue the circular obsession.

[CharlieGurl]

I feel this thread has devolved into

 

CG: I'm sad and hurting. I can't stop thinking about him. Why did he do this? How can I move on and feel better?

 

ENA: multiple responders post encouragement, empathy, support, and consistent advice.

 

CG: thank you all. You are so right. I know I need to do that..... I'm sad and hurting. I can't stop thinking about him? How can I move on and feel better??

 

Maybe it's just me but I can only tell someone to come in out of the rain so many times. Perhaps I'm the only one that feels that way on this thread. So I'll bow out and leave the rest of you to it. There are a lot of folks here who read and don't post, so I hope all the advice on this thread has helped them. And I hope it will help you too, charliegurl, when you're ready. Sending you peace and courage.

 

I will say it again. I appreciate what you and the others have said to me and I do take it in. It's not something you should take personally that I haven't yet been able to cut him off with a "don't talk to me anymore" message. The support and encouragement on here is what has helped me - more than you realize, and I'm sorry if you don't see it that way.

 

I'm sure many, many therapists would tell you that what I'm experiencing is normal for some people...the circle, over and over, until it no longer is. It's not that I'm specifically saying "that's good advice but not for me"...I'm saying "that's good advice" because I know it is and I hope that I can get past this by being able to cut him off or by not.

 

If you choose to bow out, I respect that. I don't expect anyone to stay if the situation frustrates or annoys them.

[CharlieGurl]

You're welcome, CG. I see a lot of myself in you, and what you're going through, so I relate and understand. I wish it were all easier. I wish the hurt didn't last so long. But it's not easy, and it hurts for as long as it hurts. I had some really great advice on my thread, tons of great suggestions, and I didn't follow them all right away either. You have to just do what you're ready for and capable of. Sometimes when you're so sad and feeling so down, and your mind is so consumed with thoughts of him, it's hard to muster the energy to do much of anything at all. So just be patient with yourself and take it as it comes.

 

Thank you again for understanding. It seems many don't, and I get that. People are different - we handle things differently and we heal differently. I so wish I could just be the "f*ck him" kind of person and then drop it. That would be so much easier. Unfortunately, that's not who I am and this kind of stuff has always been hard for me - this is one of the hardest just because of all that surrounded it. I know it's less about him and more about all the other things around it - being lonely, giving up hope on finding someone, feeling duped...all that stuff. I seemed to have pushed some people out of this thread by my obsessive, circulatory thoughts, and I guess that's the way it goes when you completely air out everything in your head - some people get it, some people find it pathetic and don't understand it. I guess that's the way it goes sometimes.

[Batya33]

"I hadn't seen his faults yet, I hadn't seen any ways that we weren't compatible. I hadn't understood the depths of his unhealthy relationship. "

 

Exactly. Which is why you need to make a different choice at that stage and understand that you haven't seen any of those things because that requires, as I've suggested before, knowing someone over a long period of time and not assuming that just because you have this strong connection right away and just because you're doing the insta-relationship thing and seeing each other all the time right in the beginning, that that means anything about connection or compatibility for the long term.

 

No one but you is suggesting a "specific time" - that is one of your (to me, self-defeating, sabotaging) strategies to avoid actively listening to the input you've received as to how to make the choice not to obsess over this and how to make the choice to move on.

 

And there was no need to understand the "depths of his unhealthy relationship" - had you understood yourself and your motives - clinging on to this connection because you were lonely - then you would have understood that reacting to that initial connection in that way was not a healthy way for you to react and knowing that he just came out of an apparently unhealthy relationship would simply have been an additional concern.

 

Given your mindset avoid as much as possible scenarios that excuse your role in this, that paint you out to be a victim of your heart, or his manipulation etc. Obviously he behaved like a jerk in some ways but dwelling on that in your particular situation is not productive IMO.

[CharlieGurl]

"I hadn't seen his faults yet, I hadn't seen any ways that we weren't compatible. I hadn't understood the depths of his unhealthy relationship. "

 

Exactly. Which is why you need to make a different choice at that stage and understand that you haven't seen any of those things because that requires, as I've suggested before, knowing someone over a long period of time and not assuming that just because you have this strong connection right away and just because you're doing the insta-relationship thing and seeing each other all the time right in the beginning, that that means anything about connection or compatibility for the long term.

 

No one but you is suggesting a "specific time" - that is one of your (to me, self-defeating, sabotaging) strategies to avoid actively listening to the input you've received as to how to make the choice not to obsess over this and how to make the choice to move on.

 

And there was no need to understand the "depths of his unhealthy relationship" - had you understood yourself and your motives - clinging on to this connection because you were lonely - then you would have understood that reacting to that initial connection in that way was not a healthy way for you to react and knowing that he just came out of an apparently unhealthy relationship would simply have been an additional concern.

 

Given your mindset avoid as much as possible scenarios that excuse your role in this, that paint you out to be a victim of your heart, or his manipulation etc. Obviously he behaved like a jerk in some ways but dwelling on that in your particular situation is not productive IMO.

 

Some people have said that I should be over this by now since the relationship was only 2 months. That's what I meant by saying I don't think there's a specific time.

 

I understand what you're saying about accepting my part in this. I'm confused about what you mean when you say I should have made a different choice "at that stage". What stage do you mean? Or "reacting to that initial connection in that way". What do you mean? I guess I don't know what you're referring to. As I've said, I didn't really ever think about long term anything with him during the relationship - we talked about it a little here and there but I was definitely just taking things as they came and enjoying the moments.

 

I completely agree that in my lonely state, I put too much emphasis on our relationship to fill voids in my life and "make" me happy and that I was coming into this almost as unhealthily as he was, in a way. I take responsibility for that for sure. I'm not sure that I'm dwelling on him being a jerk though either.

 

I'm trying not to see blame here - whether in him or in myself and just accept that it was something that seemed good that didn't work out. I understand that I'm trying to figure it all out, know the motives behind everything he and I both said and did, but in the end none of that matters. I just have to accept that it's over and I don't need to try to understand the whole thing because no matter what, I never will, so I'm just driving myself further and further into crazytown.

[Hollyj]

It was not good! You're not listening.

 

Red Flags:

He came out of a highly abusive and dysfunctional relationship. This should have been a huge red flag

Jumped into another relationship, making you the rebound

The relationship moved at a very fast pace. Next time, slow the roll, so that you can get to know the individual

 

Try filling your life with friends and activities, so you do not end up with this type of individual again. There were many warning signs, but you failed to act.

 

You should see blame so that you don't make the same mistake, again. Your judgement was poor. This guy is gone, move on. Unless, you enjoy playing the victim role by staying in touch.

 

I'm out.

[Pdewitt]

Here is what I see your self esteem is at a all time low thus stopping you from moving on. Love yourself with all the conviction in the world and guess what? Someone else will follow suit. Read the post I just out out there and maybe it will give you a little reassurance that you DONT need him to be happy. My goodness he is only a person not a god! If you continue to let his existence influence you it'll beat you up for years to come. Do you really want to accept that ?

[CharlieGurl]

Here is what I see your self esteem is at a all time low thus stopping you from moving on. Love yourself with all the conviction in the world and guess what? Someone else will follow suit. Read the post I just out out there and maybe it will give you a little reassurance that you DONT need him to be happy. My goodness he is only a person not a god! If you continue to let his existence influence you it'll beat you up for years to come. Do you really want to accept that ?

 

No I don't. You're right. My self-esteem has plummeted.

 

I saw him from the window this morning and tried to think about why I'm making him out to be so special. I guess he's not. I guess it's just my self-esteem telling me that he was special because for a short time he seemingly gave me what I thought I wanted and if he'd rather go back to something toxic and destructive, then what must that say about me? It's hard to accept that he wants that over me. And I guess I hang on because I think if he finally realizes it, then maybe I'm worth more than I'm feeling right now.

 

I didn't contact him and he didn't contact me. And then he left again. And I have gone away overnight.

 

I'm trying to make peace with myself. I'm just finding it difficult. I know people don't understand it which is okay. We can't understand everyone.

[lostlove76]

I understand it, because I told myself all the same things you're telling yourself. I'm a little bit farther along than you, only because more time has passed, but still not fully healed by any means. Mine is now with a woman who is married, trashy, uneducated, obnoxious, unstable, vain, posts hundreds of bikini selfies on social media, and moved 4.5 hours away from her husband and kids to go live a party lifestyle. (I know that sounds bitter, but I don't care). And I've told myself, he chose THAT over me? What must that say about ME? (Just like you're telling yourself). The only thing I can figure is that it's because she's hot, fun, and exciting. And he must be attracted to her darkness, because he has demons too, even though you'd never know it from looking at him. I'm sorry to keep bringing up my stuff on your thread; just showing that I can totally relate. I thought it would never happen, but I finally moved past the very worst of it, and you will too, with time. I worry that I'll never be fully happy and okay until I find someone else, though, and I don't feel like that will ever happen.

 

Just keep typing here whenever you need to vent and express your confusion, hurt, disappointment, depression, whatever. Not everyone will understand, but that's okay. I found the process of writing on my own thread to be therapeutic. Do whatever you need to do to get through this!

[CharlieGurl]

I understand it, because I told myself all the same things you're telling yourself. I'm a little bit farther along than you, only because more time has passed, but still not fully healed by any means. Mine is now with a woman who is married, trashy, uneducated, obnoxious, unstable, vain, posts hundreds of bikini selfies on social media, and moved 4.5 hours away from her husband and kids to go live a party lifestyle. (I know that sounds bitter, but I don't care). And I've told myself, he chose THAT over me? What must that say about ME? (Just like you're telling yourself). The only thing I can figure is that it's because she's hot, fun, and exciting. And he must be attracted to her darkness, because he has demons too, even though you'd never know it from looking at him. I'm sorry to keep bringing up my stuff on your thread; just showing that I can totally relate. I thought it would never happen, but I finally moved past the very worst of it, and you will too, with time. I worry that I'll never be fully happy and okay until I find someone else, though, and I don't feel like that will ever happen.

 

Just keep typing here whenever you need to vent and express your confusion, hurt, disappointment, depression, whatever. Not everyone will understand, but that's okay. I found the process of writing on my own thread to be therapeutic. Do whatever you need to do to get through this!

 

Thanks LostLove. I appreciate that you can understand it. I know most people (or at least lots) think I'm pathetic for being this upset still, or at all.

 

I'm sorry you're going through it too. I know how hard it is to not compare yourself to the other woman, the "chosen" one. I do that too and it's pointless because regardless of the fact that his gf is very unattractive and abusive and an alcoholic, there is something about her that he can't resist - whether that's her specifically or the life they created together, or the drama or whatever, it doesn't matter. That's who he is choosing.

 

I'm feeling angrier today than sad. I feel angry at him for being selfish. Even if his feelings for me were genuine in certain ways, he should have made sure things were really over before dragging someone else into his crap. He apologized for that before...said "he's a mess and is sorry for dragging me into it". But that's not enough.

 

And even though i wish things could be different, I know that him not contacting me is a blessing right now. It doesn't feel like it, but I know it is. I could have gone downstairs to my car and seen him when he was outside this morning but I didn't. I wanted to because I haven't seen his face in 2 weeks. But, I couldn't do it.

 

So, I do feel there's improvement. At least a little.

[lostlove76]

Thanks LostLove. I appreciate that you can understand it. I know most people (or at least lots) think I'm pathetic for being this upset still, or at all.

You're not pathetic at all. You're human, with a heart and emotions. We aren't robots - would be easier if we were, but we aren't. We get emotionally invested, and it hurts when we then experience the loss. Totally normal.

 

I'm feeling angrier today than sad. I feel angry at him for being selfish. Even if his feelings for me were genuine in certain ways, he should have made sure things were really over before dragging someone else into his crap. He apologized for that before...said "he's a mess and is sorry for dragging me into it". But that's not enough.

I've always tried to make myself angry in situations likes these (sometimes on purpose, sometimes subconsciously) because it almost feels better to be angry than sad. And it knocks them off the pedestal we put them on, just a little bit. You have every reason to be mad at him; he was careless with your feelings, even if he didn't mean to be.

 

And even though i wish things could be different, I know that him not contacting me is a blessing right now. It doesn't feel like it, but I know it is.

I agree. I wanted mine to keep trying to call, and when he stopped, it hurt. It made me feel totally forgotten. But I guess it was for the best, because him calling still didn't give me what I needed and wanted, which was to be with him all the way.

[CharlieGurl]

I wish I could be more angry than sad most days - It would make it easier.

 

I want to hear from him so badly but I don't want to hear anything except "I made a mistake and I want to be with you"...and since it doesn't look like that's going to happen, there's no point in wanting to hear from him. And even if he did text and say that, what could I possibly do? If I said yes, I would never trust the situation and I would be skeptical and paranoid all the time - not a way I want to be in any relationship.

[lostlove76]

I wish I could be more angry than sad most days - It would make it easier.

 

I want to hear from him so badly but I don't want to hear anything except "I made a mistake and I want to be with you"...and since it doesn't look like that's going to happen, there's no point in wanting to hear from him. And even if he did text and say that, what could I possibly do? If I said yes, I would never trust the situation and I would be skeptical and paranoid all the time - not a way I want to be in any relationship.

 

Exactly. Of course I can't know, but I have a feeling he might do that one of these days, sooner or later - tell you he made a mistake and wants to be with you. Which is what you want to hear. But then how could you trust him? Since he's on and off with her, it probably wouldn't take long before the same thing happened all over again. It might hurt even worse the second time. So if he does come back, I hope it's when you're not in so vulnerable a state.

 

You've probably addressed this somewhere in these threads, but for how long will you both be living in the same building?

[CharlieGurl]

Exactly. Of course I can't know, but I have a feeling he might do that one of these days, sooner or later - tell you he made a mistake and wants to be with you. Which is what you want to hear. But then how could you trust him? Since he's on and off with her, it probably wouldn't take long before the same thing happened all over again. It might hurt even worse the second time. So if he does come back, I hope it's when you're not in so vulnerable a state.

 

You've probably addressed this somewhere in these threads, but for how long will you both be living in the same building?

 

I hope so too. I have been in a position before where someone came back and I was able to easily say no because I had gotten over it. I would hope that would happen again.

 

Well he used to live with her up until last May when he called his ex-wife in a panic and "had to get out of his living arrangement" with the gf because things were so bad. That's why he ended up in the house I'm in now. His ex parents-in-law own the house and live across the street. As he's not on good terms with his ex-wife, he hates that he has to live in this house and has never liked living there. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved back in with the gf asap, especially with me living upstairs. I actually saw him walking over to the landlord's place with some papers this morning. I wondered if maybe he's giving his notice, but it's hard to say. His son and the gf don't get along and since the son is going into his final year of high school before likely going away to university, I would think he might just stay in this house until then...but he's an impulsive guy and I can see him moving back there now.

 

I'm done my program in one year from now and then I'm out of this sh*tty town.

[lostlove76]

I know it would hurt if he moved back in with her, but it might be better for you. I can't imagine having to see mine hanging around all the time. I would feel so self-conscious about coming in and out, wouldn't want to run into him, wouldn't want him to think I was trying to run into him. Crappy situation So if he moves, you'll have the freedom to kind of breathe and move around again, at least. It's a shame you can't even enjoy your living situation.

 

Aside from that, I've always thought small-town living would be HEAVEN. I'm always envious when I see it in movies or read about it in books. I wish there was some way you could embrace and enjoy it for the next year. I know that's hard to do now, given your situation with him.

[CharlieGurl]

I know it would hurt if he moved back in with her, but it might be better for you. I can't imagine having to see mine hanging around all the time. I would feel so self-conscious about coming in and out, wouldn't want to run into him, wouldn't want him to think I was trying to run into him. Crappy situation So if he moves, you'll have the freedom to kind of breathe and move around again, at least. It's a shame you can't even enjoy your living situation.

 

Aside from that, I've always thought small-town living would be HEAVEN. I'm always envious when I see it in movies or read about it in books. I wish there was some way you could embrace and enjoy it for the next year. I know that's hard to do now, given your situation with him.

 

Yeah. I think it would be easier if he didn't live here, but it feels like that would mean it's final. But if that's the way it's going to be, then better that he's not here I guess.

 

I have always liked the idea of small town living too, but not this town. It's not that it's too small (47,000), it's just a very depressed town. So many people without work because the main source of jobs, the paper mill, closed several years ago. So many people on welfare and really just nothing to do here. There's not even a Starbucks lol. It's crappy. I think I've had my fill of small town living if this is the way it is.