Does this seem like dd behaviour to you?

[Tanzi]

Sooooo, I've been talking to this guy who I "met" on a well known dating app. We both agreed that we would like to meet up.

 

The other morning I was running typically late. It was the usual school run mayhem and I hadn't realised that he had sent me a "morning sexy" text (a bit too familiar for my liking but I'm in no position to be fussy!!!!). In fact it wasn't until after I got home from work (4.30pm) that I saw the text. I replied apologising for my delay and briefly explaining why.

 

However, I then got stuck into the usual evening routine and it was some time before I even thought to look at my phone again. He had replied almost immediately to my other text. He had then sent another one a bit later which I had also only just seen. I apologised again and explained I'd had a busy evening. I asked him how his day had been and a few other things besides.

 

He replied .... "I think you are getting my messages but only respond when you are bored and you still haven't answered my text from 4 hours ago".

 

So, I read back over the texts and, yes, I had missed a question .... though it wasn't my fault entirely as his text didn't read very well. However, before I had the chance to reply my mum rang on my landline. Nine minutes later he sent me a text saying .... "Ignoring me again?".

 

I replied ..... "Hee hee, just on phone to my mum".

 

He replied ..... "4FS".

 

I was kind of irked by this and instead of leaving it alone I went into some unnecessary explanation as to why my day had been so busy.

 

He replied ..... "I am only joking still not answered my question this is getting on my t*ts now LOL".

 

I was even more irked by this (not to mention mildly irritated by his lack of punctuation). I thought he was rude and I decided that I no longer wanted to meet up with him. Nevertheless, I answered his question. Not sure why really.

 

Anyway, the next day he liked a photo I uploaded onto FB. Quite some time later he sent me a text saying .... "So who is the Italian looking chap you are all over?". Now, I was a bit confused at first as to what he was talking about. I was out with my friend at the time and for one mad moment I thought he was watching me ... not that I was anywhere near an "Italian looking guy". However, I soon realised that he must have been searching through my FB photos and was referring to my ex. Nevertheless, it was rather an isolated and random text and I didn't like the way he referred to me being "all over" him. What was he on about?? There are no such photos.

 

That damn devil in me just couldn't leave it alone, so I replied saying that I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. He replied .... "this chap".

 

He then sent another message. I opened it up and the next thing I knew my ex was staring back at me (well kind of). He had sent ME an image of me and my ex (from 3 years ago). It is only a head and shoulders image. I'm not even facing the camera. My ex is hugging me and kissing the side of my head. You can't really see me at all, apart from a very small portion of the back of my head, so what the heck he meant when he said I was all over him I really don't know.

 

I told him it was an ex but, of course, he knew this anyway.

 

He then sent me multiple questions as to why I hadn't taken them off. I replied saying ...... "People's pasts don't bother me so I guess I don't expect my past to bother other people. After all we're aren't teenagers. No doubt you've been in love before. No doubt you have pictures of ex's (somewhere). That's a part of you and I would totally accept that just as I would hope that someone would accept that my past is a part of me".

 

He went on to say how off-putting it was. How I seemed to be all over a lot of guys. That is not true at all. One of the guys he was referring to was my daughter's ex-boyfriend. There are no others.

 

I didn't bother to reply. He tried to backtrack at one point and turn it into a joke but to me this stuff is all nonsense. I still didn't reply. We haven't spoken since.

 

But now I've got to thinking .... what are people's thought on photos of ex's. I've dated other guys before who haven't even thought to mention it, just as I haven't questioned them about their photos.

 

Is this an error on my part or an overreaction on his? A bit of both perhaps?

[Itchy]

I'd cut this guy off. This entire question has made me cringe, shudder even.

 

I couldn't care less about photo's of ex's, I don't have social media and even if I did it still wouldn't bother me. As long as she's not running off and having dalliances with him behind my back, then keep the photo's and the memories, it doesn't make me nervous, it is what it is and I'd rather focus on the present and build for the future.

[Wiseman2]

Cut him loose. it's going from somewhat funny/flirty to creepy.

[reinventmyself]

Elch. . I feel dirty reading that.

Cut this one lose!

(bit too familiar for my liking but I'm in no position to be fussy!!!!).

It's that way of thinking that will get you into trouble.

Yes, you are in a position to be fussy and some stranger perusing your fb page and calling you out on your personal photos, not to mention making some sort of suggestion that you overlook his behavior in return is disturbing.

 

You do not need to defend yourself to anyone, let alone someone you haven't even met!

That and the sexual comments out of the gate.

The expectation of responses. . Ok. .so maybe he had a point but to belabor it and not let it go.

. . It just feels dirty.

Block, delete.

[Zaphod]

Good ol' Facebook strikes again!

[HeartGoesOn]

This guy not only sounds dangerous, he sounds like a stalker, as well. You're not over reacting, you're being smart in ending all forms of communication.

[Zaphod]

Ok, I'm going to offer up some points/advice here. And I apologise if you find me blunt. I know what I'm on about internet-wise.

 

1 :

 

I'm in no position to be fussy

 

You are always in a position to be fussy, and you should retain that position permanently and constantly. This should be your default position.

 

2 :

 

The guy sounds like he wants a dry slap. I would be happy to oblige for a suitable remuneration, if you can find out his address and pay my air fare.

 

3 :

 

How come he can see your photos on Facebook, let alone like them? Perhaps you might want to attend to that, and in the process, generally tighten up on your FB security.

 

4 :

 

(More of a question really) - You say he and you agreed to meet up? Did this occur before the texting? And if it did occur, what actually occurred (not too much detail please).

 

5 :

 

Just be really really careful of Facebook, and dating apps, and dating sites. That is all. If you must indulge, you should well, just be really careful. Dating apps are too familiar, Facebook is insecure and creates an illusion, and dating sites are a scam (with a few exceptions).

 

There's me, and doubtless other guys on this site, who are decent guys, probably finding it hard to meet women, and then there's absolute losers like this who manage to procur a meeting with a lovely (and I'm sure you probably are) woman? What's going on?

 

When cyber-meeting people, you have to be really slow. For safety reasons. Take a step back from yourself and have a think "what am I doing?". This is a ridiculous, and quite frankly stalker-ish and creepy situation you're describing here.

 

Remember - the internet. Where you have absolutely no idea who you're talking to. Ah, whatever happened to real life, I sometimes ask myself.

[Zaphod]

Also, he seems like a complete and utter, utter, utter prat. Who lacks the most basic grammar and punctuation skills, and aggressively attacks women over text challenging their personal lives after having written them a couple of electronic letters and (maybe) met them once.

 

When you say you're not in a position to be fussy, you're not joking are you? That's got to be the understatement of the year.

[j.man]

Your only error is not cutting him off after the "morning sexy," much less the 25 other red flags.

 

Seriously, I don't think I got through a single line without saying, "... there's more??" Just because you don't feel you're in a position to be fussy doesn't mean you gotta put up with guys like this.

 

And you should probably at the very least go on a first date before you add someone to your social media.

[Tanzi]

Thank for all your responses. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this guy's behaviour was creepy.

 

I would just like to add that, as a general rule, I am a very fussy person. I was just being flippant when I said that I was in no position to be fussy. I run an extremely "tight ship" in that respect. I think I had just got to the point where I was thought that perhaps I needed to loosen the grip somewhat.

 

Zaphod, thank you for taking the time to come up with some questions. I will do my best to answer them honestly!!!

 

You are always in a position to be fussy, and you should retain that position permanently and constantly. This should be your default position.

 

Yes, you are absolutely right. As I said above, I am actually rather fussy. I have three children to consider so I have a duty to them to be fussy. I'm eight years divorced, three years single. The opportunities are there, but I just have a rather large check list! Like I said, I was just being flippant. I didn't want to come across as a dating snob.

 

 

The guy sounds like he wants a dry slap. I would be happy to oblige for a suitable remuneration, if you can find out his address and pay my air fare.

 

Haha, is someone after a freebie to the UK!!!

 

How come he can see your photos on Facebook, let alone like them? Perhaps you might want to attend to that, and in the process, generally tighten up on your FB security.

 

I accepted his friend's request a little while after we started speaking. I don't have any qualms about that and to be honest I doubt that will change. I think it gives you a good insight into that person's life. If nothing comes of anything I usually delete them and even block them if I feel necessary. Other than that my FB security is as tight as it can be!

 

You say he and you agreed to meet up? Did this occur before the texting? And if it did occur, what actually occurred (not too much detail please).

 

This occurred ,.... as in arranging to meet up .... during the texting. Though it was planned ahead for two weeks time. Nothing actually occurred, thankfully. I stopped speaking to him before we were due to meet. The picture he sent me of my ex freaked me out if I am honest so from that point on, it was NEVER going to happen.

 

Just be really really careful of Facebook, and dating apps, and dating sites. That is all. If you must indulge, you should well, just be really careful. Dating apps are too familiar, Facebook is insecure and creates an illusion, and dating sites are a scam (with a few exceptions).

Thank you for your concern Zaphod. Over the last eight years I think I've gained quite an insight into online dating sites. I don't like them .... at all. However, every once in awhile .... for some reason I cannot explain .... I will give it a go. I have been in three relationships over the last eight years, though only one long term, and all of them I met online. Sometimes it feels like it is a means to an end. Most of the time, I prefer to remain single than to put myself through the perils of online dating!

 

There's me, and doubtless other guys on this site, who are decent guys, probably finding it hard to meet women, and then there's absolute losers like this who manage to procur a meeting with a lovely (and I'm sure you probably are) woman? What's going on?

 

Well he seemed like a decent enough guy at first. Not bad looking, witty, a bit cheeky .... but he evidently has a darker side which he hasn't managed to keep under control at this early stage so meeting up with him is no longer an option

 

When cyber-meeting people, you have to be really slow. For safety reasons. Take a step back from yourself and have a think "what am I doing?". This is a ridiculous, and quite frankly stalker-ish and creepy situation you're describing here.

 

For the most part I am slow. To the point where it stops before it ever gets anywhere. Mostly, I can't be bothered. Apart from my ex, I haven't met anyone who has lit that fire in my belly. I guess sometimes, I feel like I need to be a bit more pro-active when it comes to making certain changes in my life.

 

Remember - the internet. Where you have absolutely no idea who you're talking to. Ah, whatever happened to real life, I sometimes ask myself.

I have a real life too. I go out regularly with friends and work colleagues. I go to the gym regularly. I do things with my girls and with friends and our kids .... it would just be nice to meet someone who lights that fire in my belly!

[Tanzi]

 

When you say you're not in a position to be fussy, you're not joking are you? That's got to be the understatement of the year.

 

Seriously, I don't think I got through a single line without saying, "... there's more??" Just because you don't feel you're in a position to be fussy doesn't mean you gotta put up with guys like this. .

 

Arrrgh, I wish I had never said that damn line now. As I said ... eight years divorced, three years single. I think I have been fussy enough!!! I was being flippant. I just didn't think anyone would take that bit so seriously. This is the one and only time in eight years, that anyone has fallen through the sieve .... and it just got me wondering, that's all.

[Sportster2005]

I wouldn't tolerate any behavior like that. I would have been finished when they complained it took four hours to get back to them.

 

(a bit too familiar for my liking but I'm in no position to be fussy!!!!)

Don't talk so foolish. Everyone is in a position to be fussy when determining a mate.

[Tanzi]

I wouldn't tolerate any behavior like that. I would have been finished when they complained it took four hours to get back to them.

 

Don't talk so foolish. Everyone is in a position to be fussy when determining a mate.

 

Arrrrrrghhh, that damn line again!!!!!!

[shellyf62]

I would NEVER give anyone I have not met access to my FB. I have even gone so far as to take my Surname off it & it is only my First & Middle name.

There is nothing I am hiding, but I only have my family & close friends on there, so their privacy is just as important as mine.

 

You really need to start having boundaries and sticking to them. "Morning Sexy" from a complete stranger is not ok, and I block guys who start the dirty talk straight away. It is only downhill from there....

 

Please block this loser and do your "deal breaker" list asap.

[browneyedgirl36]

Sooooo, I've been talking to this guy who I "met" on a well known dating app. We both agreed that we would like to meet up.

 

The other morning I was running typically late. It was the usual school run mayhem and I hadn't realised that he had sent me a "morning sexy" text (a bit too familiar for my liking but I'm in no position to be fussy!!!!). In fact it wasn't until after I got home from work (4.30pm) that I saw the text. I replied apologising for my delay and briefly explaining why.

 

However, I then got stuck into the usual evening routine and it was some time before I even thought to look at my phone again. He had replied almost immediately to my other text. He had then sent another one a bit later which I had also only just seen. I apologised again and explained I'd had a busy evening. I asked him how his day had been and a few other things besides.

 

He replied .... "I think you are getting my messages but only respond when you are bored and you still haven't answered my text from 4 hours ago".

 

So, I read back over the texts and, yes, I had missed a question .... though it wasn't my fault entirely as his text didn't read very well. However, before I had the chance to reply my mum rang on my landline. Nine minutes later he sent me a text saying .... "Ignoring me again?".

 

I replied ..... "Hee hee, just on phone to my mum".

 

He replied ..... "4FS".

 

I was kind of irked by this and instead of leaving it alone I went into some unnecessary explanation as to why my day had been so busy.

 

He replied ..... "I am only joking still not answered my question this is getting on my t*ts now LOL".

 

I was even more irked by this (not to mention mildly irritated by his lack of punctuation). I thought he was rude and I decided that I no longer wanted to meet up with him. Nevertheless, I answered his question. Not sure why really.

 

Anyway, the next day he liked a photo I uploaded onto FB. Quite some time later he sent me a text saying .... "So who is the Italian looking chap you are all over?". Now, I was a bit confused at first as to what he was talking about. I was out with my friend at the time and for one mad moment I thought he was watching me ... not that I was anywhere near an "Italian looking guy". However, I soon realised that he must have been searching through my FB photos and was referring to my ex. Nevertheless, it was rather an isolated and random text and I didn't like the way he referred to me being "all over" him. What was he on about?? There are no such photos.

 

That damn devil in me just couldn't leave it alone, so I replied saying that I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. He replied .... "this chap".

 

He then sent another message. I opened it up and the next thing I knew my ex was staring back at me (well kind of). He had sent ME an image of me and my ex (from 3 years ago). It is only a head and shoulders image. I'm not even facing the camera. My ex is hugging me and kissing the side of my head. You can't really see me at all, apart from a very small portion of the back of my head, so what the heck he meant when he said I was all over him I really don't know.

 

I told him it was an ex but, of course, he knew this anyway.

 

He then sent me multiple questions as to why I hadn't taken them off. I replied saying ...... "People's pasts don't bother me so I guess I don't expect my past to bother other people. After all we're aren't teenagers. No doubt you've been in love before. No doubt you have pictures of ex's (somewhere). That's a part of you and I would totally accept that just as I would hope that someone would accept that my past is a part of me".

 

He went on to say how off-putting it was. How I seemed to be all over a lot of guys. That is not true at all. One of the guys he was referring to was my daughter's ex-boyfriend. There are no others.

 

I didn't bother to reply. He tried to backtrack at one point and turn it into a joke but to me this stuff is all nonsense. I still didn't reply. We haven't spoken since.

 

But now I've got to thinking .... what are people's thought on photos of ex's. I've dated other guys before who haven't even thought to mention it, just as I haven't questioned them about their photos.

 

Is this an error on my part or an overreaction on his? A bit of both perhaps?

 

Whoa. Way. Too. Much. Giant red flags waving EVERYWHERE with this one. He doesn't know you. He hasn't even MET you. You owe him NO explanations about ANYTHING.

 

Please cut him off. He's over the top, for sure.

[Ms Darcy]

I was done with him when he expected you to be replying to your emails all day. Does he not have a job?!

[Sportster2005]

Arrrrrrghhh, that damn line again!!!!!!

 

lol, sorry, I didn't read the previous posts until now.

[Tanzi]

I would NEVER give anyone I have not met access to my FB. I have even gone so far as to take my Surname off it & it is only my First & Middle name.

There is nothing I am hiding, but I only have my family & close friends on there, so their privacy is just as important as mine.

 

You really need to start having boundaries and sticking to them. "Morning Sexy" from a complete stranger is not ok, and I block guys who start the dirty talk straight away. It is only downhill from there....

 

Please block this loser and do your "deal breaker" list asap.

 

My boundaries have served me well so far, I believe anyway.

 

I can't reiterate that enough.

 

In eight years, I've added a total of 3 people to FB who I had spoken to FIRST online. None of whom I have on FB now!

 

This guy is not in my life.

[Tanzi]

lol, sorry, I didn't read the previous posts until now.

 

I forgive ya, but only cos it's you Sportster!!

[Tanzi]

I was done with him when he expected you to be replying to your emails all day. Does he not have a job?!

 

He works from home, apparently. I couldn't quite work out what he did which is why I decided to accept his friends request. I thought it might give me an idea. Deep down I knew that things just weren't adding up with this guy so I wanted to do some of my own investigating.

[Tanzi]

Whoa. Way. Too. Much. Giant red flags waving EVERYWHERE with this one. He doesn't know you. He hasn't even MET you. You owe him NO explanations about ANYTHING.

 

Please cut him off. He's over the top, for sure.

 

Don't worry, he's long gone!

[Zaphod]

Lol - looks like the "dung" hit the fan on this one.

 

Ok, I'm not going to quote you again, because it'll be too boring and hard on your eyes, but I get the picture, I think you've explained yourself appropriately. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my points.

 

Let us all now drop the initial impression we got from your first post, this situation is more complicated than we thought. I accept your description of being careful and savvy. But you dropped the ball because, and let's face it, you're gagging for a bit of decent male company, right? And I don't mean sex, I mean just the general package of - what was it you said - "Fire in the belly". I know exactly what you mean, I am in exactly the same position, except the other way round.

 

I've nearly joined dating sites and nearly joined Facebook and nearly joined some crummy dating app before, but just managed to stop myself. It does get to a point where we get lonely in that respect and the bar starts dropping.

 

I kind of get the impression that after you'd written your first post, and halfway through the thread you actually came to exactly the same conclusions as we all told you.

 

Onwards though, couple of points :

 

Are you completely over your ex? Sometimes residual feelings for them can stop us from feeling fire in our belly, etc.

 

I am in the UK lol. For some reason I misread your location as United States, and was angling after a ticket to America. You could buy me a ticket on British Rail if you want so long as buffet is supplied and you don't mind me being ten days late due to there being a leaf on the track.

 

"Darker sides" - everyone has them, but there's darker sides "sexy and edgy" and there's darker sides "Bit of a prat and emotionally retarded" - unfortunately you ended up with the latter.

 

When I was talking about "real life" I wasn't suggesting anything about you personally, I'm sure you do have a full life. It was more a reflection on society and social media in general. I hate the way it has made socialising into this kind of plastic fake two dimensional thing, but hey that's just a personal opinion.

 

That's all I got for now - I think. I'll sling some more stuff in if I think of it.

 

Ah just a closing comment to sum up - I can't believe this ridiculous situation where all these nob-heads are thinking it's really clever to treat women in this way over electronic communication. I guess it gives them an opportunity to do stuff they would never have the guts to do in real life, right? Can you imagine this guy actually trying to physically say this stuff to a woman in a pub, for example?

[shellyf62]

My boundaries have served me well so far, I believe anyway.

I can't reiterate that enough.

 

In eight years, I've added a total of 3 people to FB who I had spoken to FIRST online. None of whom I have on FB now!

 

This guy is not in my life.

 

We can agree to disagree.

 

If your boundaries were stricter this guy would not have done what he did, he would have been blocked at the first sign of douchebagdom!

[browneyedgirl36]

Don't worry, he's long gone!

 

WHEW! Glad to hear it!

[gypsybird87]

Very glad you got rid of this guy! He was definitely over the top and creepy.

 

But I want to respond to your question about ex's photos. This was something I never really gave much thought to until my current breakup. I have zero ex photos on social media. Partly because that's how I roll and partly because my only prior ex since the advent of social media turned out to be a cheating piece of crap. Anyway... When my recent ex and I became fb friends I discovered he had many photos of his ex wife there. Most were group/family photos. But there were a few cozy couple pics of just him and her. When I mentioned it he said he was still close with her family, and didn't want to offend anyone by removing the pictures. That didn't make much sense to me (the family pics sure, but couldn't the couple ones go? I mean, she cheated and left him...) - but I decided whatever, his fb. His business.

 

Let's just say photos of ex's will now and forever be a red flag for me. He was not remotely over her, and that was a big factor in the end of our relationship, and the breaking of my heart. In this case the pictures were only one of the many signs, but definitely one of the bigger signs.

 

I'm not implying that you're not over your ex. You seem to be. But some people may have a different interpretation of ex photos still on your fb, based on their own experiences. Just something to think about it.