Should I give him another shot?

[Mslennon1988]

I've recently started dating again after being in and out or relationships for the last 13 years, 10 years in 3 years single.

After meeting a few people online including one psycho (did a post on that earlier in the year) I finally met someone that I actually liked. He gave me his number I texted him a week later, he called and we hit it off. He immediately asked me out and we planned a date a week later. During the week we keep in touch every other day nothing too heavy, sometimes just a text to say hi etc. We even start exchanging selfies, always clean ones no d!ck pics etc. Before the date I even joke that we get on so well over the phone what if we meet and hate each other? "Not a chance," he says. The night is great he was truly a gentleman, opened doors, took my coat, helped me cross the street, paid, all that.

 

We meet for drinks and then he asks me to continue the night to dinner. We get very close but no kidding or hand holding. He expressed that we should agree to a second date. It was a Sunday so we both say it's time to go as its back to work time. I tell him I'm actually off work for that week as I'm on holiday. He says he doesn't mean to pry buy asked if I'm going with someone. I say no, by myself (This is something I had been doing for years of being single and never having anyone to go with. It's like a personal yearly hey away for my self just to chill out.) At the end of the night we part ways with a few small kisses.

 

The next day I'm on my travels so I play it cool. Being way too traditional for my own food I think if he had a good date he'll make contact. If he didn't the he won't and that will be that. I still hear nothing. (Bear in mind this is usually as we normally contact each other most days prior to the date). The next day after one of my friends asks how it went I tell them great, finally someone I liked. They tell me I'm being stupid for not contacting him to say I had a great date etc. I contemplate this for a while and text him just saying hi how are you at 9am. He responds just after midnight on Wednesday morning saying, " I didn't expect to hear from you?" I was unsure how to answer that so I left it until the next morning to reply. I just keep it light and say I had a great time thought the feeling was mutual give me a call later and we can chat to which he instantly replies "Ok babes". He never actually calls.

 

Again I'm prompted by outsiders saying if you like him just ask him out. I text again asking how he's been. Her responds fine and about some stuff at work, we exchange a selfie as usual etc. He asked how works to which I reply I'm away remember ... We text for a little while and then I get on with my holiday.

 

Day 5 my last day I'm on my way home. I'm asked again by gfs how it's going. I'm like it's not... I explain and am told this is 'normal' just tell him you're back in town and ask him out this weekend. Against my better judgement ( as this now seems like a lot of chasing that shouldn't be happening from my end) I do and he responds positively. I tell him I'm free Sunday and Monday he should let me know if he wants to meet up. That was Friday, the while weekend passes and not a peep from him. After overanalysing and listening way too much to others I decide to let it go. Nothing good should cause such hassle. Even though I'm told this is normal dating behaviour - I'd been out of the game so long I have no idea what the protocol is.

 

I move on I meet a few other guys online who show interest and even had a date booked for this week. All is going well until I wake up today to a text saying, "what happened to you did I say something wrong" I'm thinking whatever, but I'm genuinely curious as to what his end game is here? I thought we liked each other but in my opinion he flaked. Flaking is the biggest turn off for me. If I like you I like you you don't have to question it. In your mid 30s what man does this?

 

I think about it a little and text back "what do you mean?" No reply still. I genuinely think he just has nothing better to do but also do wonder if I should ever even talk to him again. I'm not usually someone that gives secind chances and thinks he's shown me his 'lack of interest' so why would I persue it? Maybe I'm interpreting this all wrong ?

 

Advice is very much welcomed on this. Thanks in advance.

[Wiseman2]

It does sound flaky. Also like you are both multidating. Leave it at this last text. If you hear from him and can confirm a set date, great...if not, pursue these other guys.

today to a text saying, "what happened to you did I say something wrong" I text back "what do you mean?" No reply still.

[HeartGoesOn]

Yes, I certainly agree that he's shown a lack of interest. It also sounds like he may be dating others, and is weighing his options. Either way, based on his slow and/or lack of responses, I wouldn't put much stock in this going anywhere.

[gp11a]

How is this normal dating behavior? Especially in your 30's. I must be out of the loop. I'd expect this is normal if it was someone I shouldn't pursue... Sounds like he's got something else going on, isn't interested, and is flaky. You asked him out and he didn't even respond. Move on. I don't see anything you did wrong here. His follow-up text is weird... you sure he got your text saying when you were free? That'd be the only small chance I'm giving him on this one (though, I'm guessing the text did go through), but he hasn't been actively pursuing you at all...

[Mslennon1988]

When I asked him out he texted back saying, "might be an idea".

 

So I just stopped responding after that. Sorry forgot to add that bit,now edited

 

Great advice so far guys. Thank you.

[Wiseman2]

Lose his number

he texted back saying, "might be an idea".

[gp11a]

When I asked him out he texted back saying, "might be an idea".

 

So I just stopped responding after that. Sorry forgot to add that bit.

 

I'd leave it alone - he didn't bite at the offer or offer anything else (if he wasn't able to do those days). Seems like he's trying to keep you as an option (barely). I think the texting a lot beforehand set a lot of expectations and led to the feelings of disappointment.

[Mslennon1988]

Agreed.

 

One of my gfs even suggested that his first response after the date of not expecting to hear from me suggests he thought I didn't like him and played it way to cool by not contacting him after the date

 

My honest thought on that was when did we switch places and I became the guy and he became the girl ?

 

I don't mean to be mean but that was genuinely my though. I expect a man to be a man. If you have a good time and genuinely interested you make contact and lock down the second date. If not just say look I had a good time but think we should remains friends or something cliche like that. What I didn't expect was the passive aggressive behaviour.

[ThatwasThen]

Two words: "Next Him" He's a flake and he turned it around on you? His mind games will only get worse.

[Mslennon1988]

That's precisely why I redponses the way I did.

 

I'm sure he's drafting a timely response now. Lol

 

Mind games in your 30s who does this?

[ThatwasThen]

That's precisely why I redponses the way I did.

 

I'm sure he's drafting a timely response now. Lol

 

Mind games in your 30s who does this?

Lots of people, especially when going the online route so its good to hear that you're not going to have anything else to do with him. You're not going to have anything else to do with him... right?

[Mslennon1988]

Nope. I just hope he never texts me again.

 

He could have been the one but he blew it. Also I didn't like the person I was for those few days, constantly second guessing myself and every move each other made or didn't make. So as soon as I got back I archived all the messages out of sight out of mind...

[shellyf62]

I would block his number & move on, he sounds like a loser.

[Sportster2005]

I think your instincts are more correct than your friends. It was O.K. to reach out to him once. After that let it go. I'm not sure what your friends meant by 'this is normal'. It's a common bad behavior but I certainly wouldn't call it normal.

 

Tradition is not going to suite you well in modern dating. Tradition is one of the most stupid reasons to continue doing something.

 

I think you should trust your instincts more. You seem spot on. When a man wants you, you will no. There will be no mistaking it. Everything else is just noise and game playing.

 

And to answer your question directly, no, I don't think you should him another chance. He had his shot, and he blew it. NEXT !!

[lostandhurt]

Sorry this happened to you and like sportster said just because it happens more times than it should does not make it normal.

 

All men do not act like this. There is playing it cool so you don't scare someone off or to keep them thinking and wondering about you and then there is just plain being rude.

 

Lesson learned like so many using online dating. Now you know what your limit is with this kind of game playing so you can spot it early and not waste your time.

 

 

 

Best wishes on your online dating journey.

 

Lost

[Hollyj]

Big ole waste of time.

 

I agree with thanking him for the date, but you should of never reached out again. Chasing. Your friends were wrong, as his actions clearly indicate that he was not interested.

 

Block this guy, either he is involved or is in it for his ego.

[Mslennon1988]

The mind games have started.

 

In answer to my what do you mean question he's replied, " Doesn't matter now"

 

Unsure what he thinks is gonna happen here.

 

I feel like to say, " It's cool you flaked let's just move on"

[gp11a]

The mind games have started.

 

In answer to my what do you mean question he's replied, " Doesn't matter now"

 

Unsure what he thinks is gonna happen here.

 

I feel like to say, " It's cool you flaked let's just move on"

 

He's good with communication, for sure...

 

More powerful to reply with nothing and not feed that. It shows you don't really care either way. Apparently, it "doesn't matter" anyways.

[irka000]

He behaves like a little boy, not a man. He try to put a blame on you. Pure but poor manipulation. Best thing to do, is to do NOTHING.

Great texts /pics/ telephone conversation means nothing ...getting along with someone before actual meeting means nothing until you two will meet in person. Sorry but that is the truth.

Then on a date, people can just be polite ....and if they date others with whom they connect slightly more, they become indifferent and some may play mind games -just to keep you as a plan B or C.

You seem wonderful ...don't let this affect you in the slightest....his loss. You think he could be the one, but the truth is - you don't know anything about him. You only know, what he told you.

He is a different person that you thought that he is.... he seem like a player ..who just got lazy...

After his response "that's an idea" I would be long gone..........it is never good to chase a man cause you will never know if he is REALLY interested or is being polite or simply take the opportunity cause is there....gap/time filler etc....when he bored

You can show your interest in many ways....besides when man likes you , sometimes he doesn't even care if you do, he will show you his interest regardless...

You will be fine ! Ignore him -please.

[missmarple]

Stop listening to your girlfriends. Any guy who's interested in you will contact you after a first date that ends with 'a few small kisses'..unless he's an inexperienced teen. This one might have had fun at the date but he didn't want anything more.

The only reason he kept replying to you (in the way he did, anyway) was because it was obvious you're interested and he didn't mind keeping you around just in case.

[tina-rocks]

Sounds a little like a player to me. Common that they have you doing all the running, but they also will sometimes chase a little, if you seem to be backing away, then when you do reply, you hear nothing back for ages, if at all.

 

Red Flag! Run Run and don't look back.

[Mslennon1988]

I have not responded to it nor do I intend to. I just previewed and archived it. So even if he checks it'll still say unread.

 

I've never been one of these women that need closure I just take what I wish from a situation and move on.

 

I will probably die alone lol

[tina-rocks]

I have not responded to it nor do I intend to. I just previewed and archived it. So even if he checks it'll still say unread.

 

I've never been one of these women that need closure I just take what I wish from a situation and move on.

 

I will probably die alone lol

 

Of course you won't and if you are I definately will LOL!

 

Your doing the right thing by ignoring it, he will probably try again, as doesn't want to be ignored, but you know the game he is playing.

 

Here's to the two of us dieing alone. Cheers! Lol

[Batya33]

That's precisely why I redponses the way I did.

 

I'm sure he's drafting a timely response now. Lol

 

Mind games in your 30s who does this?

 

It's not a game -you chose to keep pursuing when he wasn't that interested in seeing you again so the typical response will be a non-response/vague/flaky when it is that early on in getting to know each other.

 

I personally would have moved on after I didn't hear from him but certainly after his response "He responds just after midnight on Wednesday morning saying, " I didn't expect to hear from you?" I was unsure how to answer that so I left it until the next morning to reply. I just keep it light and say I had a great time thought the feeling was mutual give me a call later and we can chat to which he instantly replies "Ok babes". He never actually calls. " - if he was interested he'd want to see you in person ASAP or at least make it very clear that he couldn't but then make plans in advance to make sure he was still on your radar.

 

It's not whether you like the guy but whether you like/respect yourself - get clear on what your standards are on reliability and on how balanced you need the interactions to be and then follow them consistently.

[SooSad33]

I suggest you put no more effort into this guy. He has NOT tried at all in pursuing you. He's left it all up to you. every time.

I agree.. 'whatever'. If he was that into you, you'd know it.