Getting the last of my stuff tomorrow.

[heartbroken3]

Hi all. I'm anxious today. I have to go get the last of my stuff from her tomorrow evening.

 

Background:

 

We're together 2 years. Lived together. Both mid thirties. We split because she wasn't feeling it anymore. No messy breakup. This was nearing 3 months ago. I'm still heartbroken but trying to take steps to heal.

 

I'm nervous because I don't want to appear sad and weak in front of her. Seeing her may set me back. I don't want to notice something different there and wonder, " who's been here?" Etc. Nervousness about how conversation will go etc...

 

It's big items I'm getting so that's why I had to wait (truck was being fixed. Had to wait for snow to melt for some items)

 

Anything I can do to stop worrying, appear confident. Any advice?

[JA0371]

Can you have someone else pick it up for you? I honestly don't think you're ready yet. Is it something you absolutely need right now? I know it's been 7 months for me and I am just NOW feeling like I would be ok if I saw my ex. I would advise against you seeing her tbh.

[heartbroken3]

Thank you JA. I already made the plans and she set aside the evening. I'm thinking this is it then I can move on. It's expensive, bigger items. I'd let them go but family of mine want me to get them (say I'll regret not) and she may not want them taking up space etc.

[Hermes]

I am with JA on this one.

 

I would have someone else drive that truck and pick up the items. You do not need this encounter.

[heartbroken3]

Part of her problem with me was that I needed to "man up and do things for myself". I think it would look bad sending someone.

[kbbcoop77]

Part of her problem with me was that I needed to "man up and do things for myself". I think it would look bad sending someone.

 

She already broke up with you, there's nothing to save. To truly move forward I would send someone else. Just be certain that if you go it WILL set you back. Every time I saw my ex after she left me took some wind from my sails and it took time to heal from it. How she perceives you now, as a "man" for picking up stuff...is meaningless.

[Hermes]

No it wouldn't, HB. And what do you care at this point anyhow? It will certainly "look bad" (as you put it) if you brweak down and weep on her doorstep.

 

You say:

 

"I'm nervous because I don't want to appear sad and weak in front of her. Seeing her may set me back. I don't want to notice something different there and wonder, " who's been here?" Etc. Nervousness about how conversation will go etc..."

 

Many people get a company to pick up stuff. In your case you have your own truck, so just get a man to drive it there. Keep it simple!

[JA0371]

HB.....you yourself said you are afraid of looking weak. So why even chance it? She will likely think MORE of you for having the backbone to refuse to even go. So if she already set time aside , simply let her know someone else will be picking it up.

What is it you expect from this encounter? What if she has someone there ( not necessarily a guy) but what if she has someone there with her to make it less awkward? Won't you feel weird?

 

Think of the reasons you're putting yourself into this situation. And be honest with yourself.

[Realitynut]

It was a FULL yr. after we broke up...and a 4 hour drive. I thought I was feeling anger. (left me while planning wedding for another woman)

Moving truck and 2 other guys with me. When I got home, friends asked how it went.

 

I said, "How does falling into each other's arms crying and kissing sound???"

[melancholy123]

Can someone go with you to get your stuff, and act as a buffer? That could make it easier for you.

[Wiseman2]

Take as many friends as you can find to go with you and help you move...both for moral and logistical support. Just stay with the business at hand and converse with your friends while there. Be polite and focus on the business of moving.

I have to go get the last of my stuff from her tomorrow evening. We're together 2 years. Lived together. We split because she wasn't feeling it anymore. This was nearing 3 months ago. It's big items I'm getting so that's why I had to wait

[healing4good]

I think you should not send somebody else, go there and confront this. You have to do this for yourself, to heal faster. And you lived together for 2 years, it is so normal to feel/look sad, it does not mean that you are weak or not confident. I think you should not try to hide your feelings, just be yourself..

[kbbcoop77]

I think you should not send somebody else, go there and confront this. You have to do this for yourself, to heal faster. And you lived together for 2 years, it is so normal to feel/look sad, it does not mean that you are weak or not confident. I think you should not try to hide your feelings, just be yourself..

 

Contact does not help you heal faster, it sets you back. Played that game wayyy too long. After 7 months total

Zero contact I feel much better.

[confusedchel12]

Sometimes you have to see your ex and have set backs in order to move forward, that's how it worked for me and I'm 9/10 month post break up, I agree totally with no contact but in this case I think he should go himself

 

Good luck tomorrow HB x

[Ms Darcy]

Sometimes you have to see your ex and have set backs in order to move forward, that's how it worked for me and I'm 9/10 month post break up, I agree totally with no contact but in this case I think he should go himself

 

Good luck tomorrow HB x

 

I went no contact with an ex I dated for two years immediately after a breakup and was "over it" in 2 months. I sort of think this is a myth that you need set backs to move forward.

[Realitynut]

Well...I was over my ex husband 19 years before the divorce! All depends on how emeshed and addicted you were to the person. The one that I spent 4 months crying every day...and 2 years to get over....we (or I) was planning our wedding. Had Dress. Was looking for venues. Making out the guest list. I just had drawn him the kind of cake I wanted .....the day before I found out he had another woman. Met her....and then the next week was on his knees proposing to me.

 

So different scenerio's, different/deeper feelings....etc. for everyone.

 

Before him....the guys I was with...usually took aprox. 2 weeks to 2 months to get over.

 

These last 2 were killers!

No one...and I mean NO ONE heals at the same pace. I would only hope that no one makes another feel guilty about it either!!!

[catfeeder]

Take as many friends as you can find to go with you and help you move...both for moral and logistical support. Just stay with the business at hand and converse with your friends while there. Be polite and focus on the business of moving.

 

Yep, no better distraction than managing a crowd. Then you can party afterward.

[gp11a]

Can someone go with you to get your stuff, and act as a buffer? That could make it easier for you.

 

Yeah, I agree with this... If someone can go with you. It would also help things go faster and provide distraction if you feel overwhelmed. It's big items, anyways, so it won't seem strange.

 

Sorry you are going through this.

[heartbroken3]

It was quick and awkward. Been busy since so I don't really know how I feel about it. The vibe inside the place was different, it looked different. I found her cold.

[JA0371]

It was quick and awkward. Been busy since so I don't really know how I feel about it. The vibe inside the place was different, it looked different. I found her cold.

 

Sorry

I think this is normal though....sometimes setbacks make you stronger and more focused on letting go. Just remember this feeling and that you never want to feel it again. It's working for me.

[Realitynut]

cold. The last time I was at ex bf's house...I went to throw my coat on the back of the couch...like always. Except the couch wasn't there!

 

He had changed things around to how it looked BEFORE me. He said he had to vacuum the room. He probably hadn't vacuumed in a year. Last time I tried to clean, I couldn't get it out of the closet!!!

 

Yep. Changes.

 

Sorry. But I guess it's for the best. ((hugs))