he is back in touch after a week- is this ok?

[irka000]

He is dating others so it really doesn't matter how prim and proper you are because he is not asking to be exclusive.

 

Well , I would like to think I will stand out of the crowds if I will be proper and prim as you have stated?? Maybe that is why he asked me again -?

 

Maybe I am wrong............

[irka000]

There is this possibility as well. I didn't buy wedding dress yet....lol and I am not in a hurry either.....also it is not about HIM PICKING ME ....

I also will be taking time to get to know him and evaluate .....and see if he is someone that I like ....potential for something meaningful

[greta96]

Frankly speaking- there are so many women who make it soooo easy for men, that I am not surprised men come up with such a stupid ideas....men are being very spoiled. How many times I heard that women invite men for dinner -to their house-on the 1st date ? How many times some of my friends chased the men ? I am shocked at times.....shaking my head....

 

This is very, very true, which, as a woman myself, is making me sad to say. I go out with the girls often, and the things I see that women do are appalling. The guys don't have to do anything but reach out and take what's being offered. It's easy to say "men are pigs", but really, I am no longer blaming them for shortcutting the dating process and going straight to sex. A lot of women have become so extremely aggressive (sexually) where men are concerned, they lift their skirts and tops on their own free will, in public, showing their "goods" in order to score a penis for the night. Yes, I see this on a weekly basis with my own 2 eyes.

No wonder so many men are getting used to this! It requires little to no work, there's no reason for chivalry and romantic pursuits, and it makes them think the majority of women are the same... It sucks.

 

But you have no control over what other people do, the only person you can control is yourself. As long as you keep your wits about yourself and are cautious, I'm sure you won't end up hurt. And there are many men out there who hope to find someone like you, and are grossed out by the "ladies" they've been meeting. The right guy will appreciate you for having solid boundaries and being different from the masses.

[missmarple]

I think you have a good head on your shoulders. I would also give him one more chance. Sometimes, things aren't black and white and if everything else during those 2 dates had been to my liking, I would go out with him again and observe his behavior.

 

I'm not sure if you've talked about your dating goals. I date online and I tell every guy I meet that I'm looking for a relationship and ask them what they're looking for. Sure, some men can lie but I've been out with over 300 men and, so far, I've been able to tell who was just out for 'fun' and who was serious. If I can do it, so can you

[Hermes]

Yes, Greta. It's a sad fact.....

 

" A lot of women have become so extremely aggressive (sexually) where men are concerned, they lift their skirts and tops on their own free will, in public, showing their "goods" in order to score a penis for the night. Yes, I see this on a weekly basis with my own 2 eyes.

No wonder so many men are getting used to this! It requires little to no work, there's no reason for chivalry and romantic pursuits, and it makes them think the majority of women are the same... It sucks."

[Batya33]

I think it's fine that he called a week later and I think it has nothing to do with "online dating". It's the nature of dating before you are exclusive. I don't think it was "prim and proper" of you not to go back to his place -it's simply what you felt comfortable doing and well within the norm IMO. No big deal.

[Sportster2005]

Ms Darcy...it did put me off and believe me -if this would be any other man , I would be long gone. However, for the little short time I knew him-he displayed quite a few good qualities that is rare to see in a man or I should say, that I look for in a man. I could say that this was one thing that he did wrong...and you cant blame men for trying to get the easiest way. These days-sadly- for many people, sex isn't a big deal. Some men will try...maybe he was testing me too. Many of my male friends are telling me that they often test how women will react by asking them for some sexy pictures. If they will send - they are no longer on the potential gf list lol

 

What a pantload. Testing women, I don't buy it for a second. If these men DO this, you need a new group of men to hang around.

 

And yes I do blame men for 'trying to get the easiest way'. If they want sex they should be upfront about it. There's enough women who will gladly comply. But getting sex under the guise of wanting to date is manipulative and dishonest. This is a behavior for horny little boys, not men.

[reinventmyself]

What a pantload. Testing women, I don't buy it for a second. If these men DO this, you need a new group of men to hang around.

 

And yes I do blame men for 'trying to get the easiest way'. If they want sex they should be upfront about it. There's enough women who will gladly comply. But getting sex under the guise of wanting to date is manipulative and dishonest. This is a behavior for horny little boys, not men.

 

Well . .it happens more time I care to admit.

Especially with OLD.

I practically wait for it. I can time it. If it's not the obvious invitation back to his house or the naked pictures,

it's usually in the form of a provocative topic.

 

An example: I'm meeting someone for the first time for one drink. Within 30 minutes he tells me a really filthy joke.

I am fairly liberal but I appear a little conservative with a good sense of humor and my gut tells me when the timing is really inappropriate.

He doesn't know me and a with joke such as that he ought to choose his audience carefully. That didn't happen.

 

Or the next one where the man tells me of a boating trip he just got back from and how there were rowdy girls giving blow jobs in full view of the surrounding boats. Again within the first hour of meeting. He goes into way too much detail Seriously, are you testing my reaction or what?

 

I smile. . no reaction, no comment, look at my watch. .Time to go.

 

So yes, it happens and happens often.

[Sportster2005]

Well . .it happens more time I care to admit.

Especially with OLD.

I practically wait for it. I can time it. If it's not the obvious invitation back to his house or the naked pictures,

it's usually in the form of a provocative topic.

 

An example: I'm meeting someone for the first time for one drink. Within 30 minutes he tells me a really filthy joke.

I am fairly liberal but I appear a little conservative with a good sense of humor and my gut tells me when the timing is really inappropriate.

He doesn't know me and a with joke such as that he ought to choose his audience carefully. That didn't happen.

 

Or the next one where the man tells me of a boating trip he just got back from and how there were rowdy girls giving blow jobs in full view of the surrounding boats. Again within the first hour of meeting. He goes into way too much detail Seriously, are you testing my reaction or what?

 

I smile. . no reaction, no comment, look at my watch. .Time to go.

 

So yes, it happens and happens often.

 

Makes no sense to me. Maybe there's women out there that just want sex, but don't want to appear to just want sex, so this is how men ferret them out?

 

Maybe men should just put in their profiles they're just looking for sex. I'm sure they will find all kinds of playmates. And if a guy is devious and without scruples why not just sit back and pretend they aren't interested in sex. They would probably get all kinds. I'm not advocating that. It strikes me as a bunch of silliness. But then again, maybe I'm naive.

[reinventmyself]

Makes no sense to me. Maybe there's women out there that just want sex, but don't want to appear to just want sex, so this is how men ferret them out?

 

Maybe men should just put in their profiles they're just looking for sex. I'm sure they will find all kinds of playmates. And if a guy is devious and without scruples why not just sit back and pretend they aren't interested in sex. They would probably get all kinds. I'm not advocating that. It strikes me as a bunch of silliness. But then again, maybe I'm naive.

 

I figure there must be those that oblige, because if there wasn't a payoff at some point they wouldn't be doing it, right?

I just wish we would all play in our own back yards. It would be so much simpler.

[ParisPaulette]

I agree with you Sportster. When I was doing online dating I think I probably did more to send guys over to a particularly well-known adult dating site for sex hookups than just about anyone they knew with a "Tell you what, why don't you just go find people interested in the same things you are?" Then I'd give them the web address to the dating site, collect my things and go. Seriously, I should have been getting a commission for every signup I got those people.

 

I have no issues with true honesty. But yeah, the whole "I'm looking for a soulmate/someone to settle down with" then pressure to come over to my house to "cook me dinner" at 3:00 a.m.? I'm sorry, those guys never made it out of the gate, because I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to intelligence. As in don't insult mine. Put in your profile, "Just looking for fun or something casual" already. If you then fall in love with each other, well no one is going to say, "Hey, you weren't honest. You DID want a relationship!" But the other way around, yeah it's kind of a timewaster for both people and I never got why people did that. The challenge maybe?

 

Anyways OP I think you have the right idea. Why not go on the date, see where it goes. But those rare qualities you were describing? They're called basic manners and everyone should have them, but sadly many don't. How insane is it that we now are wowed by what was once considered standard behavior and anything less was looked down on by people?

 

Oh my god I've become the Miss Manners of ENA!

[Sportster2005]

 

Oh my god I've become the Miss Manners of ENA!

 

LOL no I agree with you PP. It really is that bad. When someone says on their profile "I'm honest", the first thing that comes to my mind, is well I hope so. No one gets extra points for being honest. You're supposed to be. Or "I don't cheat". Wow, just wow.

[irka000]

Thank you so much for all the valuable comments/feedback. All greatly appreciated!

 

 

So he got in touch yesterday again asking me when am free this week

I said Wednesday or Thursday works for me ...and we decided to meet on Thursday ....I must say that now regret a bit I didn't mention weekend days as I am concerned that I will be a woman he dates on week days and will leave a space for another people on weekends............hmmmm not very wise of me. Anyway - this date will be quite telling whether there is a connection there or not.

During the date full of activities it was hard to tell as although we had fun (or should I say-I had fun) there was not much of an interaction between us.

Is funny how he disappeared for a week and now he wants to meet me again...

[greta96]

Thank you so much for all the valuable comments/feedback. All greatly appreciated!

 

 

So he got in touch yesterday again asking me when am free this week

I said Wednesday or Thursday works for me ...and we decided to meet on Thursday ....I must say that now regret a bit I didn't mention weekend days as I am concerned that I will be a woman he dates on week days and will leave a space for another people on weekends............hmmmm not very wise of me. Anyway - this date will be quite telling whether there is a connection there or not.

During the date full of activities it was hard to tell as although we had fun (or should I say-I had fun) there was not much of an interaction between us.

Is funny how he disappeared for a week and now he wants to meet me again...

 

That's ok, if the date goes well and you want to see him again, next time you can plan something on a weekend day/night.

You've already done great communicating your boundaries, all you have to do now is stick to them and under no circumstances go to his place or take him to yours, no matter how strong the chemistry or what reasons he may invoke (cozier, easier to talk, etc). As long as you send the message that what you told him is true and firm, you'll be ok

[Wiseman2]

You mentioned you are both multi-dating? He may be meeting people every night of the week and many meets could be one-and-done, so he may still want to interact more to narrow things down. Sometimes people just want to date everything they see for a while like a kid in a candy store. True he may save the weekends for longer dates.

So he got in touch yesterday again asking me when am free this week ...and we decided to meet on Thursday...Anyway - this date will be quite telling whether there is a connection there or not .Is funny how he disappeared for a week and now he wants to meet me again.

[reinventmyself]

I must say that now regret a bit I didn't mention weekend days as I am concerned that I will be a woman he dates on week days and will leave a space for another people on weekends............hmmmm not very wise of me. .

 

I would resist creating too many parameters this early on and assigning meaning behind the fact that he didn't ask to see you during the weekend. It's just a date.

[notalady]

Leaving a week between communication and dates so early on is not that unusual, but in the context that he asked you to go back to his place in the second date THEN dropped off communication after you refused, would indicate to me that he is more interested in the sex than in you.

[irka000]

Thank you for all your responses....I will definitely not end up at his or mine place after tomorrow`s date. This isn't a problem for me at all. I wont be drinking alcohol either so HE is safe lol

..and it is true he may see other people any other time and it does not really matter ...however we all know that weekends we keep for more significant people .....well, lets see...too early to jump into any conclusions-as you so rightly advised...

Notalady...you may be right ...but before he disappeared for a week - he did communicate me after the date ,apologised for the invite for the coffee....he didn't have to do that. There are men out there who would just pretend they never said a word. It came from him -the next morning , so maybe he really meant it. The invite itself does indicate that he is trying to get sex rather quickly, thus I think that during that week he spent time with the dates that could provide precisely that....hmmm

we shall see...if he is took a challenge and maybe act well until he will get it ...

either way, as I said earlier - I will also evaluate him ....so it works both way...

because of this week gap - I must say my excitement about him has decreased which is fantastic. If I am excited about someone I begin to behave nervous ....and the best side of me goes into shadow.

The wit and bubbliness turn into something stiff....