he is back in touch after a week- is this ok?

[irka000]

Dear All...

I would love to know what you think about my situation.

I met a guy on line, we chatted for a bit, then moved to telephone conversation and finally we met for a coffee (on Monday).

It was a good meeting. The next day he asked if we can meet again. I agreed. On Wednesday he asked for my weekends plans and asked if we can meet on Friday.

We did that- it was a great fun - we went bowling & for a drink. He arranged and paid for the game. I paid for the drinks.

He texted if I got home safe and the next day that he enjoyed my company. I responded in a similar way. On Sunday he texted again to ask how was my day. Just a quick exchange.

I have not heard from him the whole week and frankly speaking was sad about it. I do however know that men often quietly exit sometimes....

Then he texted me yesterday and ask if we can meet again sometime. I said I would like that................

 

Hmmm after a week of silence ? He is clearly not crazy about me...my friend said he juggles other dates.

When is acceptable for a guy to GET IN TOUCH again? I don't want to come across as someone desperate who accept appear and disappear acts ?

 

I welcome your comments

[Man with Dog]

He likes you but I doubt if you're exclusive. It is also possible he is in the throes of leaving another relationship.

 

Give it a while and see how it goes but don't invest too much into it emotionally right now.

[greta96]

He is juggling dates for sure, it's the nature of online dating. A week without contact is indeed long, and wouldn't have happened if the guy was into you as much as you're into him, that's a given, but also, in the context of modern dating, it's not all that long.

Like the above poster suggested, you can keep going out with him under 2 conditions: 1. if you know you are the type who doesn't get attached easily and 2. if you are able to keep the sex off the table until you know fairly well where you stand.

If you can't do one or both of the above, then do not see him again because you will end up having your heart broken. But if you can, then I see no harm in hanging out every now and then, until he decides whether to make you a permanent fixture in his life or to move on. And yes, I'm saying *he* decides because it's obvious you've already decided you like him enough to want more.

Oh, and you need to keep dating others as well, it's a 2-way street afterall!

[irka000]

Thank you so much for your response Man with dog & Greta!

I very much appreciate your input. I realise we are not exclusive...I am far too realistic for that. That is why I will not have sex with him until I know where I stand with him..and I will feel comfortable.

On the 2nd date he said " its not that late so maybe we can get a coffee at my place" (it was 21.00) I said - first of all I don't drink coffee that late....but most importantly I wish you didn't ask me that....aww I don't visits men so early on. Also I don't appreciate when they invited themselves to my place. We can get a drink at the bar instead"

I know that some men will try , will test the waters....so I didn't sulk.

The next day he apologised for the offer and told me he is not just after one thing.....well, we shall see.

Maybe he gets the one thing elsewhere since he waited a week to contact me.

 

So I will meet him again but wont be as excited as before ....I know he must date a few people....grrr

[Sportster2005]

If you don't want to come across as desperate, don't be desperate. You're just dating. I understand, it's nice to get daily contact from someone you like. But everybody moves at different speeds, and has different communication styles. If you don't here from him, don't get upset, shoot him a text. In the mean time go about your life.

[greta96]

On the 2nd date he said " its not that late so maybe we can get a coffee at my place" (it was 21.00) I said - first of all I don't drink coffee that late....but most importantly I wish you didn't ask me that....aww I don't visits men so early on. Also I don't appreciate when they invited themselves to my place. We can get a drink at the bar instead"

 

This is a red flag, and a potential indication that he is only after easy sex. Your answer was awesome, and a very good way to state your boundaries and weed out the casual guys. Keep up the good work!

[ParisPaulette]

Normally I'd say relax, it was just a couple of dates, too soon to rush into texting every day. And yeah, he's probably seeing other people too, and you should be as well. Keep in mind dating in the beginning is about getting to know the other person well enough to see if you're compatible.

 

But then I saw what you posted about him trying to get you back to his place right away, on that second date. That's a red flag that he's more interested in the sex than in taking the time to get to know you first. True he apologized, waited awhile as you said likely to look for easier fish, but is now asking you out again.

 

And he was after just one thing or he wouldn't have asked you over to his place when he barely knows you and vice versa. (Rolls eyes) Love it when they try to get you in bed then tell you, "I'm not that kind of guy/gal to just want someone for sex."

[Ms Darcy]

Thank you so much for your response Man with dog & Greta!

I very much appreciate your input. I realise we are not exclusive...I am far too realistic for that. That is why I will not have sex with him until I know where I stand with him..and I will feel comfortable.

On the 2nd date he said " its not that late so maybe we can get a coffee at my place" (it was 21.00) I said - first of all I don't drink coffee that late....but most importantly I wish you didn't ask me that....aww I don't visits men so early on. Also I don't appreciate when they invited themselves to my place. We can get a drink at the bar instead"

I know that some men will try , will test the waters....so I didn't sulk.

The next day he apologised for the offer and told me he is not just after one thing.....well, we shall see.

Maybe he gets the one thing elsewhere since he waited a week to contact me.

 

Well, the late night invite would have put me off and I would have lost interest completely.

[irka000]

Ms Darcy...it did put me off and believe me -if this would be any other man , I would be long gone. However, for the little short time I knew him-he displayed quite a few good qualities that is rare to see in a man or I should say, that I look for in a man. I could say that this was one thing that he did wrong...and you cant blame men for trying to get the easiest way. These days-sadly- for many people, sex isn't a big deal. Some men will try...maybe he was testing me too. Many of my male friends are telling me that they often test how women will react by asking them for some sexy pictures. If they will send - they are no longer on the potential gf list lol

[irka000]

Mr Sportster, I really like your comments ..read them on here and you always so spot on ....thank you

[Ms Darcy]

Ms Darcy...it did put me off and believe me -if this would be any other man , I would be long gone. However, for the little short time I knew him-he displayed quite a few good qualities that is rare to see in a man or I should say, that I look for in a man. I could say that this was one thing that he did wrong...and you cant blame men for trying to get the easiest way. These days-sadly- for many people, sex isn't a big deal. Some men will try...maybe he was testing me too. Many of my male friends are telling me that they often test how women will react by asking them for some sexy pictures. If they will send - they are no longer on the potential gf list lol

 

What were those rare qualities he showed you?

[irka000]

Well, we went to play centre where are different games. It was my first time playing bowling, snooker and other games ( I know !) He was very attentive and very patient. He took time to explain all the rules and when I went wrong or made a fool of myself - he was still very supportive. I could tell that he really wanted me to do well. He was jumping for joy with me when I achieve a little success.

I pointed out that I wish to play on this or that machine, and he went to speak with people who were occupying these machines. ( It was a very crowded place -Friday evening).

He made sure I was comfortable at all times and when someone was standing on my way ( to make a shot in the snooker, for example)- very politely he excused these people. Even group of a few men.

He was asking me very interesting -real questions. I learned he is very family oriented and has a great sense of humour.

Perhaps for most women all the above are obvious but believe me - I was not as lucky with men. The man I dated last, was always looking more after people around us -than after me. He was sometimes nearly pushing me so I can make space for some girl. This always made me very annoying. Another time -he was so attentive by showing one woman how to operate drink machine, that he forgot that am standing next to him with our food and jackets in my hands ...grrrrrr she wasn't even asking for help.

 

I don't know, those little things made me give him a chance....rightly or wrongly -time will tell....funny enough, the next day when he apologised for the coffee invite, he said that he didn't mean anything intimate, when eh offered the coffee -he really wanted to chill at his place ....yeah right.... intimate or not - wrong move!!!

[Wiseman2]

It's just dating. And it's very possible he is multi-dating for now. Go out with him again if you want to, but standing on principle as if it were a set relationship with a regular thing going on will be frustrating.

I met a guy on line, we chatted for a bit, then moved to telephone conversation and finally we met for a coffee. On Wednesday he asked for my weekends plans and asked if we can meet on Friday. I have not heard from him the whole weekThen he texted me yesterday and ask if we can meet again sometime. my friend said he juggles other dates.

[irka000]

He is Taurus - apparently they are not in a rush and do things at their own paste....

[Wiseman2]

If you would rather believe this than the fact that he may be multi-dating or casually dating then you can convince yourself "he is taking it slow" even though he invited you up for "coffee". Some people are only ready for casual dating/casual sex. If that's all they can offer then that's all they can offer.

He is Taurus - apparently they are not in a rush and do things at their own paste....

[irka000]

Oh I am sure he is dating others.... at this stage he is allowed -me too.

He is a young-37 man....sure he is dating ...but if he would be ONLY after one thing - he wouldn't ask me if we can meet again isn't ?

He could just continue doing his thing ....man can try and ask for the coffee -doesn't mean woman needs to "drink that coffee with him"

[Wiseman2]

Then you can take it from there and decide what you want.

Oh I am sure he is dating others...

[Ms Darcy]

Perhaps for most women all the above are obvious but believe me - I was not as lucky with men.

 

Thanks for sharing. I think there are a lot of men out there who are attentive, patient, caring, considerate, family oriented, and with a great sense of humor. Don't sell yourself short due to lack of quality in the men you have dated in the past.

[greta96]

but if he would be ONLY after one thing - he wouldn't ask me if we can meet again isn't ?

 

A word of caution on this one....there are *some* people out there who will turn what went down into a challenge, and they will go as far as to pretend to want the same things you want until they get what they were after to begin with. He may want to see you again in hopes he gets another chance to "work his magic" on you and that you may let your guard down sooner rather than later. So be careful.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so as long as you just say no to any kind of sexual contact or spending time at his or your place instead of going on proper dates for a decent amount of time (longer now after he stuck his foot in his mouth), you should be fine.

[irka000]

Ms Darcy...

How am I selling myself here? I have not even kissed this man yet ? Frankly speaking- there are so many women who make it soooo easy for men, that I am not surprised men come up with such a stupid ideas....men are being very spoiled. How many times I heard that women invite men for dinner -to their house-on the 1st date ? How many times some of my friends chased the men ? I am shocked at times.....shaking my head....

I don't even question my behaviour here as I would like to think I behaved with a dignity to the very end.

However I do see your point and I do appreciate your comment....thank you

[Wiseman2]

He is dating others so it really doesn't matter how prim and proper you are because he is not asking to be exclusive.

I behaved with a dignity to the very end

[irka000]

Greta - you are so right ...that is the thing....he may play along as soon as he will get what he wants. He may fake the future to get something in the present ! But as you so rightly pointed out - I will wait even longer than I would like to lol ...if he will fade away- so be it....also as Evan Katz says " men look for sex, they find love. women look for love- they find sex.." we shall see.

If there is a real connection here-by the time I will be intimate with him - I hope he will realise he will be silly to lose this .....if not - good luck to him

[Ms Darcy]

Ms Darcy...

How am I selling myself here? I have not even kissed this man yet ? Frankly speaking- there are so many women who make it soooo easy for men, that I am not surprised men come up with such a stupid ideas....men are being very spoiled. How many times I heard that women invite men for dinner -to their house-on the 1st date ? How many times some of my friends chased the men ? I am shocked at times.....shaking my head....

I don't even question my behaviour here as I would like to think I behaved with a dignity to the very end.

However I do see your point and I do appreciate your comment....thank you

 

I only mean don't sell yourself short by saying that "Perhaps for most women all the above are obvious but believe me - I was not as lucky with men."

[irka000]

Wiseman ...that is why I can be going out with him until he will make it clear that we are exclusive ,,,I wont be sleeping with any man that is still on dating website

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you are dating others as well because he may not pick you or want to be exclusive with anyone at this time..

until he will make it clear that we are exclusive