Tested positive for HSV-1. Feel...gross, sick, and depressed.

[DawnDonatello]

I posted a thread about a week and a half ago with concerns about discharge, etc. Turns out that was just a case of BV that I am being treated for currently. I got the full STD panel and was negative around, except for HSV-1, which I tested positive for. I have never noticed an oral outbreak, but my igg was 56.4, so I don't think there is any hope for this being a 'false positive'.

 

This has left me feeling generally sick and depressed. I feel gross, and maybe unworthy of having a partner again.

 

One of the biggest reasons for getting tested was because I recently began dating a man (about three weeks ago, although we have known each other over a year) I care about deeply. We have not had sex or kissed yet. Now here I am with this HSV-1 infection wondering...how do I tell him? He has only ever been with one person. I don't want to be that person who ruins his life. Plus we work in the same office building and see each other on a fairly regular basis, so I don't know if I'm ready for the 'you're a nasty, dirty person' looks.

 

Thank you in advance for reading and for any words of wisdom. I'm feeling a bit down about all of this, so it may take me a bit to strengthen up and respond.

[Seraphim]

The majority of the population has HSV 1. For all you know he does too. A lot of people get this infection as a child when their parent or family member kisses them and unknowingly passes the infection along. Personally ,I think you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[tiredofvampires]

Yeah, most people wouldn't be having sex or relationships if HSV-1 were the dealbreaker.

 

I myself tested negative for it a few months ago in a screening because I was thinking of becoming active, and the nurse practitioner registered surprise that I was clear of it.

 

You don't have to make a big deal out of it, telling him. Just state it matter-of-factly -- and isn't he being tested? Like Victoria says, he may already have it.

[Seraphim]

Some studies state 92-98 % of the North American population has been exposed. So guaranteed almost every single person you will date has been exposed.

[annie24]

Yes, most people do have HSV1. Nothing to worry about.

[melancholy123]

I just googled it and here's a link for info

 

It really is very common.

[ParisPaulette]

HSV-1 is the common cold sore form of Herpes. Not all of them are transmitted strictly by sex, and yes most of us have been exposed to it plenty. HSV-2 is the form that's generally known as the sexually transmitted one. Please don't worry and don't confuse this with other forms of Herpes, which have become synonymous with having an STD. And yes, most people have had outbreaks and/or carry the virus even if they never have an outbreak.

 

You wouldn't want to kiss someone who has a cold sore on their lip or do other things, just because you can expose them to the virus BUT this is the same reason you wouldn't go around kissing or being kissed by someone with a cold. Not to mention the pain those things can cause.

 

Nothing to feel dirty about, it's actually much rarer if one doesn't carry the virus. Get educated and I think you'l feel a ton better about it all.

[whoevenknows]

Please take what other's are saying as being quite true to fact. Most of humanity have HSV-1. Many do not have symptoms and are surprised to find that they have the virus. Don't allow this to define you. It's simply a cold sore. Yes, at first, it's a shock but as has been mentioned above, educating yourself on the matter will help.

 

My sister is married to someone with HSV-1, and it has been passed down to their kids, but this is not at all uncommon. Everyone deals with it fine. I'm in the Healthcare field. Sadly, society has made the very word "herpes" into one that is "dirty, filthy, and disgusting." No! It is so common, that it should be viewed just as it is....a virus which is like a cold.

 

If you are extremely worried about it, there are medications such as Acyclovir (Valtrex) that you can take to keep the virus suppressed. Eventually your shock will wear off, and you will realize that it's not something to stress about. Honestly.

 

Another brother was dating a girl with cold sores (HSV-1). He did not care, and is now married to her. She had told him about it, but did not make it out to be a big deal. If you do, that's when people worry....because they see that YOU are panicked. Give yourself a pass. You may very well have had this in your system for some time. The difference is that you now know about it. It's a cold sore, nothing more. Nope, it is not an STD.

 

Everything will be okay hon.

[dave_1966]

Oh my God, you've got me worried about my occasional cold sores now! Then again, perhaps not.

[alli]

I have a friend that gets cold sores several times a year which is the exact same virus that you have. They are annoying but it's really not a big deal and may not have even been sexually transmitted. You could have gotten it just from kissing or sharing a drink with someone who was shedding the virus.

[bulletproof]

I would be very surprised if people you date are concerned about this.

 

My only caution is not to give oral sex to anyone when you're having an outbreak, as it can be transmitted there from the mouth (although much harder for a female to give it to a male on his genitals, for obvious reasons.) This actually happened to someone I know.

 

Anyway, please don't feel gross or ashamed.

[DawnDonatello]

Thank you all for your responses. The shock factor has died down, because at this point the virus is there and nothing can be done to change that. I have researched. I talked to the doctor. Fairly common, and since I have never had an outbreak during adulthood it's possible that it was contracted as a child.

 

This doesn't stop the pain that I'm feeling about telling my partner. I will see him again tomorrow evening or Wednesday, and I think then has to be the time to let him know--before things progress any further. I keep trying to form the 'right' way to approach this. Despite HSV-1 being fairly common, it still nerves me that he will look down upon me because of the stigma that comes with the word 'herpes'.

[notalady]

Why don't you just say you have HSV 1 the cold sore virus but never had an outbreak, rather than 'herpes'? In fact I would avoid using that word just due to stigma associated with it.

 

But also rethink if you really need to disclose it. I mean, majority of the population has it and yet you never hear anyone talk about it (a big proportion of those people probably don't know because it's not typically tested). It's also definitely not an STD. So do you really need to tell him?

[DawnDonatello]

I'm not sure if 'needing' to tell is necessary, but it would bother me personally to pursue a relationship knowing that I am essentially lying by withholding known information.

[notalady]

Do what you think is right. But I would phrase it carefully.

[alli]

I'd just say "fyi, just found out I have the cold sore virus, though I've never had a cold sore"

[tiredofvampires]

It's also definitely not an STD.

 

Actually, when an infection is spread through sexual contact, it is an STD (sexually transmitted disease).

 

Herpes is an STD, when it is spread, i.e., transmitted, through sexual contact. HSV-1 a variant of the HSV-2 virus, which is more commonly associated with the genitals and prefers that terrain, but when either one is spread through sexual contact, yes, they are both considered STD's.

 

HSV-1 is not always sexually transmitted, but when it is, it's an STD. In other words, it CAN be an STD.

 

HSV-1 on the genitals (contracted through oral sex) can also be spread to another person's genitals through genital sex. Or, you could spread it to someone's mouth if they perform oral on you and you're contagious.

 

If someone tests positive for HSV-1 without having ever had a cold sore, it is not possible to know whether it would manifest in the genital or oral area. We do not know if the OP actually would get genital blisters if she had an outbreak but it's possible, since HSV-1 could have been given to her genitally when someone gave her oral sex and he had it on his mouth.

 

But I would prefer using the term "cold sore" to tell a partner. The name is less important than that you are informing the person and they understand what you have.

 

Because you can infect someone on their mouth or genitals with this virus, it behooves anyone to tell all partners that they have tested positive. It's a matter of giving people information that may determine their decisions about their own body and health. Herpes viruses can also shed without symptoms, so you could give it to them even without an outbreak, and the question is, wouldn't you want someone telling you their status if they had it?

 

I think it's important to reveal one's status to be ethical. So I agree with you, OP. But mentioning that you've never had an outbreak could be very reassuring and again, tons of people have this virus and it's latent.