How do you cope if bf doesnt text as much?

[Cherrybj]

How do you cope if your long distance bf stops texting you? It's not like he is gone for a long period of time, but just abit longer than usual habit of texting. I'm losing sleep over this. I've told him about this and I feel it doesn't make any difference. I kind of feel he is losing interest, that is why I maybe freaking out if he isn't attentive..

I want him to be the way he is used to be but I just don't know how.. I cannot pull away because I feel like losing him as we are in long distance..

What can I do to make my situation better?

Thank you.

[mhowe]

By going out and living your life. Initial interest always dies down. Once the infatuated state subsides, people resort to their real selves.

 

Stop living for a text and live your life so you have something interesting to text about.

[Cherrybj]

Thank you. I've tried going out so he knows I'm not boring.. But sometimes I got nothing to do and back to this situation..

[melancholy123]

What mhowe said. Do you see how pathetic your post is? Wasting time and sleep over a text msg that takes longer than you'd like? You need to get out there with the 3 dimensional people and enjoy living in the real world.

[ParisPaulette]

You accept that being tied to an electronic device to get validation from someone you've never met is NOT a good thing. You put the electronic device down and go outside and interact with people you can talk to and be with on a day-to-day basis.

 

That's what I'd do anyways. Losing sleep over this is just hurting you and it's all over someone who you don't really know beyond what he can type out on a tiny keyboard. Sheer madness.

[Cherrybj]

Right.. I sound pathetic. I think I would think the same if other person post like me. But I can't think of myself objectively. Thank you for telling me that.

 

I've seen him in person once. Knowing him for a year. But don't know when I'm going to see him again.

[greta96]

Oh girl, then he is not your boyfriend, if you only met him once in one year and you don't know if or when you'll ever see him again! You are just wasting time and brain cells on a fantasy, that has nothing to do with reality. He is probably dating in real life, and enjoying his life, while you are glued to your electronics waiting for a sign that he's still interested...how about you do the same and start living your life? With real people, doing real things.

It's a matter of training your mind. Whenever you find yourself obsessively checking your phone, force yourself to put it away and go do something, call someone for a chat, anything. And make a conscious effort to put yourself out there and meet local men, who you can have real relationships with. You'd be amazed at how much more fulfilling a real life relationship is, as opposed to an online fantasy!

[ThatwasThen]

Right.. I sound pathetic. I think I would think the same if other person post like me. But I can't think of myself objectively. Thank you for telling me that.

 

I've seen him in person once. Knowing him for a year. But don't know when I'm going to see him again.

Then what exactly are the benefits to this relationship? Please seriously think about just ending things so that you're not waiting around for him to give you a bit of attention. You would be so much happier if you were with a guy that you could see often, hold hands with, smell, hug, kiss, DO FUN THINGS WITH TOGETHER, and actually have a real life relationship in ALL aspects including a real true emotional connection that is proven in actions. Words are just words when there are zero actions to back them up as truth.

 

You do yourself a real dis-service by emotionally putting yourself in limbo for someone you don't even really know.

[Pixels]

I'd say it's more concerning than pathetic... Pathetic implies a sense of inherent incompetence of the individual, as if the person was hopelessly helpless.

 

I think you can agree that this isn't a healthy relationship, and I think you need to address the reasons why/how this attachment was constructed when it's so obviously one-sided. The fact that you had the sense to look for help/advice tells me you aren't pathetic because part of you recognizes the situation for what it is... The real issue is that you shouldn't ignore that sense and should feel more confident to take initiative to follow it on your own in future relationships... Or better yet, navigating such relationships before they can get to this point...

[Cherrybj]

I'm sure he wasn't dating anyone before he met me and I feel he isn't dating now other people either.. But life are different from where he is from mine culturally so it's hard to grasp what it is. Because culturally different is what makes me attracted to him.

 

When I started to talk with him, I had this feeling that I never felt so connected with anyone like him.

He is not bad person..

 

I have this hope that I want to get married with him one day.. But if I say this.. I think I sound insane.

 

I'll think seriously what everyone said here. Thank you.

[sara-pezzini]

Okay first off, sorry to say but this is obviously not a relationship if you only saw him once.

And second of all if you tell him you lose sleep over him not texting it's not going to make him text more, in fact he'll think you're clingy and obsessive and it's best to fade away.

Don't you see how clingy and pathetic that makes you sound?

You're worth more than sitting there waiting for some guy you barely know to text you. Your life has more meaning than that!

[Cherrybj]

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I didn't imagine almost everyone sort of telling me he is not bf.

[mhowe]

This is mostly a figment of your imagination. You've met once. You don't live anywhere near each other. And you live separate lives, so his time between texts is keeping you up at night? It is just beyond realistic.

[Dottieflanogon]

Forget him, he's mostly likely found someone else. Get out and about and meet friends, join new groups and you will find someone else.

[Pixels]

I'm sure he wasn't dating anyone before he met me and I feel he isn't dating now other people either.. But life are different from where he is from mine culturally so it's hard to grasp what it is. Because culturally different is what makes me attracted to him.

 

When I started to talk with him, I had this feeling that I never felt so connected with anyone like him.

He is not bad person..

 

I have this hope that I want to get married with him one day.. But if I say this.. I think I sound insane.

 

I'll think seriously what everyone said here. Thank you.

 

I'm willing to anonymously say that I'm currently in therapy for alcohol dependence and a depressive disorder... I'm receiving help for both voluntarily because I'm willing to recognize my problems and willing to admit that I need help without anyone forcing me. I'm doing exceptionally well in my grades, though...

 

However, I also have good therapists who recognize that even though some of my emotional reactions demonstrate symptoms of hyper-arousal, it's still acknowledged that I can recognize these triggers on my own, and that I attempt to diffuse them (often without success, however). Furthermore, they've been willing to understand the history of such reactions to help analyze coping strategies...

 

However, I wouldn't recommend anyone marrying me... Not because I'd treat them badly, but because psychologically I'm just not on a level that most people can understand or deal with... Primarily, most people just don't share a concept of my experiences and it creates an unavoidably social gap...

 

Point is, I'm not a bad person, but I'm not dating material right now...

[catfeeder]

You met him once. You've never spent enough time with him to love him, but you're in love with the fantasy you've created 'about' him.

 

Not the same thing.

 

Are you in therapy? If not, can you book an appointment with a counselor at your school? She or he can give you tools and techniques to move your focus onto creating a happy and interesting life for yourself rather than spending it in wait for some stranger's text messages.

 

We never get any wasted time back to live over again.

 

Head high.

[Cherrybj]

I'm grown adult and not student so I guess I'm really wasting time..

I understand what everyone is saying inside my head, but not the heart.

 

I'm not familiar with all the counseling thing, so I don't think I will able to get that. But everyone hearing me really helps me.

 

I guess I'm not happy right now, but with the risk of sounding hopeless, if possible I want to be happy with him..

In that case what can I do to make situation better?

 

Right now I cannot think I can just 'break up' with him. I'm really attracted to him. I miss him.

[Heather Dawn]

LDRs - particularly when they're not based on a foundation of having previously been an in-person relationship - almost never work. Period. You can't have a relationship with someone when you're not able to have any shared experiences in the real world on a day-to-day basis.

[mhowe]

I'm grown adult and not student so I guess I'm really wasting time..

I understand what everyone is saying inside my head, but not the heart.

 

I'm not familiar with all the counseling thing, so I don't think I will able to get that. But everyone hearing me really helps me.

 

I guess I'm not happy right now, but with the risk of sounding hopeless, if possible I want to be happy with him..

In that case what can I do to make situation better?

 

Right now I cannot think I can just 'break up' with him. I'm really attracted to him. I miss him.

 

At the risk of not hearing a word that anyone has said ---- there is no point, at all, in maintaining or resurrecting this. There is nothing to resurrect.

[greta96]

Right now I cannot think I can just 'break up' with him. I'm really attracted to him. I miss him.

 

As long as you keep telling yourself that, you won't be able to change anything for the better. Try to get in the state of mind where you realize you don't know him, at least not enough to miss him, or be truly attracted to him. Cyber attraction is totally different from real life attraction.

And you can't make the situation better, because to him it's good enough the way it is. He prefers less contact, probably because he's focusing more on his real life. You can't force him to text you more, if he doesn't want to. You can't control others, but you can control yourself.

[Cherrybj]

Thank you very much for replying.

There must be success story who ended up happily married after meeting online whether it's international or not.. So I tend to be hopeful which I kind of notice that this isn't constructive.

So he texted if I'm ok and I took moment to reply and he replied..

I miss his attention he used to give me.. But also I want more than this, want to be in same place, to move in together, start family like other couples..

Should I move on like obviously or please is there a way to make things constructive.

[mhowe]

You have met once.

 

To project being in the same place, moving in together and starting a family ----- is fantasy, not reality.

 

Move on and find someone in real life.

[Heather Dawn]

Thank you very much for replying.

There must be success story who ended up happily married after meeting online whether it's international or not.. So I tend to be hopeful which I kind of notice that this isn't constructive.

So he texted if I'm ok and I took moment to reply and he replied..

I miss his attention he used to give me.. But also I want more than this, want to be in same place, to move in together, start family like other couples..

Should I move on like obviously or please is there a way to make things constructive.

 

You need to move on. You've got fantasies, as mhowe said, of all the things you want with this person and you don't even know him!

[Cherrybj]

Thank you for replying.

 

He is still great person to my eyes or my heart.

But our conversation became 'mutual' as I stopped bothering him with my clingy messages, I respond like as much as or as little as he does.

 

I try to focus on going out enjoying the time myself and protect my own feeling.

I haven't being able to move on, but I notice the slight change in my feeling.

 

But today I feel like texting him I miss him, even though I won't text him that..

[allibaidoo4]

I am currently in a ldr and struggling with the same thing. What I learned so far is not to chase him. The more you chase after him the further you push him away. Pretty much what ever happens in this relationship will happen. He will either text you and eventually try to be more attentive or he will continue to do what he is doing.