Larry Jones Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 So I met this beautiful girl nearly a year ago and I asked for her phone number. She said no at first and explained that she was a “can of worms.” She was married but was going to be leaving her husband in the next few months. She had 2 kids so it wasn’t an easy task for her. I said to her I can wait until you’ve left your husband and so I got her phone number and we, rightly or wrongly, entered into a covert relationship. I didn’t see her very much over the course of the year but we did go for dinner and lunches and had a few days away but she was always looking over her shoulder. She said she was terrified her husband found out as this would affect her divorce settlement. I wasn’t at all happy at any time during our relationship as I always wanted more. However, I hung on in the hope that things would improve when she left her husband. I’m 58 by the way, and she is 45. Well I was delighted when she announced that she had managed to secure another house and that she would be leaving her husband and taking the kids to another area away from him. I thought that finally things were beginning to come together and we could start a “real” relationship. That was until I found out about her long-term (2 years) boyfriend. Apparently an open secret around these parts and I’m the last to know. So when I confronted her with this she managed to convince me that she was sorry, that she SHOULD have told him that she’d met me but she didn’t and the longer it went on the more difficult it became until it was impossible. She said she had always been attracted to me even before we met and that it was a dream for her to have me. She said no one had ever talked to her the way I did and that the boyfriend was not educationally or socially a match for her. She led me to believe she was going to tell the boyfriend about us and things would be fine. Then, exactly two weeks ago she announced that the boyfriend was somehow involved in her move away from the husband and she couldn’t leave him until she was secure in her new home. She said she could no longer handle the drama of the 3 of us and that she had to sort out her life and get the kids safe before she could do anything and that we had to stop seeing each other until she was ready. She said “consider it like me going on a trip and I’ll see you on the other side.” I said “no, I won’t be on the other side. This is goodbye.” I’ve no idea where I got the courage to say that but I walked away from her that day without another word and despite her trying to hug me and keep me from going. I’ve had no contact for 14 days. I hurt like hell. I guess I’m looking for someone here to tell me not to give up hope but when I read the above back I know how ridiculous it now sounds. Oh my god I know what you are all going to say. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Life lesson #288....any relationship that cannot see the light of day is doomed to fail. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 What part of a married woman with two kids stringing along someone BEFORE she's divorced equal terrible relationship material? What part of cheating on husband and kids with another man for two years equals terrible relationship material did you not understand? Frankly, you had better pray she leaves you alone and doesn't decide to turn on the charm. Or you're going to be that poor husband with kids and wife/mother who would rather seek male attention than be a loving partner. You aren't pathetic, just blinded by lust and her beauty I would guess. Read your own post again until it sinks in, this one is NOT relationship material. Ever. And those poor kids... Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I'm not going to tell you to have hope because that's ridiculous. Dont you see that she used you? She was never available to be with you! You NEVER get into a relationship with someone who is still married to someone else! Surely you knew that. You were blinded by this woman. Forget her! You will become her poor husband, that's the guy I feel sorry for. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 She is a real winner....cheats on her husband with her "boyfriend" for over two years and meets you and makes you think you are the only one. You should never speak to her again. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 You really posted this in "getting back together"? So, she has a husband, a boyfriend and you. That's some harem she has going on. And yet, despite being Choice #3, you still want her? Instead of focusing on how to convince this trollop to add you back to her harem, why not seek therapy to find out why you love yourself so little that you'd consider going back to being third in the batting order? PS: STD test. STAT. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 From the information you've given here, we know that this woman had two kids yet somehow managed to have two boyfriends and a husband. That leads me to believe that: A. She's not the greatest mother, because she certainly doesn't have time to be, B. She doesn't love herself very much because she needs an awful lot of validation, and C. She is somewhat oblivious to how her actions affect others. So now the question for you is, why do you dislike yourself so much that you think she's a good person to date? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Yikes, this was a train wreck before it even got started. It has doom written all over it. Not sure what you see in this cheating woman, but she is no prize and I highly doubt anyone here will encourage you to go after her. Be glad you dodged a bullet. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Those poor children! What a great role model she is Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Where I'm from she'd be called a scrubber. Get shot of her. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Congratulations for getting the courage to finally say no. Now stick to it, and figure out what is wrong with you that you would see this woman as a prize to be won? Are you just lonely? I know that can be powerful. But maybe it's something else. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 You said no ..you know you where right to say no , you know you where right to walk away and you know you have to stay away ... Everyone else has said it all already , so I am just going to shout "unicorns " really loudly ...that covers most areas . keep walking mate and never look back . Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 "So I met this beautiful girl nearly a year ago and I asked for her phone number. She said no at first and explained that she was a “can of worms.”" - Wow.. I guess so I am NOT going to tell you not to give up hope. I doubt there's any hope here... This woman is going to end up with months and months of needed time to work on her '3 men'relationship. I say she is FAR from ready to properly move on with anyone right now. After a relationship break up, one needs time to work on accepting & healing from the experience. She clearly hasn't given herself any time yet. She is a ways off from being properly in her state of mind to move on again in a healthy manner. Emotionally & mentally. If anything, YOU could have just ended up being a 'rebound'... yes they hurt. No need to be kicking around her territory any further. Best for YOU is to give LOTS of space and move along. Sorry you had to endure this experience. Link to comment
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