loulou76 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Last year I started chatting to a guy who works in a mall, whenever our paths crossed, we'd stop and have a chat, although I really liked him, I never went out of my way to talk to him, I let him talk to me, (I'm shy that way)earlier this year he'd ask me to stop and talk if he was on a break. We got on really well, I liked chatting to him, we flirted a bit, I got the butterfly feeling whenever I saw him. He did come accross as a player type guy though, smooth talking handsome... He was very flirty and I thought maybe he likes me.. He told me he lives with his aunt and uncle though he is 43 years old and made out though never told me he was single.. Last month he gave me his number, he said it had taken him ages to pluck up the courage to give it to me?? When I texted him though, I said I liked him, He said ''I haven't had compliments like that for ages'' (though he is nice looking???) but he started being forward sex wise and suggested meeting up for a night in a hotel, for the first date!! I was like NOOO way I'm an old fashioned type of girl,, I like to get to know a guy first and he said well lets meet see how things go and if they are well can we have a touch n feel etc.. I said NOO I like to go on dates not just hookup.. so he suggested meeting for a date then he cancelled on me at the last minute. So I texted him and said ''Think we both want different things - I need to be in a relationship first before things happen sex wise'' so he replied ''lets be friends then as I don't want to get involved with anyone.. been hurt too many times''... So I haven't texted him since, though he keeps bumping into me asking me what I'm doing at weekend etc.. though I'm vague about what I'm doing... I'd never chase a guy.. I reckon he's a player and only after me for sleeping with me I'm just a bit hurt as my friend said maybe you spoilt things - maybe he thinks you meant you want to be like married before things happen. Just I'm old fashioned that way though, I mean I like to see a guy for a few months before sleeping with them. I've been in relationships before but I've never done one night stands or slept about like you see on TV and films where everyone does one night stands. In a magazine it said guys like to sleep with women first before committing , surely everyone is different though.. I really did fancy him and think he is a real player and knows how to charm women to create that chemistry Just would like to know how to get over that nervy butterfly excitement feeling when you see a guy you still like but know they are trouble Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 He is likely married and you just need to see the ugly lizard underneath his handsome face to make the butterflies feel like worms. Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Knowing he's trouble should be enough to get over him. He's not just a player, he is the gross kind of player, who doesn't even pretend to be interested in you as a person. In a way it's better when they are upfront like that (albeit crass!), because you know exactly what they are after and there is no way you can misinterpret their intentions and make excuses for them. Whatever you do, do not follow your friend's advice, she doesn't seem to be all that smart. You didn't spoil anything, and trust me, the guy knew exactly what you meant by everything you told him about wanting to be in a relationship first, and he did NOT think marriage. He just isn't interested in dating you or being in a relationship with you, he only wants to f*ck you, plain and simple. If you don't want to be used sexually then discarded, then stay away from this guy. Easy. Doesn't his grossness turn you off?? Because regardless how gorgeous he may be, my reaction would be (and was, every time I dealt with dudes like him) a big "Ewwwww...are you for real?". Butterflies? What butterflies? His nastiness should kill them on the spot! He's probably married or living with a woman, I don't buy the living with his uncle story for a second lol. Hence the hotel proposition, it's not like he can bring you home to his wife! By the way, did you post this before? Because I clearly remember an identical situation not too long ago. It's either a big coincidence, or there are too many nasty 43 year olds out there! How do you bump into him anyway? Do you work in that mall too? Because if you don't, your constant presence there is what made him believe you can be an easy lay, because he's not that stupid, he knows you have a crush on him and that are going on purpose to see him! So he figured, why not get some sex out of it? You say you don't chase guys, but that's exactly what you're doing, by always going to his store. Surely you can see that? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 He is likely married and you just need to see the ugly lizard underneath his handsome face to make the butterflies feel like worms. A nice piece of writing, MHowe. Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Actually I just checked and yes, you started another similar thread about him, and you got great replies. Nothing has changed, he is still a scumbag and I don't understand why you're still wasting your time dwelling on him. Link to comment
loulou76 Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thanks, Just live in small place and kinda hard to avoid shopping there, can't drive... I think oh he's not here today then he walks past or he shouts me over. feel silly but think i was just over awed by the attention i received. Link to comment
Patrick974 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Hes obviously hidding something. Avoid him like the plague as much as you can. Awkward encounters happens though. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 He was a grimy 43-year old loser working at the mall and living with his uncle last week, this week, and he will be next week. Link to comment
Lucia Amman Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Really. This is the fourth topic you opened with the exact same story and question! Read the answers. You're not boring, not too sensible, didn't scare him away and yes he is player. Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Thanks, Just live in small place and kinda hard to avoid shopping there, can't drive... I think oh he's not here today then he walks past or he shouts me over. feel silly but think i was just over awed by the attention i received. But it's the wrong kind of attention, that really isn't flattering! He probably does that with every pretty face he sees on a daily basis! From your posts, you sound like a very nice person, so you totally deserve more and you can (and will) do much better than this guy... hold on to your standards because they are good, do not sell yourself short. Link to comment
loulou76 Posted August 8, 2015 Author Share Posted August 8, 2015 Really. This is the fourth topic you opened with the exact same story and question! Read the answers. You're not boring, not too sensible, didn't scare him away and yes he is player. Sorry, Just I live in a small place, so kinda hard to avoid shopping where he works and I can't drive So when I have to go there, he comes over and tries to strike up conversation (I try to look busy or avoid eye contact but I don't like ignoring people) even though I know he is a player and bad news.. I stupidly still get that butterfly feeling in tummy.. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Sorry, Just I live in a small place, so kinda hard to avoid shopping where he works and I can't drive So when I go there, he comes over and tries to strike up conversation (I try to look busy or avoid eye contact as I don't like ignoring people) and I still get that butterfly feeling in tummy even though I know he is a player and bad news.. You've got to go with the knowledge that he's a player and bad news and ignore all those fluttery feelings. He's only interested in you for sex, and your friends are WRONG -- you didn't "spoil" it by saying you don't do sex outside of a relationship. It's having boundaries and letting the other person know of them; he doesn't share the same boundaries, and he doesn't want the same things. If you live in a small place and have no choice but to bump into him, be polite but not overly friendly. Acknowledge him and then move on. I can promise you that any further involvement with him with be a disaster. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 you know what i'm worried about. when you broke it off, his reply was "yeah, let's be friends" and now he keeps approaching you. this is where a definite clean cut would have been more favorable for you. i am assuming that you never text, call or approach him-- he knows darn well the insistance to have sex has changed your mind about him, and he doesn't even respect your decision. he'll continue to be pushy because he's counting on it he'll eventually get you to have sex with him. i'm majorly disgusted by this creep. thing is you're nice and abhorr confrontation but i think next time he approaches you, you'll have to ask him to keep his distance. he's clearly not your friend. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 omg look at this sorry piece of bleep, look at him: your first thread though he seemed honest enough told me his name and said he lived with his aunt and uncle though he was 38.. and bang a month later he's 43?!! look, OP, anything this sleezebag says is either a)pressuring you into sex or b)lies and stories meant to trick you into, you guessed it, sex. his uncle? wife friendship? scam hurt before? it must have hurt when all his exs got restraining orders against him and/or sued for child support. maybe an assault or stalking charge left him jaded. eew. be very, very careful. Link to comment
Patrick974 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 If he takes 5 years every month, the OP at least wont have to wait long before not hearing from him anymore. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 You must be pretty naive to not get what's going on here. This guy is looking to get laid any way he can! I bet he's married, if he wasn't he'd try to take you to his place. Live with his aunt and uncle - that's hilarious! Wake up, he just wants to screw you, nothing else. Avoid him like the plague. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 i keep getting more and more creeped out as i read through her threads. he suggested a "remote dark place" for a first date (she declined the hotel invitation), he kept pressuring her to drive off with him "come for a drive now" and now he just keeps jumping her every time he sees her. i'm kinda scared for the girl here. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Loulou...that feeling in your tummy is nausea, not butterflies. Your system finds him revolting. Find somewhere else to shop until your frontal cortex clicks in. Link to comment
loulou76 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Yeah he said he's 38 but a work colleague said he went to college with him and that would make himabout 43 I thought well maybe my work colleague has him confused as he does have three brothers and comes from a big family. I always give people benefit of the doubt but maybe he lied just because he thinks he too old Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 giving this one the benefit of the doubt will get you raped. disengage. clearly state you wish to be left alone period. preferably- do your shopping online. Link to comment
loulou76 Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 giving this one the benefit of the doubt will get you raped. disengage. clearly state you wish to be left alone period. preferably- do your shopping online. Thanks! Problem solved - I have registered online to buy shopping and it is all great - I worry about online fraud and things but my work colleague has set me up with an account.. Phew!! No more awkward trips to mall Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 just don't overdo it, it can be quite addictive. NEVER with a glass of wine in hand LOL! go out, socialize, just somewhere out of his radar. Link to comment
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