cmpatable Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I understand No Contact is for the individual but this question genuinely drives my curiosity. Would love some Dumper insight. After a long term relationship, what do you think goes through a dumpers mind when they see positive social media posts from the dumpee post break up. (Let's say the break up was relatively clean but the Dumper is prideful, cold/NC and wants space. The relationship ended due to communication issues) When I say social media posts I just mean general positive things like pictures with family, posts of you with friends, what you are up to etc. Does it further build resent? Does it make sad or make them miss you? Does it get them jealous but fuel their fire further? Does is make them feel disrespected? Do they see it as "he/she" is trying to rub it in my face? Thoughts! Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I don't think the dumper really cares. If they wanted "space", they are likely not really caring what YOU are doing. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 As a past dumper, I don't tend to have them on social media after the end of a relationship. What's the point? Link to comment
cmpatable Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I don't think the dumper really cares. If they wanted "space", they are likely not really caring what YOU are doing. I politely disagree...I think after any long term relationship the dumper will always have it in the back of their mind for a period of time after the BU. Especially loving relationships that didn't fall to abuse or cheating. I think anyone that can flick that switch has some issues themselves. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I didn't say they didn't care about you when you were IN the relationship. But if they chose to end it, they really are not so much interested in the comings and goings of your life any further. Certainly not to the extent that they would be angry or jealous. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The dumper may be going through a bad patch and missing the ex and positive images of the ex on social media may build those feelings of regret. Link to comment
greta96 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 No, not at all. Chances are they don't even check the dumpees' social medias, because if they chose to dump, it means they are no longer interested in knowing what the dumpees are up to. In some cases, the dumpers may even think that the dumpees' positive posts are nothing but lame attempts to create the illusion of having moved on and that they are not all that affected by the breakup, and they laugh at these attempts. In other cases, the dumpers are happy to see the dumpees are doing great, because they no longer have to feel guilty for having dumped them. Bottom line, don't even think of posting things on your social media in hopes you can evoke an emotion in your ex, because it just doesn't work that way. Block and be done with him. Link to comment
cmpatable Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I didn't say they didn't care about you when you were IN the relationship. But if they chose to end it, they really are not so much interested in the comings and goings of your life any further. Certainly not to the extent that they would be angry or jealous. I guess depending on the situation. I think a majority of dumpers know what they want at the time, and then their are some who take a risk because they believe it to be the right decision for themselves and leave the relationship with held back feelings. This leaves them in a state of question after the break up where they do what they need to stay focused on the decision they made. Trying not care when in reality part of them always will. Anger or jealousy can re-enforce their decisions making them feel better. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think most people who dump their partner have given it a lot of thought. And while they may miss being in a relationship, they do not question their decision. Part of them will not "always care"....I'm sorry. But I have broken up with people and move forward in my life and really don't give them another thought. I don't wish them poorly, but I don't ruminate on the relationship either. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Dumper here. I don't care at all. Link to comment
cmpatable Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I would agree that most do but if this were the case for everybody you would never see reconciliations, so it must be situational. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think there are so many variables in your initial post that the one commonality - people who have ended a relationship - is outweighed by all the variables leaving it entirely up to the individual situation. I do think in general it's a waste of time to speculate on what someone's reaction is to seeing photos and posts on social media. As my friend said the other day -she knows for a fact that several of her friends who post lovey dovey messages about their spouses are miserable in real life in their relationships. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The act of dumping is by far the hardest part. After that, it's smooth sailing. Just how many people do you think get together after breaking up? I think you're trying to stack odds that don't really exist. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 The act of dumping is by far the hardest part. After that, it's smooth sailing. Just how many people do you think get together after breaking up? I think you're trying to stack odds that don't really exist. Pick me! 8 years after breaking up, now 10 years together, almost 7 married. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I am of course going to tell you that you shouldn't care, but we're all human and the fact is most of us do. A lot of it depends on how toxic the relationship/dumper was to begin with and whether it was an amiable breakup or not. Emotions can range for the don't care, to good for her/him, to anger over how dare they move on and not pine for me. Take your pick and pick your poison on that one. Your time is better spent in making sure those Facebook pics are of you actually having a good time, getting your life back together, enjoying yourself. Have those things be real and you will be just fine. Remember, the best revenge really is living well. So live well and leave the past and your ex behind. Also why not block them on Facebook? Link to comment
SophieGrace Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think if your ex is a controlling person, they may have a twinge upon seeing social media posts, especially if it's with someone who might be considered a new prospect. If they are relatively healthy, I agree with other posters who said that they don't think about you at all. I know when I have broken up with someone, I'm no longer interested in what's going on in their life - I'm simply done. Link to comment
crowleysgirl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Why does it matter? They broke up with you. Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Dumper here. I don't care at all. Oh absolutley, me neither. Link to comment
BigKK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Pick me! 8 years after breaking up, now 10 years together, almost 7 married. Was it those cute photos on facebook seeing your ex smiling with his niece that crushed your ego and bent your will and made you change your mind to get back together? When I've dumped someone and still had them on social media and saw photos. I would think for a second "well that's good for them" and move on. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Was it those cute photos on facebook seeing your ex smiling with his niece that crushed your ego and bent your will and made you change your mind to get back together? When I've dumped someone and still had them on social media and saw photos. I would think for a second "well that's good for them" and move on. LOL he is not on Facebook, I am and have posted two photos in the past 6 years -one was a from behind photo in the newspaper of me and my son and the other was of my first grandnephew. What changed my mind was meeting him for a casual catch-up dinner after seeing him one time in the past (almost 8 years) and having sparks fly. Simple as that. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 First of all is I'm not going to be looking at my ex to begin with because I'm not interested in them and their life anymore. Second, if I do come accross them by accident, I'll think "good for them" and carry on without giving them another thought. Reason being is that before I dump someone, I do put a lot of thought into it. So when I'm done, I'm really truly checked out and happy with the decision. There is no looking back and wondering what if, just positive knowledge that it was the right decision to part ways. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I've yet to see where social media plays a part in resurrecting an already failed relationship. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I've yet to see where social media plays a part in resurrecting an already failed relationship. I agree. And truth is social media probably facilitates more breakups than reconciliations. Link to comment
blanco Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Based on OP's other posts, I'm going to assume he's hoping that his photos and posts on social media will rebuild attraction in his ex's eyes. I've been there. Heck, I've even had that thought when I've been in a picture with people who are still FB friends with my recent ex. But the truth is, they don't really care, and you shouldn't be posting stuff with the intent on catching their attention. Link to comment
force Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Yes they will always be curious even if they did the dumping. Link to comment
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