Social media after divorce

[alli]

Ok, so on one hand I feel like sometimes we read way too much into social media sites. It should just be a way to stay in touch with friends and family right?

 

On the other hand, it gets really awkward when you get divorced. I hold no ill feelings for my ex or his family or friends. That said, I don't want constant updates on what they are doing and I don't want them to see what I am up to.

 

I deactivated my account a couple months ago when we initiated the divorce process. I plan on returning but just need a break from all of that.

 

I logged back in last night and unfriended my ex, his family & nearly all mutual friends, minus a few that are actually "my" friends. I also removed all photos or untagged myself from nearly all of our pictures together. I don't need to pretend that we didn't happen. But I also don't need to be reminded of my failed marriage every time I browse through my own photos or see updates from him & his friends. I still have the photos offline anyway.

 

I then deactivated my account again. I'll get back on eventually; maybe in a couple more months.

 

I don't know if maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I can't undo it now anyway. I guess I just don't feel comfortable with either option- leaving it all up there & remaining "friends" with all of them or removing all reminders & cutting ties with all of them. I guess what I did felt kind of harsh but I don't know what else to do. I feel like he might be hurt when he eventually notices I unfriended him & nearly all mutual friends and removed the photos he was tagged in.

 

What do most people do about social media after a marriage or long term relationship ends?

[Denguin]

Most of us cling onto those memories by following our exes on social media and cause ourselves more pain than necessary in the long run. I am one of those, and I think I must have checked my ex's facebook page every single day since we broke up. Thankfully she doesn't use it very much, so there's nothing really to see... But I know when that day comes where she gives an update about how happy she is now without me, it'll crush me and every bit of me will wish I had just unfriended her.

 

I think you did a very good thing for yourself. Perhaps it'll come accross as harsh, but your reason for doing all you did was completely valid. You're focusing on you now, and that's the most important thing. To hell what anyone else thinks.

[Karl Young]

I think you did the right thing, don't feel bad about it, it has probably done you good in the long run

[pippy longstocking]

alli ......you did the right thing xx

[SapphireNoir10]

You did the right thing. That is what I would do.

[Tanzi]

You have to do whatever you have to do to help you heal. I am sure they would understand why you had to do it and they shouldn't take it personally. If they do then they are morons!!!

 

I didn't have FB when I split with my ex-husband so it wasn't an issue and by the time I did create an account I wasn't bothered about his activities any more. He was on my FB for a whlile but his girlfriend's don't seem to like it. I also all his family on there as we are still quite close ... but like I said, it doesn't bother me what he does now.

 

As regards my most recent ex, I deleted him and his friends. I doubt they really cared to be honest ... that's if they even noticed. I didn't untag any of our photos (of which there are many) because they will always remain very special to me. I'm not a big FB user anyway so that helps I guess.

[testcase]

You definitely did the right thing. It's all a part of moving on I think.

[Willywagtail]

You did the right thing. I did exactly the same thing after my marriage broke up.

 

When my divorce became official (it took 3 years - gah!) I also burnt most of my wedding photos, romantic cards he had sent me and the correspondence around the divorce.

 

I deleted emails and put digital photos of holidays, family events and the wedding into a folder called - 'Don't look at for a while'. Maybe some time in the future, I'll delete those as well. Or maybe not.

[Batya33]

You did the right thing and in a huge way, the brave thing - you could have cherry picked so that you could have some information about him/his family, friends but you chose to make a clean break. Good for you.

[alli]

Well thanks everyone, I'm really glad the consensus is that it was the right thing to do. I didn't think everyone would agree with what I did.

 

Really though I'm not incredibly interested in keeping up with what he is doing. I know most people are pretty hurt after breaking up and feel a desire to keep up with their ex even though it hurts. But my overwhelming desire is to maintain my own privacy so the only hard part about it was how it will make him feel. Maybe its weird but I don't think anything he could do would make me jealous. In fact if he was already dating someone it would make me happy, because then at least I would think he would be in less pain.

 

I unfortunately had to unfriend my former neighbor & her husband as well. I liked her (well, sometimes) but I'm sure she would be all over my stuff to "update" him when I put my account back up.

[annie24]

I removed my ex's friends from my feeds. they're still on my friends' list, but i just didn't want photos of my ex popping up in my feed. Also, I blocked my ex.

 

I think whatever works for you is best.

[bmars87]

After my separation, I had a lot of ill feelings towards my ex but I chose to keep her and her family on social media even though most of my family removed her from theirs. I personally feel that it helped me to get rid of the negative feelings. While I didn't want to see pictures of her and her new girlfriend, it allowed me to see that she was happy and with someone who genuinely cared for her. We also kept in some contact due to shared property, etc and it helped to be able to make small talk to ask how her latest event or what have you ( whatever she posted on her account ) went.

[lostandhurt]

alli,

 

They would be in the same position you were if you think about it. All of them would have to decide one by one whether to un-friend you or not. You actually made it easier on them by what you did.

 

IF any of them were true friends you will reconnect with them in time once the freshness and pain has subsided.

 

 

 

Divorce is filled with many hard choices...

 

 

Lost

[kbbcoop77]

You did the right thing I did the exact same thing good move

[waffle]

Interesting responses.

 

I've been divorced for just over 18 months now. I kept all his relatives on my friends list and none of them have unfriended me either. My problem wasn't with them but with my POS Ex, so I saw no reason to delete them. Ex is not on FB (shortly after the divorce he made an account but suspended it about two weeks later for whatever reason, and we did not "friend" each other during that time) and seeing pictures of him wouldn't bother me, but I haven't seen any. So, I guess I don't know . . . I tend to evaluate each person as a person and not accept or reject them based on MY marital status.

[chickadeedee]

It's your account that you should control in a way that it is helpful/useful to you, so what you did is perfectly fine. The reality is you are getting divorced and no longer a couple, so removing photos of him or you together as a couple is entirely appropriate.

 

what you might want to do with mutual friends that you think you might want to keep as friends, is to explain to any of them you really value that since you are going thru a divorce, you will heal faster if you don't see updates related to your ex so that is why you defriended them, not because you don't want to be friends with them, but because you don't want any info about him that may pass thru their accounts to show up on your feeds. Most people are very understanding of that. And you can keep up with them via emails and phone calls!