mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Does anyone else feel it's innappropriate for my ex's girlfriend to take my son to a dr apt? The apt is on a day he's with his father, however his father has to work and I am off that day. I said I would take him since I'm not working. He feels I should let his gf take him. Now, if neither of us could get out of work and he needed to go, yes id probably let her take him. But since I'm available why should I not go? The apt is follow up to an ear infection, nothig major, but still I feel that if his mother is available why would step mom even be asked? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It's not his step mom -it's your ex's girlfriend. Of course you should take him if you can. And I don't think the doctor is allowed to talk freely to a non-relative (I guess your ex could authorize the doctor to do so). I would let it go as far as whether your ex did the right thing by asking her -just play nicely in the sandbox "oh that's so thoughtful of you to try not to inconvenience me but I am available and I will take our son". Link to comment
mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Should a time ever come when neither my ex or I are available I would authorize the dr to release info to her. I do trust her with my children. I just feel that if one of his parents are available why would she take him? I don't understand his fathers reasoning here. I don't think he's trying to not inconvenience me. I think he's trying to push her in their lives, which I don't understand because there's no bad blood there. Her and I get along and she's a great step mom to my kids. But he's always seemed to feel very strongly that if it's his day I'm irrelevant. Link to comment
Clinton Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Is it his custody day? How long have he and the girlfriend been together? Does your son know her well? It could be perfectly fine or a bad idea depending on a lot of things. I had joint custody with my ex and we were usually able to arrange doctors appointments etc. between us but every once in a while her boyfriend(now husband) or my girlfriend would help out. If you really think it's inappropriate, and not just because of petty jealousy, offer to take him yourself. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I think it is very lovely and healthy that they are having this kind of relationship and should always be a relief when the exes new partners love our children . As a mum ...if my emily chose her step mum over me to take her I would silently cry hahah Link to comment
mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 There's no jealousy. It's his day. They have been together about 6 months. Like I said, if neither of us were available id have no problem with it. I just feel that she should not be asked before me. Link to comment
mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 They've been living together pretty much their whole relationship and my son has known her even longer because she was a family friend before they got together. He is comfortable with her. Link to comment
relevart Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I don't see the problem if you trust her and your son is comfortable with her. It's certainly is not inappropiate. I also see no reason why you could not meet them there, too. Link to comment
luminousone Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 If it is his custody day then it is his call. So you would have to work it out with him. Yes, I would prefer to take my own child but if the appointment is on a day that my son's dad has him, he is in charge of getting my son there. Fortunately we work as a team on this, and fortunately my son's step mom stays out of it. However, you are very lucky your child has a great stepmom. Make sure she knows how you feel at some point. Link to comment
Clinton Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 My opinion, and it is only my opinion, is since it's his custody day, offer to take him, and if he says no let it go. You seem to have a good relationship with your ex but there are bound to be bigger battles in your future. Save it for those. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 How long have they been together?? I mean, are we talking about a gf of 3 months or a gf of 3 year? Link to comment
relevart Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 How long have they been together?? I mean, are we talking about a gf of 3 months or a gf of 3 year? From her own words in this thread.... They have been together about 6 months. Like I said, if neither of us were available id have no problem with it. I just feel that she should not be asked before me. They've been living together pretty much their whole relationship and my son has known her even longer because she was a family friend before they got together. He is comfortable with her. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Forget how long the girlfriend has been in the picture. how old is the son? If he is younger (5, 6, 7) then move on over, let the madre take over. however, if he is an older teen then that is different. Since you feel conflicted, how come you just can't tell your ex husband. Hey, I am available and i would like to take him. Depending on how serious it is, you would want to have the information first hand anyway. You seem to be waffling between saying it is no big deal and then wondering if it is alright. Has your son expressed that he wants you there instead? Link to comment
mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 My son is 4. It is a minor apt. Just a follow up to an ear infection and cough. No biggie. I just feel that as his mother I should be out first for any apts. I would definitely have his father take him before asking my boyfriend. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 My son is 4. It is a minor apt. Just a follow up to an ear infection and cough. No biggie. I just feel that as his mother I should be out first for any apts. I would definitely have his father take him before asking my boyfriend. oh ..only 4 no way .....I would be going ... there is not a chance my 4 yr old would go without me ..sorry to change my mind , I didnt realise age . I would thank her with all my heart though for been so kind . Link to comment
redswim30 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I'm confused, is she his girlfriend or his wife? It's great that you have no bad blood between you. That's incredibly healthy and mature. I applaud you. I am a stepmom and I wish the kids mother in my situation was more like you It's far better for the kids if everyone gets along, or can at least maintain civility. Take it for face value, it may just be that because it is his day, he and his partner want to maybe do something before or over together and maybe it is just more convenient? Either way, her wanting to step up and take responsibility is a good thing. I wouldn't make an issue out of this. You should talk to your ex about how you want to handle occasions like this in the future, but talk about it calmly. Try not to take it personally, from the other side of the coin, I sometimes get frustrated when my offers to help with the kids aren't taken at face value. They may just be trying to be nice. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I think to keep the peace ....and now that it seems like it is arranged .. both go together ( are you and her ok to do things together ? ) and just explain that as his mother you need to be at his appointments but as she has been kind enough to offer then go together .. she might just opt out naturally .. its an icky situation ..cos I am stillof the mindset that it is wonderful for a step parent to be this involved and care so much , but I can't pretend I would have let anyone take my emily at 4 yrs old for an appointment . Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 if she is the stepmom, I would say relax. Let your ex and his wife parent. If Grandma or Grandpa on his side took your son when your husband could not miss work and it wasn't anything major - relax. If its a recent girlfriend, then yes, I think you can offer to take the child and drop the child back off or ask if the doctor would call you or your ex if any decisions had to be made. Link to comment
mindless14 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 She's his gf of 6 months. However they got very serious very quickly and she was familiar with my kids beforehand as she was a family friend before they were together. I told my ex id rather it be him or taking him on the apt but that I appreciate the offer and will take her up on it should there come a time I'm not available. Her an I get along very well and there would b no issues if we were to go together. I think her and I get along better than him and I or even him and her some days! (Lol) I have no problem with her having that place in his life or this situation, I just feel that I should be asked first because I'm his mother. And the reason his father can't is because he will be at work, so there are no plans between them for that day. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 She's not his "step mom" if they're not married, and hopefully the child is not being told to refer to her in that way. A parent should be taking a 4 y/o to the Dr., not a girlfriend of 6 months, IMO. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I don't think she should take a 4 year old to the doctor after an infection -the doctor might give her info that she doesn't properly interpret or transmit to your ex. Link to comment
petite Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Yes it is inappropriate. Actually I think it's inappropriate for the girlfriend (she is not married to the father, therefore not stepmother) to be alone with the child considering they've only been together for a very short 6 months let alone taking him to appointments. Unless it is an absolute emergency and neither parent can attend the appointment then there is no reasons why dad's girlfriend should be taking him to the doctor. Link to comment
Iggles Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 She's not his "step mom" if they're not married, and hopefully the child is not being told to refer to her in that way. A parent should be taking a 4 y/o to the Dr., not a girlfriend of 6 months, IMO. I couldn't agree with this more. It doesn't matter she was a family friend before they got together. It's good you are all on good terms, because personally I'd have a huge problem with a mutual friend getting into a relationship with the father of my kids. All things considered equal, they are NOT married, she is simple the dad's new girlfriend and should not be looked upon as "mom #2" yet. Take your child to the appt. Drop him off at your Ex's place later. Personally, I would keep him until the Ex is off of work because what's the point of him having a custody day if he's not around to spend time with the child? Link to comment
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