Another online daing journal

[reinventmyself]

Does he go to that station as well or did he specifically went there to find your car to leave the rose? Lol... Sounds like he's trying too hard to impress, and might push you away more if he keeps this up (and with the title thing. Hopefully he has taken what you said into account and won't push for the title more).

 

he went out of his way. . well. . he was off yesterday during the day and I am assuming he did it while running errands?

That in itself would be fine but by the end of the day and the end of our conversation I felt pressured.

He's really quiet today. . which is a good thing because if he wasn't he might push me over the line right about now.

 

. . hmmm. .he just now text me. I swear I think I may have LoJack on me somewhere.

 

Work is insanely busy and I need to focus on things. . I swear as I get older I feel I have ADD. . but I think it's more of side effect from my job.

All of us in our department end up with a screw or two lose at some point.

[missmarple]

I think dating exclusively is fine after a month and I agree with you that it might be a bit too early for the gf/bf title.

[happpybear]

Hmmm, yep the rose would concern me too, and the fact that he had to go out of his way to give it too you..plus a rose is so effing cliche and cheezeball. I can see how this would be a turn-off, or if he continues to push, would totally ruin things. He seems really attached already and that might slip into neediness and clingyness....might be good to bring this up with him, it might be an awkward convo.

[reinventmyself]

I see him tonight and in text says he's looking forward to talking to me more. I take it the bf/commitment subject isn't over?

Trying to keep my attitude in check but if he frets about this too much this early in the game it will cause me to bail.

 

I really don't want to feel this way but it's automatic for me and fighting it doesn't help.. . I am tired of trying only to have it not work out.

 

A bunch of my friends are getting together at a local bar with live music to celebrate my friends birthday tomorrow night. I had been considering taking Mark and introducing him to my friends. . Now I am reconsidering and for me to tell him I have other plans or I am going and not extend an invite will probably disappoint him.

 

OK. . now I am overthinking this whole thing.

I have today to shift my attitude and expect the best!!

He hasn't been texting me as much so maybe he's checked himself a little bit. . . Hoping

[reinventmyself]

Hmmm, yep the rose would concern me too, and the fact that he had to go out of his way to give it too you..plus a rose is so effing cliche and cheezeball. I can see how this would be a turn-off, or if he continues to push, would totally ruin things. He seems really attached already and that might slip into neediness and clingyness....might be good to bring this up with him, it might be an awkward convo.

 

It is cheezeball . .I am with you on that! (makes me cringe a little) Not to say I don't like flowers. .birthdays, anniversaries etc.

But this is the 4th single rose I have gotten in one month.

 

As much as I don't care for it. . I am tempering myself alittle bit here and trying to chose my battles. He is spot on with everything else as far as planning dates and activities, similar interests, the way he dresses, smells . . etc. I have dated guys who didn't or couldn't bring half of these things to the table and I tried to give them a chance. So I will suck up a corny yellow rose or two for the sake of a decent sweet guy with integrity that from all appearances I seem to have a lot in common with.

 

You mention bringing up the subject of his clinginess. I learned sometime ago not to ask people to change fundamental things about themselves in the early stages because they just tend to hide it for sometime and but ultimately it is who they are and it's better that I see it for what it is early on.

 

Having said that . . all things point to him possibly being a little too insecure for me. ;(

It's been a long week and I am a little cranky.

One day at a time !

[missmarple]

What's his star sign and yours?

[reinventmyself]

Uh oh. . .I know I asked him I think on our first date . .but I forgot. (Not good, I know, haha)

I think his birthday is the end of summer. I am Cancer.

 

There's one good reason why we aren't ready to be bf&gf. That and he doesn't know my middle name either. I could go on.

 

I will ask him tonight and think of you Missmarple . . lol

[testcase]

I mean am I crazy or were you just wondering when to bring up that discussion 3 days ago?? Cause he brought it up first it's pushing you away?

 

I mean I do agree he is super clingy I just think it's funny that the night after you sleep with him you said something like... I wonder when I should bring that up. Then he brings it up and it's too early. I don't think it's wrong. Just interesting.

[missmarple]

And to think Cancers are the ones who are supposed to be clingy..lol

[reinventmyself]

I mean am I crazy or were you just wondering when to bring up that discussion 3 days ago?? Cause he brought it up first it's pushing you away?

 

I mean I do agree he is super clingy I just think it's funny that the night after you sleep with him you said something like... I wonder when I should bring that up. Then he brings it up and it's too early. I don't think it's wrong. Just interesting.

 

Good question.

 

I posed the question -when does someone cross over to bf&gf - because he had been bringing it up.

Not me. (reread my post)

 

It really wasn't even on my radar and I wouldn't have considered discussing it this soon.

 

After a few days of having to mull it over because it kept coming up and then factor in him changing it up from being playful to right out asking me, I came up with my conclusion. (before I was ready to)

 

`after which time two people are in love with each other would it seem time to label it bf&gf'

 

I am not a `love at first sight' kinda person. . these things take time for me. . but I get everyone is different.

[testcase]

Ah OK. I'm sorry I misread that. I mean I agree this guy seems to be moving way too fast but I almost saw this coming.

 

He was being super shy. Hasn't been with many girls. Realizes he's going to lose you if he doesn't make a move. Pushes himself to hook up. Now he wants an automatic relationship.

 

I'm sure in his mind this all makes sense.

 

If you really like the guy I'd tell him tonight he should chill out. You aren't seeing anyone else, you like him, but you don't want to label anything yet. Let him know he's moving too fast for you... Cause I don't know if he'll figure that out on his own.

[reinventmyself]

And to think Cancers are the ones who are supposed to be clingy..lol

 

You are right. . we are sensitive, clingy and nurturing. . I think I used to be all these and more. But my cynicism has taken over.

[reinventmyself]

Ah OK. I'm sorry I misread that. I mean I agree this guy seems to be moving way too fast but I almost saw this coming.

 

He was being super shy. Hasn't been with many girls. Realizes he's going to lose you if he doesn't make a move. Pushes himself to hook up. Now he wants an automatic relationship.

 

I'm sure in his mind this all makes sense.

 

If you really like the guy I'd tell him tonight he should chill out. You aren't seeing anyone else, you like him, but you don't want to label anything yet. Let him know he's moving too fast for you... Cause I don't know if he'll figure that out on his own.

 

Thank you for that Testcase

[testcase]

No problem!! Haha I hope he gets the drift. He seems like a really good guy. Just very inexperienced at dating.

[reinventmyself]

Not much to report. .

No news is good news I suppose.

 

I spent most of the weekend with Mark and I met his best friend Friday night and then we met up with my friends on Saturday night.

 

I never bring dates around this group so they were very surprised. Funny how most of the girls said hello and then almost ignored us. . .but the second he went to the restroom or went to the bar all the girls would rally around. . `oh my gosh. . where did you find him?", & 'I can't believe YOU brought a date!'

 

Mark would return and girls would swing around a go about their business. It was actually quite funny.

 

I stayed the night at Marks Friday night and he left for work really early Saturday morning. I knew he had to work but I guess I didn't realize he would leave before 5am. He gave me a key to lock up and when I tried to return it to him later that day he suggested I hang onto it.

Things like this tend to make me nervous. .but I am rolling with it and trying not to overthink it.

 

I really like him and we have so much in common and are a really good fit in so many ways.

Of course being `me' I am on the look out for the things I don't like. . and his nervousness is so much better but I hate saying this . . . .

. . . . .I wrestle with how can you say `an intelligence' factor' ? I am by no means brilliant or highly educated for the matter.

But suffice to say intellectual or analytical conversations won't be happening with us. Is this going to be ok with me?

I mentioned the word 'mundane' the other day and I had to explain to him what it meant. ;/

 

On the other hand we've had some really meaningful intimate conversations and I am impressed with how thoughtful and open he is. He has thing really good sarcastic sense of humor that keeps me on my toes and I think these combined make things feel balanced.

I haven't had many experiences with a man like this. . . so again I am picking my battles.

I look at it this way. . it's always going to be `something'. . .I just need to know the difference between what I can live with and what is a deal breaker for me.

Heck. .I could make a grocery list of my own flaws. .

[reinventmyself]

What's his star sign and yours?

 

me

him

[notalady]

I agree with "there's always something", so you need to know what you can and can't live with/accept. What do you mean when you talk about intelligence factor? And what kinds of intellectual discussions are you looking to have that you think he won't deliver? Other than not knowing the word 'mundane', which admittedly did surprise me lol

 

As you probably already read in my journal, my ex was super intelligent and can talk non-stop about science, religion, politics, and he was very opinionated, those things attracted me to him at first and it was awesome to have those conversations once in a while, but not all the time. So the fact that he is far too serious and opinionated and those things are really all that he wanted to talk about didn't work well for me, and he didn't want to talk about everyday mundane things and I did. It just didn't work (not the primary reason for break up of course). So you are absolutely right when you say there is always something and you need to know your must-haves and deal breakers.

[testcase]

Hey things sound like they're going out! I'd try not to over think it and just enjoy it!!! It sounds like you're looking for flaws. Maybe that's because it's a better situation than you've had in a while? Enjoy these first few months. They're the best. If the red flags start mounting you'll know then.

[reinventmyself]

Thank you for saying this! It gave me one of those `ah hah' moments.

 

I too dated someone like your friend. He was highly educated and thought very highly of himself. He worked in aerospace defense engineering and loved to banter right wing politics (yawn) as well as show off his knowledge of anything technical in a know-it-all condescending way. Ultimately it was hard to relate to him because he was lacking a little in social skills and emotional intelligence.

 

I work for a dr owned company. The dr's are here often and it often catches me off guard with some of their antics. A brilliant neurosurgeon can get stuck in the parking structure because he's not clear on how to put the exit ticket in to open the gate (not joking!)

 

So the take away here is book smarts and common sense aren't always all inclusive.

 

People often excel in one but only some are lucky enough to have both.

[reinventmyself]

. . side note.

I've been pretty good about not snooping and checking G. (the one I really fell for who wasn't looking for a relationship)

I caught on that he was dating someone as well as me and cut lose because I knew I was in much deeper than him.

 

Yesterday I found his once inactive profile (that I had blocked so I couldn't see) active and updated with new pictures. His profile picture has him sitting next to a woman (long dark hair. . the girl he is/was dating) He did a poor job cropping her out and you could see that she was next to him and her arm in his leg and his on hers.

 

As much it gave those pangs of regret, it also reinforced that his profile picture could very well have had a portion of me in it and how hurtful and disrespectful that would have felt had that been me. So I am giving myself credit for moving on . .tho I don't always `own' it like I should. But it's a work in progress.

 

I don't think he met her online and can't help but wonder if she even knows. . But he's not my problem anymore.

OK. . my low, childish moment has passed. (sorta)

[notalady]

I think most people have a bit of both, but if one is really good at one of those things, they're probably not so good at the other. I'm often attracted to guys who are extremely smart (mostly book smart), soft but well spoken, perhaps a little pretentious and slightly arrogant. But after dating a few, I'm not so sure that that's the type of guy I want to be with for the rest of my life? I felt like I can't be myself around them as much, because I'm kind of the opposite (not that I'm not smart and I probably only like them because they are different to me? It's annoying but there's always a trade-off haha...why can't we meet the most intelligent, book smart, down to earth, most perfect guy ever?

[notalady]

About G, I must admit I have used photos I had taken with my ex in my profile before because I looked good in it haha, with him completely cropped out of course. I know how it would feel if he was to see the picture, actually I did see a picture that I had taken for him previously on his profile, it's not a pleasant feeling. But logically it's understandable that now you have nothing to do with each other and it's their photo, they can do whatever they want with it and it's not to be taken personally or interpreted as a sign of disrespect. So it's better to just not look haha..

[reinventmyself]

About G, I must admit I have used photos I had taken with my ex in my profile before because I looked good in it haha, with him completely cropped out of course. I know how it would feel if he was to see the picture, actually I did see a picture that I had taken for him previously on his profile, it's not a pleasant feeling. But logically it's understandable that now you have nothing to do with each other and it's their photo, they can do whatever they want with it and it's not to be taken personally or interpreted as a sign of disrespect. So it's better to just not look haha..

 

I feel this discomfort for her. . because I think he's still seeing her. There's the difference!

I am assuming she doesn't know of his dating profile and yet he uses a recent picture with parts of her in it from what looked like a date a the two of them were on.

 

Look how uncomfortable I am for her!. .Can't imagine if it were me and it very well could have been. ;(

(and seriously, if you are going to go thru the effort of cropping. .do it right!)

 

ok. . shaking it off. . elch!

[reinventmyself]

It's annoying but there's always a trade-off haha...why can't we meet the most intelligent, book smart, down to earth, most perfect guy ever?

 

I know. .right?!!

[reinventmyself]

Mark stayed the night last night and now I think he may understand why we don't see each other mid week. His schedule for the time being is now switched to days but between my commute, his need to be up at 4:30 leaves us maybe 90 mins or less to spend time together. But being in close proximity helps and keeps things from fading inbetween times.

 

I got those '3 little words' this morning when he left. >>. . I am not there and he knows it. After he said it he did add, `I know you're not there yet'

I had a rough day at work yesterday and something went wrong just before I left to head home. I wasn't in the best of mood when he saw me and pushed myself to put it behind me and be good company. I know me and when I am bugged I typically shut down and need alone time to process things. The timing of the `3little words' wasn't good.

 

I just can't help but wonder if I am trying to like this guy more than it's actually possible in the healthy organic way. He seemed to backslide a little and was back in his nervous, insecure mode.

 

I have done this before. .try to make something work with someone I am not sure about. . and after sometime and being intimate and getting used to their company, I come to conclusion much too late. I end up disappointing them, feeling guilty and I go through another version of break up withdrawals even though my heart wasn't totally into it.

 

He asked to see me tonight but I opted for dinner with girlfriends. .I will see him tomorrow evening for his best friends birthday party.

 

I need a little distraction and a better attitude right now. I am typically grumpy and tired on Fridays and work stress isn't helping.