Is his style of propose is different than others?

[HisPresence]

We're a poor couple here, both in our late twenties. We both are two Financial Independent adults with our own jobs, and we are saving up for a house down-payment.

 

We were friends prior to dating, and we are in a committed relationship for over a year now. The close distance does help alot, we see each others everyday.

our relationship is not perfect, but one good thing is this relationship is it full of fidelity on both physically & emotionally level. There is no third party between us.

 

He is not the type of guy that talks alot about his inner feelings. He more of the 'actions' type, than the 'words' type, when he say something, he do it.

 

As the relationship progress, it was his idea; He buy a pair of matching, classic type of band ring.

He called it rings to show 'committment'. So I guess it is 'committment rings' by his definition.

 

Which confused me because I never heard such thing called 'commitment ring", I only heard of promise ring, engagement ring, wedding ring.

 

He wore the ring 24/7 on his hand. Since he buy the matching rings himself, so pretty much he put a ring on his own finger, telling everybody that he’s taken.

 

BUT he never say the 'official' proposal words to me. But many times he said that: "If you want, we go register for marriage tomorrow". He said this before, and he still say it now.

 

I just didn't take this as the 'official' proposal words. Should I considered it as he propose?

Seem like he just throw the ball on my court, and let me be the one to decide when I want to get married?

 

To be frank, we are just a poor couple; we pretty much don't have assets, we don't even have enough money to buy a house.

But fortunately here, people can go to County Clerk Office to apply for a legally marriage license certificate, and it cheap.

Wedding ceremony doesn't even have to be big, it can be simple as a family member or a priest, minister, or judge can be witness and perform the ceremony, it cheap too.

 

But is a marriage needed for a couple that is poor with no assets like us?

 

i don't know if he ever going to say the 'official' proposal words.

But he does say things like: "If you want, we can go register for marriage tomorrow?" ---- say this again last night before he left to work.

"When ever you ready, I'm just waiting on you"

"When are you going to give me a son?" ----- he say this everytime he see neighbors little kids running around playing in the playground.

 

Sentences like that come out of his mouth alot in our relationship.

Does this sound like a guy who gonna propose soon? Or as a girl, I have to propose to him?

[PIkaJade]

you could either be blunt and ask him or be alittle more sly and get a close friend or relative to suggest a real proposal. He probably means commitment rings as promise rings they are pretty much the same thing. Money has nothing to do with if you need to be married or anything, get married if you want to be married. As for when he asks for kids I´d personally say something like "when we can give them a stable home" or "not till we´re married" either of them might help.

Wish you luck

[annie24]

as for the kids thing, I agree with PIkaJade - tell him you'll be ready for kids after you get married (if that is something that is important to you).

[HisPresence]

Thank you for your replies, Happy New Year 2015 to all

 

We're fine with the income, we not big spender and we both have full time jobs.

Our jobs got pay hourly and also sales commission, so it not that bad. And we got money in both of our saving accounts.

So Financially, a baby is not a problem. We poor, but we not like super poor.

What I want is him propose to me, I just don't know what he thinking, Argg!

 

It was his idea to the the matching classic band ring. And he wore it 24/7 on his left hand finger, where the wedding finger is.

So he pretty much put the ring on his own finger, telling everybody that he is taken.

If some random girl see him with that ring on his left finger, they gonna think he married.

 

But he still not propose to me, the official propose words.

 

 

image removed

 

 

This is the matching band ring that he got, does it look like a promise ring? Do other people promise ring looks like this?

 

Do other guys wear these type of rings on their left finger, when they not engage or married? I don't know why he got this pair of rings for us, but still not propose.

 

Is he like string me along? But then what kind of guy would string a girl along, and wear that ring on their finger 24/7, I'm just confuse!

 

I'm not going to propose to him, that is Not an option, I'm a girl here. So he gonna have to say the words.... and I'm waiting

[annie24]

i don't know if this is common in your culture, but i think in scandinavia, some men wear engagement rings. That ring looks like a wedding ring. I dunno - why don't you just tell him what you think - if you're going to be "committed" to each other - why not just get married?

[HisPresence]

Thank you,

I don't know where is Scadinavia, we're not living in Scandinavia. And it is not common in our cultures to wear a ring like that, unless you married.

I don't think promise ring look like that right? He didn't say it was promise ring, he say it a ring to show his 'commitment'

 

I asked him, and he said he mean what he said; 'When ever I am ready. If I want, we can go register marriage tomorrow.'

But then there no 'official' proposal of the sentence "will you married me"

It seem like he just throw the ball at my court, and let me take charge, and decide when am ready to get married.

 

I don't want to force the proposal out of his mouth. I want to him to say it out of his own willing, just like he willingly buy these rings himself.

 

What I need is him truly committed to me. And I guess he wearing that type of ring, it obviously show he committed right?

Maybe I should just wait a while more until he propose? Maybe right now we both poor, so he feel down, that is why he not ask me to married him yet...

[notalady]

I know in some cultures they would like the couple (mainly the man) to have assets and "settled" before getting married. You don't have to play by those rules though. If you want to get married then get married.

 

I suggest you ask him out right, what do you mean whenever I'm ready we can get married? And ask him what does HE want. If he says he wants to get married, tell him you are on the same page but you expect a proper proposal not this "ball's in your court" nonesense.

 

I don't know what the commitment ring mean but it's not as important as the first question (above) and that's the one you should be asking him

 

As for kids, what do to you want? Do you want kids right after marriage? You guys need to communicate about that too, clearly he wants kids in the immediate future.

[HisPresence]

So it safe to say that my BF is deeply committed to me right? Or else he won't be wearing this ring on his hand 24/7 right?

 

I got a feeling that he feel bad that we're both are poor, so he want to let me be the one to decide when I am ready to tied the knot with him.

Or maybe he is afraid of taking responsibility? or afraid of committment? But if he afraid of commtinement then he won't be wearing that ring on his finger. He just confused me!

 

Thank you for all advice, greatly appreciated. thank you again

[WithLove]

I always thought that rings had different levels - and "commitment rings" come before "promise rings". A promise ring is just that, a promise that you want to become engaged, but aren't quite ready for that step. Maybe a commitment ring is sort of like that? Maybe he thinks they are the same thing?

 

He's not afraid of commitment. The fact that he is putting a ring on his ringer, on the marriage finger, is to tell others that he is taken. If you do want to marry him, why not just tell him that? Go get married, then save up and have a decent reception where you can celebrate with family and friends.

[HisPresence]

Thank you,

There is a (girl) friend of mine, she got a expensive promise ring from her boyfriend. But her boyfriend only bought 1 ring though, and that is the ring for her to wear only, while he didn't wear any ring.

So her sitsuation is different than mine.

............

My BF buy matching band ring for both of us, and he choose to wear it and his left finger. Which further confuse me because nobody wear promise ring on their left hand finger, you know

 

I do want to married him. So when he say "If you want, we go register for marriage tomorrow" ---- then I should say,' okay, lets go tomororw'?

But isnt' that come accross like I propose to him? or like I'm asking for his hand of marriage? Nuuuuu!! I don't want to be the girl and ask a guy hand to marriage!

 

Why can't he just say the official words of 'Would you married me' .....instead of 'If you want, we go register for marriage tomorrow'. You know these 2 sentences is not the same.

 

I think I need to ask him what exact his meaning is. I hope he not the type of men that "Want a serious relationship, but Not want a marriage"

you know what I mean?

[WithLove]

Technically, he said he'd be down for getting a marriage license. So doesn't that make him the one that asked?

 

I think you should've asked him long ago what he wanted out of this relationship, because if you are wanting marriage and he doesn't, then ultimately he won't be able to give you what you want.

[faraday]

You said he's not verbal...he's action....and he's done exactly what is true to his character. He's not declaring his love for you with extravagant flowery words...he's bought you both rings. He's stated his intentions in a clear and simple manner by wearing his ring.

 

That was his proposal. You can ask for a bigger show....but he's not really that guy, right? You need to think about if you can spend the rest of your life with someone who won't do verbal affirmation of his feelings...because this is who he is. Him saying, "we can get married tomorrow" isn't putting the ball in your court, he's saying, "do you want to get married?" and you haven't accepted.

 

Figure out what you'd like to do. If you want to marry him, tell him yes and tell him you'd like a few friends and family at the courthouse or whatever....or tell him you'd like to save up for a small reception. He doesn't need the frills, he just wants to be with you. Do you need the frills or are you ready to start a life with him?

[HisPresence]

You said he's not verbal...he's action....and he's done exactly what is true to his character.

 

Thank you and you are right, faraday,

Maybe i am over-thinking his simple actions.

 

He boughts this ring for us couple months ago. And he still wear it evresince, still on his left finger everyday.

and because the type of ring he bought and wear it on his left finger. When we have sex, I myself feel kindda weird, like he is my husband instead of my bf.

 

you right, I haven't answer him when he asked, so I guess he take it as I am not ready to married him.

But he still ask the question often, few timnes a week. He asked again two nights ago, and he asked again last night in bed.. he just throw it out there, he be like "Baby, if you want, we can go apply for marriage liscence tomorrow."

Seem like marriage indeed come accross his mind.

 

You don't think he is the type that "want serious relationship but NOT want marriage" right?

Other people tell me maybe he is that type, and it got me to wondering if he indeed is this type. But then the people said those things are people that don't even know him.

 

We only date over a year, but do live very close to each others, and we see each others everyday. Could this be why he progress things faster than other couples out there?

Isn't kindda early to get married after being in committed relationship for just over a year?

But we know each others 4 years total, and we weer friends prior to dating, so we both know each others character quite well.

[faraday]

I think you should ask him what it would look like if you got married tomorrow. Would you guys move in together? Share a bank account? Have babies? How do you divide up household chores?

 

Are you ready for that? or do you need several months or another year to determine if you're ready to marry him?

 

I agree, this is moving fast...some people just "know" and others don't right away. He might just "know" that you're his "the one".

 

You guys need to have some serious conversations before you move forward.

[HisPresence]

We talk about all that alrady, as our relationship progress we talk about it. He let me decided because he asked me what do I want, and I tell him what I want and he okay with it.

 

I know he poor when I decided to date him. So money is not a factor, I am willing to pay half half on dates to help him out. We don't date anymore, we pretty much cooking and eating together everyday.

I know his financial is tight so I dont' want to be the unreasonable GF and ask him to pay for everyting when I myself have a job too.

 

We both have full time jobs so the money part we doing okay. Yes , we both poor but we not like super poor.

I decided separate bank account, and I trust him to be responsible with his saving for rainny days. And I saw he is responsible with money in the 4 years knowing him, he is not a big spender neither, and he not in debt.

 

As for the baby, he wants a baby. But I tell him one more year or two, when we have money for house down-payment, then we have a baby in our own house, instead of rent like right now.

 

we actually living very close, so I don't know if it considered too too fast.

His apartment is two minutes walk away from my apartment, So we see each others everyday.

I don't know if it matter much if we move in or not, since whenever he not working night shift, he always spend the night at my apartment.

 

Since we live that close, maybe that is why I don't feel the urge of us moving in, eventhough he initiate it before.

i mean i walk out two minutes and that his apartment right there.

how would you arrange this if you were me?

 

do you think it still going very fast when we live two minutes walking apart from each others? Do I need more time to like get to know him? But I pretty much know his character, we were friends before dating and we live close.

I pretty know his everything, I don't know what else more do I need to know about him.

[faraday]

I think you should do what you feel comfortable doing. I don't think seeing someone everyday equates to knowing someone better...because time does that...seeing how someone handles stress, job loss, death, holidays...that kind of thing.

 

Living together would help you both save money by combining expenses. It might help you to get to your goals sooner.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Lester]

You know what your gut has been telling you, but just don't know how to put it into words. Let me help.

 

A ring, money, house, living together, kids, etc are all just THINGS if the man isn't seriously willing to commit to you.

 

You said you love him..., did you say he is compatible with you and your beliefs?

What was his Father and family life like?

 

Btw, Random girls go after whats inside the ring sickeningly often! It's whats inside the ring that matters!

[tattoobunnie]

My husband gave he a Taco Bell packet of hot sauce that said, "Will you Marry Me" pre-printed on it, months before we officially discussed that we were going to get hitched. That's it. No words of, "will you marry me?" And we're happily married with a kid.

 

So, if you are going to marry this guy, you shouldn't feel weird asking him, "hey, so does this ring mean we're engaged? And if so, let's go to the courthouse to make it official on XXXXX"

 

Done!

 

Get married, move in together. Same money on rent. Have babies. Done!

 

File taxes jointly. Share healthcare costs. Done! Save moolah!

[humblerich]

HisPresence,

 

I really think that what matters is the feelings, especially yours. I think that most women dream about their proposal. I couldn't afford a diamond engagement ring with my income, so my girlfriend chose a precious stone ring that would be her engagement ring. I bought it and proposed to her formally.

 

Perhaps, like me, your partner feels bad because he can't afford a diamond engagement ring. If that is the case, maybe you could communicate that it is the action that really matters? Choose a ring to be your engagement ring that fits in his budget.

 

Just an idea. Best.

[HisPresence]

humblerich, thanks for your input

 

It never was about the money, he knows this too well. I know he have a rough upbringing, and poor and I still choose to be with him. I have other options out there, but I still choose him.

I am a Financial Independent woman, I have my own job, my own place, my own car. I pay for my own bills, I pay for my own everything, and I don't use his money. On all our dates, we go the "Dutch" style.

 

And the gold band ring, it was me that tell him I like this style of ring.

Back then when we go shopping, we passed by a jewelry store; and he asked me if we get married, what kind of wedding ring do I like. And in the jewelry store, I specificly point to this type of ring I want; the simple wedding gold band ring.

 

He still remember what I said, so he end up getting this matching pair of rings for us. Now thinking back; Lord, perhaps indeed he really meant marriage. I just wish he would MAN UP and say the 'official' proposal words of "Would you married me"

 

But right now our relationship have a problem. So this marriage have to hold up.

I started this thread on the problem in our relationship, and I'm still analytical all sides of the issue. If anyone here have some time, care to give some advice, it be greatly appreciated.

 

[Lester]

Is it you feel you are compromising yourself to be with this guy?