From Wow to more Wow? My "I just knew" journal of wonder.

[Batya33]

"For me, I have to pick at it pick at it until I get to the cause and solution. Otherwise, it is just anxiety and disorder for me. "

 

And that needs to be done on your own IMO.

[faraday]

The bandaid is a great analogy. Yes, the infection is still there, but you need to not let in any new germs and let it heal.

 

It's hard when you're on different paths...and when the paths have just started to diverge, you can still see the other person for a while...until trees and hills block them...and sometimes every once in a while on that hike, you'll see them briefly through the trees or down a valley...and it's okay to wave...but know that you both need to stay moving forward on your assigned paths- you each have your own destinies to fulfil.

 

 

 

Last night I came down with a cold but these drugs still make me want to be productive lol. I was stressing Jay out. He told me I looked horrid and I needed to go to bed...so he told me to take my little blue pill, and he laid with me until I passed out. I still feel horrid today....but at least I'm well rested and drugs are making me productive instead of laying sadly on my couch.

 

Time to plant a garden

 

I wish there was a magical switch I could flip to take away your pain ITIC. But we don't have the medicine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind....and honestly, this pain is temporary. When I think back on my relationship with my WIJK guy....I feel comforted and I can smile at all the fun we had, and the connection we shared. I remember telling my parents excitedly after our second date that I had met my future husband. They were excited. Everyone was for a while u til it became apparent that he was broken.

 

He's an idiot, but I really do believe he loved me...and I wish him well. It took 2 1/2 years but I can now look back and not feel pain or loss...and I wish that for you soon.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you ladies. I don't feel pain any longer. I just, don't. Once he told me it felt right to break up, even if he was conflicted because he thought it might have felt right for self destructive reasons- that threw the switch for me. If it felt right to end it, then I'm not his gal. Easy. It had seemed as if he forced himself to end it, that it didn't feel right at all, and that had been quite frustrating and confusing.

 

I appreciate that he stayed available as I was fighting it, because it caused him to say something that I understood, and that was the key. I feel completely loved and at peace, and while I presume he is with his gf right now, it bothers me not one bit. Whatever choices are made later will be appropriate for who we each are at that time.

 

I am truly happy, excited by my own life, and better than I was when I met him. I'm not sure what lessons I learned, but I am sure I learned a few. I feel like he was my senior seminar, and now I've graduated with a new level of expertise.

 

It felt like a switch. I went to bed, didn't think of him, woke up ready to go.

 

So, yes, there will be times as you say Faraday, when I see him through the trees. I like your analogy a great deal. Like as not, I will support his case on a business issue, and will see him in that capacity in a month or so. I'm fine with that. Either way, I feel completely at peace.

 

Honestly, I feel my mother's peace, and that is a mighty powerful force. Her peace can calm a barrel of monkeys.

 

He asked me to remain open to our "friendship and kindred spirits". I had already determined it was now possible to feel that openness. Don't get me wrong,I don't mean that he is a pal. That feeling that out there in the world there is a kind soul who is my brother, my counterpart. He doesn't have to be my SO. We may not be well matched. It is back to like it was; it just is. He calls me one of the greatest gifts of his life, several times he says this, even today. He taught me that I can have what I want. I just feel ...grateful.

 

If we believe that we choose a mirror, he will tell you he wanted a darker choice right now, that my positive force is out of sync with where he is, and he is right.

 

There nust isnt anything to be in pain about.

 

I know. Its a complete 180.

 

Welcome to my world. Lol.