A crush that went too far..

[dg166]

I’ve been very happily married for 17 years. I love my wife very much and normally wouldn’t anything to jeopardize that, but here I am hoping this post will be therapeutic for me to deal with my problem I have. Last year, I took a job with a company that had me on a daily route to customers. Shortly after I started, I met a woman who would become my regular contact every day. At first, I didn’t pay any more attention to her than any other attractive woman. I was happy with my wife, glad to be working, and I did feel initially she was too young for me, (she is in her early 20’s, I’m in my mid-late 40’s, there is 23 years age difference). One day, I did notice her in an attractive outfit, and I complimented her on it. That began to get us talking here and there, and learning a little bit about her, and she about me. Over the next six weeks, there were little signs here and there from both of us that we might be attracted to each other, but the workplace wouldn’t be conducive to finding out. I then got a promotion to management, along with a relocation. I only told her I was leaving on my last day. We pleasantly said goodbye to each other. As I left and returned out to my vehicle, she came out and wanted a hug goodbye, and that pushed me over, the crush was on. I then started viewing her Facebook page, learning about her. My promotion and relocation has been great, but I can’t stop thinking about her. It got worse when I started fantasizing about her, not just sexually, but in that deep emotional way, thinking about being with her, vividly imagining a first kiss, how an affair with her would go, even having to tell my wife about her, and that she would be bearing a child for me. This has gone on for about 12 weeks, and during that time, I have had no contact with the woman in any way, other than viewing her Facebook page. All during this time, I kept reminding myself that this was a fantasy, and while yes, she was single, your marriage and age difference wouldn’t allow this. Last week, as I searched her Facebook page, her status update announced her in a relationship, I searched and found out who she is with now. I felt like she had dumped me. I then realized I had gone in too deep, and so I started doing what I could to forget her. I haven’t seen her Facebook page for 2 weeks, no peeking. I’ve ended the fantasies, or at least break my thoughts when they start. I know this will take time, so I know there are good days and bad days. I also know I need to focus my efforts on my wife, and finding back that beauty and attraction I had for her. I don’t think it ever left, but I did clearly put another in front of her. I’m upset and hurt that I allowed this to happen. My only consolation is that I didn’t act on this, and as the expression goes, be careful what you wish for, you may just get it. Wanted to get this off my chest, and hope it gets me back to being happy again soon.

[SooSad33]

I am SO glad you did NOT let it happen!

1) you are married

2) she was so young

3) it was all fantasy

4) See how she already was seeing someone anyways.

 

AND, I am sure IF you did go there... you'd be filled with guilt and it'd have ruined your marriage. Do you feel it would have been worth it??

How about waking up now, smelling the coffee and get BACK to your wife.

Learn control...

 

Keep your wife.

[ParisPaulette]

It's good that you realized what was happening, have pulled back and most importantly of all, did not act on the crush. You have to realize crushes and/or attractions don't necessarily stop when you're in a long-term relationship. They also don't mean you have to end a good relationship over them. Treat this as a clear warning of how to maintain your distance from potential crushes in the future. And that perhaps it's time for that second honeymoon with your wife or finding new ways to liven up the relationship--i.e start taking her out to new places, go on a vacation together, etc. Sometimes it takes a wakeup call like this one to make a person realize they've been a bit complacent or life has gotten stale, but what they have is even more important.

 

Refocus your attention on your wife, block and delete checking up on your crush and realize social media is bad to the degree it can make us feel we know someone where normally we wouldn't have access to the kinds of information one can find on FB and other sites these days. You'll be okay and probably a whole lot wiser too. Good luck.

[tattoobunnie]

You had a crush - it does, and can, and may happen - and it's normal - you have a libido. You never once acted on it!!! You, my good sir, are an honorable man!

 

Go block her from your facebook, and go get some champagne, chocolate, sexy music, and get it on with your wife.

 

It feels good to know you still got it! And that's what that girl represented.

[Lester]

Good for you Dg!

Go ahead and give yourself a big pat on back.

 

While doing that, let thank you for those who can't:

Your unsuspecting wife and kids.

Your Father and Mother.

Your Brothers and Sisters.

All of yours and hers families and extended families.

Your honor/integrity.

That girl and her families, present and future.

Myself and all here on ena.

Your town, city, state, country, society and world.

 

We all thank you!

[redswim30]

Good for you Dg!

Go ahead and give yourself a big pat on back.

 

While doing that, let thank you for those who can't:

Your unsuspecting wife and kids.

Your Father and Mother.

Your Brothers and Sisters.

All of yours and hers families and extended families.

Your honor/integrity.

That girl and her families, present and future.

Myself and all here on ena.

Your town, city, state, country, society and world.

 

We all thank you!

 

Ditto. And might I add, it's really wonderful that you recognized the danger before it went further.

 

Also good to remember, putting people on pedestals gives you a unrealistic version of them. Everyone has days when they are cranky, moody, sick, angry, frustrated, stressed, sad, depressed, etc. Crushes seems perfect because you don't know/haven't seen all the above facets of them.

 

Think of the time you when you had only a crush on your wife, before you saw all sides of her. And then recognize that your wife loves you even for your faults.

[SpottiOtti]

I wish everyone who is in a serious relationship and has a crush would read this post, because the way you describe thinking about it and how you handled it is very illuminating, and it shows that crushes can be overcome. Good job, and best of luck to you getting back into the swing of things with your wife.