Suggestions on where to meet men

[Ms Darcy]

I think if you think of meetup as yet another way to broaden your social circle and to meet men who may or may not be prospects. The second you get invested in it to find men then you get very disappointed.

 

It's another way to meet.

 

To be honest there are a lot of losers that show up to meetups but there are also a lot of good ones are there too. I think meetups in big cities attract more people in general.

[IAmFCA]

I agree about sports teams and dog parks...

[SoulTaker]

There's nothing wrong with keeping all your options open (on-going). For example, don't give up on one area (online dating) just because there are no good prospects at that time. Take a break on it, and re-visit it again a few months later when a new crop of men show up.

[Realitynut]

How come it's the "same crop of men" on the dating sites in my area....after 4 years! lol...and the SAME PICS! LOL

 

Meetups saved my life. I had no friends. Basically they stayed home with their husbands!

 

I went kayaking all day yesterday...with a gf! But at least i was OUT! Met my friend Tom, and we hung for a year. It is a good way to meet people and get to know them before you DATE them. Friends first. And you're out having fun....not meeting over a cup of coffee as in an interview...ugh. Thank God i've never done that 'meet'. hahahaa

 

I have a chihuahua, and it's mostly mother's and small children who make a fuss over her!!! ugh

[happpybear]

How come it's the "same crop of men" on the dating sites in my area....after 4 years! lol...and the SAME PICS! LOL

 

Meetups saved my life. I had no friends. Basically they stayed home with their husbands!

 

I went kayaking all day yesterday...with a gf! But at least i was OUT! Met my friend Tom, and we hung for a year. It is a good way to meet people and get to know them before you DATE them. Friends first. And you're out having fun....not meeting over a cup of coffee as in an interview...ugh. Thank God i've never done that 'meet'. hahahaa

 

I have a chihuahua, and it's mostly mother's and small children who make a fuss over her!!! ugh

 

 

 

I totally agree with the bolded part, It's the approach I would prefer at this point too and that's why I chose to join meetup as a way to meet potentials. I also needed to enlarge my social circle too because all my friends also stay at home and hang out with their SO's !!

[Sportster2005]

There's tons of good men out there. I have friends my age that are very fit, look like they are in their 40s, good jobs, fun, and stable. Yet women routinely turn their noses up. And some of these women are mediocre at best. The problem isn't lack of men. The problem is the modern women is too demanding and has ridiculous expectations.

 

That's why so many men just get an FWB now and then and simply don't want to be met. Many of us have grown tired of the complaining and demands and are completely content to go out alone with some NSA sex.

 

I actually get caught by surprise when I actually find someone I'm interested in. But, it never works out. See above.

[professorplum]

I am not in a position to comment on what you say Sportster but that all sounds very depressing.

 

Women asking where to meet men and you suggesting that ultimately their expectations are too high or too demanding. There has to be a middle ground surely?

[IAmFCA]

There's tons of good men out there. I have friends my age that are very fit, look like they are in their 40s, good jobs, fun, and stable. Yet women routinely turn their noses up. And some of these women are mediocre at best. The problem isn't lack of men. The problem is the modern women is too demanding and has ridiculous expectations.

 

That's why so many men just get an FWB now and then and simply don't want to be met. Many of us have grown tired of the complaining and demands and are completely content to go out alone with some NSA sex.

 

I actually get caught by surprise when I actually find someone I'm interested in. But, it never works out. See above.

 

I am not I agree with the foundation argument, but I do agree with the result.

 

A man who is interested in a family/committed home life will work for the woman of his desire. Otherwise, there is no reason for him to work at all. There are plenty of women who will accept what he offers, and since all of it is short term, we are all/both interchangeable with a suitable substitute.

[Ms Darcy]

There's tons of good men out there. I have friends my age that are very fit, look like they are in their 40s, good jobs, fun, and stable. Yet women routinely turn their noses up. And some of these women are mediocre at best. The problem isn't lack of men. The problem is the modern women is too demanding and has ridiculous expectations.

 

That's why so many men just get an FWB now and then and simply don't want to be met. Many of us have grown tired of the complaining and demands and are completely content to go out alone with some NSA sex.

 

I actually get caught by surprise when I actually find someone I'm interested in. But, it never works out. See above.

 

I don't agree with this at all.

 

What annoys me most is gender hypocrisy. Both men and women have standards. When men have standards, it's excused as "Oh, men can't help but care about looks." When women have standards it's some dribble about "modern women have too much choice and are too picky."

 

Both sides like to be picky and don't like to be rejected. Pure ego - plain and simple. And I can totally understand that feeling.

 

But you know, my male friends who aren't very short, have some decent social skills, have a decent job and some level of career ambition, have seen a gym on a regular basis, and have some confidence actually do very well with women! Yes, sometimes it means that they have to approach. But if they are single it's usually because they have rejected some possibles and not because they literally can't find anybody.

 

I had a male co-worker a few years ago. Very good looking guy. A lot of the single girls in the office were interested in him. Basically, they were all (save one or two) very attractive girls. But he had a specific type. And guess what - he ended up with the girl who was his specific type. People have types and I don't begrudge them for that.

 

Same goes for women. For the most part, women on this site can find someone. It's a matter of finding someone they like. And finding mutual attraction at the same level isn't easy.

[Jean-Luc]

I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that I've had a lot of girls like me or at least think I'm attractive it seems but because I'm very picky I don't like 90% of them in that way. I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend and am still a virgin but I know almost for an almost absolute certainty that If I wasn't so picky I could probably have had several relationships up until this point(not that I would).

 

I think people in general seem to be very picky but from what I've noticed women do tend to be quite a bit pickier when it comes to who they even really socialize with much less decide to like and spend time with. I think the fact is that women are too choosy and usually a lot of the time end up picking the wrong man which is one of the reasons you see so many breakups and divorces. Most of the time its the women who's not satisfied with the relationship in my experience. It always seems like a very uphill battle for those who aren't attractive and don't meet up to some grand standards or expectations. Not that all women are like that but from what I've seen a lot of them really are too picky.

 

Speaking of the original point of the thread I think all the usual places i.e church, cafe's, bookstores, and a few other places like that that I can't think of right now are the best places to meet someone. I've seen a lot of women and men at the local Barnes and Noble that seem like regulars that seem at least very decent when I used to go in there the second half of last year. For me that would be the best place to go out and meet someone personally. A place like Barnes & Noble or a bookstore akin to it attracts the best kinds of people from what I've seen.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that I've had a lot of girls like me or at least think I'm attractive it seems but because I'm very picky I don't like 90% of them in that way.

 

I think the fact is that women are too choosy and usually a lot of the time end up picking the wrong man which is one of the reasons you see so many breakups and divorces. Most of the time its the women who's not satisfied with the relationship in my experience. It always seems like a very uphill battle for those who aren't attractive and don't meet up to some grand standards or expectations. Not that all women are like that but from what I've seen a lot of them really are too picky.

 

In other words, I am a man am very picky, but that's ok.

 

However, the problem with society is that women are picky. I am going to categorize them as pickier than me, even though I am really really picky. And further, I blame all of society's problems on women's picky-ness ... the prevalance of breakups, all of the divorce, world hunger ... OK not world hunger.

 

This is the perfect example of gender bias.

 

I think this discussion highlights that meeting men is easy. Meeting quality people (men or women) is what's hard. Bonus if you can find a man who doesn't have significant biases against women!

[notalady]

In other words, I am a man am very picky, but that's ok.

 

However, the problem with society is that women are picky. I am going to categorize them as pickier than me, even though I am really really picky. And further, I blame all of society's problems on women's picky-ness ... the prevalance of breakups, all of the divorce, world hunger ... OK not world hunger.

 

This is the perfect example of gender bias.

 

I think this discussion highlights that meeting men is easy. Meeting quality people (men or women) is what's hard. Bonus if you can find a man who doesn't have significant biases against women!

 

Lol yea I generally rule guys out if they talk about gender in a generalised way like "women are such and such" or "men are such and such", it really puts me off. Luckily at my age, I haven't met many guys that think or talk like that.

 

Sure we all generalise and have at least a little bit of bias against certain groups of people, it's human nature when we identify certain traits repeatedly appearing in a certain group of people, it's hard not to form an opinion that it's the norm. But I find it important that we all keep an open mind and not to have preconceived ideas or biases when meeting people, including gender or race biases or stereotypes.

[Jean-Luc]

In other words, I am a man am very picky, but that's ok.

 

However, the problem with society is that women are picky. I am going to categorize them as pickier than me, even though I am really really picky. And further, I blame all of society's problems on women's picky-ness ... the prevalance of breakups, all of the divorce, world hunger ... OK not world hunger.

 

This is the perfect example of gender bias.

 

I think this discussion highlights that meeting men is easy. Meeting quality people (men or women) is what's hard. Bonus if you can find a man who doesn't have significant biases against women!

 

Nice attempt at a personal attack when all I was saying is that it seems like to me as a guy that girl's are more pickier about who they choose then what guys are from my experience. I don't typically go around making such statements especially to women, just when its pointed out and I give my opinion about it.

 

Honestly some of the people on this forum seem very negative about every little thing and the reason I don't post my own threads. I'm sorry you misconstrued what I said and took it personally. Not my problem. You've made it into something weird that its not.

[notalady]

Nice attempt at a personal attack when all I was saying is that it seems like to me as a guy that girl's are more pickier about who they choose then what guys are from my experience. I don't typically go around making such statements especially to women, just when its pointed out and I give my opinion about it.

 

Honestly some of the people on this forum seem very negative about every little thing and the reason I don't post my own threads. I'm sorry you misconstrued what I said and took it personally. Not my problem. You've made it into something weird that its not.

 

Let's all calm down shall we

 

I agree that women are pickier to the extent that they don't just focus on looks (in facts most women I know don't go around looking for good looking men), and getting along, a lot of them also consider if the guy is well educated, financially stable, has a good job, some may consider family background as well, just some examples. Whereas I know most guys I've met don't care too much if the woman is not as well educated as them, most don't care if the woman don't have a well paying job, as long as she's not in financial ruins lol, some I know even accepts the woman only has a casual retail job, most won't consider differences in family background, basically on a lot of things they would be happy to accept the minimum as long as they feel that they like the woman and get along with her etc. I know there are pickier men out there but that's just what I observed to be most common. So in that sense yes women are more picky.

 

Not meaning to bring up the whole evolution crap lol, but it's undeniable that women still consciously or unconsciously look for men who can provide and protect should they have a family, despite the fact that a lot of them are more than capable of doing it themselves these days.

[notalady]

I admit I am guilty for being picky when it comes to what a guy does for a living, because I'm a firm believer that people tend to work in fields that suit their personality, and in some fields, I just know I won't like their personality. For instance I tend not to date someone working in a sales job, though definitely not all but a lot of people working in sales that I've dealt with over the years (e.g stock broker, car sales etc) have low integrity, because their whole agenda is to sell you something by any means, they also tend to be more outgoing, flashy talkers, I may be stereotyping here but you get the idea. Certain personalities are suited for that kind of job and it's just not really my type.

 

I also tend not to date guys from the creative industries, because I'm very strong on the logical side and lacking on the creativity side and guys working in those industries tend to be the opposite, having dated a graphics designer once, I found the way we think is very different (he wasn't very logically strong) and just not on the same wavelength, and my cousin who is actually a graphics designer confirmed my observation that this is common in that industry.

 

I tend to get along with guys from more mathematics/logic based fields like engineering, IT, finance etc. I also have a type - smart, sophisticated, knowledgable and opinionated guys. Good sense of humour and a cute smile are a plus. I'm not generally too picky on looks though, some of my friends had observed I tend to date guys who are average/just above average looking, neat and reasonably well dressed, looks smart, generally fit but not those super muscular ones (not my type).

 

So yea I guess I'm picky. Lol...

[Ms Darcy]

In my experience, women aren't necessarily pickier but my female friends are more capable of immediately identifying the things they are interested in from men than the other way around. So my men friends are more likely to reject women saying "I'm not feeling it" or "there's no spark" or "the connection is not as strong as with my ex." In most cases, talking to them more and more about "what happened" aka what turned them off, I get more information about that tells you a lot about their type.

 

But to me, that's just a difference in articulation. When you unpack the surface differences, many of the underlying stuff is the same. One great example of a "Oh I just want a cute girl" guy is that - through conversation and observation - he's very into "exotic" looking women who are vegetarian/clean eating, physically fit AND physically active, enjoys sports, is a great cook, is a foodie, is feminine, loves dogs, isn't jealous/doesn't ask questions about what he does, has a great relationship with her family and gets along well with his family, is a kind person, and loves to travel.

 

I mean that IS very specific ... but nothing that he would be able to articulate. Just wants "regular stuff." But if you talk to him about the stuff that has made him unable to commit to his exes, that stuff comes out. One girl he stopped dating because his mother didn't like her; one girl he didn't get serious with because she likes cats and not dogs; another was what he called a "picky eater" because she didn't like to eat out; another he called too much of a homebody because she didn't like hiking and travelling. And for every girl after that who would hint at similar things (aka not having left the country ever in her life), then there was "no spark" because that's what he wanted to talk about on the date and they didn't have much conversation.

 

Anyways, it's all very interesting to me.

[notalady]

That is indeed very interesting.

[sleepingdonut]

I blame it all on Eay Pray Love.

[notalady]

I blame it all on Eay Pray Love.

 

Lol, should I be proud to say that I don't actually know much of what it's all about, never watched the movie or read the book and have no interest in doing so?

[IAmFCA]

I am not I agree with the foundation argument, but I do agree with the result.

 

A man who is interested in a family/committed home life will work for the woman of his desire. Otherwise, there is no reason for him to work at all. There are plenty of women who will accept what he offers, and since all of it is short term, we are all/both interchangeable with a suitable substitute.

 

I am catching up on what has happened in the past few hours. First, I want to say that what I wrote goes for both genders. I didn't have the patience before to explain. When I was too interested in myself to focus on an LTR, there were plenty of men to keep me occupied. If I had to work to keep one, I didn't work and I didn't notice. If I wanted sex, I expected to get it. If I didn't get it, then I just moved on.

 

Honestly, it didn't feel that way at the time, but it is how it was. I didn't want to meet your family, I didn't want to help you study or go grocery shopping together. I had my own stuff to do.

 

This is nor a gender issue. If we aren't interested in an LTR, we just aren't going to work that hard. It isn't worth it.

[IAmFCA]

...So, if we adults in our 40s+, we have figured out how to make a life. We have figured out that inviting the wrong SO into that life can be unreasonably destructive. And we figured out that the right SO is hard to find. So we live our lives, and forget to meet each other. That's why when I was hit on a few weeks ago, I didn't notice and only figured it out because of this thread.

 

So how do we meet people? Anywhere, every where, and by being direct. Not trashy, but direct. "I'd like to know more about you, and now is not the time. Would you be interested in a cocktail or a coffee sometime?"

[Sportster2005]

There is a world of differences between generalizing a gender and innate differences in a gender. One of those differences is how selective women are vs men. It's been studied, documented and theorized women are more selective. This is not a bad or good thing. The theory that women are more selective is at a very basic level of making sure their offspring are protected and guarded by a strong male. This starts to overlap with why women are drawn to males of high status. It's not the money or status, it's the fact their offspring have a better chance of survival and doing well. We can't shake or change the wiring we have that ensures the species gets procreated. Which at the end of the day it is all about. Sorry romance fans.

 

Add to this fact that you can't swing a dead cat without a woman exerting the fact she doesn't need a man. Which today is true, for the most part. While true, I think women may be over correcting for past sins of males. And I do believe men care less about money, stature etc. This isn't a generalization. This also has been studied. I recently had a pleasant online chat with behaviour scientists in the States about this. She believes a lot of successful women don't get it. They think men are intimidated by their wealth or position. The fact is men aren't intimidated. We just couldn't care less. Successful men will date down the socioeconomic ladder. Women won't and don't. Instead they complain there are no good men out there.

 

And really I think a lot of men are just tuning out. It's not about rejection. At my point in life the rejection doesn't sting. I really couldn't care less except you have wasted my time.

 

And at the end of the day if you want to date and be successful it's all about attitude. That will neutralize, or at least minimize natural differences in genders. My attitude is bad if I want a mate. But most times now it really is just a waste of time. Not because there is something 'wrong' with women. It's because with only 20 or 30 years left you tend to spend your time more carefully.

 

So OP. Hope you have better luck finding some men. And although I might seem like a hypocrite for advocating having a good attitude, remember the fallacy of hypocrisy. Basically it means if a person is a hypocrite it doesn't mean they are necessarily wrong. It just means they're a hypocrite. I've been called worse

[Blue Spiral]

There's tons of good men out there. I have friends my age that are very fit, look like they are in their 40s, good jobs, fun, and stable. Yet women routinely turn their noses up. And some of these women are mediocre at best. The problem isn't lack of men. The problem is the modern women is too demanding and has ridiculous expectations.

 

That's why so many men just get an FWB now and then and simply don't want to be met. Many of us have grown tired of the complaining and demands and are completely content to go out alone with some NSA sex.

 

You are 100% right.

 

Years ago, I messaged a woman on a site and added her to my IM list, but she basically vanished. Then, just last week, she suddenly popped up and messaged me. She just got divorced, she and her kids are living with relatives, she's marginally employed, and she admitted that her weight had gotten up to over 200 lbs. I told her I wasn't interested in anything right now, but she kept pushing, so I told her my height to get her to go away. It worked, of course. She essentially told me that she's too good for the likes of me...though if I really begged and pleaded and worked hard to impress her, I might have a chance.

 

Thank god I'm celibate...

[Sportster2005]

This explains it better.

 

 

link removed

[Blue Spiral]

That's a great article; thanks for linking it.