Suggestions on where to meet men

[notalady]

Sportster - agree with everything you said. It's all about procreation and human survival etc lol. In fact I had this chat with a male friend years and years ago, he asked if I knew why men are attracted to women with bigger breasts and wider hips, I said because they are better for childbearing, and he said correct. Yet another romantic explanation of attraction.

 

The article is funny and I agree with it, it's no news to me though, I've always known that. I'm already attractive, fun and easy going, not to toot my own horn lol, I have been told that many a time by people from both gender. I have no problem attracting men, I guess it's more meeting them. So thanks for your wish of luck

 

Interesting you talked about dating down the socioeconomic ladder, I'm not really that high up the socioeconomic ladder, so I wouldn't say I need to or would want to date down. I think dating within proximity of your own socioeconomic status (as bad as that sounds) works best, for me at least, as you would more likely to have similar values and goals than someone with much higher or lower socioeconomic status, that is I wouldn't want to date a rich guy who grew up knowing no hardship and inherited his family fortune, nor do I want to date someone who grew up in a family that didn't value education, happy to cruise along in life with no ambition of any kind, simply got out of high school and works in a construction job. I'm stereotyping here of course, and I'm sure both will find fulfilling relationships with a suitable partner, but I can't see myself having much in common with either of these two fictitious guys, even if we do get along, which is frankly not hard - I get along with pretty much everyone.

 

Not only does it ring true from my past experience (having dated both around and down the socioeconomic ladder), granted it's only been 10 odd years, but also my parents who turned out to have very different values on some important things due to growing up in very different socioeconomic environments. They are divorced of course. I think there is something to dating within range to your socioeconomic status and I personally believe a large component of that is family background as it shapes a person's core values and character, a lesser component for me is what their own socioeconomic status is right now, though the two tend to be heavily interlinked.

[Ms Darcy]

Again with the arguments that women are pickier.

 

It's a red herring to point out specific things that some women may be pickier about than others when even the male posters have articulated multiple factors that they look for in women.

 

The question for me is what is the incentive for making this argument? To me the value boils down to making some misogynist comment about how women's picky-ness has led to a high divorce rate or more breakups or men doing more nsa or fwb things or the break down of the family.

 

Some men and some women may like different things. But working in an environment with high powered men no way only looks matter ... more and more men of that ilk want intelligence and women with careers. Further, my women friends who are not considered are very NOT picky and will date dudes with no or low paying jobs just to have someone. Yet it is the male friends who are very overweight who reject girls for not being attractive enough.

 

Yikes!

[Blue Spiral]

The question for me is what is the incentive for making this argument?

 

Because the person making the argument thinks it's logical, and believes it? But feel free to ascribe a woman-hating motivation to the (married) author of that linked article.

[happpybear]

The question for me is what is the incentive for making this argument? To me the value boils down to making some misogynist comment about how women's picky-ness has led to a high divorce rate or more breakups or men doing more nsa or fwb things or the break down of the family.

 

Ya this is the crap that drives me nuts. I think it's safe to say that many people from both genders are picky to varying degrees, I think we can all write some anecdotal evidence about some guy/girl we know who is really picky or not all that picky as a counter argument.

 

I just don't understand why another thread has to be derailed due to people posting this stuff. I don't see how this is really useful in helping give the OP practical suggestions for ways to get out there and meet men.

[Sportster2005]

One more kick at the can and I promise to shut up.

 

When faced with information you don't like you have a couple of options. The first one is to discredit it. Say it is just anecdotal, false, irrelevant or whatever. Another option is to dig deeper and test the validity of the information. If it is false, then discredit it. If it is true, use it to your advantage.

 

When I started dating someone pointed out I couldn't complain about lack of women if I had too many criteria that were rigidly enforced. I didn't like this information. But I got in the habit over the years of paying close attention to things I heard that I didn't like. That's where the personal growth is. So I went off on an adventure discovering the validity of this. And as much as I didn't like it was true. I immediately lowered my age threshold on POF. I was immediately contacted by a woman two years older. We went on a couple of dates. It was great. Since then I've made many, many changes based on feedback. I am successful in dating.

 

I think people in general confuse lowering standards with having realistic expectations.

 

So my point as it relates to the thread is to be successful not only do women need to meet men, they may be hindered by a natural tendency to dismiss men easily. They have more criteria. Not all women. Nothing is ever black and white. But let’s deal with the trend. This is not anecdotal. I am not an expert, I am not a researcher. Nor do I pretend to be one. I am however comfortable passing along what the overwhelming majority of experts have to say on the subject. Experts from dime a dozen dating experts to the brainiacs that research this stuff and publish it in psychology/science journals. Ignore it, dismiss it. The funny thing about science is it's still true even if you don't believe it.

 

I'm sure some of my frustration with this has surfaced. I apologize for not trying to be more constructive and positive on this subject.

[notalady]

In my attempt to not dismiss men too quickly, today I responded to a guy who messaged me and seems nice, despite the fact that he's only 5'6 (I'm 5'5), not very good looking (not terrible though), seems way more into outdoor activities than me and has listed Backstreet boys, Boyz II Men, Westlife and the like in his music preferences (no judgement lol.. )

 

I'm keeping an open mind but honestly, feel like we're not gona have that much in common

[sleepingdonut]

I must say, I've always found the height qualification interesting. Many women on dating sites will say they want a guy that's at least 6'. Being that it's a round number measurement, one can infer that that particular number is completely psychological (why not at least 5'11, or why not at least 6'1?). I can understand why women want a guy that's at least as tall if not a little taller than them, but to disqualify a guy because he's not at least 5" taller since she likes to wear 4" heels (I've seen this on profiles) is pretty crazy. On the debate about whether women are pickier than men, I still find the evidence inconclusive. And I only see things from a skewed perspective (since I'm a guy, I'm only browsing female profiles). But I imagine a lot of good guys are overlooked not just because they weren't taller, but because they weren't tall enough to stand over the high heels. I lol at this. It's like, "yeah, I passed up my soul mate because shoes and fashion are more important". And people wonder why they're never happy or content. I'm sure little trivialities like this go for both genders, I'm just not as well aquainted from the other perspective.

 

In any case, to the OP, I think it's cool you're giving a 5'6 guy a chance. Maybe he's completely wrong for you, but at least you'll take the time to explore it for a moment.

[Ms Darcy]

Your "soulmate" is someone who meets your perceived requirements. You could pass up your "soulmate" by choosing one race over another or a woman with one hair color over another or a woman with a different body type over another. Those preferences are no different to me from height preferences.

[journeynow]

Gym, mixed martial arts class, gun show, beer festival, gun & beer festival, power tool blow-out sale at local hardware store, etc

 

Most constructive answer on this thread. Maybe this thread can get back to being about WHERE to meet men, not what is wrong with men/women these days? Where...?

[Ms Darcy]

Most constructive answer on this thread. Maybe this thread can get back to being about WHERE to meet men, not what is wrong with men/women these days? Where...?

 

And what is your suggestion?

 

I say everywhere you go ... work, meetups, the store ... and I drop the mike.

 

It's a quick answer.

[notalady]

Online is still currently the best avenue to meet quality guys I find.

 

Having said that, a couple of guys I messaged thinking this guy sounds really great and sounds like we have a lot in common, didn't end up messaging me back. A couple of guys I'm talking to turns out to be less potentials than I thought. Opened up Facebook to a newsfeed full of happy couples, babies and weddings, and I'm just feeling so sick of it. Sick and tired of looking. And alone.

 

It's one of those very rare days where I feel discouraged, just needed somewhere to vent, sorry guys. It's probably the scotch talking. Good scotch, granted.

 

Anyway good night ENA, tomorrow will be a new day.

[journeynow]

And what is your suggestion?

 

I say everywhere you go ... work, meetups, the store ... and I drop the mike.

 

It's a quick answer.

 

Thanks, Ms Darcy. I'm interested in suggestions, don't have answers, sorry.

[sleepingdonut]

Good scotch, granted.

 

 

What scotch?

[notalady]

What scotch?

 

Forgot the names, the whiskey bar bartender recommended them based on my described preferences, and I tried a couple of different ones, lol!

[notalady]

This is where things got interesting. The guy I was talking about, has a whole list of criteria of what he wants in a woman and what he doesn't want (e.g. Have tatoos, do drugs, have children), not in a demanding way or anything, but definitely the biggest list of criteria I've seen in all the profiles I've ever come accross. One of the things he listed as doesn't want is couch potato. In my response I pointed out that he seems to be a very physically active guy and I am much more indoorsy than outdoorsy (a couch potato if you would like to call it that), though I would do stuff outdoors too sometimes. So I said I'm not sure we are compatible.

 

His response was that upon thinking on my response and re-read my profile carefully, he doesn't think we would be compatible and wished me all the best.

 

It suits me just fine as I didn't think he was really my type anyway, but talk about being picky!

[sleepingdonut]

Well at least you two talked. There's something to be said for having some sort of interaction and making an attempt. If, as you said above, online is the best place for you, then just keep at it.

 

I wish I could say the online thing worked for me. I see a lot of women mention wanting things like educated, employed, decent grammar, active, etc, but I really believe my being a little overweight is killing it. I basically meet all their qualifications otherwise--I mountain bike, hike, lift at the gym, I don't even have a belly sticking out really. But even the women that are a little chubby like me won't respond. The only messages I've got were a couple from women so big they look like they'd get out of breath walking up stairs.

 

I think online is good for women. There are just a lot more men than women on the sites.

[notalady]

Went to my first meetup event yesterday, it was a sizeable one too, with about 60-80 people turning up. I didn't meet any eligible bachelors but did make a new female friend lol.. I think overall it's not the most efficient way of meeting guys, given the amount of time you have to politely make boring conversation/small talk with people you have no interest in, not even in being friends.

[eskimobobseal]

Please excuse the potential offensiveness of this post, but how could it possibly be hard for a woman to meet men in 2014? ESPECIALLY on dating sites. I haven't read through the entire thread, but is this a situation where maybe we're being a little too picky or have you genuinely been unable to find anyone compatible?

[notalady]

I have met a number of people from online, just started the thread to see if we can't gather some ideas of some good places/ways to meet people other than online. Not everyone use online dating.

[sleepingdonut]

The record store is another option. You might meet a cool cat who's like Jack Black's character in High Fidelity.

[eskimobobseal]

oh! I just figured that online dating would have been 100% successful for you. If it hasn't, that's fine, doesn't work for everyone.

 

Join a group that you can go to every week. Bible study, psychology club, drawing stick figures on cardboard while watching CSI Miami club, or one of those singles clubs (I recommend the ones not associated with dating but that's just me). As for where to join groups - I don't know, depends on your age. If you're in college, you know what to do - they're all over the place. If you're not, link removed is where its at. I joined a volleyball group there and met tons of extremely attractive (inside and out) women. So, try and find the male equivalent (which is actually still volleyball, lots of dudes play too and are probably looking for someone like you).

 

My answer is groups. Groups groups groups, join em, make friends, eventually a guy will hit on you and if you have the ability to recognize it/give off the "come get me" signals - I'll be ready to read about the wedding.

[notalady]

It's ok, I'm actually getting a lot of responses from online recently and talking to a few people, so not in a hurry. POF has actually been really good in that regard, just had to filter through a lot of nonsense lol..

 

Funny outcome of the meetup last night - I asked one of my long time friends (I believe around 8-9 years) if he was interested to go as well, being single and looking, so he went as well. We had dinner before hand and went to the meetup drinks, neither of us met any one too interesting, and did spend a fair bit of time together, along with the new friend we made. He was being a total gentleman at dinner, and walked me to my train afterwards, I always enjoyed his company as a friend. He messaged after to thank me for an enjoyable night etc, and I thought it was unusual, he never does that, anyway he just called me and asked me out on a date! Haha.. That was certainly a bit of a surprise! I said yes

[happpybear]

I find the meetup events that are huge can be weird. Don't write it off just yet, go to an event that has less people. The men I have met through meetup were all from events where there was only 10-15 people.