(Almost) Naked Selfies

[petite]

In some cases, yes. I think there's a difference, though, between "we just bought this house, we're so excited!" and "we just bought this house, isn't it awesome!" -- a difference between sharing news and seeking validation for what's going on with you. Not to mention scope and frequency. You post a mostly naked selfie with a quote like the ones originally demonstrated and you're not sharing or encouraging others, you're asking for others to give you pats on the back. Once, twice maybe even a few times, you're probably OK because everyone wants to be liked/hear nice things about themselves. If it's something you're doing all. the. time. you're passing the "normal" person's wish for some validation and turning into something you *need* to survive.

 

I'm not disputing that some people probably do it for validation, but I think that every situation can be flipped based on who might be analyzing it. For example if a very overweight person posts a picture of their progress everyone is cheering them on, yay yo go blah blah, if a relatively average sized person posts a picture showing their physical improvement they are automatically seen as seeking validation.

 

I don't disagree that posting naked or pictures in underwear on social media is terribly unnecessary and tacky. But I guess I don't really care if people post pictures of themselves daily. I don't sit there and analyze why they might be doing it. One of my friends posts about 20 pictures daily and a bunch of statuses, I can sit there and analyze why she might be doing it or I can unfollow her feed so I don't see the frequency. I know it can become annoying, but to each their own.

[SpottiOtti]

Insecure and looking for an ego boost. Late to the party, but that's my take. I know a girl like this too, and it reminded me of her. In real life she's excruciating to be around.

[Lonewing]

I know this girl. She's gorgeous. She's Hispanic and white and has beautiful traits from both races. She has a perfect hourglass figure with a teeny waist, big hips, large boobs and a large behind. And she flaunts it. Everyday. She's even posted pictures of literally just her breasts. Posted pictures in her bra, posted pictures in barely there booty shorts. Like you said, if I was a guy, that would personally ruin it for me. The whole fake "cockyness" that we really know it's probably just insecurity.

 

Then you don't know the first thing about how a guy thinks...

 

There's the girls you take to see mom, there's the girls you screw, and there's the girls you rub one out to. And there's a line of guys out there who will line up to take her crap every day for the simple honor of being the man who is with her. Of course we like it, it's free porn, no second guessing her motives, her securities [or lack there of] or her morals, it's off to happy land for a happy dream. They won the attention game, best just not throw in if you don't want to be a part of that "problem."

[lavenderdove]

It is attention getting/insecure behavior and/or narcissistic.

 

All the 'I love me' stuff would argue this is more of a narcissist who feels they are the center of the universe but who also needs constant narcissistic supply and attention/approval or they feel hollow.

 

It could also be someone who was sexually abused as a child acting out. It is very common (unfortunately) for people who were abused as children to act out and only feel they are 'worthwhile' if they are overtly and overly (and inappropriately) sexual with anyone/everyone.

[Cynder]

I wish I had more time to respond to some of these replies. A lot of good stuff here.

 

It's interesting... I posted this same topic on another forum I belong to. This forum is predominately female, and focused mainly on health and fitness. Wow... things got heated over there.

 

It's interesting to see the two different directions taken on two different forums.

[Lorem Ipsum]

This forum is predominately female, and focused mainly on health and fitness.

And that's a different audience. If I was a member at such a place, I would expect people to be posting selfies of their weight loss progress or their abs after a workout or whatever, I'd probably be doing it too. But not just their breasts, or in their underwear with an arm over their boobs. Your "friend" isn't celebrating her improved health or weight loss, she's displaying what she's got and wanting people to "like" it/her. She's not posting pictures of herself in a goofy Hallowe'en costume, if she was underage, she would be essentially producing child porn (of herself, which is weird but who said that the law wasn't weird and of course it depends on jurisdiction).

 

Whether she is deeply insecure and wants positive strokes (from anyone and everyone) or self absorbed or just wants to share her good physical fortune or whatever, if it bothers you then block her. Guys like Lonewing can have their free Playboy photos to wank to, she's getting whatever she wants from it (or she wouldn't keep doing it), and for the time being no one is getting hurt by it. She's an adult and considering she obviously never wants to work with minors or run for political office, if she wants to do this to herself, that's her choice. Maybe when she's 80, she'll be happy she can look back and see how physically "perfect" she was at one point. She is right in that, women are far too hard on themselves but when you're naturally blessed as she is, why wouldn't you want to flaunt it a little? Key word being "a little", too much and it becomes obnoxious and it wouldn't matter who you are or what you look like. If she weighed whatever she considers an unacceptable amount, I doubt she would be doing this. I do find it somewhat funny that she never includes her face, though.

[Cynder]

I agree completely with you about the other forum. I started working out and eating healthy about two years ago. The way Ilook has changed ddramatically. I have posted progress pics on that forum. Hell, i have even posted progress pics on facebook. They are always fully dressed thoigh. As in "look, I finally fit into my goal jeans!" And one time I took a pic of myself in my old pants just to show how big they are on me now.

 

I also have some pretty racy pics of myself. I have done some alt/fetish modeling in the past. I have also spent a good deal of time at B DSM clubs. I have pics of myself completely nude, laid out on a surgical table being lit on fire. (Its called fire play. Its a lot of fun, )

 

Point is, I have no problem with pics like that. I would never post them on facebook thoigh. My ex tried to get me to post pics of us kissing and stuff there? And I wouldn't even do that.

 

I dont mind scrolling throigh my feed and seeing hot scantily clad people of either gender. But someone who posts those pics a lot does make me wonder about what's going on in their head.

 

I typed this whole thing on my phone. Sorry if its sloppy.

[Fudgie]

As stated, unless it was on a fitness/weight loss forum, if someone was posting a lot of those pictures on Facebook, yeah, I guess I'd feel like they were insecure and were just wanting attention. I mean, maybe they don't have low self esteem (some do) but they obviously want attention/validation. You can think you look great and still at the same time want everyone to acknowledge you, like "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME".

 

That being said, while I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I personally find it annoying and in poor taste. I would block someone like that. Let them flaunt to guys who want to see that. You don't have to look at it if you don't want to and you are under no obligation to do so.

[itsallgrand]

It sounds to me like pure attention seeking. Ok so I'm not a professional to give a professional opinion on the matter, but to me, it seems unhealthy.

 

And more bluntly, I thought what LavenderDove said. Either a narcissist and/or someone who was abused. Or just someone with some serious issues about themselves and desperate for some kind of attention and to work things out for themselves. It's common for people to act out their problems and what causes them suffering.

 

And even though she is petite and toned and young and big boobs and pretty, she might indeed have trouble accepting that her own body is beautiful and worthwhile. Anyone can have those issues, since it isn't really about their body anyways. It's about your insides and your sense of how you get security and feeling of worth.

[Lonewing]

What I find interesting is how much time is spent here analyzing why someone else is doing something [something which in this case is the opposite of what we were taught to do], followed by the attempts to decide if her behavior is healthy or unhealthy, and to then try to diagnose her with some sort of disorder or behavioral trait as if that might ease whatever issues you have with it yourself.

 

She's a pretty girl, she likes taking pictures of herself, and she loves the attention she gets when she shares them. Nothing need be any deeper here, nor should we really try to think much further about it.

[Cynder]

What I find interesting is how much time is spent here analyzing why someone else is doing something [something which in this case is the opposite of what we were taught to do], followed by the attempts to decide if her behavior is healthy or unhealthy, and to then try to diagnose her with some sort of disorder or behavioral trait as if that might ease whatever issues you have with it yourself.

 

She's a pretty girl, she likes taking pictures of herself, and she loves the attention she gets when she shares them. Nothing need be any deeper here, nor should we really try to think much further about it.

 

Funny thing is, on the other forum I posted this on, I had someone (claiming to be) a psychologist, write a long post analyzing me for why I posted the thread in the first place. And they got it completely wrong, lol. I had someone else over there rip into me for "publicly shaming" someone and posting threads that are in bad taste. And this same user also told me I'm probably just jealous. This whole approach of "She's not hurting anyone so why do you care so much?" doesn't really make sense to me. Because this topic of discussion isn't hurting anyone either. So why do some people have a problem with me for posting it? People have a problem with me analyzing her, but then turn around and analyze me. See the irony? I have said repeatedly that the pictures don't bother me. I work out 5 days a week and I am happy with my body as well. I just choose not to pose in my panties on facebook.

 

Lonewing, I am not saying you are giving me crap about it. I just don't understand why some other people were so offended by it. Also, I don't think anyone is trying to diagnose her with a disorder. I could be wrong but I didn't see any of that here.

 

People will always be trying to understand other people. It's part of the human experience. I have one friend who posts pictures of her cats all the time. And she even made a facebook profile for one of her cats. She posts status updates as her cat, sends friend requests as her cat, etc. We could just as easily spend time analyzing why she does that. I love to cook, and on top of that, I like making the food I cook look really nice when I serve it. I post a lot of pictures of food I cooked. I'm sure some of my friends wonder why I do it.

 

In this day in age when people's private lives are up for public viewing, it's easy to be curious about someone else.

[Fudgie]

I find it humorous that people will post nearly naked pictures of themselves, with their bits hanging out, and then get offended when people question their intentions. "WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON WHAT I'M DOING". Because it's in public, silly. Don't like it? Don't post pictures with your bits hanging out if you don't want people making comments on what/why you're doing what you're doing.

 

People are pretty stupid sometimes.

[Cynder]

I find it humorous that people will post nearly naked pictures of themselves, with their bits hanging out, and then get offended when people question their intentions. "WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON WHAT I'M DOING". Because it's in public, silly. Don't like it? Don't post pictures with your bits hanging out if you don't want people making comments on what/why you're doing what you're doing.

 

People are pretty stupid sometimes.

 

Agree totally. When it's in public, it is open for commentary. If I went to the grocery store in my underwear I am sure some people would make comments right? Lol

[Fudgie]

I mean, it's like, she's free to do what she wants with her profile and her life, and yes, she deserves a basic amount of respect, but it's silly to expect that NO ONE asks questions or secretly judges people for doing certain things in public.

 

Like this, I don't like strangers giving me unwanted attention (I have a big chest) so I dress modestly and I don't show cleavage. I have no sympathy for women who show lots of cleavage and then cry about people leering at them. Or when they get upset when "ugly" guys give them attention. Please.

 

It's just part of being human and living in a society with other humans. What you do in public is fair game for scrutinizing. Don't like it, don't do it in public.

[Lonewing]

It is an interesting thought, no?

 

In terms of diagnosis, we see here a number of people throwing around terms like narcissism , or well, this post collectively sums all of those trains of thought up in a single thought:

 

 

 

It's like we're trying to find something wrong with her - and like you said, someone over there was trying to find something wrong with you! Modern psychology for you, if something isn't "right," there must be something wrong with everybody!!

 

I really don't question these sorts of people, but rather look at it for what it is. She likes posting pictures of herself in little to nothing, and it's something she enjoys doing. There's a super hot chick at the gym in these parts who is always in there [1.5 hours a day, like clockwork] and guys are always trying to figure HER out, why she likes to work out so much. Again, there's nothing to be explained, she simply likes working out and I don't go any deeper with my personal analysis than that. Anything more is none of my business unless she decides she wants to share her story with me.

 

 

 

Have you been to Walmart recently?

 

As much as I jest, the very last time I went, there was a girl in the most atrociously colored [neon colors] one piece tight fitting leave little to nothing to the imagination or whatever you girls call it. Peculiar, perhaps, intriguing, maybe, but honestly, nothing for me to waste time trying to comprehend. She doesn't need a reason to dress herself as she wishes to dress herself. And she shouldn't be gawked at, or looked at longer than a normal glance, or anything spoken like a cat call or that sort of what not. That's what acceptance looks like, just letting people be themselves without giving them a second glance.

[tiredofvampires]

As much as I jest, the very last time I went, there was a girl in the most atrociously colored [neon colors] one piece tight fitting leave little to nothing to the imagination or whatever you girls call it. Peculiar, perhaps, intriguing, maybe, but honestly, nothing for me to waste time trying to comprehend. She doesn't need a reason to dress herself as she wishes to dress herself. And she shouldn't be gawked at, or looked at longer than a normal glance, or anything spoken like a cat call or that sort of what not. That's what acceptance looks like, just letting people be themselves without giving them a second glance.

 

While I appreciate the message of "acceptance"...

 

Just curious, what would you think of someone dressed like that for a job interview?

 

In her -- as you put it so devoid of opinion -- "atrocious" outfit?

 

I wouldn't say people "need" reasons to do the things they do. But they have them. There is nothing people do that is without motivation of some kind, however innocuous one may or may not consider it. Interest in those reasons vary from person to person, just as the reasons vary.

[Lonewing]

It depends on the job she was interviewing for... If she was going for a yoga personal trainer position, she was a shoe in!

 

Really though, by not asking the questions, it takes all the wind out of the motives and it further accepts people as they are.

[Fudgie]

No one is saying that it's okay to give cat calls or anything like that. I believe that's disrespectful. It isn't wrong, however, to question someone's motivations. That's just human.

 

No one is under any obligation to NOT question other people and wonder about these sorts of things. To expect that everyone should just blindly "accept" everyone as is and NEVER wonder about it is sort of crazy.

[petite]

I find it humorous that people will post nearly naked pictures of themselves, with their bits hanging out, and then get offended when people question their intentions. "WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO COMMENT ON WHAT I'M DOING". Because it's in public, silly. Don't like it? Don't post pictures with your bits hanging out if you don't want people making comments on what/why you're doing what you're doing.

 

People are pretty stupid sometimes.

 

I'm surprised by your responses, Fudgie. How would you feel if someone judged your actions regarding having weight loss surgery instead of doing it the natural way like many other people? Would you be fine with people judging you for being shocked at the amount of sagging skin after the surgery. I remember that thread and you were offended that I said surely you can't be so shocked, and you were offended by my comment. Even though you publicly talked about it, you still didn't want to be judged by anyone. If you didn't like being judged for your actions. Why is it okay for you or anyone else to judge someone they don't even know?

I want to be clear I'm not her to offend you, or make you feel bad, your decisions are your own, but I just wanted to point out that none of us like to be judged. And just because something is made public it doesn't mean that person should be psychoanalyzed. I'm sure you wouldn't want someone to do that to you, just as I wouldn't like someone doing it to me.

 

Now, I know I wouldn't post naked pictures or pictures in underwear, but as someone that has posted pictures in a bikini on fb which only some of my friends could see I'd be pretty disappointed if one of them started analyzing me and calling me names behind my back, and diagnosing me because I posted a picture in a bikini from my vacation. Heck, I posted a picture while I had a huge pregnant belly in a bikini, I know it would have upset me if someone started calling me narcissistic or attention seeker since the reason behind me posting that had nothing to do with needing any validating comments, I just found it interesting how massive my belly and baby were given my size before.

 

We all judge people to a degree, but I think there is judging someone for their actions about a silly act like the way they drive or how they park their car vs. analyzing and diagnosing someone we don't even know because of their actions that have absolutely nothing to do with other people. They aren't hurting anyone, except maybe themselves.

 

Should we then judge men that dress as women? Should we judge women that dress as men? How about people that have tattoos all over their bodies and piercings or goths?

 

I think spending so much of our time judging others and analyzing their behaviors only helps in a way that masks our own insecurities. Not always, but most of the time.

 

There is a different (in my opinion) between posting a picture on Facebook that only your friends have access to and a picture on a website which the whole world can access with just a click. Even though Facebook basically owns your images at that point, and one should be careful what they post anywhere, there is a difference giving access to 10 people which are supposed to be your friends vs. 10 billion strangers.

 

I was talking to my therapist about some issues I was having with my aunt, and he politely pointed out that the issue wasn't me, that my aunt judging me wasn't because of how or what I am - but about her own insecurities and lack of awareness.

 

I think even the most confident person in the world wouldn't like being judged. We are all human and all have feelings.

 

I simply don't like judging books by their covers.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Cynder]

Petite, I didnt call her any names or try to diagnose her of anything.

 

I think its awesome that you are confident enoigh to post bikini pics. I've seen you. I know what you look like. If I looked like you I would probably post bikini pics now and then too. But do you post several of them a week just of yourself posing on the mirror? See? Its a little different dynamic.

 

Also, I know you were addressing fudge. But I thoight I would jump in for a second.

 

Typed on phone in a hurry. Sorry for mistakes.

[itsallgrand]

Lonewing, since you quoted me and called me out, I thought I would say you aren't wrong that there was a certain amount of judging in my post. That someone that behaves in this way may have some deeper motivations or reasons for acting in what is in my estimation, a maladaptive way.

 

It's all about context. It seems maladaptive to me because: it's a public forum she posts it on, and the nature of her comments with the pictures. Also, the excessiveness of it.

 

You don't have to agree with me. It's only an opinion. And that's all Cynder asked for too.

 

It did make me think of the "stop shaming" movement when you gave your argument for seeing her behavior as perfectly healthy and non questionable, though. As though there is something wrong with questioning this kind of exhibitionism. And the voyeurism that accompanies it.

 

Weird times we live in where all private/public is now blurred.

[petite]

Petite, I didnt call her any names or try to diagnose her of anything.

 

I think its awesome that you are confident enoigh to post bikini pics. I've seen you. I know what you look like. If I looked like you I would probably post bikini pics now and then too. But do you post several of them a week just of yourself posing on the mirror? See? Its a little different dynamic.

 

Also, I know you were addressing fudge. But I thoight I would jump in for a second.

 

Typed on phone in a hurry. Sorry for mistakes.

 

I didn't say that you were calling her names, cynder. My response wasn't generally pointed at you. I just think that people (anyone, I've done it too and it isn't right) can really take things way too far at times when it comes to judging other people's actions.

 

I just don't like diagnosing someone that I don't even know as a person.

 

I've certainly known to post outfit photos (because my friends like the way I dress and we share outfit ideas and favorite outfits - we like fashion etc, but more often than not we cut off our faces because it isn't about a selfie it's about the outfit unless we are showing off a makeup or hair look also) taken far away in the big mirror because I can't be bothered getting out my big camera and tripod which is pretty much what I'd need to do if my husband isn't around-- even though I was one of those people that was very vocal and against the whole no make up selfie that was happening in April ( I did not find it brave or a big deal I talked about it in my journal and linked a news article as to why I was against it), I just choose to not judge people based on some very silly (in my opinion) action and psychoanalyzing them.

 

I've never posted a photo on Facebook or anywhere for that matter because I thought I looked better than anyone else, nor do I think that. At all.

 

Again, I am not saying that posting naked pictures or pictures in underwear is something I condone or would do myself. But some people might think that a bikini shot might have been unnecessary or tacky, yet I found it interesting because of my huge pregnant stomach. Actually, I felt pretty great about being out in the sun because I felt extremely large at that point, and I felt that it was also important to say hey I'm pregnant I don't hate my huge thighs and the extra weight and I'm not afraid of being in a bikini at such a massive size and I hoped other women would feel the same, just being comfortable with their bodies!

 

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Batya33]

Petite made a really good point. Not all Facebook postings are alike (other than it's technically out there for everyone or you should assume so). If someone has 10 Facebook friends or limits the photo to a small subset of FB friends that's far different than the 300 "friends" posting. I email a few cute photos of my child, every few months, to a group of 10 or less family members and friends either because they asked for a photo or made it clear that they'd like to receive photos from time to time. If instead I posted photos of my child every single day to my 200 plus FB friends/acquaintances/colleagues that would make a different statement (not necessarily bad, just different).

[Cynder]

even though I was one of those people that was very vocal and against the whole no make up selfie that was happening in April ( I did not find it brave or a big deal I talked about it in my journal and linked a news article as to why I was against it), I just choose to not judge people based on some very silly (in my opinion) action and psychoanalyzing them.

 

 

I was pretty vocal about that too. I even posted about it right on my facebook page. I don't know if the version you saw was the "Post a no make up selfie to promote breast cancer awareness" one... but that's what I saw. Women on my friends list were "challenging" me to do this.

 

I really fail to see how posting no make up selfies spreads breast cancer awareness. I think we are all pretty aware of breast cancer. Posting pics won't help fund research. It won't help save lives. It won't help the grieving families of all the women who die every day of breast cancer. So why bother? If you really want to help, donate money. (But the whole pink ribbon subculture is BS too really. That's another thread altogether though.)

[petite]

I was pretty vocal about that too. I even posted about it right on my facebook page. I don't know if the version you saw was the "Post a no make up selfie to promote breast cancer awareness" one... but that's what I saw. Women on my friends list were "challenging" me to do this.

 

I really fail to see how posting no make up selfies spreads breast cancer awareness. I think we are all pretty aware of breast cancer. Posting pics won't help fund research. It won't help save lives. It won't help the grieving families of all the women who die every day of breast cancer. So why bother? If you really want to help, donate money. (But the whole pink ribbon subculture is BS too really. That's another thread altogether though.)

 

I'm all for funding, but I think people can do that if they want by donating their time and money not by posting pictures.

 

This is why I was against it

link removed

 

And this is why I'm still against it link removed

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk