TalkThatTalk9 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I broke up with my boyfriend last night. I do not want to see or talk with him anymore mostly because he is having a hard time and I want him to be ok. I have his fishing pole and a playstation. he immediately said after I broke it to him "well then I am going to come out and get my stuff this week" we live an hour and half apart. I had done it over the phone ( we haven't seen each other in a few weeks )he said he wants to see me one more time but I do not want to see him because it is awkward for me. what do you all suggest I do? we do not have any mutual friends who can do the exchange. my mom said to have him come while I am at work and get it from my house but he will just stop by my work I know it. do I owe him one last meet up??? I don't feel I do. I just don't want to hurt him anymore but I remember how much I wanted to see my other ex after our breakup and how it meant to me to see him one last time but also how much false hope it gave me when I did see him. what do I do???? thanks Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You don't owe it to him. Can you dissemble the fishing pole and mail his stuff to him? Link to comment
JA0371 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I think it's crappy to break up with someone over the phone. Unless the person is posing some sort of physical harm on you. Can you meet him in a public place rather than at your house? Maybe have a friend or your mom with you? You don't 'owe' it to him, but if you had a relationship with him, then it's the right thing to do. JMO. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You don't owe it, but it may be a kindness in that it may give him closure. People function in different ways. You can't judge entirely by yourself what is and isn't good for someone else. Link to comment
GinNJuice Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 It may give him closure, but it's far more likely it will just give him a platform to beg and plead with you. How long were you together? Link to comment
jjkk Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 How about arranging a time to have his things on your doorstep and you just be gone, not at work, somewhere he doesn't know you are so he can't show up to see you? Link to comment
sharky988 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Just my opinion, but I think, as a dumper, you do owe it to him to meet with him one last time if he really wants to. Sorry, but this is someone you were intimately involved with. I think you should treat people the way you'd like to be treated yourself. You know how it is when you're dumped yourself, if a final meetup means a lot to him then I think you need to suck it up and do it. Link to comment
Clio Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 In my opinion, breaking up over the phone is disrespectful and selfish, unless you were afraid that he posed a physical threat to you. My motto has always been not to do to others what I wouldn't want done to me and I am pretty sure that if your roles were reversed, you would feel pretty disrespected being broken up like that, making your hurt worse, especially if it was an LTR. You have been in his shoes so you know how it feels. Discarding people like that leads to them feeling disrespected adding insult to injury. At the end of the day though, each one of us has their own personal code of honour... Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 It may give him closure, but it's far more likely it will just give him a platform to beg and plead with you. How long were you together? Yes so? Closure sometimes comes from exactly that - getting the chance to beg, plead, have a tantrum and see and hear the chill response and realizing that it really is over. However, in my experience, it's more just a last civil goodbye and for whatever reason it does make people feel better. I think refusing to deal with your ex like they are a human being and treating them like they are out to harm you is rather low. Unless of course you date the kind of people who would harm you. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You're making this more dramatic than it needs to be. Take his stuff and put them on his porch if you don't want to see him Otherwise, a couple of minutes out of your day to be rid of him forever isn't going to hurt you, unless you feel he's violent and will harm you. Is that the reason why you're avoiding him? Link to comment
Sadgirl782 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Coming from a recent dumpee I would say yes, meet him one last time to say goodbye. I'm sure you had your reasons for dumping him over the phone but if you had done it in person you could have avoided this request of his. It only has to be a couple minutes. Often times closure enough for people is just knowing that their dumper still has respect for them and valued the relationship you had together, meeting him to say goodbye would show this to him. Meet in a public place if that makes you feel more comfortable. Afterwards make sure to enforce the NC. He'll be hurt and might try to reach out a few times, responding will only hurt him more in the long run. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 After reading her threads....and the fact this is LD as well...he is just panicing that he will be alone. Living with his sister...not working and not making any effort at changing any of it. Link to comment
GinNJuice Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yes so? Closure sometimes comes from exactly that - getting the chance to beg, plead, have a tantrum and see and hear the chill response and realizing that it really is over. However, in my experience, it's more just a last civil goodbye and for whatever reason it does make people feel better. I think refusing to deal with your ex like they are a human being and treating them like they are out to harm you is rather low. Unless of course you date the kind of people who would harm you. How is has she not treated him like a human being?? It's not like she has completely ignored him and left him hanging or something. She called him to avoid one of them having to make an hour an half trip, then a very long trip home. I bet she wouldn't be so apprehensive if she thought he could keep it together. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 How is has she not treated him like a human being?? It's not like she has completely ignored him and left him hanging or something. She called him to avoid one of them having to make an hour an half trip, then a very long trip home. I bet she wouldn't be so apprehensive if she thought he could keep it together. I think calling was just fine. However, if he feels the need to drive over, get his stuff and see her face to face, it would be the decent thing to do. The OP didn't post anything about him going nuts, only requesting a face to face while he is picking up his things. I think refusing that after you were in a relationship is kind of low and treating your ex with a certain lack of respect. Personally, I'd be pretty insulted if I had things to pick up and the guy left them sitting by the door and went and hid like I'm some kind of a leper. It's cowardly and pathetic behavior - adding insult to injury. I would hope that most people are better than that. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 In your case where you haven't seen him in three weeks because he will never arrange to come see you unless you do the driving, breaking up over the phone is not like doing it when people normally have a relationship where they see eachother regularly. I have read about your relationship and know how you can get into the mode of doing all the work and being sucked in when you see him, so I think it would have been harder to get up the nerve in person, or you have tried to broach the subject. If you have him pick his stuff up, then I think you should have someone with you based on how toxic this relatonship has been and the possibility he might have his sister there driving him. you don't deserve to be teamed up on. If you don't think you can take seeing him - think that you will cave or he will try some tactic like being dropped off with no ride back - then I agree that you should not see him. This has been a long time in coming and i know it has not been taken lightly. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I thought you already broke up with him? Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Congrats OP! I'm glad you've tossed that slacker! Back to your question - the issues that you've had with him have never been addressed, no matter how many times you've talked about it, so even though I believe you should break-up with someone you've seen naked in person, this was an LD, and a lame one at that. So, I vote, give him a time or day, and hide it in your backyard or wherever for him to pick it up. And tell your office that he is not welcome, and that he should be asked to leave - and tell him, you request that he does not disturb you at work, and if he tries, he will be asked to leave. Link to comment
TalkThatTalk9 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 well ladies and gents..... I did let him come to my home after a week of him being extremely angry at me. he shows up with his SISTER driving and dogs in the back seat (he could never do anything because they can't ever leave dogs at home seperation issues it is a few hours they would be gone).... gets out takes his stuff puts it in the car gets in his car and leaves. like a man child. I feel as if the good sweet lord blessed me with a car of blessings by this interaction tonite. he showed with his dang sister who was a major problem with the both of us. I dodged being stuck with a man child attached to his sister by an umbilical cord. I am so relieved and feel free and blessed tonite. praise it all. he is so mad at me..... sorry I am not feeding into a tantrum no thanks. SINGLE! AND FREE! Link to comment
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