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Feel very hurt...


rose2summer

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It seems like things are not getting better with my divorce. Yesterday I got a packet saying welcome to your new home, which was mailed to my soon to be ex-husband. I called the real estate agent and mortgage agent about it and reminded them about how I told them that was fraud to use my social back in November. She said the house is in escrow and they moved forward despite me placing fraud alerts and credit freezes on my account.

 

My ex was in my city at 1am last night, for who knows what reason, as I saw him make charges on a joint credit card at that time. I think he's stalking me. I told him I no longer have text messaging on my phone to avoid getting anymore attacking messages so he sent me a screenshot of his phone apps to show me a free text messaging app and there were all these hidden text messaging and phone apps on his phone, maybe to talk to his mistress? He also had apps to record phone calls and two tape recorder apps to record conversations, which are illegal to record anyone without two-party consent in my state, so I suspect he's been recording our conversations illegally.

 

I stayed up all night because I feel very hurt that he keeps using every possible way to lie to the real estate agents and mortgage company, having told them I said I wanted him to get the house and that I would sign an interspousal deed waiver and sign that I agreed for my credit to be used, which never occurred. Even the fraud alerts did nothing to protect me.

 

I also feel very upset because I feel like he left me for someone because I wasn't good enough or have faulty qualities. I don't know but I feel very sad but I look in the mirror and wonder if I had been thinner, prettier, or had better qualities, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I've lost 53 pounds since this divorce process started so it's clearly very hurtful.

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Can you not go to the police? To a laywer? It's time to kick his butt he has walked over you enough (not literally kick his butt legally)

 

Keep all evidence of texts/stalking/fraud as well for your custody battle.

 

You are good enough. He sounds like an absoloute psychopath and you should thank your lucky stars you don't have to be with him anymore.

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There is something SERIOUSLY wrong here. I'm not sure where you are, but where I live, there is NO way a man could buy a house using his estranged wife's information without her actual signature. It's against the law -- at least in most places in the U.S. (maybe you are somewhere else -- I'm not sure). This is FRAUD, plain and simple. He has basically stolen your social security number to purchase a house for himself! He's no better than a garden-variety identity thief who steals your mail from your mailbox and applies for credit cards in your name! He's a CRIMINAL.

 

Go to the police and see if you can file a report. This is fraud, and, most likely, a type of theft -- identity theft at the very least.

 

And...you need a better lawyer. Your lawyer is beyond useless. I'm not a lawyer, but I can tell you, you've gotten some bad legal advice thus far.

 

Your ex is a disturbed person, for sure. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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Go to the police and when you can't sleep please try to come up with some simple affirmations about how great you are -ask some friends for ideas so that when you say them or think of them you'll know it came from people who know and love you.

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Call the police TODAY Rose.

 

Yes -- I'm reading this thread and shaking my head. When I bought my house, I had to jump through 50 million flaming hoops -- show all sorts of ID, PROVE that I am who I say I am, provide all my financial info for several years, and I even had to provide my parents' financial info because they were gifting me money for a down payment -- they had to sign a letter stating that they were giving me the money and that I wasn't borrowing it AND they had to provide a copy of their bank statement to prove the money was there and that it had been there for quite some time. Not to mention the hundreds of times I had to sign my name on paperwork. There is NO way I would have gotten my loan, let alone my house, if I had put someone else's name on any of the papers and that person wasn't there to sign -- no way. This is criminal activity, and your ex -- and his realtor -- need to be reported to the authorities. And, the realtor needs to be reported to her professional organization. In the U.S., we have the American Association of Realtors.

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Hi rose2summer. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry about what you are going through. I had not realized that your returned the forum and about your story. I remember you from back in the day!

 

Big ((Hugs))!!!

 

I agree with everyone else: Save and document everything. Have you filed a restraining order with the police?

 

I know you have a child together but he can be forced to not have contact with you.

 

A belated congratulations on your baby! I know it must be very hard being on your own with a little one. I will keep you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers,

 

Bella

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To start off I am not an attorney, this isn't legal advice, just what I have had to go through myself after my elderly mother was defrauded and her identity stolen. All of these agencies are ones I found through research online and/or were advised to contact by law enforcement and attorneys I spoke to along the way. So here is my book on what I did and had to go through to get justice and get my mother's finances restored. I'm not done yet, but it's a lot better. In her case thankfully (ironic I know) her credit wasn't good enough to get a house approved by anyone although there were several attempts to drain her bank accounts.

 

First, you need to do more than call the real estate agent and mortgage agent, you need to send them copies of the criminal complaints you've filed against your ex/soon-to-be ex and you need to hire an attorney yesterday who will send a letter the real estate agent and mortgage agent informing them that this is a fraudulent deal, and he will be filing suit and naming them in a fraud case if they go forward with it. Also cancel any and all joint credit accounts and get yourself unhooked now from your ex. There's half your problem right there, people are looking at financial records showing that you are both still together and just blindly going ahead. I seem to remember telling you to do that in an earlier post, but am not sure why you haven't done so yet. Talk to the fraud division of any and all credit cards and bank that you have shared accounts with him on and find out how to get yourself off those accounts today.

 

Also call each of their offices and ask the secretaries or them for the real estate agent and mortgage agent's licenses and that you are filing complaints against them with their individual licensing boards. Fraud is taken extremely seriously in these cases, but you have to act and act fast as in do nothing else until you have put everyone so on edge that they'll be found guilty of fraud themselves that they won't touch your ex with a 20,000 foot pole. What he's doing is illegal and it sounds like he's gotten a dishonest real estate agent and mortgage agent to help him with his fraud, which makes them accessories to the crime.

 

Put everything in writing and make sure you follow up with phone calls. Document everything and throw nothing away.

 

Also this is the US Department of Justice website on identity theft, which is what your ex is doing. link removed Go there, find out where to file complaints, file them.

 

Additionally I took a moment to go to and find other agencies you should contact and file reports on. You can find everything about who to contact and the links to those websites in this one document put out by the Social Security Administration, page 5 and 6 specifically. link removed

 

Go to each one of these places, file complaints, print them off and take them in or mail them priority mail with proof of receipt/certified to the real estate agent and mortgage agent to show them you are taking this matter seriously and it is a crime, you are not a willing participant in this fraud. Keep all proof you've done so.

 

Bluntly speaking your local police department is next to useless in these cases unless you go to the specific agents/department/division that handles financial and identity theft crimes. If you talk to the street cop or the homicide detective there's a really good chance they'll take the paperwork and file it with everything else in a big stack to be gotten to months later. I don't mean to criticize cops, but unless you go to the particular specialty that your crime is handled by you will simply be going to people who have little to no training in the area who are overworked already and who will be more worried about that body and the bank robbery that they have to handle. So making sure you seek out the correct legal help is just as vital as going to them in the first place.

 

Ditto the attorney, find one who specializes in fraud and/or real estate transactions if you can although you can also use your divorce attorney for a lot of the initial work I would imagine. At least find someone to send letters on your behalf showing you have an attorney. I've done that several times and it's very successful, because it shows dishonest people you are serious about going after them for whatever it is they are doing wrong.

 

Bottom line is you need to scream and scream loud and clear with a paper trail full of complaints to law enforcement agencies that deal with these types of crimes, complaints against the real estate agent and mortgage agent's licenses and a fire-breathing attorney who will happily send letters to whoever letting them know they are partaking in fraud. Get nasty, get mean, spend all day on the phone and yes I know you'll have to shell out money for the attorney. However that cost is nothing compared to what you'll be stuck with if your ex takes the money from the loan and just walks away with it or forecloses on the house leaving you with the mountain of debt and ruined credit. Time to start fighting, because there really isn't any other way.

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Thanks everyone for the great advice!

 

I called the real estate board to file a compliant and also the Dept of Justice and SSA. I also will file the police report.

 

What is more disappointing is that the real estate agent claims my attorney said it was ok and acceptable yet he doesn't return my calls so I don't know the validity of that.

 

My ex contacted all the attorneys in this area for consultations to conflict them out, so I would need an attorney out of area if I decide to change attorneys.

 

I feel like they are going to try to rake me over the coals. I also found out you can deduct mortgage and property tax payments from child support and my ex says he cannot afford child support so I think with the concept of buying the house, he has more alterior motives. It's ridiculous he says he cannot afford child support so hasn't paid it yet can afford a half a million dollar home and $80k sports car. He even said his attorney said he doesn't have to pay child support now.

 

It's such a mess and very embarrassing. I try fighting back but he's also malicious and I worry he'll harm my family since harming me would be very hard. Someone has been knocking my parent's house at 1am two days in a row and he was definitely in my city at that time, so who knows what he's going to try.

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Rose it CAN't be that there's not one law-abiding attorney in your area. Who gives a frog's fat behind if he called them. You give them all the information that you have on him. I know this is not easy but you have to stop stop stop stop being afraid of him. You also have to stop listening to his terror babble. All he's doing is terrorizing you. STOP LISTENING. I realize that he has abused you and it is hard to stop thinking in a victim mentality but you have to stop. This is a fight for your life and your son's life. Also tell your family to call the police. You can have a restraining order put on him Rose and so can your family. The problem is that you are too nice. This guy needs a legal and criminal kick to the nuts. So give him one!

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What is more disappointing is that the real estate agent claims my attorney said it was ok and acceptable yet he doesn't return my calls so I don't know the validity of that.

 

My ex contacted all the attorneys in this area for consultations to conflict them out, so I would need an attorney out of area if I decide to change attorneys.

 

Go to your attorney's office and raise heck until he sees you or the secretary comes out and talks to you. Let them know what was said and is it true. You are going to have to get really proactive and active and in person on these things. Also I'm sure your ex hasn't seen every single attorney out there and/or go get one who specializes in identity theft instead. And if your divorce attorney did indeed give the green light then get another attorney in an adjoining town or city, fire his butt, then file a complaint against him with the state bar.

 

You are going to have to force people to do their jobs, that's just the nature of it. But if you don't act no one will step forward to do it for you. Sorry that's just the way it is, justice is for the rich sometimes yes but it's also for the persistent, so keep that in mind. And go after them with all guns blazing. I find it really hard to believe your ex has that much power unless he's in organized crime and/or a politician of serious stature. Make sure you aren't swallowing his lines to you and just thinking that's the way it all is. Have you called every attorney in your area and you know he's consulted all of them or just that's what he told you for instance?

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I've worked as a police officer for over 21 years now and this is what you need to do. You need to file a report along with a fraud package or whatever your agency where you live uses. Nobody will do anything until you file a police report.

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When I see words like "hurt" and "disappointed" and "embarrassed" (rather than livid and furious and pissed which is what I would be), those are red flags to me. They suggest she has expectations of him, and he's not living up to them. This combined with making excuses like "I can't contact a lawyer because he has called them all" (which is completely untrue--even if he has done this, there is no conflict of interest unless he has hired them all and paid all of them a retainer), suggests that Rose is still in love with this clown and is hoping he comes to his senses and comes back to her.

 

Because that would explain a lot.

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I may come off as not doing anything and really it's because I have so much more going on than the divorce.

 

My father just got out of the ICU after being very ill recently, my mother is undergoing radiation. I was fired from my job 1 week before my son was born because I was pregnant. I am paying for a discrimination attorney to represent me (which is very strong case) and that's a whole separate retainer I have to pay. I also have hospital bills that I still owe from my delivery because my ex-husband promised me I had maternity insurance, yet I believed him, and ended up having no insurance and now am having to pay cash for my delivery, hospitalization, doctor's bills, which I am fighting him to pay half, but at this time, I have a lot on my plate.

 

I am looking to switching lawyers, but as you see I don't have a job (which I am applying for new jobs) and I have lots of student debt and am way over my head financially. My ex-husbands lawyer told him he doesn't have to pay child support so I have no income coming in period. I can't ask family for money to retain another lawyer because they are ill and have their own problems.

 

So my only place to turn is here for emotional support. I do feel hurt, no doubt, I had what I thought was a partner to help me through the roughest time of my life and just up and left me, which is far better in the end once I overcome all these hurdles.

 

With that said, I am working very hard on my case on my own, journaling, documenting, everything I need to do, writing certified letters to the real estate and mortgage agents. I also plan to sit outside my lawyers office until he talks to me.

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