Starting Over....again.

[faraday]

She smokes yet she's worried about GMOs for health reasons?? Hahahaha hahaha!

 

Right? I just stare blankly at her. Like...she's got bigger problems than gluten and gmos (which aren't actually problems). She also claims she's vaccine injured. I'm like, oh, you're injured alright

 

I might be going to hell.

[faraday]

And...crazy aunt just liked my fb artist page. She's so confusing.

[faraday]

Jay comes home tomorrow! He's been gone 24 days! Is he ever going to be surprised when he sees everything I've done. The yard...looks like someone else's yard. And I've changed so many things inside too.

 

I'm so ready for him to be back. I miss him.

 

Today my regular yoga lady wasn't there...someone subbed...and she doesn't give modifications for noobs...so omg, I'm so sore already! I think tomorrow is going to suck. It hurts to breathe...my rib cage hurts...that's not normal lol.

[Ms Darcy]

Welcome home Jay!

[faraday]

Varathane makes me feel sick now like I try to clear coat something, and I get dizzy and feel like puking...then my throat hurts for a few days after. Makes projecting harder

[WithLove]

Have you been doing yoga for long? How are you liking it?

[faraday]

Have you been doing yoga for long? How are you liking it?

 

I started it about a month and a half ago. I love it. I need far fewer massages, I'm not as stiff even though I'm doing things that are tough on my body (planting trees etc)...I go once a week. Eventually I'll go more, but my goal has been to change one small thing and do it for 3 weeks, and then add another thing. So far, I've cut out adding syrup to my coffee (almost 3 months), eating the same healthy breakfast everyday (2 months). Yoga once a week (month and a half)...and a week ago I started assign everything to mfp. And I convinced a friend to join so we're both tracking and keeping each other accountable.

 

I joined a gym 3 weeks ago. I haven't went yet *embarrassed*. I want to go. I will soon (as soon as this band below my boobs stops hurting...I can barely get out of bed right now without help...it hurts so much!).

[WithLove]

I would like to do some yoga, but I'm not flexible at all and I'm embarrassed.

[faraday]

I think that's even more reason to go. Idk. I'm not crazy flexible..but that's the point. I go because stretching feels amazing and I'm becoming more flexible. I'm also becoming stronger, which is pretty cool. Even in only 6 sessions, I can hold poses longer than I could, and I'm becoming stronger (I'm becoming more steady when holding poses). It's a good feeling.

 

I felt a bit awkward in my last class. Everyone there was a size 2 and it was obvious they had been doing. Yoga a while.,.but whatever...I'm there to improve, so if they judge me, it says more about them than me.

[thejigsup]

When I started doing yoga I was a klutz with NO flexibility whatsoever. One year later I could cross both of my legs behind my neck and walk on my hands. Amazing thing, yoga. What it does for your moods is even more amazing!

[Ms Darcy]

When I started doing yoga I was a klutz with NO flexibility whatsoever. One year later I could cross both of my legs behind my neck and walk on my hands. Amazing thing, yoga. What it does for your moods is even more amazing!

 

I totally agree. I was not very flexible at all when I started. As I started doing it more consistently I gained a lot of flexibility. I had a personal goal of learning to do the splits (front splits) and I am a ton closer to the floor/very close. I can also do a back bend and certain squat poses I could not do before.

 

I've come to realize that flexibility is as important as strength training so good for you for doing this!

[WithLove]

Now that I've got a job - I can get back to following a routine. Work, go to the gym, eat dinner. Planning my meals. And once I start doing all that, and feeling better, I want to look into Yoga. I really think it'll be good for me.

[faraday]

You'll do fine

 

I went back to the old forum...I hadn't been there in a very long time. I can see why you're here now. I saw some of my old posts you brought up

 

 

Welcome. I hope you find it to be a good home. I really like it here....the people here are mostly fantastic

[faraday]

Mom starts chemo on Thursday. Dad is going to take her to her first one....and from then on, I will drive her and stay with her for the duration of her 4-6 hour weekly chemo treatments. She will have treatments every week for the next 4 months. Then radiation. Then...we see.

 

I visited a friend today....her dad died two weeks ago from cancer. He fought it for over a year. We cried and talked about how sh**ty cancer is. We talked about how hard it has been on the parent without cancer. We talked about not getting out of bed because we're too sad some days. We talked about guilt when we're happy. We talked about how it's scary...for my family, the not knowing what will happen, and for her family...how scary it is imagining their family without her dad.

 

Today it's rain/snowing. It's been so nice here. I have a dark tan on my arms and legs from all the gardening I've been doing lately. We planted an apple tree that grows 4 different kinds of apples. I've been digging out huge sections of lawn to add in gardens, pathways, and a small courtyard out front. It's going to be beautiful. The lawn is already green...and perennials are already popping up everywhere. We have a huge tree out front that is completely saturated in pink blossoms. I'm not sure what kind of tree it is, but it's the most beautiful tree I've ever seen. I didn't know it did this- when we bought it in the fall it was green leaves.

 

Clementines dad and his gf just bought a townhouse. They move in a few months- they're so excited I'm glad for them.

 

Jay is finally coming out of his hibernation...when he gets back from fieldwork he's like a zombie for 2-4 days...and he's starting to act normal again...so I'm excited to have him back. Our friends are coming for dinner in an hour....I should probably start to cook.

[Ms Darcy]

Now that I've got a job - I can get back to following a routine. Work, go to the gym, eat dinner. Planning my meals. And once I start doing all that, and feeling better, I want to look into Yoga. I really think it'll be good for me.

 

Yoga is great. So is Tai Chi. Anything that gets you moving at a pace that works for you, helps you clear your mind, and harnesses the energy in your body to have positive thoughts is great!

 

Once people get really good at Yoga, it can be a good transition to meditation.

 

I learned from a Buddhist teacher that many Yogis would do so much yoga (as in hours of it) to prepare their bodies for meditation. Move your body, shake out a lot of energy, to help you clear your mind. That blows my mind personally.

[thejigsup]

I took a class this year on Mindfulness Meditation. It really helps you completely block out everything but the present moment in time. Great for dealing with life!

[WithLove]

I always feel much better after an intense gym work out. I feel looser, more relaxed, and it even helps me feel better mentally, too.

[faraday]

Mom and dad came over for dinner. Clementine just received a pair of minecraft sunglasses with her book order from school, so she was showing them off. Then she sat with my mom and read to her....then she came and read with me. I looked up and mom was watching us crying.

 

This diagnosis has been all over the place. Doctors don't want to discourage her- she's going to have a hard road ahead of her...every time she gets news lately, it's bad news.

 

I'm so mad. Why is she dying now? And why couldn't have she been nice to me when I was a kid or a teenager? We wasted so much time. I've wanted this friendship with her since...always. I finally have a mom...and she's not going to be around that much longer.

 

I know I should be over this by now. I'm trying really hard. But it feels like a cruel joke to have had the worlds most petty, jealous and unkind mother for 32 years...only to get a glimpse of what could have been at the very end. F cancer. F cancer so much. And F my moms family that messed her up so much. F her grandfather for being a heroin addict. F society in 1960 for not getting my grandmother the help she needed with her postpartum depression...and F my mom for not ever recognizing her alcoholism and for not getting help ending the cycle of abuse. I know I have parts in this. Part of me wants to say "I was just a kid"...idk. I don't know what I could have done differently. I did try to change things...but changing a relationship requires everyone involved to be onboard.

 

Oh mom...your tears are too late.

[Seraphim]

I know it's really difficult ,but it's not too late right now. If she wants to make up for lost time it's time to accept it. Hugs

[reinventmyself]

Oh Hun. . that was hard to read and you are absolutely entitled to your anger. ((hugs))

Purge it some more until it no longer has any power.

At some point you might be grateful for this time because without it, you may never had the opportunity to see this side of your mom.

[itsallgrand]

Great big huge hugs for you.

 

I feel like a comrade with you in this. My mom and I too, a lot of difficult years and so much family trauma leading to my moms alcolism. And then some good years, which have been precious, and now she's facing cancer.

 

I hear you. Sometimes I get flashes of anger too. It's hurt. So much hurt. Over time wasted, and now it feels way too soon to face losing her.

 

Just know I think about you during this time.

[faraday]

Thank you everyone for all your supportive words.

 

I do cherish this time so much with her.

 

And sometimes after she leaves I'm blinded with rage.

 

I still have to get through bargaining and depression to get to acceptance. It won't be pretty.

 

Today I'm taking my mom to her first treatment

[faraday]

5.5 hours. First treatment done. She said she still feels great.

 

Tomorrow we're going to get our nails and toes done. Hopefully she's still feeling good.

 

Did you know when you go through chemo you're supposed to flush twice? Or use a different bathroom than the rest of your family. Chemo comes out in your pee and it can contaminate others.

[faraday]

]

 

I need to become scarier for the next child.

[IAmFCA]

]

 

I need to become scarier for the next child.

 

This is too good.

 

I popped over just to send you well wishes. You are welcome to invest them in whichever area of your life you desire. A lot going on. (())