Anyone have experience with HIV tests?

[Iggy5129]

So I'm in a weird and very stressful situation right now. I just started dating this man who is getting divorced. He was with the same woman for 11 years before me. We have fooled around, but no sex (my choice, he wanted to but I wasn't ready). He is in an extremely low risk group for contracting HIV.

 

The thing is the other day he sends me a message that he was at the park with his kids and stepped on a discarded needle. He was worried he might have been exposed to HIV. So I started doing research and it says pretty much no one has ever gotten HIV from stepping on a discarded needle. It also said that you need to wait a few weeks after exposure to come up positive.

 

He went to get a test the next day and the initial test came back positive...less than 24 hours after exposure? He is supposed to go on Monday for more extensive testing. So my problem is I think he's lying about when he was exposed and how. His story just doesn't add up. It's that or the initial test is a false positive. But he's acting like it's already confirmed that has it for sure. He now says we can't sleep together and we have to just be friends. Literally hours before he stepped on the needle he was trying to take my clothes off and sleep with me.

 

I told him that his story doesn't sound right to me but that I will still support him and maybe one day he will tell me truth. He swears up and down that this is the truth. He's saying he's hurt I could so easily call him a liar. So that leads me to believe the more extensive tests will have a negative result. But then I think that's just wishful thinking and he must be lying. I'm stuck in this thought loop.

 

So does anyone have any experience with this? I want to trust and believe him but my gut says something is off about this. And if he was exposed sooner it means he exposed me too and I need to know that. What do you guys think?

[metrogirl]

I am of the belief that there aren't any real low risk people. He was with a woman for 11 years but he also doesn't know if she hadn't exposed him to the virus. She may have cheated on him. Who knows?

[browneyedgirl36]

I have no experience with this, but the first thing I thought of when I read this was, "He's lying." First of all, the risk of exposure to HIV from some random infected needle in a park is extremely low -- practically non-existent. Even health care workers, who get stabbed with needles all the time, rarely contract anything, let alone HIV. And, as far as I know, there's NO way he could test positive for HIV within one day of exposure. There's a reason why people are told to test once, then test a few months later. It just doesn't show up that quickly.

 

This set off a HUGE red flag for me when I read it; I think he suspected he had been exposed to it in the past, and then when he tested positive for it, he made up a story about how he might have contracted it. I hate to think he'd do that, but...I think a lot of people would be tempted to lie about something like this.

 

Wait and see what happens with his next test. If you plan to continue to see him, and he tells you it's negative, you need to SEE the results -- and not copies of them, either -- the originals.

 

If you have not actually had sex with him, your chance of exposure is low, BUT...HIV can be transmitted through oral sex (much less likely, but it can be), so depending on what you've done with him and what his results are, you should probably take a test yourself.

 

In my experience, if someone's story doesn't add up, it's probably not true. If I have a feeling someone's lying, he or she usually is. His story sounds extremely fishy to me. The fact that he acted all hurt and defensive does NOT mean that he's innocent, either; it could simply be a smokescreen.

[lady00]

He's lying. The needle story is ridiculous, but at least he told you before you slept together.

[Iggy5129]

You are all confirming my suspicions. I will wait to see what happens on Monday. I want to trust him but I have to trust my intuition first. If it's positive I will get a test as well since we did fool around.

[sophie274]

I would probably get a test regardless of what he says - if you think he's lying about the needle, what's to prevent him lying about the test result? The chances that you got it are really really small, so I would try not to worry (easier said than done, probably).

 

Are we talking about a sewing needle? A hypodermic needle? I agree with the others, sounds fishy. One of my friends had an incident in a first aid course in college where he stuck someone else then himself with a syringe, and they were both immediately given post-exposure prophylaxis while they were tested for HIV (to see if either one had it before the incident). I'm pretty sure if you contract it it takes at least a few weeks to show up on a test.

[chitown9]

And if he was exposed sooner it means he exposed me too and I need to know that. What do you guys think?

 

My opinion? I believe that he has HIV and he lied about how and when he contracted it. It sounds like you have been exposed to it as well....so you need to be tested. Also, drop this guy like a hot rock. He is a liar and he exposed you to HIV knowing that he was infected with it. chi

[IAmFCA]

Anyone sexually active can easily get themselves tested safely and cheaply, and on a regular basis, as an important element of self-care. That way, it is NEVER an indication of whether we trust someone else, think someone else may have been cheating, whatever. It is just a habit of us taking responsibility for knowing our own health. I did this even when married, with every check-up.

 

Best to know and to give oneself an opportunity to feel good about being responsible.

[IAmFCA]

And PS, he is lying. Just needs a way to tell you is HIV+ and is afraid to tell the truth.

[catfeeder]

Why would you want to be friends with someone who has put your life at risk?

 

Not only do I not buy his 'story,' it would lead me to doubt how much his wife knows about their divorce.

 

He is still married. Messing with someone who's divorce is not finalized is messing with a married man--and this situation demo's why that's not as much a moral issue as a practical one.

 

The guy sounds full of it. I'd get myself to an HIV clinic immediately, one that tests 'anonymously' as opposed to 'confidentially'--there's a privacy difference.

 

You may have read old info on testing, as newer tests can detect exposure much earlier. Ask them about the exposure window to determine how long you should repeat the testing after sex with someone who has tested positive.

 

Stress to them that you have had sex with someone who has tested positive.

 

I'd avoid this guy like the plague.

[ParisPaulette]

He is lying to you. Read this: link removed He did not get HIV from stepping on a needle and BTW that's a crock unless he makes it a habit of running around in parks barefoot.

 

Ask yourself why on earth you want to still be involved with someone who is going to lie like that. Also if he lies about this what else is he NOT telling you the truth about? Like is he really even divorced. In the middle of a divorce is another huge red flag BTW--it means it's just his word to you as to whether he's really single or not. And whether anything is even going to work out since what he should be focusing on right now is how it will affect his kids and getting his life together, not replacing his wife with a rebound which you are. Sorry, but I think you deserve alot more than this and if you accept this lie he now knows you'll accept others and you'll likely never get the truth from him on anything else again. Not to mention putting yourself at serious risk of illness or death over someone who this fast out of the gate is already so blatantly dishonest.

[Iggy5129]

Ok. First of all I have known this man for 6 months before we started hooking up. I know for a fact that the divorce has been filed. It will be final in April and I actually know his wife. He is not lying about these things.

 

And I specifically said we did NOT have sex.

 

Anyway, I agree that he is lying about the whole hiv situation. I'm not stupid and I'm not some naive idiot who is being duped into being the other woman. He is actually trying to end the physical part of the relationship over this which is why it's confusing.

[Batya33]

He's lying and lying badly. You have no idea if the divorce will actually go through -many things can happen to prevent or delay that. I would get tested just to be on the safe side and stop being in contact with him.

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, good to know that he is indeed getting divorced although as others have pointed out there he isn't out of the woods just yet on that whole mess. When the papers are signed yes. I only asked that, because the whole thing is so odd. If he's lying about that it makes one wonder what else he's lying about. And you asked what we thought, so I provided a link showing you exactly what happens with HIV and how many months it takes before it shows up in the body. I don't doubt he tested positive, just that he didn't get it from stepping on a needle recently.

 

However you cut it the man's lying though and that's a red flag.