CatsMeeoow Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Newborns are expensive... What is the mother's plan? -----Is she staying home with the baby for X number of weeks or months? If that is the case then your Child Support will be to support both the child and the mother during this time. -----Is she going to work and have to pay for childcare? Most childcare for a newborn to a year old is averaging $200--- $800/mo and yes you have to pay a portion of that as well. In almost any state CS is based on a calculation. You are just plugging numbers into a formula. Most newborns don't get overnights with the daddy if they are being breastfed but it just depends on where the baby is at developmentally. Your biggest credit for lowering your weekly payment is the number of overnights you are awarded in your visitation. If you live in another state your overnights will be very few for many years - typically until the child enters school so I think the advice you got to move closer would be something to consider. You should be able to find these CS calculators on line for the different states. Good Luck Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 OK, if you make $4K a month, $1900 is almost 50% of your income. I have never ever heard of anyone paying that much for one child only. A more normal amount is 12-17% of pre-tax income which would be a payment of about $600-$700/month. You need to find another lawyer. What state do you live in? You can almost always find child support calculators on line for every state that will calculate a ballpark of what you will owe. Normal in a normal state not in her state, there a draconian state.. Do they caculation ur self.. i make 1700 gross a week. link removed Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Becareful.... you can sign away your rights but you could still be on the handle for child support... its happened in the state I live in. She would have to agree to absolve you of any financial responsibility and even then it gets tricky. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Another word of advice.... if she isn't working make sure you get in writing you get to claim this child on your tax return!!!!! Make sure it is filed with the courthouse. If she is working then you want an agreement where you alternate years in claiming this child on your taxes.... that will save you $2700-3700/yr on your tax liability. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Normal in a normal state not in her state, there a draconian state.. Do they caculation ur self.. i make 1700 gross a week. link removed Well we cannot calculate it because we don't know what she's paying. We don't know what she's paying towards health insurance if anything and we don't know how much a week she's paying for her child. So it is impossible for us to calculate. But for dental and eye care you're going to be paying zero because the child doesn't need that yet. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 She is nanny under the table, child care is free because she will take baby to work with her.. I can sign my rights away, if she agress i know its what she wants.. I dont want too, but honestly my life last 6 months has been a nightmare , i worry stress all day, cant focus its on my mind, im alone isolated. Most people dont understand what im going thru.. The thought of my life like this or worse for next 20 yrs and kids mom will make it worse for me.. is unbearable i cant move forward or create a life for myself with this burden.. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 You can still fight her in court by saying she makes money under the table. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Well we cannot calculate it because we don't know what she's paying. We don't know what she's paying towards health insurance if anything and we don't know how much a week she's paying for her child. So it is impossible for us to calculate. But for dental and eye care you're going to be paying zero because the child doesn't need that yet. She makes 400 a week.. even if she makes 1000 a week theres really only few hundred savings.. I have to pay half health care or full then i get 150 credit.. but i pay 30-35% gross income.. but it gets taken out net so om hit with taxes why it close to the 50% mark. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 And being a nanny under the table doesn't entitle you to bring your own child to work. The people that she's working for might not like her bringing her own child to look after THEIR children. Because when push comes to shove she will be looking after her own child not theirs. And she is being paid to look after their children. So don't assume she gets to bring her baby to work. I know if I was hiring someone to look after my kids they certainly wouldn't be bringing their kids to be looked after at my house. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 You can still fight her in court by saying she makes money under the table. Ive talked to lawter about this.. they dont care she can say she makes zero just stays home with babu.. judges dont care i will just be hit with higher payments. This is why i started this thread.. what ive learned and seem its not fair for thr guy and no way around it.. women always wins in court unless she is a drug user, homeless prostitute Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 The IRS might care. Seriously dude talk to another lawyer. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 welcome to fatherhood man. I know how you feel and my only recommendation is to make some adjustments to your lifestyle. Unfortunately that is how the court system works. Its based on how much you make and how much time you spend with your kid will determine what you pay. I ended of selling some of my belonging, pretty much downgrade my lifestyle to make things work. At the end the most important thing I got out of it is time spent with my kids. GL I was looking forward to fatherhood, just not on these terms, sucks man. Sorry about ur pain too.. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Well, if a kid is going to be breastfed, there is no way you can provide that, so of course the mom will get custody for the first year. I agree with moving to her city, you'll be able to spend more time with the kid. I know a couple who divorced, they live in the same city. The kids spend half the week at moms house, half at dads house. She could easily pump then freeze the milk and dad bottle feeds with that. Did that with both my kids. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 She could easily pump then freeze the milk and dad bottle feeds with that. Did that with both my kids. Ah, thank you for clarifying. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 OP - is this really a surprise? I thought all of this was well known by everyone. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 You're all "the family man" when you want a relationship, then when you find out a chunk is going to come out of your pocket, you want to just throw away your child like they're a bag of trash. Jesus christ, we're talking about another little person here, half of you. Once you have a child, so ends your comfy, cozy life. It's no longer about you anymore but another little mouth to feed, nurture, educate and care for. Do you know how many things of mine I've pawned to take care of my baby? I stress and worry every day. I make my life around him, now. That's how it works. You have NO IDEA if this is what's going to happen yet. None at all. And you're ready to sign away your rights? Get off the woe was me pot, take some parenting classes and prove yourself as a fit and interested/involved parent. Or, just walk away. And you will have that on your conscience for the rest of your life. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 She could easily pump then freeze the milk and dad bottle feeds with that. Did that with both my kids. Anything is possible if she is willing and wanting.. im pretty sure she will do everything possible to make my life difficult as possible.. plain cruel Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Ive talked to lawter about this.. they dont care she can say she makes zero just stays home with babu.. judges dont care i will just be hit with higher payments. This is why i started this thread.. what ive learned and seem its not fair for thr guy and no way around it.. women always wins in court unless she is a drug user, homeless prostitute Being a patent is a 24 hour a day job. You can complain all you want about paying, but you're not the one going to be up every hour for feelings and diaper changes. Unless you fight for joint custody. All in all, don't have sex if you're not ready to deal with the fallout. I'm wondering when they are going to make a birth control pill for men..... Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I just did the calculation from the link you sent based on her earning no money at all and it comes back with $397/week, so less than $1200/month, not $1900/month at you stated. When the child is an infant most courts will allow the mother not to work, but once the child is out of infancy, she will have to prove she cannot also work and bear some of the financial burden of raising this child, at which time your child support would be reduced. So i think you need to find another lawyer. I also caution you against descending into bitterness over this and assuming the victim mentality because it won't change anything at all. The bottom line is children are expensive and you did create this child even if you don't want to contribute money to the child unless the mother takes you in as well. Even if you lived with your ex, you'd still be paying a lot of money to raise this child, house it, clothe it etc. So you can spend your time being angry and bitter and shaking your fist at reality, or you can work to make your life better and to help raise this child. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Yes ,she is not getting off easy by any means. She gets to care for that baby 24 hours a day ,seven days a week ,365 days a year. And that is not easy I can tell you 100%. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Ur kinda of twisting the story a little.. off course kid comes first and i would give my last penny or last food outa my mouth. . I dont disagree with that. . U had ur kid with u everyday , loving, caring, seeing the growth and love.. Im angry at the system and some women use in there favor ? Kid really needs 1900 a month ? The court is an enabler to keep famolys away. Bevause mom gets kid and money.. If it wasnt women just got everything, there would be more reasons to work it out and be a family. And if u cant make it work then base CS on cost of rasing a child which is usaly 10-15K a yr and tjat shoild be split 50\50 with the ex.. tjats a fair way to judge proper CS . Because a man is successful and say makes millions why should he give away x amount to the ex..that supports her lifestyle, let her work for it.. If im successful, im gonna share that withvmy kid not my ex and hope it tricckles down to my child. To many women abuse that. Link to comment
22n32 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Ur giving me pretty much all false stuff, ur math is totaly wrong. Hows 397 a week. 1200 ? There 4 weeks in a month not 3.. its close to 1600 at 397. Plus i have to pay the health care .. it all come to 1911 when we figured it out with my lawyer.. Plus even if she gets 100k job im still paying the same thing.. it doesmt matter, she just has more.. Please look up the laws in mass before u state things. Do u live in mass ? Its the worst in the country Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Anything is possible if she is willing and wanting.. im pretty sure she will do everything possible to make my life difficult as possible.. plain cruel I'd see at least two more different lawyers and make sure they're top shelf expensive ones even if you have to go into debt to do it. This is maybe the most important fight of your life. What you stand to lose is missing your kids childhood and creating a bond that is impossible to create later. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I think you really need to see another attorney before jumping to conclusions. I don't see any proof that you're going to be paying $1900 a month. That's almost half your salary. That doesn't sound right at all. None of us here are lawyers so I agree, you need to go to a lawyer in Mass who will represent your interests. Call tomorrow. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I just want to say it's not easy to pump milk and freeze it to give to the baby. A lot of women exlusivley breastfeed the first 6 months. Only from the breast. As using a breast and bottle to feed can lead to problems with the baby latching on the breast...also pumping is quite unpleasent to do and you can't always get a lot out of it. Although I didn't breastfeed I know it isn't just as straightforward as being able to pump. Also OP, you need to get a second opinion from a lawyer. Link to comment
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