family courts and child support us broken and gender biased.

[22n32]

I am gonna go into debt with lawyer.. its 350 an hr..

 

And when the new lawyer says the same thing, are u guys gonna say go say another lawyer. .

 

U guys all love saying lawyer up , see lawyer.. lawyers are not the solution its actually the problem and why we have all the problem it creates paperwork and work for then..

 

Its a lose lose situation for me any way u look at it.. i will never get fair end of anything when it comes to my child like time or bonding, or will it be fair for me financially. .

 

Im screwed either way and mother will always come out ahead

[pl3asehelp]

I just want to say it's not easy to pump milk and freeze it to give to the baby. A lot of women exlusivley breastfeed the first 6 months. Only from the breast. As using a breast and bottle to feed can lead to problems with the baby latching on the breast...also pumping is quite unpleasent to do and you can't always get a lot out of it. Although I didn't breastfeed I know it isn't just as straightforward as being able to pump.

 

Also OP, you need to get a second opinion from a lawyer.

 

There is pretty much nothing that is easy about an infant. If you don't get latching down in the first week, you're not going to breast feed anyway. Pumping, freezing, and then both breast and bottle feeding with that milk is a perfectly viable thing to do. It lets the mother get some sleep as well and lets dad bond with the baby. And if mom ever plans to work, you need to do this as well.

[annie24]

I have a friend whose baby didn't latch for 5 weeks. Frustrating experience for all. But it's not all or nothing in the first week.

[SapphireNoir10]

There is pretty much nothing that is easy about an infant. If you don't get latching down in the first week, you're not going to breast feed anyway. Pumping, freezing, and then both breast and bottle feeding with that milk is a perfectly viable thing to do. It lets the mother get some sleep as well and lets dad bond with the baby. And if mom ever plans to work, you need to do this as well.

 

 

My only point is if she doesn't want to pump and wants to only have the baby on the breast. Which some women do. Thats another reason why he might not be able to see much of the baby early on. I know people do pump and freeze, but as with everything relating to parenting it's down to the choices the person makes. It may be different here in the UK because we get 9 month paid maternity leave and a lot of people breast feed only the first 6 months so there is no real need to pump and freeze to go back to work.

 

I know some babies won't take a bottle straight away if they've been breast fed etc. I was just saying dont assume it's as easy as pump the milk and he can feed the baby and see it earlier.

 

I know there is nothing easy about an infant. I have one

[Seraphim]

Okay ,well she can give the child to you and you can give up your job and she can pay you 1900 a month. Is that more fair? And you can feed a baby every two hours 24 hours a day and you can change the hundreds of dirty diapers it will take to get out of toddlerhood. You can be sleep deprived and frustrated. You can be the one with no social life. You can hold onto a screaming baby who has colic or is sick. You can take time off work to take babies to doctor's appointments. You can take time off work when your child is sick.

 

If you think being the parent 100% of the time is easy compared to your paying $1900 a month I think you're seriously not seeing reality. You should give it a try before you think it is so easy and not worth $1900 a month or the fact that you think she's coming out ahead in the deal. Raising a child is actual work even aside from the money.

[SapphireNoir10]

Also OP there is no point moaning about the situation and going on about how mothers have it easy.

 

The woman is the one that grows the child and goes through pregnancy and childbirth which take a huge physical and emotional toll. Then if they are a single mother theIy have to do all the feeds and changes alone. I know she chose to leave you, but she is still within her rights to have you pay towards a child you both created.

 

Mother's DON'T always have it easy. I hate stereotyping but at least two of my friends have had the father of the baby leave them and have been left to do everything alone, and sometimes it can be an epic battle to get child support out of someone if they refuse to pay it. It's not easy.

 

Society is just looking out for a mother or a father that need financial help to raise a child.

 

I feel for you. I do. You want to be a father and you are not being given that opportunity. It's a horrible situation. However it's worth the money to get a better or different laywer to see what you can do regarding custody and payments.

[lavenderdove]

Look, you are angry and want to pick a fight with everyone here because you don't want to pay to raise your child in an expensive state.

 

So i think you will be better served if you look into father's rights websites and ways you might be able to minimize your child support and discuss this with people who are in a similar circumstance to yours.

 

For example:

 

link removed

 

link removed

 

link removed

 

If you feel this strongly about it, then rather than being bitter and complaining, take action! You will feel a lot better if you take action and work to find ways to lower your child support which these organizations can provide assistance for.

[22n32]

Victora ur not making a very good case. . Even if roles were reserved i would be thrown in jail if i didnt pay CS.. but if shr doeant work its olay..

 

I would be more then Glady change diapers, im already sleep deprived from working all the time , i sleep 2-4 hrs a night.. i alrwady dont have a social life and wont have one because soon i wont be even able to pay my bills..

 

So point ur making is not strong.. i would rather be with my child every day wiyh all screaming, no sleeping and nno life. Rather then be a part time dad, who misses out on the good and bad..

 

She gets the child, plus the money. Weres i get the child taken away, work and have the money taken away from me. Its a double negative for me. And double postive with the money anf she will make all decesions and enjoy the benefits daily..

 

Im not saying i dont wanna pay for my child not the case at all. I would give my child shirt off my back.. but a more fair system 1900 for a kid.. imagine i made another 30-50yr. It would be close to 3k.. women shouldnt be rewarded for bad behavior and its exactly what the system is doing .. and its breaking familys apart for selfish behavior of women.. and many abuse it.

 

Im all about giving my child everything, but it should be split equall and fair.. in cost and time and its exactly the oppisite..

[Seraphim]

Look because she left you doesn't mean she's committing bad behavior! She does not want to be with you. Even if you did nothing to her nothing says that she has to stay with you. You are just not getting that part of reality. So you have to stop with that she did something wrong part. You may think you were a happy family she didn't think so. It's her right to think that way. Your money is not for her it is for your CHILD. So let's get that straight.

 

YOU are choosing to not check out your options. Many many people here gave you options. You can pee and moan till the cows come home but until you get your butt in gear it's not going to change.

 

Check out the options people gave you.

 

And ,yes ,I do have a good argument you just don't realize it yet because you've never done it.

[lavenderdove]

^^

The list of things in life that are not fair go on and on and on. So now what? What are you doing to do about it? You are only whipping yourself up and stewing in bitterness and anger. It is what it is, and you are better served if you look into father's rights groups and find ways of getting joint custody or your child support amounts reduced.

 

For example, it is not fair that women's salaries still are only 80% of what men get, even in the same job. So they start off earning 20% less than men because of the unfairness in society that still views that men should get more for the same job just because they are men. Women are often trapped in 'pink collar' jobs because they are not allowed into certain boy's club jobs and even if they get those jobs, they are not compensated equally.

 

So there is no point in continuing to bang on about this... it is what it is, and you are better served by fighting for your rights and finding ways to mitigate the fact that you procreated with a woman who didn't want you as a permanent partner for whatever reason. And you would still pay a hefty part of your income to raise a child regardless of whether you were living withe mother or not. So it is better to work from 'what is' and join a father's rights group than to just sit in the corner raging to yourself and anyone who'll listen.

[22n32]

Look, you are angry and want to pick a fight with everyone here because you don't want to pay to raise your child in an expensive state.

 

So i think you will be better served if you look into father's rights websites and ways you might be able to minimize your child support and discuss this with people who are in a similar circumstance to yours.

 

For example:

 

link removed

 

link removed

 

link removed

 

If you feel this strongly about it, then rather than being bitter and complaining, take action! You will feel a lot better if you take action and work to find ways to lower your child support which these organizations can provide assistance for.

 

Im not angry or picking fight at all.but when u come back with inaccurate info and try to make a point.. it shows me ur defending it just to defand it..

 

System is broken and women abuse it.. it shouldn't be based on how much a guy makes but what a kid needs.. why i see so many women have 2-3 kids and get 1000-2000 from each. That adds up to be a nice payday every month.. and the kids and fathers are who suffer.. kids broken home and fathers left broken hearted and missing out and in financial disaster. .

 

And its sad when women defand other women's action.. if ur good women or man u stick together and make it work.. not bail because ur bored or curious or wanna hurt the SO and u have a nice payday waiting for ur action..

 

Its broken and wrong..

[lavenderdove]

I'm not defending anything... i'm telling you that if you are unhappy with this situation, then join a father's rights group to improve your odds of having this work out more in your favor. Being angry and bitter about the laws of Massachusetts will do you no good at all... working to ensure your rights are protected in court will improve things, and if you feel this strongly about it, why not join a father's rights advocacy group rather than lashing out at women just because they are women and these are the current laws in your state. Work to get those laws changed if you feel strongly enough about it.

[Seraphim]

Oh that must be right there are no single mothers living in poverty. There are no single mothers living off food stamps and subsidized housing. No of course not.

 

You can cry and moan about life being not fair or you get off your duff and do something. You also cannot control women and make them stay with you.

[Seraphim]

I'm not defending anything... i'm telling you that if you are unhappy with this situation, then join a father's rights group to improve your odds of having this work out more in your favor. Being angry and bitter about the laws of Massachusetts will do you no good at all... working to ensure your rights are protected in court will improve things, and if you feel this strongly about it, why not join a father's rights advocacy group rather than lashing out at women just because they are women and these are the current laws in your state. Work to get those laws changed if you feel strongly enough about it.

 

Exactly we are telling you if you feel screwed over then do something about it.

[Mercurial Girl]

System is broken and women abuse it.. it shouldn't be based on how much a guy makes but what a kid needs.. why i see so many women have 2-3 kids and get 1000-2000 from each. That adds up to be a nice payday every month..

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahaaaaaaaaa that's funny...if that were accurate I would have a LITTER of children by now. You need to do a little more research buddy!

 

Not to mention, seriously...try to support yourself and a baby on $1700/m in Mass. I dare you.

[Seraphim]

Im not angry or picking fight at all.but when u come back with inaccurate info and try to make a point.. it shows me ur defending it just to defand it..

 

System is broken and women abuse it.. it shouldn't be based on how much a guy makes but what a kid needs.. why i see so many women have 2-3 kids and get 1000-2000 from each. That adds up to be a nice payday every month.. and the kids and fathers are who suffer.. kids broken home and fathers left broken hearted and missing out and in financial disaster. .

 

And its sad when women defand other women's action.. if ur good women or man u stick together and make it work.. not bail because ur bored or curious or wanna hurt the SO and u have a nice payday waiting for ur action..

 

Its broken and wrong..

 

And if you see so many women like that you're probably hanging out with the wrong crowd of people. It's time for a change of scenery.

[annie24]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahaaaaaaaaa that's funny...if that were accurate I would have a LITTER of children by now. You need to do a little more research buddy!

 

Not to mention, seriously...try to support yourself and a baby on $1700/m in Mass. I dare you.

 

yeah, seriously. i read in the news recently about some man who fathered like 20 children with 10 different women. Classy. Some of those women were getting as little as $20 a month from him in child support. nice. yeah, having babies is a great way to make lots of money!!

 

and yes, i agree with lavender dove's point - accross the US, women make only 78 cents to each dollar a man makes - for the exact same job. Luckily where I work in my position, that is not legal, but it is legal all over the place. So it's absolutely not true that the courts are skewed towards women because that is not the case, at all.

 

and if you haven't noticed, politicians in the US are making it harder and harder for women to get legal abortions. Soon there will be a lot more men having to pay a lot more in child support.

 

anyway, yes, lawyers are expensive, but as you noticed, so is child support, and so is having a kid. so hire a lawyer, get a custody agreement that is fair for you and her and the baby. be proactive and don't just complain how easy women have it because that is just not the case.

[22n32]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahaaaaaaaaa that's funny...if that were accurate I would have a LITTER of children by now. You need to do a little more research buddy!

 

Not to mention, seriously...try to support yourself and a baby on $1700/m in Mass. I dare you.

 

Exactly my point.. 1700 a month shouldnt go to support her and the child.. we made this child together.. i should be supporting my child 50\50.. not her and my child.. im even down to support my child 60% but not her too. If she was my wife i would support all of her..

 

But u cant have it all. She takes my kid and still wants me to support all of her and my kud.. that is wrong and abusing the system.. and why women use it to favor them..

[Seraphim]

You said she is working so you're not completely supporting her. You can't have it both ways saying you're supporting her 100% when you're not. Right now you're not supporting any of her.

 

Also the more you screw her the more you screw your kid. If she can't pay her rent her AND your kid go out on the street not just her.

[annie24]

Exactly my point.. 1700 a month shouldnt go to support her and the child.. we made this child together.. i should be supporting my child 50\50.. not her and my child.. im even down to support my child 60% but not her too. If she was my wife i would support all of her..

 

But u cant have it all. She takes my kid and still wants me to support all of her and my kud.. that is wrong and abusing the system.. and why women use it to favor them..

 

Um, ok. Have the courts made the judgement yet that you have to pay $1700 a month??? Before you start panicking, you need to talk to a different lawyer, work out a custody agreement, etc. I think you're working yourself up over craziness here. You need to calm down, talk to a lawyer, get some facts, work out an agreement with your ex.

[22n32]

And if you see so many women like that you're probably hanging out with the wrong crowd of people. It's time for a change of scenery.

 

 

Gpod respones cat got ur tongue.. dont have anything to say because u know its wrong. To take a mans 40-50% of his income and let him see his kids few times a month..

 

CS shoud be based on cost to raise kids and should be split amomg the two parents..

 

I dony know or hang out woth people like that. Im just not narrow minded or live in a buvble and actually know whats going on in my city, towm, state and country..

[Fudgie]

Op,

 

I agree with you. The system is totally screwed. It saddens me to see that many men lose access to their children and yet are forced to pay out, all going to the mom who takes it and yet badmouths the dad to the kid. It's called parental alienation and it happens every often.

 

I'm sorry this had happened to you but it's time to stop sniveling and take her to court. Get the CS lowered, get a lawyer, and have him lower it for you. 1900 is too much. And have the court force her to let you have more time with him. If she won't let you see your kid, take her to court again or threaten her with legal action. That will make her cut the crap.

 

Yes, this system is messed up. I worry so much for my brother and hope he never screws without a condom, even with a girlfriend, because you can't trust some people these days. Heck, I've told him directly and scared him with some stories so he'll be overly careful if he gets a girlfriend... I don't want him to end up like you.

 

I'm sorry. But it's time to fight.

[annie24]

Gpod respones cat got ur tongue.. dont have anything to say because u know its wrong. To take a mans 40-50% of his income and let him see his kids few times a month..

 

CS shoud be based on cost to raise kids and should be split amomg the two parents..

 

I dony know or hang out woth people like that. Im just not narrow minded or live in a buvble and actually know whats going on in my city, towm, state and country..

 

Are you here to vent, or are you here to solve your problems???

[Seraphim]

Gpod respones cat got ur tongue.. dont have anything to say because u know its wrong. To take a mans 40-50% of his income and let him see his kids few times a month..

 

CS shoud be based on cost to raise kids and should be split amomg the two parents..

 

I dony know or hang out woth people like that. Im just not narrow minded or live in a buvble and actually know whats going on in my city, towm, state and country..

No , the cat doesn't have my tongue sorry. Like I keep saying if you're so pissed off do something about it!! Call your member member of Congress ,put up posters, petition lawmakers. But I do know whining and complaining never got anybody anywhere.

And by the way my mother was a single mother so I do know something about it thanks.

[22n32]

You said she is working so you're not completely supporting her. You can't have it both ways saying you're supporting her 100% when you're not. Right now you're not supporting any of her.

 

Also the more you screw her the more you screw your kid. If she can't pay her rent her AND your kid go out on the street not just her.

 

 

A chid does not need 1700 a month.. do u spend 1700 on one child a month, food, shelter etc..

 

My dad made 2 k a month, we had house food, clothe, trips. Its diff era. BUt no way it needs so much..