How are YOU feeling right now?

[JTP1994]

Like absolute poop.

[kz91]

A bad day. I can't even sleep right now because I can't stop thinking about everything, it hurts so much.

[Looking up]

I saw my ex fiance for the first time in 3 months today. Wow just as I remember her looking.

We crossed paths a few times today. No words exchanged. I wanted to talk so bad. I was wondering what she was thinking about me.

 

So now I'm home alone trying to keep myself from calling

[RougeQueen]

And here's the rollercoaster nosedive. Was wondering when it was going to hit. I was going up today and felt mostly good and then of course what goes up must come down. Double friggin dammit!! I'm sick of this already. I want to move on and be done with this whole sorry mess. Why can't I ride the emotional train that is level with a few curves instead of the emotional rollercoaster that has high peaks, gut clenching drops, and maddening flips and twists?? Is it too much to ask to be done with it?

[mhowe]

Yes it is...I looked into a.fast forward button for my life but was informed that the entire process...must be.processed. And unfortunately, it isn't linear. Hang in there..it does get better.

[DerekJason]

Yes it is...I looked into a.fast forward button for my life but was informed that the entire process...must be.processed. And unfortunately, it isn't linear. Hang in there..it does get better.

 

true. im about two years post BU, and am doin fine. still single, but a-ok. TIME.

[RougeQueen]

Yes it is...I looked into a.fast forward button for my life but was informed that the entire process...must be.processed. And unfortunately, it isn't linear. Hang in there..it does get better.

 

Too bad there wasn't an "Easy" button for BU's. I'm feeling universes better than I was earlier, anyway. Now I feel embarrassed for being such a whiner. I think I'm finally really processing the end of the relationship, which was less than two months ago. I must've been in emotional denial for the last little bit and now am finally feeling it. Gotta love the backlash of avoidance.

[princeslondon]

Its been 4 weeks (ish) since breakup.....2 weeks since no contact (12 days). I'm feeling wobbly....thats the only word I can use. One minute I'm fine, laughing about something for a few minutes....the next minute I'm in panic mode. 'i wonder where he is' 'i wonder what he's doing' 'has he started talking to someone else/slept with anyone' 'why hasn't he contacted me? Doesn't he miss me at all? Isn't he thinking of me'......its a horrible phase letting go of the 'hope' and moving on to acceptance .As the hope of sorting things out fades......it dawns on me that I'm probably never actually going to see him again, talk to him, hug him, hold his hand, look in his eyes. THAT'S the hard part....he's not even my friend. He's a stranger. Ouch

[hereigoagain1]

It's been almost 6 months since the BU and I wake up thinking about her first thing everyday. I just go through my days trying to forget her and trying to move on with my life, but thoughts off her keep on haunting me. I don't want her back. I feel like she used me just to help her pay her bills until someone who made more money than me came along. She was really good at pretending to love me. Now she is using someone else.She was my best friend and the love of my life and now I have to accept that it was all a lie and move on. I live alone in a town where I have no friends or family to take my mind off things, so I just keep dragging myself through the days until hopefully one day it will be all better.

[Tinyrain]

8 months post breakup. Haven't talked at all. Still miss him and can't stop blaming myself even though I did nothing wrong. I'm feeling really anxious because I think he's on summer break now so he will probably be back in the city I live in. I don't want to run into him. I'm really scared I will because I work near all of his friends and I've run into them a bunch post breakup. I'm feeling a new wave of sadness because I think I realized he's never coming back. He doesn't care how I'm doing or what I do with my life. I thought maybe after some time he would reach out, especially since I'm supposed to be this awesome person. Guess I'm not so awesome. Feel like I will never find someone so amazing again. And one that will try to make it last. I just think relationships are pointless. No one wants to make it work so whats the point? I see so many people in relationships and I think why them and not me? How come their boyfriends have been with them for years? I think I'm just not meant to have that kind of happiness.

[surfjon]

Hungover.....

 

Waiting for this work day to end so I can go drink some more....

 

It kills it for a while, it's ok if morning comes twice a day or not at all....

[Jimbly]

Better now! I had pangs of missing her this morning, then more this afternoon because my best work friend saw my ex on public transportation on the way home. We are planning to meet up in a few weeks, but this reminds me I am not ready.

 

She said she looks the same. She wasn't sure if my ex saw her, but she said it could just be her typical avoidant personality. My friend is pregnant and due any day, so she's hard to miss! We all worked together for a year, so if my ex did avoid her it's because she knows how close I am to this friend, and is embarrassed that she knows all our dirt...

 

Anyway, enough over-analyzing! I have lots of plans this weekend which should distract me. Gotta keep focusing on me!

[kitkat77]

i miss him, i miss him, i miss him. i have pain in my heart tonight.

[figmentations]

Spent most of the night listening to sad songs, it's pretty cathartic. But not something to be done every day. Cried over what's lost and not coming back and I think that's okay, too.

[Heartbreakcity]

Today has been another good day! I went out last night with a group of friends to see a movie, I haven't laughed so much in a while. I have recently purchased season 1 - 3 of "An Idiot Abroad" and I honestly have not laughed so much since the BU! I am starting to feel more like a human, and less like a zombie. Baby steps

[aw4919]

Went to the bar last night. Had a breakdown in the bathroom. Trying to not beat myself up about it, since it is a bar and I wouldn't be the first. I'm making an appointment with a counselor on Tuesday. I don't really want to wait that long, but with the holiday Monday it's the soonest I can get one. I'm falling apart. Really falling apart. I can't shake this terrible feeling of being erased. Like everything I've worked for was for nothing.. I'm still in this awful town, with my awful job, surrounded by people who don't really care or at the very least don't really get it. What has happened to my life? I just want to cry. I wish I had enough money to take off work for a few days so I can stop crying in my car during breaks. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I've gone crazy. Maybe I have. His silence is literally sucking the life force out of me. I know I have to rise above it, and trust me, I would if i could, but I don't know how. I wish I could be angry. I wish this would end. But right now it just feels like a vast wasteland of lonely moments dragging out in front of me for an eternity.

 

This is not what I had planned.

[rambleon]

You're definitely not the first to break down in a bar bathroom, and you certainly won't be the last. Bars are like that anyway... They're fun when you're happy, but when you're already in a dark place... they can really bring it out.

 

And the occasional public meltdown can (strangely enough) be a really isolating experience. You look around at everyone and think "I can't be the only person who is this unhappy, right?" Somehow they all seem better at hiding it.

 

Anyway it's okay to fall apart. Let yourself cry it out as much as you can... It's odd but it helps.

[RougeQueen]

I was feeling angry, upset, and fed up. Surprisingly, this wasn't aimed at my ex this time. It was aimed at some of the other people in my life. My so-called "friends". Don't get me wrong, I have some good ones. But there are the other ones...

 

I've always tried to be as supportive as possible of my friends when they're going through hard times. I try to make myself available if they need an ear or a shoulder or whatever. But during this BU I've really come to see who actually is a real friend. The ones who made themselves available to ME when I needed it. Who would listen to my cry and whine and rant when the emotions from the BU became too much to hold in. So thanks guys, you rock!

 

As for the rest of you... Don't bother coming to me with your problems anymore. I'm not your unpaid therapist. I don't ask for much from people and if you can't reciprocate what I put into a relationship (friendship or romantic) then you are no longer someone worthy of being in my life. I will not waste my energy on you anymore because you are honestly undeserving of it. This BU has taught me that I deserve better from people, be they friends or boyfriends, and that I don't have to tolerate fair weather friends or apathetic boyfriends. There are a lot of people in the world. I don't need to waste my time on people who can't be bothered.

 

So yeah, now I'm feeling strong and focused. Time to go meet some new people.

[figmentations]

This is sooo true. I've realized this about some of my friends as well. Some I've taken the time to get closer to so I can cry on their shoulder but some others have rebuffed me. So I was actually more mad at other people than my ex! And I think that's a good sign, means you're back in the game of life with friendship issues, etc etc.

[RougeQueen]

This is sooo true. I've realized this about some of my friends as well. Some I've taken the time to get closer to so I can cry on their shoulder but some others have rebuffed me. So I was actually more mad at other people than my ex! And I think that's a good sign, means you're back in the game of life with friendship issues, etc etc.

 

 

I was just thinking the same thing! Even a week ago this wouldn't have bothered me because I was so caught up in my break up pain. But now...now I'm actually quite peeved about it. I've made the decision to just fade out from certain friendships and try to make better ones. It's just really hard in my city! Not a lot going on, really lol.

 

Cheers to us for another step taken towards healing, anyway!

[doingitmyway]

Perked up this afternoon. Last night my emotional pain got unbarable and I ended up doing something very stupid when drunk and cut my hand with a kitchen knife in hopes to draw the pain into something physical. It was a slight relief but then I sobered up and realized how dumb it was.

 

I am now looking back into the words of my old buddhist teacher (before he left town) and remembering some of the words of Osho. I have chosen to forgive my ex on grounds that even though she treated me like utter crap before cutting me off, I dont deserve to be brought down any further by holding a grudge. Yeah, Im cautious of how much I let her in and Im using this summer to get out there, meet new people and make healthier friendships away from her. Im not going to give my all to fixing her issues and Im not going to pick up the pieces anymore. Im leaving this on the floor and moving the **** on.

 

Though that being said, I still feel some left over lust for her from when we were in our relationship. Slap me for saying this but I look at this now as a case of 'do what I've gotta do.' I put up with her disrespect. Hell, I'll ask, but even if she does or doesnt go for it, I wont care either way. For someone whose complained so much about being used, she used and abused me. Im tougher for it now, but she almost killed the nice part of me off completely. Nice me is on his way back but my priorities have changed from 'love them' to 'enjoy life, food, sleep, sex and all the hedonistic, simple pleasures while allowing love to come along in it's own time.'

 

I feel ready to cut ties if need be and start over as a stronger me.

[kz91]

Been better.

[Flyingpiglet]

Not great...

[kitkat77]

i woke up angrier than i have been in weeks. i think maybe i had a dream that i really told him off, just sat him down and went down the list of all the reasons i was mad at him.

 

this must be coming from this:

 

after a couple of days, the "i'm sorry for how our relationship ended" part really started to make me mad. so, in my mind all day, i was telling him off exactly how i would if i were sitting in front of him. i need to write it down or type it out, but not send it. i think that will help. what a jerk.

[brickheart]

Today was torture. I had a five-hour car ride and it was mostly silent, so about 90% of the time I was just staring out of the car and thinking about my ex. I feel like I've been treading water for months. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm not making progress.