How are YOU feeling right now?

[Tanzi]

I know what you mean. Stay strong a-little-blue! Emotional pain is the worse, the absolute worse feeling of all.

 

I'm not sure who called the situation off. He says both of them did but honestly I don't know. He said the whole last week they were there near my home, he was like constantly sad since everything reminded him of our relationship and she saw that and realized they both need time to get over their exes. Again, I will never really know.

 

Thanks mbee.

 

It doesn't sound as though he was completely ready to bail does it? Not that it makes an easier on you though.

[chamachama]

Feeling pretty great since the new girl texted me "can't wait to be close to you tonight chama..."

 

I am going to f'ing inhale her as soon as she steps two feet into my apt.

 

That is all.

[kz91]

Today wasn't that bad actually, the weather is AMAZING (if you're from England like me, then you know how lucky we are to have this weather.) had a BBQ and then went hospital to see my cousin who is coming home tomorrow! All in all, not a bad day.

[surfjon]

Another day of rain and a feeling of general malaise....

If this weekend is rainy, I think I'll scream....

 

Don't know why, but the last few nights I've been having these vivid dreams of her and awaken at midnight with tears running into my ears.

 

Went out with a girl who is a friend last night, lots of people out, but I was just down...and usually not like me when I'm out, I wound up taking a cab home......

[hereigoagain1]

I'm still sad and angry. I was betrayed. She left me for him. He left his wife and 3 kids for her. They both moved into his house to live. I want to forgive her and let it go, but I don't know how. The anger keeps me tied to this. The thought of them both going on and having a good relationship together after she used me and devastated my life is a huge injustice to me. I know it only hurts me and not them.I just hope in time I can let it all go.

[mhowe]

You have no idea if she is going to have a good relationship -- I would doubt it. Kinda hard to trust a guy who walks out on his wife and kids.

[surfjon]

whowe is correct......

 

Use your anger to regain control and accept.

 

She can only "devastate your life" if you allow her to......

 

The control and power is inside you, see your life as yours to control, and there is no devastation....

 

Get it??

[mbee]

You will never know how happy she is now that she left. Stay strong and try not to get tied up in it. My ex who also left me for someone who is married, finally admitted yesterday on the phone (why did I talk to him?) that he's unhappy and depressed. I was under the impression he was falling in love and happy. That he was moving on, but honestly I didn't know he was so depressed. Take back the control and focus on yourself being happy. You'll be okay.

 

In terms of how I'm feeling, I feel empty again with this aching feeling. Talking to my ex yesterday left me in a bad place. He said he was finally ready to stop talking to me, and it's what I need but I can't deny missing his voice and that I wish it didn't have to be like this.

 

For the record, I did something crazy. I kind of believe in doing crazy things out of love or for closure. Well during my road trip, my car broke down and I had to meet my friend somewhere (9 hours from where I live but 2 hours from where my ex is staying). My friend couldn't host me early and my ex always mentions this log where he asked me to be his girlfriend. We found it randomly while hiking and it was our "spot". We tried to find it again but due to weather conditions, were unsuccessful. It's been a couple of years so we both doubted it was there. Well I decided to drive 10 hours and hike there and take a picture of it. My ex did not know I was doing that, but guessed it since I refused to tell him where I was going. I found our spot, but couldn't get there due to the flooding. So I took pictures of it and was glad the log and everything was still there.

 

Yesterday, my ex called me frantically, like close to 20 times and sent me texts demanding I call him. I picked up and he was livid I came to his hometown without trying to see him. What? It's like he forgot all the terrible things he did these last 6 weeks and how he's with another woman. He even said it was incredibly hurtful for me to drive down there and see the log, and not see him or take him with me. What was weird, is he knew I went... so he could have invited himself and he knows I'm incredibly hurt and can't see him. I thought what I did was amazingly sweet, and he basically snapped at me about it. He begged for me to turn around and drive back, to have dinner with him, to see him. I just kept saying "no" until he freaked out and started making it out like I was the bad guy. He even said I love the ghost of him and NOT the real him because of me driving there and taking that picture, since it has something to do with the past and not who he is now?

 

I'm just so tired of this. He's saying the other woman is his girlfriend, he's not denying he's falling in love with her, he says he talks to her everyday. He left me and did it in such a terrible way. He admits he's in a bad space in his life, is depressed, unhappy, etc. I just don't know what he's doing and I feel tired and emotionally exhausted like he's taking me down with him. I'm hoping he'll stick to his promise and not reach out to me. It does leave me feeling deeply empty but I can't believe he took my gesture as something offensive to hurt him. I just feel he just wants to make me out like I'm some terrible person.

[mbee]

And as a follow-up, I am feeling better. I realize that not only is my ex using and manipulating me, but I'm letting him. The last week has been chaos but I know it's in my control to end it so I will. I think he's deeply emotionally disturbed and I can't make this my problem anymore and keep drawing myself into it. Here's to hoping for better tomorrows and ones that are at least drama free.

[nfperception]

My ex is THE definition of a "victim mentality" a******. He dumped me for someone else (did some things to me that was considered a manipulation), and yet he tries to make me look like I'm the bad person?

 

I hope he gets what's coming to him, and everyone he holds dear is there to see it.

 

Trust me on this, if you even knew the crap he put me through... URGH!!

 

Him and the girl he left me for deserve each other. She dumped her boyfriend for my ex.

 

They're both pieces of s*** who play the victim mentality well. Both twisting other people's words to make them look bad and they come out acting as if the sun shines out of their a**, like the world will implode on itself if they died.

 

They can both take a hike together.

[Tanzi]

And as a follow-up, I am feeling better. I realize that not only is my ex using and manipulating me, but I'm letting him. The last week has been chaos but I know it's in my control to end it so I will. I think he's deeply emotionally disturbed and I can't make this my problem anymore and keep drawing myself into it. Here's to hoping for better tomorrows and ones that are at least drama free.

 

Spot on!!!

 

I keep being sucked in too. To hell with them!

[Tanzi]

My ex is THE definition of a "victim mentality" a******. He dumped me for someone else (did some things to me that was considered a manipulation), and yet he tries to make me look like I'm the bad person?

 

I hope he gets what's coming to him, and everyone he holds dear is there to see it.

 

Trust me on this, if you even knew the crap he put me through... URGH!!

 

Him and the girl he left me for deserve each other. She dumped her boyfriend for my ex.

 

They're both pieces of s*** who play the victim mentality well. Both twisting other people's words to make them look bad and they come out acting as if the sun shines out of their a**, like the world will implode on itself if they died.

 

They can both take a hike together.

 

They are trying to justify their actions in order to avoid facing the guilt!! They can try to pull the wall over their own eyes but it won't work on anyone else.

[nfperception]

They are trying to justify their actions in order to avoid facing the guilt!! They can try to pull the wall over their own eyes but it won't work on anyone else.

 

Again, these two are pros at manipulation. They had people who were once my friends turn against me.

[mbee]

Yeah, just separate yourself from all that nfperception. It is terrible that there can be so many messed up people in the world but what can you do, right?

 

If it helps, my ex is doing a similar thing and admitted to me he is unhappy and feels guilty all the time. It doesn't take much to spot it either. At some point, maybe years from now or maybe never, these people will realize that they are huge jerks and will feel guilty about it in their own way.

 

Just live your life and be happy. Anyone who doesn't want to be your friend because of their lies, is not your friend. Trust me on this, just avoid the drama. Make new friends. Do what you can to be happy and let everyone else just be miserable, crazy and have drama-stricken lives.

[Tanzi]

Just live your life and be happy. Anyone who doesn't want to be your friend because of their lies, is not your friend. Trust me on this, just avoid the drama. Make new friends. Do what you can to be happy and let everyone else just be miserable, crazy and have drama-stricken lives.

 

Totally Agree!

[mbee]

And I'm glad I'm not the only one a-little-blue. I feel so stupid to keep letting myself get sucked in and allowing myself to feel hurt. When will I learn?

 

Hopefully we'll both get out of this rut soon. I do love this thread though. It's at least helping me own up to my mistakes and realize how much better I would be feeling if I had just stuck to NC and just see where things go.

[nfperception]

If it helps, my ex is doing a similar thing and admitted to me he is unhappy and feels guilty all the time. It doesn't take much to spot it either.

 

While I do believe you, why did he admit to you that he is unhappy and feeling guilty to you?

 

Wouldn't he be trying to hide something like that to you?

 

"It doesn't take much to spot it either."

 

Are you around him to see it, or do other people tell you this?

[mbee]

He wont admit why he's feeling unhappy or guilty. He wants to remain ambiguous. I imagine it's a cry for help and for me to be his emotional crutch while he continues to mess with this other woman and act selfish and crazy. I haven't seen him since we broke up.

 

We have mutual friends. They tell me that it looks like he's in denial and believe he's unhappy. He doesn't look unhappy but it's clear he's in denial. With my ex, I know he has to be unhappy just cause I've known him for the past 2 years. Everyone has come to the same conclusion too. His life is out of control and he's having an identity crisis. I knew this before he told me he was unhappy.

 

He's also acted in ways that show he's suffering like spreading lies about me, coming to my job unannounced, calling me 20 times a day just to yell at me. What I've learned from these forums is when people are happy and move on, they stay out of your life. By staying out of your life, I mean they don't mess with you, they cut ties, enjoy the other person and that's that. The people who stick around for lying, manipulation, drama, etc. Those are the people who are unhappy. With my ex he's been causing drama ever since we broke up and I have been letting him. Every time I get stronger he's been pulling out another card to make me stay. Yesterday he pulled out the whole, I'm really unhappy, depressed, in a bad space in my life, feel so guilty about how much I hurt you, etc. card. But NOTHING has changed. I just don't believe people do these things if they are actually well-adjusted, happy and doing good in life.

 

If you have other thoughts I'd love to hear them. Personally I'm content with believing he's unhappy. It's what everyone else thinks too but like I said, they only think that cause they know him, know what he's done, know our relationship, seen how he's acted since the breakup (which hasn't been unhappy) and believe he totally messed up and is regretting it but doesn't want to admit it or own up to it, and wants to be in denial.

[nfperception]

Oh. In your other post you said that he admitted it to you himself.

 

My thoughts are people sometimes will stay out of someone's life because of respect for the other person saying it.

 

Or they could be staying out of a person's life because they have someone else.

 

I'm sorry, but of my ex was calling me 20 times a day just to yell at me, I would tell him what he did to me, and then either block him or change my number.

[mbee]

Oh. In your other post you said that he admitted it to you himself.

 

My thoughts are people sometimes will stay out of someone's life because of respect for the other person saying it.

 

Or they could be staying out of a person's life because they have someone else.

 

I'm sorry, but of my ex was calling me 20 times a day just to yell at me, I would tell him what he did to me, and then either block him or change my number.

 

Oh whoops sorry for the confusion. He did admit he was unhappy to me directly. He just did not tell me WHY he was unhappy.

 

Yes, well he was calling that many times for other reasons but it led to him yelling at me. Anyway, I'm staying out of it now. These events happened in the last few days, it has not been occurring throughout the entire time since the breakup.

[mbee]

In terms of why he told me he was unhappy and feeling guilty, depressed, etc. I have no idea. Like I said he could be using me as an emotional crutch, stringing me along, or just trying to keep giving me reasons to not cut him out of my life. Who knows...

[nfperception]

In terms of why he told me he was unhappy and feeling guilty, depressed, etc. I have no idea. Like I said he could be using me as an emotional crutch, stringing me along, or just trying to keep giving me reasons to not cut him out of my life. Who knows...

 

Ugh... the "safety net" technique... bleh.

 

He could also be doing that for guilt tripping you.

 

Has he said that he misses you, and wants to meet up?

[mbee]

Oh yes, he says he misses me very frequently. He begged me to come see him yesterday. I drove through his city and he called me begging me to turn around and have dinner with him and see a movie. He even used our dog. He was like don't you want to see the dog, I'll go into the backyard, you wont see me, I promise. I declined. This resulted in him acting like I was a terrible person and freaking out. Again, with these crazy patterns.

 

He also showed up to my job last Friday trying to see me. He could be trying to guilt trip me but I don't like mind games. Every time he does that, I call him a liar and a cheater and land the guilt back on him. Surprisingly, he doesn't deny it anymore. It's weird, and I hope this doesn't mean I'm currently under the effects of manipulation. It really seems like he knows what he did was wrong. Every time I call him out on it, he has nothing to say in return. He's just silent and that's that. So of course he's not saying he's a cheater or whatever, but he doesn't deny it and certainly doesn't try and give excuses for it, at least with me.

 

How long ago was your breakup nfperception?

[nfperception]

It was quite awhile ago, but it still goes on like it was yesterday. What I mean by that is, if I'm not hearing it with one person, it is with someone else.

 

How about yours?

[mbee]

It was quite awhile ago, but it still goes on like it was yesterday. What I mean by that is, if I'm not hearing it with one person, it is with someone else.

 

How about yours?

 

I completely understand what you mean. I am sorry you are hearing about this so much from other people. That really keeps things fresh.

 

Mine was 6 weeks ago so I have a lot of healing that I need to go through still.