How are YOU feeling right now?

[HoldOnToHope]

Holdon....

 

You gotta do what a-little said, delete ALL!!!

 

I made the mistake of deleting everything except blocking her email so last Monday when she emailed me, it started the hurting anew....

 

i don't know what's holding me back from deleting her photos in my phone and dumping/returning her the box which contains all the mementos. Sigh.

[HoldOnToHope]

I deleted my ex from EVERYWHERE the moment we broke up. I have no inclination to know what is or isn't going on in his life. However he emails me so his name is always on a list of recent contacts .... it tells me if he's online and it shows his picture (one I took of him on holiday) and any recent update he has shared on google plus! It's like you can't get away from them no matter how hard you try.

 

u sure are determined to get him out of ur life..i still have many things dangling around and for my case i wanted to return her a photo album and i told her to let me know when she's free, so that we could meet up and she can have it back. 2 months later i still hear nothing from her. Just sad about the fact that someone who said she loved me can't even be bothered / remember to get her stuff back.

[hereigoagain1]

Just really sad. If I had any kind of friends here, then I bet I wouldn't be as miserable thinking about him all the time. I have no friends, no distractions, no nothing. So it just makes the break up a lot harder. I'm just here with my thoughts to myself. No I'm not going out to a bar alone, that is so unsafe and there isn't even a bar around here you can just sit at.. if you get up you lose your spot all night and are left standing alone somewhere. I mean.. I do wish I lived in a town where I could walk to a bar, then I be more inclined to just say screw it.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. I can so relate. I am in the same position as you are. I live in a town where I have no friends or family. Nothing to do but think about the break up. it sucks., but we are going to get through this!

[sunshines]

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. I can so relate. I am in the same position as you are. I live in a town where I have no friends or family. Nothing to do but think about the break up. it sucks., but we are going to get through this!

 

Thanks. Sorry for your situation. I just realized he ended it on our "monthly anniversary". I'ts just the irony of it... to do it on that day. I'm just going to try to get through it sober, don't know how, but I'll drink way too much if I don't.

 

I wish so badly I was the one to have ended it and just said you need to do what you need to do and ... as they say when you break it off and act confident they will "chase" you. But now I'm the one running in circles, I absolutely hate it.

[misssmithviii]

I feel better than I usually do when my ex (we still live together) get's all cleaned up to go out clubbing and bar-hopping... The hardest part is after 4 years of him always expressing his disdain for such activities, he's doing it now. People say it's a coping mechanism but regardless of what it is, it has consequences.

 

I wasn't able to fake a smile and say "have fun" like I have been trying to do for the past 4 months we've been broken up. I've resorted to not hiding my feelings. I'm being tactful and not showing them to him so as not to put any unnecessary stress on him however I don't mask my feelings either. It's refreshing and although I wasn't happy to see him leave, and got angry in my head when he said "bye" all nicely and I just ignored him... I do feel better.

 

Our friend told me the other night that I need to remember to focus on myself and repeat in my head that what will happen, will happen. There's nothing I can do to change it. He's gonna go out. He's gonna drink. Party. Have wonderful conversations with beautiful women. Touch them. Laugh. Act foolishly.

He's allowed to behave that way. And if we end up together then we do... if we don't, I wasted precious time being worried and anxious over nothing.

 

The loneliness won't go away immediately, it'll take time. I'm enduring. Trying to stay positive... trying really hard.

[stella m]

I was doing great for about a month, but this week has been rough. I miss him, I wonder about him, I keep seeing us back together. NC is driving me crazy. I was doing great at making steps towards letting him go. After the breakup I left the city for a few months to get away from everything and I'll be moving back mid/end July. Knowing I'll see him brought back that little door of hope. It's like part of me doesn't want to close that door completely until I see him again. In fantasy land, things will turn around after I've been away. But in a weird yet more realistic, way I feel that seeing him is almost like the closure I need. I figure I'll either see for myself, "Huh, what was I so worked about with him?" or I'll see for myself that he's moved on. It's funny because if a friend came to me with these same feelings I would tell him/her, "You shouldn't wait until you see him to find closure, that's something you should work on now." The problem is getting myself to listen to my own advice.

 

Granted this is my "lady week" (sorry, tmi) so it's possible that hormones came into play with all these feelings... Breakups=suck. Breakups+pms = horrible combination!

[mbee]

I'm up late thinking about my ex and some of his actions. I'm upset and feeling deeply concerned about how he could leave me for someone else. I'll never understand it honestly. I know it's a question others battle as well. It's scary to think I am so replaceable. He has said countless of times that I am not replaceable but then what is this? I'm so unhappy about it. How can you go from having a wonderful and loving relationship one day to watching your ex admit he's fallen in love with some married woman who is a liar and a cheater 6 weeks later. It's very scary.

[rocknrolla]

Just realized something. I'm still a bit of a mess, going out partying etc... In ways I no longer do, surrounding myself with people I'd normally not associate with cause I'm lonely etc.... I've found myself doing this beofre and thought it was cause I was depressed then, although depression plays a part this time I realized its cause I'm missing my "constant", the one thing and or person who keeps me level and out of trouble, my ex.

 

 

I've gotten myslef into so much trouble without care of consequence since she left I no longer know who I am, I know who I'm not but not who I am anymore.

 

Anyone else feel this way? Sorry if it's off topic.e

[Tanzi]

u sure are determined to get him out of ur life..i still have many things dangling around and for my case i wanted to return her a photo album and i told her to let me know when she's free, so that we could meet up and she can have it back. 2 months later i still hear nothing from her. Just sad about the fact that someone who said she loved me can't even be bothered / remember to get her stuff back.

 

The truth is I don't want to set myself up to get even more hurt than is necessary. When my ex-husband and I initially split up I was in denial as to the seriousness of our situation. Even though I had gone as far as finding a new home for me and the children I still felt that we were connected and thought that we would eventually get back together. When I found out he had someone else I quickly spiraled downwards to a place I hadn't been before. I don't think I will ever forget that pain (it is as my signature below says!), so this time around I feel compelled to do everything I can to stop me from feeling that pain again.

 

However the fact that he is still in contact with me is something that is beyond my control. I don't have to reply, of course, and I could have his emails redirected to my spam folder (I think) but I haven't found the strength to do THAT yet ... so, really, in that sense I am not as determined to get him out of my life as it may seem. In truth I am more determined NOT to get hurt. That is my driving force.

[Tanzi]

It's funny because if a friend came to me with these same feelings I would tell him/her, "You shouldn't wait until you see him to find closure, that's something you should work on now." The problem is getting myself to listen to my own advice.

 

Granted this is my "lady week" (sorry, tmi) so it's possible that hormones came into play with all these feelings... Breakups=suck. Breakups+pms = horrible combination!

 

These things are ALWAYS far more easier said than done. It is the logical vs the illogical. For some reason, however, it is the logical that doesn't always make sense when both our head and heart are ruled by our emotions, making it even harder to accept or understand. The logical thing to do in most BU's is to let go COMPLETELY, making our journey forwards easier but the illogical part of our brain is telling us not to let go completely "just in case ....".

 

That said I'm not sure whether having a little bit of hope is so wrong. I would never use that as an excuse to hold to someone but the "fantasies" ... well, maybe we need them - to let a little light into our otherwise dark days. I think as we journey forwards we start to naturally let go of all hope anyway until we know longer focus on them being in our lives anymore. Someone once said to me on eNA, ages ago now, there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of hope whilst moving forwards at the same time ... and I believe that to be true. However, I guess, having too much hope can be unhealthy and that is where the "norm" quickly becomes an obsession.

 

..... and as for "lady week" ... well I find things a lot harder to cope with then too. We are emotional beings at best when it is THAT time of the month so, throw a BU in there too, and you do indeed have a horrible combination.

 

 

I'm up late thinking about my ex and some of his actions. I'm upset and feeling deeply concerned about how he could leave me for someone else. I'll never understand it honestly. I know it's a question others battle as well. It's scary to think I am so replaceable. He has said countless of times that I am not replaceable but then what is this? I'm so unhappy about it. How can you go from having a wonderful and loving relationship one day to watching your ex admit he's fallen in love with some married woman who is a liar and a cheater 6 weeks later. It's very scary.

 

mbee, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Try and remember that this isn't a reflection on you but a reflection on your ex.

 

He doesn't see this OW as a liar or cheat because, to do so, he would have to see himself as a liar and a cheat and cheaters are far more likely to try to justify and rationalise their actions (whilst saying they are sorry) instead of actually seeing themselves as cheaters. Their actions are selfish and cowardly and although they will say they didn't want to hurt anyone that is EXACTLY what they do/did. There are ways of doing things and cheating is not one of them. As hard as it is to accept, he wasn't the man you thought he was. Even since openly being with the OW, he has proved to be a weak and selfish man by contacting you, turning up at your place of work and telling you he needed you to help him get over you. I mean, really, what MAN would say, much less expect, that!!!! You on the other hand have shown much strength in resisting these attempts to pull you back in to whatever it is he is expecting from you.

 

It doesn't sound as though he is in love with this OW, anyway, if they are now needing time apart. Whatever the reason, you are worthy of so much more.

 

Stay strong!

[allgrownupnow]

Never thought I would be posting year 2 years and 9 months after the BU and strict NC. What I feel is very different from what I felt right after the break up. Him contacting me after this long has brought those feelings back to the surface and I now realize that I have to lose a friend forever. There is no way I can live a normal life if he is going to be a part of it in any form. He wants to be "friends" but I know that he has to be dead to me.

[mbee]

I always appreciate your advice, a-little-blue. Thanks so much, I do need to hear that and believe that. Like you said in an earlier response, I feel the logical part of me knows this but it's easier to accept some simplistic response. I'm honestly trying to focus on my life one step at a time, hoping that I'll better be able to see my strength in this situation and accept that the person I was with simply does not exist anymore. again, thanks for your advice, it really helps!

[mbee]

Never thought I would be posting year 2 years and 9 months after the BU and strict NC. What I feel is very different from what I felt right after the break up. Him contacting me after this long has brought those feelings back to the surface and I now realize that I have to lose a friend forever. There is no way I can live a normal life if he is going to be a part of it in any form. He wants to be "friends" but I know that he has to be dead to me.

 

I'm sorry these feelings re-surfaced after so long. I'm not sure your feelings but I had a similar experience once before. It was constant NC and I basically got in contact with my ex-ex after years and years just a few weeks ago. I'm still not sure if it's a good decision honestly, but it's not a bad one so far. Why do you believe he has to be dead to you?

[mbee]

This morning was the FIRST morning since the breakup where I didn't feel sick and sad. Okay that's not totally true but when I went to Cancun I had 2 mornings like that but it was vacation, I was meeting people, up at 6:30am to go on awesome tours. Who starts off a morning feeling miserable everyday of vacation? I have this ache in the pit of my stomach and I KNOW it wont last for the rest of the day but I am happy about it.

[LonesomeNoob]

Great news mbee! I'm hoping I feel like that soon! Keep on going!

[mbee]

Thanks LonseomeNoob! Let's hope it keeps going meh, but I doubt it! I had a good cry later today, but that's what it was, a good cry. It was me just realizing how deeply messed up the situation has become and seeing how I need to accept my ex is either temporarily or permanently gone from me and has kind of lost it. It was relieving in a way, but still sad. I'm missing my ex constantly but this situation has went way off the deep end, that I know talking to him again, especially within the next few months would only bring more pain and heartache. Just talking to him this past week was the most emotionally exhausting thing I've experienced in a long time (outside of the initial breakup and discoveries). A tough realization but one I really needed to accept and believe and now I'm believing it. Or at least I hope I continue believing it. We will see.

[hereigoagain1]

I feel sad today. I have to drive by my exes place to get to my own. I see her and the man she left me for outside mowing grass every Saturday. it's hard seeing them together. We used to do that together, every Saturday. I know she used me and I'm sure she is using him too, but it still hurts because I loved and adored her. To her I was just a way to get her bills paid, but to me she was the love of my life. I was such a fool. She played me bad and I never saw it coming. I have completely lost all faith in finding lasting love. I don't think it exist anymore. it's sad for a romantic like me, but I just feel like relationships don't last and I'd rather be lonely and stable then to keep getting my heart broken.

[gotexans12]

I feel ok. I went to a state park yesterday with a few friends. A thing that suppose to be fun turn out to be sadness. It happens everytime. Every time I go out I will have fun then I will feel bad halfway or on the way home. Something just trigger my mind that I wish she was there with me because she mention that she wanted to do some of those things with me when we were together. It's a sucky feeling.

[malkhos]

It's crazy how long these feelings do hang on to you.

 

It's been 2 months now, and ive been moving on really fast. Like right now i have to pack so i can move away, i applied to a new and better job.. job ive always wanted. But every moment i dont work, i try to escape.. ive driven maaany miles in these 2 months... i can cope being alone, but not in this city tho. Especially difficult are these weekends... she was the only reason i live in this town, and her friends were my friends, so every weekend feels pretty unfair. Ive had these vodka driven days.. days that ive made contact with other people outside the work... been out having fun with ladies and old friends.. but thats all OT .. not here.. this city is her's, and right now i feel like when i get out, ill never ever come back. But its ridiculous thought... i hope these feelings bury away soon.

[betterthan]

Today I feel AWESOME!

 

I have been noticing improvement everyday. I have been really concentrating on myself and my kids.

I have started taking Yoga classes 3 times a week and have found a new house for my girls and I to move into.

 

I still have times where I get overwhelmingly sad. When I remember all the promises he made and the plans that we had with our children as a family, that really gets to me. But I try to focus on moving forward, on discovering who I am again, and on spending time with my girls.

 

I feel really optimistic about my future, I know that I have a lot of healing to do still, but sometimes I wonder why I didn't do this sooner??

 

I really thought that it was a huge mistake when it was happening, but now I realize that I am happier now then I was when I was with him.

 

As Jason Mraz says "IT WILL ALL FALL IN PLACE IF YOU JUST LET GO"

 

I am trusting that this was meant to be, that the person that is meant for me is still out there and this is part of my journey towards him.

[mbee]

What a lovely positive response! I'm so happy to hear you are in that state of mind. Keep it up! It's an inspiration to us all. I hope I'll be where you are at soon!

[Looking up]

Woke up this to our song when we first met on the tv. Wow what hit to the heart. Had a very long cry this morning. I had to take my emergency pills to relax.

 

On a day like this I wish I was on day shift at work to keep my mind off it.

 

Also this day has importance to me also. This day is going to suck.

 

I'm missing them and I'm alone.

[Ne Moe]

I feel good today. I've felt good all weekend in fact. He is no longer in my thoughts 99% of the time. It's dwindled a lot. I still think of him but there isn't that misery and urgency and anxiety now.

He called in to see me on Thursday and it was stilted and awkward. I don't want to see or speak to him at the moment. OK, so it's only a few days but I've managed to be preoccupied and I wasn't wondering all weekend what he was doing, if he was out, if he was moving on.......

 

Long may it last.

[mbee]

This morning I've been feeling kind of sad, like there's an empty space inside me. I miss my ex. I think about the last 1.5 months and realize how different it's been. Not being able to call in the morning, at night, or looking forward to seeing him. I'm about a few hours from his location and normally I'd just drive on over and spend the day with him at his place. I haven't heard from him since Thursday which is good, but often I wonder if that's the last message we will exchange. Fortunately our last words to each other were "I love you" but why does there have to be last words?

 

I've also been coping with a realization since last night that I'm replaceable to my ex. He assured me many times I'm not, and I know I'm a great girl but that's how he makes me feel. How could he just exchange random Facebook messages with someone for a month and realize that's worth ending a loving relationship for? I'll just never understand. I feel so sick thinking about any of this. I also keep doing this stupid countdown in my head, like it'll be 7 weeks since we broke up tomorrow. 7 weeks!!!7 weeks ago today we were having such a lovely day. It was beautiful, we were walking our dogs, having a great conversation, discussing our future, having a romantic evening and it felt like it was just the beginning of a wonderful summer and another year of being together. But it was just a lie...

[Looking up]

Yesterday was such a good day for me but today after hearing that song as soon as I woke up put me in a state today. What's the chance of that song being on as soon as I woke up.

 

It gave me flash backs to the time we were sitting on the beach around the fire. That night I truly fell in love. I've been crying non stop so far today. I can't believe how much I miss her. My true feelings that I have been hiding are back today. Why did I let myself fall in love.

 

That night seems so real to me right now. I wish I could close my eyes and remember that night and never leave it.