How are YOU feeling right now?

[Tanzi]

I think they contact you because they are lonely, or feeling guilty. Certainly no need to respond....

Also, it could be that they are hoping you "take the bait", and they can get the benefits without the relationship!

 

Take time to heal....and re-engage in your own life. The rest is gonna come when you are ready.

 

Yes, I have learnt that it is mostly for their benefit. The trouble I have however is ignoring the contact. Though not as regards my previous ex who is now married.

[RougeQueen]

Yes, I have learnt that it is mostly for their benefit. The trouble I have however is ignoring the contact. Though not as regards my previous ex who is now married.

 

I'm in the same boat. My ex who is with someone else has recently been texting me daily. I have to turn off my phone or give it to a friend sometimes to keep me from responding.

 

Then there's my ex before him that all of a sudden popped up from the woodwork looking for a booty call. Him I ignore with ease lol.

[Tanzi]

I'm in the same boat. My ex who is with someone else has recently been texting me daily. I have to turn off my phone or give it to a friend sometimes to keep me from responding.

 

Then there's my ex before him that all of a sudden popped up from the woodwork looking for a booty call. Him I ignore with ease lol.

 

Yes my previous ex's contact was nothing more than a booty call. He has contacted numerous times over the years but he has never said anything like that before. But I was being unresponsive and I guess he was desparate (he actually admitted his wife had just turned him down for sex) and he obviously thought he would try a different tactic so he started saying how much he missed me, how jealous he was of my ex, how he had messed up ... all this suddenly after 4 years! Really???? Does he really think I am that stupid? Yes, him I can ignore with ease too!

[hereigoagain1]

It's been 6 months and I still wake up thinking of her every day. She jumped right into another relationship like I was nothing with a man who works with her and he just left his wife and three kids! I hope it blows up it her face. lol I honestly believe she cheated because it was so soon and she moved him in immediately and she never wanted to live with me. I am trying to meet new people in this town, but I have no friends or family here. Plus working second shift makes it hard too. I try to date and get a life, but everyone that I meet isn't ready to date. I have met a few who were just flakes and I have met two people from a dating site and they both were so damaged. All these women say that they want a good guy and the ones that I meet are either to hurt to even date or they leave me and get with guys who treat them so bad. What I wouldn't give to meet a cute girl who is loyal and faithful to me. I'm tired of being lied to and cheated on. I often wonder what's the point of trying. It seems that things never work out. Not for me anyway.

[sunshine34]

hurt, scared, alone, worthless. a mess. the timing, although seemingly terrible, was probably for the best. Right before surgery so I wouldn't attach to you more, but now I am dealing with the anticipation of my results from the biopsy and the loss of you. I keep telling myself , I didnt really lose anything becuase all I did was give and all you did was take. It doesn't make it easier, it doesn't make me okay knowing I wasn't enough for you. I wish I didn't care, Iwish it didn't hurt me. The worst part is your tears, your claims of love, your lack of words to explain the truth to me and you telling me that you do have feelings that you do care.. That's such bull****. I hate who you have become and I wish I could have the you that loved me back. I know he;s not coming back and with time I will heal. this experience is hurting me and changingme and I am not sure if I should let it change me or what I should take from it and what I should ignore and put to bed. You make me believe that I should be cold and superficial and never show weakness or heart because if I do , I will lose theone I love. That the jen that doesn't try to impress someone isn't enough. I keep praying and hoping for solace. I know my health is the most important thing Ineed to heal now, I really hope I am okay. I'm dealing with so much and I know that even if I am not okay, you are not the person I want to go to this time. Iwould need to fly home and be with people who will build me up with love and joy and not break me down w false feelings and inability to consummate love for me. I just need to be healthy.

[Looking up]

I feel really hurt today

 

The last few days things have been building and building. I was doing good last week but everything is sneaking back that I went trough. I feel sick to my stomach today and crying at work.

 

I'm really thinking about this new life that has been forced on me and I don't like it. I have everything going for me right now. But I'm staring to feel there is no point to anything anymore. I cried so much this morning I threw up.

 

I miss them so much and I want this to be over. Not to sound bad or anything but I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.

[Heartbreakcity]

The last 4 days I have been feeling on top of the world! I am really starting to enjoy my walk each afternoon and I find it has really been helping my to clear my head.

 

I still think of him everyday, but I no longer think of fond memories. When I think of him it is mostly bad memories and how he has acted/lied since the breakup.

 

I honestly feel so good today

[gotexans12]

I know what you mean. I go out with friends and meet new people. I even graduated from nursing school. I should be happy and applying for jos. I have no motivation right now. What is the point of living right? But think to yourself. Why should you put so much emphasis on another person. Why should they be the one that decide how you live your life or whether you happy or not. I know it's tough my friend.

 

I feel really hurt today

 

The last few days things have been building and building. I was doing good last week but everything is sneaking back that I went trough. I feel sick to my stomach today and crying at work.

 

I'm really thinking about this new life that has been forced on me and I don't like it. I have everything going for me right now. But I'm staring to feel there is no point to anything anymore. I cried so much this morning I threw up.

 

I miss them so much and I want this to be over. Not to sound bad or anything but I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I don't want to feel this pain anymore.

[HoldOnToHope]

Buried myself in work and studies for a while, and it helped me a little by distracting my thoughts. However, i resigned from my part time job and applied for another in a theme park. Still feeling a little down at times and think of her sometimes. Hope i will be able to meet new and fun people on my new job and wish this sadness will go away soon.

[Ne Moe]

Today is a bad day. The frustration I've been feeling with my ex for the last few weeks has been spilling out over and over again. It has to stop. I'm a bit ashamed that I've let it go on so long. I still care about him but his actions are not those of the man I fell for. The man I fell for was strong and independent. He knew his own mind and he was there for me. He made me feel safe.

The man he is now is a coward who runs from his chance at something meaningful because it frightens him. He listens to what others tell him and allows it to influence him. He cares about me and I feel safe with him. But he also makes me feel bad because he doesn't care about me enough. He confuses me with his mixed messages and he holds me back from moving on.

[surfjon]

The arms of other women around me, although not yours.......they mean it. Unlike you for the last 2 years.....

 

Those last 2 cold-a$$ frosty years with you, devoid of passion, going through the motions, obviously forced now that I look back.....

 

Now the very willing arms of others embrace me and warm me......Often I have to choose between whos arms they will be....

 

Very different from the horrid last year with you, hoping you'd stay the night, wondering if you'd make love to me or if when I'd wake up, would you even be there?

 

Now it's a given, the lovemaking, her (them) being there when I wake up, not wondering was there passion, simply knowing.

 

You leaving was a blessing in disguise......

[chamachama]

I helped someone in disparate need of help in the most unexpected and selfless way. A young girl, beautiful, lost battered, scared... She exhibits all of the telltale signs that my ex wife did (self mutilation scars on arms, eating disorder, hives when strange men are near...) I hadn't spoken to my ex wife in over a year... Until yesterday. The girl asked me to stay over my place. Thinking if she slept with me she would have a friend and a place to go. Instead, I called her a cab and paid the driver $40 to take her to my ex wife's place where she can feel safe and get to know one of the strongest most amazing women on the face of the planet.

 

I explained the situation to my ex wife. She is going to be her friend and provide her with much needed direction. I hope she will act as role model for this young beautiful kind timid scared out of her mind and completely lost girl... She reminded me so much of my ex wife when I first met her. Only I guess my ex wife always had a small flame in her heart. By the time we got married it was a small fire. By the time we got divorced it was blazing inferno. This girls flame had gone out. She's been abused as a child, as well as assaulted and abused by men she relied on, even recently. He doesn't fight them. She survives them.

 

This morning I received two simple texts. One from each of them. They both said the same thing. "Thank you."

 

--------------------

 

Last night I went out on a second date with a really great girl. We just fell into it the same way me and my exgf (the latest reason I'm on here) did when we first met. We have that same insanely passionate chemistry. She actually told me the same thing she my exgf did about feeling my energy pouring out of me when she is near me. How she wants me unlike any other man she's ever met. I want her too. Before I went to bed last night she texted me "I really like you chama" I texted her back "you're pretty ok I guess ". She knows I like her too lol

 

So the point of this is that when you're good to people in need, karma comes for you and life smiles on you. When you're careless with the people who care about you....karma also comes from you.

 

Only without a smile...

[mbee]

It's morning and I feel so lost. It's been a month since we broke up and he left me for another woman who is married. She flew to be here with him this week. It hurts so much, and hurts more since they are so close to me. I will call in sick today at work. I haven't actually took any time off work since this happened, except for one sick day. I miss him so much throughout the day. The mornings where it's sunny and beautiful are especially painful. We always planned beautiful things to do together. The heartbreak is less shocking but just as deep and painful as it was in the beginning.

 

For a few minutes I feel better talking about it with friends. Realizing he signed up for short-term happiness that will lead to nothing. But he's still gone. I couldn't take him back, but the man I loved more than anything in this world is gone. I hope this gets better everyone.

[kz91]

Had a wonderful day but the total opposite night. Cried.

[Tanzi]

mbee, I hate sunny days. It is sunny here too today, I wish it wasn't.

 

The good news is it does get better. I know it doesn't feel like it but it really does. It's been 6 years since my ex-husband left me for someone else and st the time I was broken. Now he bothers me not. He is my children's father and someone I have to communicate with from time to time but he holds no place in my heart anymore. Nothing he does hurts or affects me. It becomes this way for all if us but it can take a while to get there. As hard as it is, you just have to be patient and focus as much as you can on other areas of your life.

 

Its up to you, of course but I wouldn't take the day off. Simply not to let him have that power. You will only be at home thinking about him, at least you will have something to take your mind off him at work.

 

I know you've said previously that you dont have to see him at work buy does that apply today or is he going to be there?

[Looking up]

I feel so bad this morning. Up all night could not sleep. It feels like l'm living the break up again. Cried all the way into work today. My life is not getting better but worst. The emotional part is killing me. My stomach is in knots.

 

I have to go to the doctors today. There is a very good chance I have CANCER.

 

I want to call the ex to tell her but I would rather just fade away. It's a good chance life will be over for me soon. I a way I'm kinda happy

 

No more pain.

[Tanzi]

I feel great! 5 weeks post break up and I haven't felt this good in a long time. I had a moment if epiphany when I finally realized that I don't want him back after all! Just like that and poof! He's no longer the most important person in my life. I am!

 

No more picking clothes from the floor. No more coming home or going to bed with TV in the background. No more cooking after I put in a full day's worth of work. No more hanging out with his miserable friends. No more walking on eggshells. My house is exactly I want it to be: quiet, peaceful, and all mine!

 

For the first time in a long time, I can breathe again. It's like a cloud has lifted!

 

Oh I love that liberating feeling when you realise that you are no longer emotionally chained down.

 

I'm hoping to be completely there again one day ... I am doing fine, for the most part, but I still have my moments.

[Tanzi]

I feel so bad this morning. Up all night could not sleep. It feels like l'm living the break up again. Cried all the way into work today. My life is not getting better but worst. The emotional part is killing me. My stomach is in knots.

 

I have to go to the doctors today. There is a very good chance I have CANCER.

 

I want to call the ex to tell her but I would rather just fade away. It's a good chance life will be over for me soon. I a way I'm kinda happy

 

No more pain.

 

Looking up, I am so, so sorry to hear that. Have you been told that? I really hope it goes well at the doctors. Please let us know how you get on.

[surfjon]

Fridays are a little hard, I know she is off on Fridays, and for the first 3 years, we used to sleep in a little and I'd go in a bit late, we'd have coffee together.....

 

I'd leave her sleeping in my bed and kiss her lightly, she'd still be there when I'd go home for lunch, and we'd make love....

 

She worked in an Indian restaurant Friday nights and I'd go eat there and watch her move and think how beautiful I thought she was....

 

Funny, although we've been broken up 5 months, the girl that used to sleep in with me disappeared nearly 2 years ago, I gotta keep telling myself that, it makes Fridays a little easier......

[mbee]

Hi a-little-blue. I was referring to my full-time job and he doesn't work there. The thing I work on with my ex is really part-time right now and done during my off-days.

 

I actually hate my job. I moved here to make things work with my ex. The first job I got when I came here was amazing, and I was happy. However, it was a contract job so they let me go after it ended and I got this job which is fine. I just hate it and one of the few things that made me tolerate it was coming home to my ex and the things we did together.

 

This morning is so much worse. I just wish I could do a big reset on things. I wish I had broken up with him a year ago when these signs appeared. I took him back too soon. There wasn't any time for him to make changes, he got lazy and I was so busy with my new job and the new dogs that I made excuses for it. Now he's gone and I feel so betrayed and hurt.

 

I regret not going NC immediately after the breakup. He fed me so many loving words and messages. Even though none of it was commitment it was like life support for me. Hearing him say he was "thinking about me" kept me going. I realized last night that he indeed may be gone forever. I only slept for an hour or two upon that realization. He may never regret hurting me. I'm going NC with him now, but it may never be more than just missing from me for him. He told me a week ago he was heartbroken but they all seem like words. It's been hard to accept. I have to accept the last time I may have heard his voice I was crying, while he said he'll always be here. The last time we saw each other (this was before I knew fully the scale of the cheating) we were in our parking lot and I begged him to stay a little longer. To hold me and kiss me. He kept denying kisses because he said he didn't want to feel confused.

 

I feel like my expectations were shattered. When we first broke up, I thought he'd come back, he didn't. This is the first time he's back near our home in awhile. He had never returned the keys to me. I always figured maybe he'd stop by why I wasn't home. Say "hi" to our dog, clean up the place for me (he did that a week after we broke up) or something. But he's with HER and he wont come by.

 

I just thought we both loved each other so much. Yet, here I am bawling, crying, missing him so much. I'll never understand how he fell out of love. I'll never understand how he left me like this. They aren't even good for each other. We were always so good for each other. Our friends and family wish that he wasn't so damaged cause I was so right for him...

 

sorry to vent so much. I wish days got better as time goes by, but that's not always true.

[Tanzi]

Aaaw, I'm sorry mbee. It really sucks doesn't it? I've been where you are - an am again to an extent.

 

When my ex-husband first left me initially I was coping very well with our split. I realise now however that I thought in all likelihood we would get back together. When it became clear there was someone else (and had been since before we split up) I took a huge step backwards. My life crumbled around me and it was a struggle to stay on top of life in general. But I did move on. Wholly and completely.

 

But here I am again, nursing yet another broken heart. For the most part, I am coping but that is because my ex-bf and I didn't split under the same circumstances as my ex-h and I. There is no-one else (I think it is 1000 times worse when there is someone else) and neither of us had stopped loving the other, or wanted the relationship to end but with a 15 year age gap we had always been on borrowed time. Eventually we found the strength to end it and I know that he is struggling as much as me - if not more. He contacts me regularly and from that contact I know how he still feels. The scary part is admitting that it is really this contact that is helping me through this and that, in itself, isn't actually helpful for the long-term ... but IDK, that said, it makes no difference what he says, I realise that we can't be together and that this is something we both have to move on from. There is no going back so I guess I have no false hope.

 

I understand all the questions ... why did he stop loving me? .... when did he stop loving me? .... how could he stop love me? I threw so many of these questions at my husband too but, now, I really don't care. We do have the capabilities of moving on. Now I can look back and see my ex-husband for the weak man he really is and I am so happy that we are no longer together. I just wish I wasn't in the position of having to move on once again ....

[chamachama]

I feel pretty good today. New things ya'll. New things...

 

Honestly, knowing she is completely gone for good is starting to really feel much better than I anticipated. Less stressed. Less drama. Less feeling bad.

 

Upward and onward!

[hereigoagain1]

It's been a tough morning. I still feel so angry about the BU. I don't like feeling this way, but I was done so wrong and thrown away without explanation. I try to take comfort in thinking that I am better off without her, but it doesn't help. I try to take comfort in hoping that Karma will pay her back for using me and leaving me for another man, but I have never seen evidence of Karma coming back to bite someone in the butt, so that's not helping either. I pray, cry, pray some more. I'm just so tired of doing the right thing and being the good guy that is constantly being done wrong by people who go on their merry way and get away with it. Still there is nothing I can do about it. It hurts. It hurts A LOT and I hope Karma brings me some justice.

[sunshine34]

I feel betrayed and angry. this is y fault and I should have never put myself out there to be so vulnerable for you. why did I believe this would end any differently? I believed we would end up together but instead you changed and this new guy is a ***** interested in other women.. I'm dealing with healing and trying not to gain weight because I can't go the gym, job stuff, building my immune system and waiting for biopsy results. and of course missing you and dealing with the fact that I believed in something so much to risk myself for what?!? nothing.

[HoldOnToHope]

Had a talk with a close friend today and it felt great. I have stopped blaming myself or her for what had happened..In fact I'm glad that this happened as this made me endure the pain, experienced things which I never thought I would do and grow as a person. I needed this to improve myself and become a better person.