I'm 18 he's 40

[superfan]

He is interested in you for all the things his wife isn't. He sees a young, vibrant girl who flatters his vanity and soothes his insecurity about getting older. He likely THINKS he "cares deeply" but again this is the grass is greener syndrome to it's fullest. Your relationship up until this point has been all intensity and emotion - the thrill of sneaking around, the intensity of the feelings but without ANY of the responsibilities that carries.

 

You don't live together and you don't share the same kinds of responsibilities that he associates with his wife. You are something more "freeing" to him, but trust me even if he DOES leave her, the second you and he get together in a more permanent fashion those SAME issues will crop right back up again - he will start to see you the same way he sees his wife because reality will have kicked in.

 

Also, you KNOW he is the type of man who is willing to cheat - are you sure you can trust that in him?

[abitbroken]

He tells me he would be devastated if I left what we have together. I know he and his wife's marriage is over because I've seen texts and heard calls. We have a lot in common but I think he is trying to relive his youth. I don't know what to do, how to tell him I don't want this anymore, IF I can tell him that. I don't know what I want. He has two kids both near my age. he always asks why I don't go with someone younger and I can't answer him because I don't know. He shows interest in me, he understands me. I feel like I won't ever find someone like him again

 

he is manipulating you. So - he'll be sad. He'll go off and meet someone new.

 

How do you leave? Tell him you can't see him anymore - then stop answering his calls and texts. And block his number. That is how you do it. You WILL meet many more guys - guys who are available for a relationship who will understand you.

[Skooz]

"He is married ..."

 

Ends the discussion.

 

I'm sorry, but it does.

 

I have zero problem with the age gap, however.

[martymoose]

GET AWAY from this situation...it is BAD NEWS BEARS.

[Kaytie]

If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. Even IF he weren't married with kids this guy would be bad news because he's a cheater. Please do yourself a favour and find an uncomplicated situation with a younger single guy with no kids.

[PaintWithLight]

Are you being naive? yes!

 

You are very young and he is taking advantage of you. I know you don't see it that way but its because you dont have the experience to see it that way.

 

I am in an age gap relationship myself and I dont judge other who are in the same position BUT you are ONLY 18!! he is MARRIED? what could a possible 40 year old have in common with an 18 year old? you still haven't experienced anything in life. You are at a completely different phase than he is.

 

Agreed. He is playing the OP like a violin. She is worried she will never find someone like him again? What??? OP, you have your whole life ahead of you. Somehow, he figured out your insecurity and is scamming you big time. Get away from this guy.

[emilyrose12373]

I saw him today and I told him all of my worries about the cheating and the other stuff. He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

[Lambert]

I saw him today and I told him all of my worries about the cheating and the other stuff. He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

 

You said earlier that he has kids your age. Don't you find that weird? Do you think you would be a step mom to them?

 

Age won't catch up. People can when they are already fully grown and meet. You have so much to experience. You said you guys have so much in common. I am curious, what?

 

If its similar interests, then I will tell you this... In time you will not catch up, you will surpass him and ultimately see him as a pathetic excuse of a man, husband and father.

 

Again, i am curious, How would you feel if your father dated someone your age?

 

Edited to add: when I read the part about he is not cheating, I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I promise you it's cheating.

[Seraphim]

He's playing you step-by-step with the player's handbook.

So it's not cheating????!! What are you going to call it when he does the same thing to you?

[agent1607307371]

I saw him today and I told him all of my worries about the cheating and the other stuff. He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

 

He's not genuine at all. And you aren't just being naive, you're being wilfully naive.

[JJ2980]

I saw him today and I told him all of my worries about the cheating and the other stuff. He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

 

Hahahahahahaha....that's a new one for the books. Its not cheating cause you're his first love. Oh yeah?? You going to fall for that line, are you? Look if you want to go against good and more experience advice go ahead. We might be strangers to you but collectively we've all had years of relationship experience and I can tell you our BS detectors are more finely attuned than yours. Sometimes, though, people have to learn through their own experience and maybe this is one of those times.

[hrtlsngl7]

*comment removed by poster to avoid infraction*

[Miss Firecracker]

I just wish you could watch him on the job, and you would see him hitting on lots of hot young ladies. He is a certain type of man, and he will not change. No self respect whatsoever! No respect for his children or his wife. How can you want him?

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm willing to bet he's sleeping right beside his wife, as we speak.

[VivianSmith]

I'm betting EVERYTHING that if YOU were the one that was 22 years older than him he would have NEVER given you the time of day.

 

Watch when you are single and in your 30s and you meet a man in his 30s just like you and he won't even look your way because he is too busy breaking his neck to get a look at the hot 18-22 year olds that walk past him. That's the guy you are seeing.

 

I don't know if you have low self esteem and this is the first guy that's shown you any attention and so you are willing to see where it goes because no one else has tried to date you or what your problem is, but this guy is full of chit.

 

He has ZERO interest in you, he just likes to probably brag to his buddies about how he has a much younger woman hitting on him.

 

By the way, if you could see him when he isn't with you, you would see that he looks at EVERY young woman he can look at and probably tries his luck with any number of them he can get to. You are not special to him, you are just one of the many.

 

It's also EXTREMELY selfish and creepy for a man of 40+ to even want a serious relationship with someone that much younger than him. It has a level of perverse to it.

 

If you ever do have a relationship with him (which I doubt will last long before he cheats on you), you will have to take care of him in old age, instead of being his partner you'll act like his parent because guess what ? He is old enough to be your dad ! So he will decline at a much faster rate than you will and he will retire 2 decades before you and you will be left having to work to support a guy that can't even get it up anymore.

 

What do you see in an aging married father ? It's like you went for the biggest piece of chit you could go for and settled for that.

[emilyrose12373]

So basically I knew him for several months where our connection blossomed, he makes me so happy and he feels just the same. He left his wife for me and two children, both older than myself. We are moving in together in a few days and its been almost a year. However none of my friends agree as they do not understand the love we share, they don't accept him and because of this my friendship with them is on the edge. I know what I have with him is right but other peoples judgements frustrate me as they judge before they know. Is it normal to feel like our life will be second because he has already experienced marriage, kids etc?

[irishapple]

So basically I knew him for several months where our connection blossomed, he makes me so happy and he feels just the same. He left his wife for me and two children, both older than myself. We are moving in together in a few days and its been almost a year. However none of my friends agree as they do not understand the love we share, they don't accept him and because of this my friendship with them is on the edge. I know what I have with him is right but other peoples judgements frustrate me as they judge before they know. Is it normal to feel like our life will be second because he has already experienced marriage, kids etc?

 

Your friends are being cautious and are wanting the best for you ergo their reaction. Some may say a leopard never changes its spots. Explain to your friends that while they may disagree with your decision and they are entitled to an opinion, that is all they are entitled to , an opinion. If they are your friends they will respect your decision and your choices and then be there to pick up the pieces if it does not work out or pat you on the back if it does.

[Ironman3]

I hope you're sure with this one. Because there is way too much age gap. Hope he will be able to handle your needs and keep you happy. I understand that your friend's might be frustrating but you should appreciate their concern. Who would you run to when you need help with things? Good Luck!

[shes2smart]

My husband is 11 years younger than me. The last guy I dated before I met him was 18 years older than me.

 

If you intend on staying in this relationship, one thing you need to do is learn not to give a crap about what other people think.

 

They will have their opinions (and they have a right to have an opinion....even if it's about something that's none of their business). They can even express those opinions (but if they are rude, mean, hurtful or disrespectful when expressing their opinion, that crosses the line and should not be tolerated).

 

No one else gets a vote in your life. You cannot please everyone, nor can you expect to glide through life without anyone judging you. You cannot make other people understand, like, or even accept what you choose to do.

 

Anytime you choose to do something that doesn't fit the general pattern of what most of the people around you do or what they think is the right & proper thing to do, it's helpful to learn how to ignore those who would prefer you live according to their expectations. Way I figure it, if I'm not intentionally harming the person or property of another and I'm being (at minimum) civil and polite to those around me, I'm probably ok.....no matter what anyone else says.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

A middle-aged man who turns 40 and dumps his middle-aged wife to go after a just barely legal teenage young woman is the ultimate cliché of a man going through a mid-life crisis. There are probably 20 year old young men more mature than this 40 year old man. Your friends are right to question this relationship. You are young and impressionable, this 40 year old man is just in love with the notion of having a young thing on his arm rather than the "old bat" of a middle aged wife. Young women in these situations always think it "feels right" because they are typically swept off their feet by the much older man who has been around the block a few times. The issue is not so much about your life being "second" because he already experienced marriage and kids...plenty of people start over with someone new and it is no less special even though it is the second time around. The real issue is this man, his maturity level, and his values, morals and integrity. He cheated on his wife to be with you...he dumped his middle-aged wife to go after an 18 year old..this is not someone who has sound morals.

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged - pertaining to same topic.

[skygreen1111]

He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

 

 

hahhahahahah this is the funniest post i've ever read on here

 

 

if you refuse to listen to the advice of everyone on here, please at least keep us posted as the events unfold, because this trainwreck is going to be spectactular to watch

[Kendahke]

I saw him today and I told him all of my worries about the cheating and the other stuff. He has a reason for everything like the fact it's not cheating because I'm his first true love and he would be destroyed to let me go, he is so genuine. I don't think I'm beng naive but age will catch up won't it?

 

He's most certainly cheating if he is still legally married to his wife. Period. Fin.

 

Here's the deal: he gets into a car accident or some other medical malady befalls him and he must go to the hospital. Who is his next of kin? Who will be called to make decisions should he not be able to respond? NOT YOU. His wife or other family member will. And guess what will happen when you show up trying to throw your weight around? His wife will inform the hospital to not let you anywhere near the floor he's on---and that's well within his wife's rights to do so.

 

So yes, you are being quite naive my dear because you haven't thought this through to what happens in situations of emergencies. He's a married man and anything he does with any woman who is not his wife is cheating.

[mhowe]

Almost a year? The train left the.station in April when you took driving lessons from him!!

[JJ2980]

@ shes2smart

 

So basically you're encouraging this young 18 year old to do whatever she likes at the expense of any hurt she may cause anybody else? Just as long as número uno is happy who cares about the damage it may do to anyone else ie the poor wife, kids

 

I despair at the utter selfishness of humans these days.