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Everything posted by Ironman3

  1. Hey everyone... In the past 8 or 9 months, I have come a long way. Wanted to share my experience and thank all of you who have read / replied to my post and supported me. As I wrote in this thread, I was sad this year. In Jan 2019, all sales employees got brand new car. When I came to office, I felt more disappointed and ignored. Despite all my efforts and care for the old car, I was the only one without a new car. It was a very demoralizing feeling. The sales people in my office drive car like trash, very rough handling and no cleaning. I felt why I did not deserve it when I was the only one who respected my car. But with all the advice I got here and from my friends, I tried to remain neutral and happy with what I had. For sometime, I did not think about the new one... Just respected and thanked God that at least I had the old one and it was in very good condition, never stopped, never left me in danger, never gave me trouble. It is a corolla after all. Till last week when I handed it over, I took care of it, I would shout at everyone who would bang the doors, lol, I told them to close it slowly or they don't get to travel in my car. Made repairs on time, polished it always, did whatever I could. I realized that I should not look for a reward for my actions, just do what I do because I respect what I have. Because it is very difficult to do anything here without a vehicle. I felt humbled and honored that company was giving me a car without questions, I can go anywhere I want. That is a blessing. From then till last week, a sales guy left the company and I asked Boss if I could use that one and told him I'd use it with the same dedication and care I gave the old one. Honestly my chances were bleak and I'm not that high up in the company to really go ask for one. I'm just the regular IT guy, getting the work done no matter what. I'm expendable. At first he did not say anything. I told him I was sorry if my request was not justified and I would try to meet his expectations better in my work. He said we will see before the topic passed on to something else. I wasn't hoping really and I didn't argue with God... But a week later my Boss just passed by in the morning and said, "take it. The key is with the admin". It was a humbling experience. After 1 year of prayers and repressed feelings... I dunno what I felt... I took the key, humbly stood outside in the yard looking at both cars, the old one and new one, parked beside each other. I felt scared, doubted if I was eligible or worthy. Then I looked up at the sky, there was a drop of rain that fell onto my face, like a blessing. I felt, God said, "go ahead"... I can't believe what a year this has been. I am so thankful and humbled... So just wanted to write this here, hopefully you all will come across it. Thanks so much for the support and helping me understand and control what I was feeling. I've only just realized that everything happens when it has to and for a reason. God bless you all. Love you 3000. :))
  2. Thank you so much for this. I had read this reply earlier but could not get back and forgot later. Looks like my private karma was operating on a different level. I am humbled. Leaving a reply after this to thank everyone. Not sure who would find it though since this is an old thread.
  3. I would say its alright. He isn't really prioritizing them over you. He just doesn't want to leave them hanging when you guys are together, since they are single. Also maybe he isn't comfortable with PDA in front of others. Maybe its something you should just accept as he is and not try to change about him, more so since he's nice you when you are together alone and when it matters most. Do you feel PDA is that important to you? It might be a very very private thing for him.
  4. Like Wiseman2 said, this is your choice. Maybe they connect with you more than just as her boyfriend. If they don't bother you and you have an occasional chat / call, them just leave them be. I think people just add people on facebook or instagram just coz friend suggestions pop up or they are just looking to add anyone / everyone they know. This could be the case with the grandmother. I wouldn't read much into being friends on facebook / instagram unless the grandmother DMs you or something. If you enjoy their company, you could keep in touch with them. Otherwise just delete/block them if you feel its bothering you or reminding you of your ex.
  5. Very true. I just did the same to estimate how much of a strain the new car would put me in. Then I just decided its not worth it and I feel ages better. Thanks!
  6. Hey RedDress. I do hope I am remembered in the next wave of cars. I am also racking up some repairs that has to be done on the existing one so that it runs more smoothly and I remain satisfied. Then, its just the looks, under the hood its still almost perfect, thanks to maintenance... Well, looks don't last forever! Thanks for the advice. :)
  7. Thanks! After some thinking and calculating the actual costs of buying a new car and the impact it would have on my financial situation, not to mention the cost of maintenance, fuel (coz I won't get a gas card if I'm not using a company car), insurance costs, I thought I just have to swallow my pride / jealousy and enjoy whatever time I am going to stay working in this company. :)) Thanks a lot for the advice!
  8. Hey everyone. So this happens in Jan 2019. My company gets new cars for all employees. I'm the only one who didn't misuse the earlier company car (since 2012). I just did my service on time, paid attention to repairs (on company account). Everyone else who trash drove theirs just got new ones, boom. I kind of feel that was the logical thing to do, but I just ain't about that life. Not because I care about the company, I just care about cars and things I use in general. This incident has left a bitter taste in my mouth though. Let me clarify, I don't feel entitled to get one just because I took care of the one I had. I'm not expecting some sort of reward. The company logic is probably "if it ain't broken don't fix it" and my manager seems to be the backstabber who recommended for people in his department and just left me out when it came to the purchase of the new ones. Whatever. Now of course, I could fix this problem by walking into a showroom and getting a new car myself. F**k the company! But there's somethings I got to do first and this would be a financial burden, not to mention insurance, maintenance etc would be on me. And right now, I'm just getting this facility for free with the old company car. I was cool about it but I know its still at the back of my head, everyday I just come to work and feel like the less preferred child in the family, lol. The company ain't bad, has helped me out a couple of times with personal issues, gave me a pay raise when I threatened to leave etc.. It ain't heaven but its going ok, paycheck to paycheck, weekend to weekend... I know a lot of people out there who don't have what I do... On one side, I feel stupid. The other side I feel dejected, bitter, left out... I'm just wondering if there's a way to get rid of this feeling and just be content or happy with what I have. I think that's the core to what it all boils down to, being content. Any advice? Thanks in advance.
  9. I just thought about it and something came to my mind.... That a bit of my problem is that I could be given responsibilities which I didn't sign up for. As you might know, the IT department is usually the department considered as "jobless" by most people. Simply because the IT guy might just appear to be free at times unless there's some emergency or system issue. Where I work, I do share some of the things that's actually not my responsibility. Part of my initial voluntary support when I joined the company, I extended to the accounts department and others, so basically it became part of my job and I can't walk out on that now. Though I enjoy being useful and generally support everyone at work, I have learnt to say no to things that are not my responsibility, since I realized that people would definitely try to use you if you make yourself available. So sometimes I do feel a new guy is going to have to do some new stuff and I might just be asked to help him out (not by the new guy but the management), which I don't really want to do coz its not my job. So I might just have to say no to someone or argue with someone if it is forced on me.. This is an inherent part of the fear, though it might not be the entire reason for the fear.
  10. Its nice to see that I'm not the only guy feeling this. I know that I don't have to be friendly with a new guy just as he arrives. But I wish I could get rid of that uncomfortable feeling. Friends I know at work are least bothered if a new guy is coming or not.. I feel that's how it should be.. At least why even worry abt a guy even before he hasnt come? I know the logic but can't help it.. hehe
  11. Yes, something like this. Though I'm the only one in my department and whoever comes won't make a difference in my department at least, the fear stays for a while and sometimes I find myself a bit worried or anxious in brief lapses of time when I actually remember it.... Yes, fear of change, fear that the guy is going to be a pita.. how to adjust with him.. something like that I guess.. Does this classify as some kind of disorder? :O
  12. Hey everyone! It's been a long time I have been able to post on here. I hope this is the right category that I'm posting in. I work as IT Engineer in a small - medium business company. We have one single head office with around 20 employees. I recently figured out that I am afraid of new people joining work. I usually don't have trouble interacting with people at work or anything and usually I am considered to be a friendly, responsible & reliable chap. But I just know this fear and I can't quite place the reason why. The HR team is quite close to me as I am from the IT department and they have system issues mostly. I hear from them about new people joining and then I feel uncomfortable till the joining date of the new employee. I find myself sluggish when I think about it, though I don't fret about it the whole time but whenever I remember it, I feel uncomfortable. I can't quite put the feeling in words but it feels something like someone is going to come in and wreck the social balance I have going on... Not sure if that's the exact feeling.. I'm not sure if this is important, but I wouldn't call myself outgoing and I do like to avoid parties with a lot of friends or large crowds of friends, if I can help it. I'm not a crowd guy but I am usually comfortable with meeting up with friends and definitely am social at work and even outside. And if it is worth mentioning, the last time I had this issue was when a new guy had joined and it kinda disappeared after we met and talked a few times. We are actually friends now.
  13. You're talking about closure. This reminds me of "500 days of summer". I don't think she could offer you any kind of closure. The odds are that she herself doesn't know what she wants or is looking for. And if she's always given you mixed answers, I don't think its going to make it any better for you by meeting her one last time, so to speak. Secretly, this one last time is your mind trying to tell you that there is some kind of hope and you could talk to her about things and get it going again. There is no closure in this. She either grew out of those feelings and moved on without regarding you or she wanted something else or she doesn't know what she wants. All of these are bad for you. If you don't feel right with your current gf, you don't really have to stay with her. You can tell her and let her go on with her life. If you feel there's no place for her in your life at all, by all means tell her. Maybe you will find someone else later on once you grow out of these feelings. If you still think you could give it another shot and continue in this current relationship, go ahead. Do right by her. Everyone deserves a second chance. This might be yours.
  14. Ummm. Well, we fell in love when I was in my second year of grad school. An amazing year. We were mad about each other. Sex was amazing. Then she kind of grew out of love, after a year. I had no idea but she was drifting away from the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my life. I turned to alcohol. I quit going to school, missed a sem. Used to cry a lot. Get angry and irritated at little things. Kinda felt like I was losing my grip on myself. Her photos. Her things. Those nights on the terrace counting starts. What not. I was left to deal with this on my own. And she was dating someone else 6 months later and I had to see that too. It took me a while, being in other relations. We even talked a few times and she would apologize about what she did. She said "she didn't know what she had wanted". I thought a lot about it. And I felt, it doesn't do to dwell on dreams and the past. And I shouldn't treat myself like this for something she didn't deserve. I walked over the thorns of the past so many times that they couldn't hurt me anymore. Till she was just a good memory and I dragged myself out. Later on, I dated a few girls and even fell in love again. I've even realized that there were much better people around me, than her. Ergo, all this advice.
  15. There is another thing I wanted to add. We all have the beautiful picture perfect memories of our 'first love'. Even after we break up, these memories seem to grow, the flaws seem to diminish with passing moment and leaving us yearning for those days again. It's all in our head. After we've lost them, we build a place for them in our heart and mind, bigger than what they had when they were with us. We attribute all the pain and fights to our own mistakes and view them as angels who we never deserved. Then we while away in self pity and derailed self esteem because we think we lost something that was so great. There's nothing so special about them. It's all just our making. Another point to this is, even if you get back with her now, no matter what your heart tells you, you are not going to be as happy as you were then, now. Because it was your first love at that point. You were a lot less mature then than you are now. And none of that is going to feel so great or special anymore. You're going to think like "OMG. I cried for this? No way!". Trust me. That's how it feels. It's like having some kind of food the first time and then missing it for years and finally having it again only to realize that you have tasted much better things after that. The 'missing' is only the position your own mind made for it. The analogy is perfectly applicable here. Intoxication is after all mostly more of a state of mind than of the body. People move on. Life is really too short for wasting it on someone who doesn't have time for you. So like I said, You still have a chance for 'what is' with someone who truly loves you. Don't spoil it over 'what was' and 'what could have been', with someone who 'was' and 'isnt'.
  16. "What you refuse to accept, will continue for you." Law of Humility. Karma. Going through your original story and reading this thread and having gone through this journey at a point of time, I wish to tell you to accept that she is gone and that she doesn't care about you, at least not in the way you want her to. Not anymore. As you mentioned her being bipolar and other illnesses, she might be in an emotional turmoil and judging by the number of relations that she's been in, maybe even she doesn't know what she wants. Come on. How long are you going to go after someone who doesn't see you the same anymore? You doing things to yourself isn't going to change anything. Alcohol and drugs are going to leave you with nothing else except hangovers and headaches. You have a nice girl right now. Do right by her. Spend some quality time with her. Will take the edge off the feelings. It will take a while but you'll get back on track.
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