I'm 18 he's 40

[emilyrose12373]

Basically we had an immediate connection when he was my driving instructor but NOTHING happened until a few weeks after my test when we stayed in contact, it's now been 7 months and we are pretty serious. He is married however it has not been a proper relationship and he is moving out. I love him and I know I'm young but he is my everything and I know he is serious about me too. I'm worried about what other people's opinions will be on our age gap if we move in together, what do you think?

[pl3asehelp]

99.9% chance you'll regret having ever met him.

[PaintWithLight]

It is not the age gap. It is the fact that he started cheating with a much younger girl while he was still married. I have seen this before and the guy has every excuse for not moving out yet. You are in a prime situation for heartache and to be strung along.

 

Why not date a single guy?

[emilyrose12373]

I know he started cheating before he split up with her but we haven't had sex or anything. He is serious about me and I have never felt this way, I don't want anyone else.. am I being naive?

[sugarpiehoney]

Walk away before you get hurt worse than you can imagine. He is married. Things will never be serious with the 2 of you since he is married. More than likely he is looking for the thrill not really something serious as he already has that.

[Gilson]

For me it's the age gap. I don't care if it's 28 and 50 or 38 and 60. Actually, 38 and 60 wouldn't bother me so much.

 

No offense to you but this guy has serious problems. He's not right in the head.

 

I'm nearly 40 and I would never think of dating someone as young as 18. Even online I have my youngest setting to like, 32 or 33.

[HeartGoesOn]

He's giving you all of the classic excuses that a married man tries to sell to his mistress. I'm guessing that he's looking for a side dish, and has no plans on leaving his wife. Even if by chance he did leave his wife, there's no bargain to be had here.

 

Hopefully you'll reconsider, and protect your heart.

[lavenderdove]

>>we are pretty serious. He is married however

 

Has he actually moved out yet? Married men will promise ANYTHING but what they deliver is a different story. And even if he moves out, you're going to end up with a middle aged man paying a truckload of money to his ex-wife. Relationships like this rarely last. He either has a fun fling with your for a while til he's had his sexual fill, then he heads back to the wife again, or chases the next young girl he meets.

[emilyrose12373]

He hasn't moved out but he has been looking at places also he has told his wife that they are over. I don't know whether to drop it before I get hurt, but I do think I love him

[agent1607307371]

it has not been a proper relationship and he is moving out

 

I don't want to be too blunt here, but it is and he's not.

 

And yes, you are being slightly naive. I'd drop him. If he ever does break up with his wife and gets a place of his own, that would be different. But right now you are in the middle of the classic "bit on the side" scenario.

 

How many kids does he have?

[itsallgrand]

All else aside, I don't think you should move in with him. Give yourself a chance and start off solo. Don't hop from home to a man.

 

Yes, I do think you are being naive. Most people won't judge you too harshly, given your age, but many people may be concerned for you. I am. I can only imagine how concerned someone who really has loved you through out your life, really loved you, would feel. Devastated, might not be exaggerating.

 

Even though you are young though, you are old enough to know right and wrong. Cheating with a married man - a simple wrong. You know that though. But do you understand how important these kinds of decisions are for determining how your life will go? It's not only about you + him and how that will turn out - but the course you are setting for yourself as a person. That's what is really important.

 

You are allowed to make mistakes, but yes, I do think getting involved with a married man who is so much older than you too is a big mistake. Please stop now.

[JJ2980]

He hasn't moved out but he has been looking at places also he has told his wife that they are over. I don't know whether to drop it before I get hurt, but I do think I love him

 

Before you get hurt? You're kidding, right? I know you're only an 18 year old kid but even you know right from wrong. Does your conscience twinge at all when you think of the woman he's probably been married to for years and how she will hurt? I guess not if you're prepared to pursue a relationship with this married man. Putting aside the fact that the situation is just plain wrong due to the cheating thing (and fyi you don't need to be sleeping with him for it to be considered cheating) you're in an awful hurry to grow up and move in with him. I remember being 18 and enjoying being independent but then again I moved out of home at 17 and I'm guessing you still live at home with your parents? What you don't realise now is that you still have a whole life ahead of you and what you want now is not necessarily what you'll want in even 4 or 5 years time. Once you start establishing a career and living life a bit more you'll then have a clearer picture of what you do and don't want. I fear that one day you'll live to regret having not enjoyed your youth like so many others who've tied themselves down so young.

[tmtex]

Wow, thats all I can say WOW. 40 male and 18 female and the guy is married. WOW

[Seraphim]

It is very simple ;you are being worked over and you don't even know it. You are the naïve little bit of crumpet on the side. Run like hell!

[Realitynut]

I can't imagine what an 18 yr. old and a 40 yr. old would have in common. I remember when i first met my future husband, he was about 31. He thought that he could attract girls the age of his 18 yr. old neice. I was horrified. Why would you even be INTERESTED in someone that young. (besides the obvious! ) A couple of weeks later at a family get together, the niece was telling a story how she worked at a mall...and all these OLD guys were coming in and hitting on her. She said, "Gross....they were as old as YOU uncle Dave...." LOL...all i could do was sit there and smirk.

 

So that is the thing. Of course he is interested in you....for one thing only. Maybe he is infatuated. Maybe his life with his wife aint' all that great...maybe, maybe, maybe.

 

But here are the facts:

 

You're 18....just a kid, having experienced nothing in life yet. Don't know what real relationships or love is all about.

 

He's 40. He should be mature...and have absolutely NOTHING in common with an 18 yr. old. Heck, he probably has children close to that age. It's almost pedophillia!!! ugh.

 

PLUS he's married. Nuff said.

[HeatherB]

So what happens when he teaches another cute, interesting girl how to drive and decides to stay in touch with her too? Being in a relationship won't prevent him from following up. You can do waaay better than some creepy bad boundaries teacher guy. Bet you'll look back on this in a few years and feel faintly embarrassed for having believed anything he said.

[Lambert]

Please do yourself a ginormous favor and get the hell away from this guy! Here are so things I know for sure!

 

-18 is a great age. It all about having fun and deciding what you want out of life. Do you want to go to school or work for awhile first? Do you want to travel with some friends? what if u all live together working as waiters and waitresses in fun beach town for the summer? Do you have family in other parts of your country or world that you can go spend some time with-- maybe enroll in school in a new town? Or just find something cool in your current town? The world is your oyster baby! Never again will you have so many options and so few bills that you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT.

 

-40 is an age for serious responsibilities. You have a family, children, a home with a mortgage, maybe multiple car payments, braces for the kids, college funds for the kids, a new hot water heater or furnace needs replaced, don't forget you gotta save for retirement, the boss is calling, the spouse is calling, o yeah the family is all coming over this weekend for a cookout, did you take out the trash? Pick up the milk on the way home and it just goes on and on and on and on....

 

So what do these two ages have in common? Nothing but each glamorizes the other. But here's the awful truth, you will be the responsible one soon enough. He will never be as carefree as you are.... What you have and are is gold, your whole life is ahead of you. For him, this is a grasp at what he USED TO BE. It feels good to be with you. He feels young with you but all those responsibilities wait for him and ultimately he will get pulled back into his life and you will be hurt but you will go on to be the person you are meant to be.

 

You said nothing happened sexual yet. So there's still hope for you, you are at the crux right now. The choice you make now will effect your life for real. You are an adult now and you will have to deal with whatever the consequences are. To be blunt, you do not want to get pregnant and you don't want be with a married guy -- pregnant or not. It's low to be with a guy that is married. It's not romantic and exciting. It's hurtful to his family and especially children. And it will hurt your family if they find out.

 

Your loved ones have so much hope for you and love you. They want to see you happy and building a life for yourself. Not latching on to some old guys used and abused life. Think of all your doing-- experiencing things for the first time. Think how romantic and fun it will be to go through all those things with a guy that is also going through them?

 

Life is hard and our choices determine our fate. Make good choices, have a good life.....you have to think about what will come of this 10 yrs, 20 yrs, 30 yrs... And what you want your life to be.... Not just this moment.

[capilot]

He is married however

 

That's the only part of your post that's relevant.

 

99.9% chance you'll regret having ever met him.

 

Yep.

 

It is not the age gap. It is the fact that he started cheating with a much younger girl while he was still married.

 

Yep.

 

He's giving you all of the classic excuses that a married man tries to sell to his mistress. I'm guessing that he's looking for a side dish, and has no plans on leaving his wife.

 

Yep.

 

All else aside, I don't think you should move in with him. Give yourself a chance and start off solo. Don't hop from home to a man.

 

Even though you are young though, you are old enough to know right and wrong. Cheating with a married man - a simple wrong. You know that though.

 

Yep, yep.

 

It is very simple; you are being worked over and you don't even know it. You are the naïve little bit of crumpet on the side. Run like hell!

 

Yep.

 

One more point: don't believe anything he tells you. He says his marriage is a sham. He says he's told his wife. He says he's looking for a new place to live. Don't believe one word of any of it without independent confirmation.

[Scorpion Fury]

Sweetie, he's more than twice your age.I'm gonna co-sign with what everyone else said, and also urge you never to sleep with him. It's all bad. Think of his old balls. Ew....I'm 11 years older than you, and I think he's probably even too old for me.

[abitbroken]

I know it all feels wonderful to have someone interested, but listen to the women who have been through things like this - you can learn from their experiences so you don't have to make the same mistakes. A married man that promises to leave his wife seldom does - or does for a little bit and magically reconciles with her.

 

Being that he was your driver's training instructor, if he works for the school, he might come under discipline for inappropriate behavior.

 

You are a fantasy to him. He likes the idea of a younger woman and most likely he will talk to you untl you have sex with him and then the thrill will be over. He is not interested in your mind. You are a practically a child in his mind.

 

What are your views of marriage? If you think marriage is wonderful and you have a deep respect for it - you are not showing any respect. he is a MARRIED MAN. He is not anywhere near divorced. ANd if he cheated with other women, too, you are nothing special to him. You are another conquest. And he won't be faithful to you EITHER.

 

I know this is a rush having an older man attracted, but PLEASE walk away. Block his number if you have to.

 

Also, where are your parents in this? what do they think? I know you have just become a legal adult, but if you live under their roof/they pay for your schooling - I know that if you were my brother's daughter - my brother would come after your new "friend" and set him straight.

 

I also think if he is a driving instructor who works mainly with teens and then he finally found a student who was taking the test late - he might be a bit of a predator who feels he finally hit the jackpot by meeting someone who was legal.

Sorry to be so pessimistic, but he's using you.

[emilyrose12373]

He tells me he would be devastated if I left what we have together. I know he and his wife's marriage is over because I've seen texts and heard calls. We have a lot in common but I think he is trying to relive his youth. I don't know what to do, how to tell him I don't want this anymore, IF I can tell him that. I don't know what I want. He has two kids both near my age. he always asks why I don't go with someone younger and I can't answer him because I don't know. He shows interest in me, he understands me. I feel like I won't ever find someone like him again

[marshmallito]

Ask him if he is happy for his kids to have sex with his friends.

He is being so manipulative. He is guilting you into this relationship, and he knows what he is doing.

[SapphireNoir10]

He is a cheater first and foremost. Also a 40 year old married man with kids your age.

 

If he could cheat on his wife what's to say he won't cheat on you when the next attractive woman comes along?

 

Just tell him you feel you are at different stages in life and also you question him cheating on his wife etc.

[Seraphim]

He will cheat on you. Guaranteed.

 

Also if you want someone to respect your relationship you better respect someone else's. If in a few years from now some lonely little 18-year-old rolls up on your boyfriend or husband don't call foul.

[Chloe7]

Are you being naive? yes!

 

You are very young and he is taking advantage of you. I know you don't see it that way but its because you dont have the experience to see it that way.

 

I am in an age gap relationship myself and I dont judge other who are in the same position BUT you are ONLY 18!! he is MARRIED? what could a possible 40 year old have in common with an 18 year old? you still haven't experienced anything in life. You are at a completely different phase than he is.