Realitynut Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 OMG Peter...just got on and saw all this crap! Glad you got it taken care of! Honeymoon's over after the first big fight! That was my try at humor! Peter....calm down. Believe me, everyone has fights. Some big, some small. Ya gotta roll with them. Don't have much time to give you all my sage advice....lol...gotta go to work now...but will get on later tonight. Oh..btw...that Tom guy and i broke up Monday....even tho never verbalized. It was last year in March he joined the dating sites. April we made love.He went cold. End of Oct. he said he was in love with me and promised me that we would be exclusive. My take.....LIAR.....some people can't handle relationships. This is your very first relationship. You are in the learning stage. Don't go RUNNING at the very first sign of small incompatibilities! Not every one fits every little corner of your life perfectly....if that makes sense. Hugs and love.....gotta run.... Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 We're going out on Saturday for a day at a country house. I've been there before, but I'm looking forward to seeing it again. I'm just so glad that I've got a chance to take CJ out again. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 aaawww...i love kiss and make up stories. Tom 'unfriended' me on fb. How mean. He is still friends with the girl he saw last summer....and his ex wife! sheesh...he must really hate me.... Kiss lots. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I don't really see it as your fault. It's her fault because she asked you for information that she couldn't handle? Would it have been better had you said nothing? Well, sure, but she was the one pushing you into talking about girls in the past. I can't stand it when people ask questions when they can't handle the answers! Anyway, glad you two sorted it out. We all get in little tiffs sometimes with our loved ones. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 It's more complicated than that. I mentioned this girl too much, probably about 5 separate times. Like I said, we'd met quite a few times (I said in an earlier post that we were friends, but we weren't really friends) before I developed the crush, and so a few of my anecdotes featured her, like the camping trip and the rock climbing (I've posted about her in here, many pages back) and she's in a few photos I took. Plus I still keep bumping into her. To C, it seemed like I couldn't stop talking about this particular girl. I even admitted that I noticed her at a meetup a few weeks back, tried to say hi and was blanked again. The thing is that in my head, this girl is no longer important, she is maybe a bit of a puzzle (she was always so friendly, now she's ignoring me), but I don't think about her. So it never occurred to me that I was saying or doing these things. Because I wasn't attaching any importance to it, I wasn't aware I was even doing it and C didn't say anything. There was another incident, when I showed C a picture of the camping group with this girl in it. C straight away said that she wasn't particularly good looking. Up until then she'd said that she doesn't get jealous, but that really seemed to me to be something a jealous person would say. I thought "That's an odd thing to say for somebody who is impervious to jealousy". But she saw the look on my face to mean "How dare you insult my beloved!" If you put the pieces together without knowing what was going on inside my head, the obvious conclusion is that I was absolutely infatuated with this girl. C's mistake, was not saying anything at all for months, until she couldn't take it any more. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Anyway. I understand what I did wrong. We're not going to talk about it any more. We'll move on. She has since apologised for being unreasonable. She's aware that she could have handled it much better and that she really upset me on Tuesday and Wednesday. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Sounds like some major miscommunication, but I'm happy that you guys figured it out and are moving on. Good luck, HS! Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 There is another thing I discovered from all this. I can't remember exactly when it was, but about a month ago I told C that I love her. I was pretty sure that I did love her. But as time went on I started having doubts. How did I know? I've never been in love before. What does love actually feel like? Was it just wishful thinking? It sounds crazy, but I started to wonder if I did actually love her, I really wasn't sure. And then I thought that if I wasn't sure then I probably wasn't actually in love? Or was it just my overthinking coming back? The pain I felt on Tuesday and Wednesday is not something you get from liking somebody a lot, or wishful thinking. I've stood on a hot soldering iron barefoot, and that's nothing. Seeing her so angry and upset because of something I'd done and thinking that I was never going to see her again... I'd prefer walking over 1000 soldering irons. They say that love hurts and I think I know what they mean. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Things feel normal again. We spent a very nice weekend together. The weather was terrible, but we still had fun. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Photo time! image removed image removed image removed Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks guys. Here's one of my favourites from the weekend before image removed Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 There is another thing I discovered from all this. I can't remember exactly when it was, but about a month ago I told C that I love her. I was pretty sure that I did love her. But as time went on I started having doubts. How did I know? I've never been in love before. What does love actually feel like? Was it just wishful thinking? It sounds crazy, but I started to wonder if I did actually love her, I really wasn't sure. And then I thought that if I wasn't sure then I probably wasn't actually in love? Or was it just my overthinking coming back? Btw, just wanted to address above briefly. The idea that if you are in love it will always be constant is a lie. Love is an emotion and as such is not constant. There will be times when you are angry with each other, there will be times when you question being together, there will be times when you see someone else and feel attraction or you interact with someone else and actually thinks to yourself why can't your SO be more like this person, etc., etc., etc. Life will always throw challenges your way, that doesn't mean that you've stopped loving that person deep down or that you never really loved them. It means that emotions rise and wane, but whether you are on a high or a low, at some point you see the good in the person you are with and recognize that you do love them after all, warts and all. Staying together is a choice, not just an emotional constant high. Some days that choice is easy and other days it may be hard, but never except it to be an even keeled constant. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think I explained myself badly, I couldn't work out how to say it. I felt like I didn't completely understand love and I wasn't sure whether I was just saying that I loved her or if I meant it. The first time I said it I was pretty sure that I meant it, but my overthinking started making me doubt if it was really love that I was feeling. Maybe my internal doubts were showing (body language, etc.) during those weeks and she started doubting whether I actually loved her. It wasn't until our argument last week, when I started really thinking about what she means to me, that I completely understood. I know now that I really do love her. If I didn't love her, and if I didn't know that she loves me, despite the shouting, I wouldn't have gone back. Even when she was saying things that weren't true, and was ranting about how little she thought I cared... all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her how much I loved her. It seriously hurt. If my previous overthinking was right and I wasn't actually in love, I would have been annoyed, "If that's what you think then I'll let you be alone", you know... Does that make sense? Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 One more photo. This is from a few weeks back, but I think it's probably my favourite picture: Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 One more photo. This is from a few weeks back, but I think it's probably my favourite picture: It won't show Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Went swing dancing last night with C and Lucy. Lots of fun. I think I was getting it towards the end of the lesson. Looking forward to the next one. C makes me so much more confident, I probably could have done it without her, but I think I would have felt a bit awkward. Even though we were rotating partners and I was only dancing with her for a minute or two, I loved being there with her. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 New avatar time! By the way if any regulars who like my photos would like a look at my flickr account, just send me a PM. I love showing off my work. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 So much organising... so little time. Camping trip in June. Photo group's 200th event just before that. We've been talking about having a joint birthday party for me CJ and a couple of friends in the middle of May, because our birthdays are all within a couple of weeks of each other... not even started looking into that. One day I might be moving house as well... you never know. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 oh lol whatever happened to the house thing? Thought you had moved by now. If it makes you feel any better, bf and I have been actively searching for a decent house for almost a year now. It's so not easy to find the right place. Every time something comes up in the right area for the right price it's like a piranha feeding frenzy of buyers....lol..... One of these days we'll get in the winning bite....or so we keep telling ourselves. Link to comment
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