happy_snapper Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well it's her fault. If she wasn't so goddamn sexy I'd be able to keep my hands off her for more than 10 minutes... Three months ago we were watching the film, then about half way through I decided to make a move in a romantic way and we spent the rest of the film cuddling, kissing and whispering sweet nothings. This time we put the film on, I started feeding her chocolates, things started getting PG rated, then things got a bit X rated... About 30 mins later we were tired enough to watch the rest of the film. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well....at least you got the jist of it!!! lol Don't you have a 'pause' button! Actually, i can't stand making out...or 'doing it' if the tv is on! Distracting. Turn that sucker off and put on some 'mood' music! Sigh...my Tom guy is mad at me again...and hasn't talked to me for 2 days. After making love on Sunday and him telling me how much he loved me! Ugh Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well when the remote control is all the way over *there* and the woman you love is right *here* And she's horny And she's pulling your jeans off... What's a guy to do? Link to comment
Realitynut Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 OH yeah....you got a point!!! :stupid: Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I should be getting some paperwork from my solicitors soon. It's near the end now. I can't believe how long this is taking. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Just had a big argument with CJ. It's pretty serious. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 This is from another thread I made: You may have been right here. It turns out that some some of these things I was talking about in that thread (or related stuff), she actually wasn't ok with, and they've been bubbling inside her for the last few weeks. She exploded at me today and basically made it clear that she's having second thoughts about our relationship. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 What is it that she's questioning? Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 She thinks I'm obsessed with another girl and that I'm just with her because the other girl doesn't want me. On a couple of occasions I felt like she was encouraging me to talk openly about other girls I've been interested in and because I didn't know any better, I told her. A particular girl came up a bit too much for her liking and she's had enough. I don't think she trusts me any more and to be honest I'm not sure I want to be with a girl that can flip the way she did and won't listen to me. If she's willing to put it behind her and continue, I'll happily go on. But if she won't drop it, I think we may be done. Link to comment
luminousone Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Peter- so sorry you are going through this! Yes it is natural to be attracted to others when you are in a relationship but it is best to keep that to yourself even when prodded. However her reaction indicates that she has some work to do on her confidence and self esteem. There are things that you can do in a relationship that will be helpful however. One is to be sure to express to her what you appreciate about her - the qualities that make her interesting and attractive to you. I am not talking physical qualities (although she probably would like to hear about that too.) I am not going to go back and read your journal but if I remember correctly you love her sense of humor, her wit, her creativity, her kindness, her smile, her intellect, her lifestyle. Make sure she knows that you are with her because of all of those qualities and not just for the sex. If she brings up the other woman just simply shut that down and say that you are with C because of those wonderful qualities and you do not want to be with anyone else right now. If she brings up an open relationship then tell her that you are into monogamous relationships only (of that is indeed your preference). I am sure that you told her all of those things already. No fights on this. If she gets mad or upset, then really listen to her and paraphrase back to her what she is trying to say to you. Acknowledge her feelings, empathize with her and tell her you are sorry her heart is hurting. Be tender and reassuring. Aside from her own deep insecurities, I wonder if she is seeing any grain of truth in your relationship. Do you see a future with her? Is she someone you could spend the rest of your life with? And grow old with? Do you think you have the qualities that she loves and is compatible with? Do you think she sees a future in your relationship? Sometimes one person in the relationship wigs out a bit, so it is important for the other person to be unflappable and calm. And reassuring. And loving. Tender, compassionate, understanding. If your relationship can weather through those storms then you have a winner. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm not sure right now. There are so many things I'd miss so much if we broke up. Her passion, her humour and just... her. My life feels fuller with her in it. But on the other hand I think that I've been aware of little incompatibilities over the months, but I've ignored them. Just small things, but they are there. She's so experienced in life, and I don't know anything. Everything seemed so right, but maybe that was only because I ignored the things that were wrong. I don't know. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I think I might give her a full day to cool off, then ask if I can come and talk to her. Looking back, I can understand how she's come to the conclusion that she's come to, but the conclusion is wrong. I would like to try saving the relationship if there's anything to save, but I'm not going to beg and plead if she isn't interested in hearing my side. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 We've had a txt conversation. She's willing to have another go. Her condition is that I delete the phone number of the girl in question (I actually did this a few months ago), I remove pictures containing her from my flickr and I don't refer to her or talk to her again. I'll do these things if it makes her happy, but I'm a bit pissed that she's dictating terms when I haven't really done anything wrong. I'm going to insist that if we do try again, that it's a completely clean slate. Although I hate the fact that she's got it all wrong, I accept responsibility for saying the things I did. I should have known better and it should have been obvious that it would upset her, even though I said it completely innocently. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 What were the circumstances surrounding this girl that you liked? Did you tell your girlfriend, "I'd like to date her if I ever got the chance and we weren't together", or was it just "I think she's hot."? It doesn't seem fair for you to cut contact with someone unless she has a good reason to ask you to. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 The situation was: We used to be friends, I developed a crush, I wondered about dating her, she stopped talking to me, I never quite understood why she stopped talking to me, I've always wondered whether we could one day go back to being friends now that the crush has gone, she doesn't acknowledge me when our paths cross and for some stupid reason that bugs me. I tried explaining this to CJ when she asked me about it. I have no idea why I did that. She understood it as: I fancied a girl, she doesn't like me, I became obsessive, CJ came along, I decided to go out with CJ seeing as I couldn't get the girl I actually liked, I'm still obsessed with the girl and I'd drop CJ if the chance came to have the other girl. When I piece together some of the stupid things I've said (things that weren't actually connected), I can understand how she came to that conclusion. If there's a chance that we can work this out, I don't care about deleting a couple of photos. I do still have my doubts that this is going to work, but I'll try. I think we're worth another try. If things don't feel like they're going to get better then we'll call it quits. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 In this case, I don't really see any reason as to why you'd want to keep contact with the other girl anyway. Ignoring your existence seems like answer enough and I would have put it behind me. So, I guess I can see CJ's concerns that you still had her info hanging around. But I would be wary of any demands regarding friendship and such with members of the opposite sex - sounds like she's not okay with it after all, and it might get pretty suffocating. It's weird, because it sounds like her actions may actually drive you into having the thoughts of doing/doing what she fears. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 As I said, I got rid of her phone number months ago. I haven't been in contact with her for about 6 months, but I keep bumping into her. Maybe she's right, maybe it has become a slight obsession. The thing is that I told CJ, because it didn't seem important to me. I can't really explain it. She thinks that I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't important. I don't think she has any problem with me having female friends, it's just this one girl who I've admitted to having a crush on and have stupidly mentioned a couple of times, relating to whatever we were talking about at the time. I don't have any problems with her conditions, so long as she doesn't decide to expand them. Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Oh, I misread a prior post then, I think. Yeah, guess she's one of those girls you can't really talk about prior crushes to. It's not a bad thing - just not for her. I would say to again, be wary of any demands of hers; but you seem to want to try this with a level head, and if it's not quite fitting your needs, then it's best to end it rather than prolong the inevitable. I'm sorry. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 She thinks I'm obsessed with another girl and that I'm just with her because the other girl doesn't want me. On a couple of occasions I felt like she was encouraging me to talk openly about other girls I've been interested in and because I didn't know any better, I told her. A particular girl came up a bit too much for her liking and she's had enough. I don't think she trusts me any more and to be honest I'm not sure I want to be with a girl that can flip the way she did and won't listen to me. If she's willing to put it behind her and continue, I'll happily go on. But if she won't drop it, I think we may be done. She totally backed you into a corner there, encouraging you to talk about other girls, even if they were from the past, and then getting mad when you did. Even if she's insecure it wasn't fair of her to goad you into sounding like the jerk who's attracted to other girls while in a relationship. I know you're not really that but it's like she was trying to trap you into sounding like that so she could confirm her own insecurities. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I can see why, based on her insecurity, that she came to that conclusion too, but I still don't think you did anything wrong. She encouraged you to discuss other girls. It's not like you dumped the info on her absolutely voluntarily. Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I can see why, based on her insecurity, that she came to that conclusion too, but I still don't think you did anything wrong. She encouraged you to discuss other girls. It's not like you dumped the info on her absolutely voluntarily. I feel the same way, but in hindsight I think I went too far. I've made my decision, I'm going to go along with this second chance, but I'm not going to tell her that this is me giving her a second chance too. Link to comment
faraday Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 There's a learning opportunity for her there too...I can't hear about a bf prior relationships or crushes until we're well established in the relationship...or I over think it. A year in? I'd love to hear all the stories, I want to hear them because...they're part of his past, and I want to know him. Before I know that he's completely mine (and that comes with consistent time together)...it's fascinating and traumatizing lol Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
happy_snapper Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 We met up, talked it through and we're having another go at it. We'll learn from it and move on. I can see that it's mostly my fault, but she's partly to blame too and she recognises that. I think we might be ok. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Good luck with the second chance on both sides, hope it works out. I think this might have just been a minor blip stemming from her insecurity (probably related to her past) and your lack of relationship experience (if you'd had more, maybe you would have known it wouldn't be best to "tell-all," even though she was asking). Link to comment
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