I was told to post here to try to stay strong, im counting on u!

[delicous]

Going here to prevent myself from writing him another email, in hopes he may return one back........... I wrote him christmas day, he nver wrote back, didn't say a thing. I know for a fact that hes back with the ex, but I still feel like Im not my whole self without him...something majorly is missing...You know that feeling like you have emptiness where it once was full?? I miss him a lot, I want to cry at work some days but I know thats not what he would want for me, hed want me to stay strong and keep pulling through it.....It's like a 10 ton of weight is on my back though, it takes everything in my body to keep him off of my mind, why is this?? After so many months of nothing from him do I still want him back in my life? Is it a sick craziness inside of me? Did he trully ruine me for other men? Is that even possible to ruine someone to the point where they cannot move on? I guess thats why this website is here....because it is possible....

 

 

I do miss him, wish something would click inside his mind that said ..........Call her, she still loves you........... But, it hasn't ....and I have no clue why I keep trippin over it!

 

I want to email him again, letting him know I love him and forgive him.I know he was confused, just didn't rrealize how easy it was for him to get unconfused....I led it on for a while though and so did he and we should just be happy and move on........Im just NOT, i love that man more than anything, will there ever be someone I love more? I sure hope so, because this is literally KILLING ME!

 

Thanks to anyone who has been reading my rants!

[delicous]

Still love him, but I know better...Just have to keep feeling the stregnth and letting that stregnth, the little that I have , let it grow and develope and hopefully the energy I put out will end up attracting someone worth while.....I still miss him, i miss his face, his eyes, smile, those dimples....his body...the smell of him, his everything and I will always be quick to forgive him and I do honestly forgive him or I wouldn't stil love him and I wouldnt still want him back for a seconde.....

 

So although all of that is apparent and clear, I do have faith, I can learn to love myself stronger than befor and learn to make sure to not step into the same trap.....

[delicous]

dont think its happening though.......... just watched a video his voice was in....

[delicous]

Another weekend come and gone without him...good news, his mom still is talkin to me! Haha, what a joke......I miss him and I want him, but I guess thats not enough, it's never been enough......I packed his stuff up.....Made me reminise!

[delicous]

Im not getting any happier, any stronger, feeling any LESS alone...I cleaned out that drawer and thought id feel more free but I don't I miss him and want him to come get his stuff, but only for the reason of seeing him again, not because I really want to get rid of everything that reminds me of him r that I want him to be gone indefinetly!..... I miss that man more and more everyday instead of less andless? But I don't dream of him as much, I don't think of him throughout the day any less though, I don't no think about him in the morning or right before bed, I still do, I still look through his pictures and videos we made and miss him, I really really really miss his laugh and since of security when I was with him. I's gonenow and Im all on my own... Maybe I was all on my own this entire time, maybe he really just never loved me or saw a long term relationship. Thats terrible then because he talked about so much with me...

 

God, I wish he'd come back into my life, by some type of maricle, he'd actually STAY! and we wouldn't fight anymore and I would all of the sudden trust him 100% and that he'd make me happy and id make him happy mostly all the time.

But he didn't and neither did I because of all the lies and betrayal and going behind eachothers back...

It ruined everything..All the games did nothing but sabatoge us worse and caused him to go back into

her arms.... It sickens me how a man could drag someone along for as long as he did Yet I still love

the heck out of him and can't seem to get him out of my thoughts and can't help but want him back...

It's really aweful I know!

[delicous]

Since... I still havnt gotten counselling im still coming on here to vent...seems like every other day I miss him a lot. It isn't going away, its like I have never competley been over him... So I have been trying to get to bed to have at least a good 8 hours of sleep, trying to keep my life clean and drama free, but I guess I just like the jerk type of men now.. Whenever I do like someone it ends in disastr...like the guy at work, go figure..... lol...But aside from him, like the other guy, he seemed good, but then he said hes going back to his ex...well thats was THIS one did to me, so it's like a epidemic of jerk guys out there, it seems.... Ive been trying my best to not be sad, but I love him, always will, there is nothing he can has done to make me hate him.... Sounds crazy, but it's true. I get that people make mistakes, and I guess Im easier on forgiving them for there screw ups other than resenting them and punishing them for it.

and i

Anyways, lastnihgt, i had to wear his long sleeved shirt, it was so cold in my place....and I went to bed, dreamt about him most of the night, about us getting back together and working things out and being extremely chipper with eachother. I can't help but let myself dream of these things because it is now the ONLY time I ever get to see him....... So this morning, my alarm went off at 5am, and i just hit the snooze......set it for a later time, then it went off again, and this time i released the alarm, but still couldn't get out of bed, kept thinking about him, hopeing he'd change his mind, someway some how, she'd screw things up so bad that he decided to see me again?..... I know it's bad to think that way when its been as long as it's been, but its a vicous cycle ive grown acustomed to, u know getting back together again? It's so stressful to not see him, hear his voice, have Sex! grrr, so yeah...I just layed there until very last minute praying and thinking about him...I cried this morning for a couple minutes, but it wasn't a long cry, it was a very short wimpered one. Never the less, I cried, I thought about him and I actually love fantasizing and dreaming about him still...

 

I am in NO WAY obsessed though, I havn't tried driving by his place or contacting his family members or friends. I just can't get my mind off of him. I love him trully!

[delicous]

Im not copeing still and it's been too long. It's been a long time since we have talked or seen eachother. It's sickening how someone can pore their heart out to somebody and they don't even ackowledge it. I still love him, I trid to be upset and angry with him and focus on the bad, but for me, the good is what stood out!, regardless of how many times I caught myself crying over how screwed up everything was!

[delicous]

I posted another thread but nobody wants to help me get him back, everybody just keeps telling me to get over him and focus on moving forward. It hurts a lot how nobody seems to be able to relate to feeling a true sense of love and losing it then actually realizing the screw ups and wanting it back without the screw ups. These days....I had a member I was talking to, one of my clients at my work telling me about how marriages don't last anymore and the reasn she said made SO MUCH sense, made me want to pick up the phone and call him right away.... Ididn't obviously, but it made me think... She told me the reason there are so many relationships that fail and marriages that fail is because THEY DONT PUT ENOUGH WORK INTO IT, Relationships are WORK!!!! ...Everybody is so lazy with everything these days , technology is a big one, these jobs that don't do much of anything, so many credit card companies willing to poor debt right into a unweallthy persons hands and now it's poored into relationships!! I love this man and I was willing to WORK at it and so was he, but then whenever id have a problem, instead of going to him in a calm way, I pushed him away by blameing and accusing.... This doesn't work and I am realizing how I should of handled things. I love him with everything my heart is made of. I understand the concept of "moving on.." But what about "putting the work into a relationship." This woman made the most sense of anyone Ive talked to. There are some lazy people in this world these days NO CONTACT fixes things, yeah, but it's only temporarily and it is a GAME, it is not putting efffort into keeping something ALIVE. It's the opposite.....

 

Look at all of the people doing NC? If he calls...you bet your sweet BEHIND, I am going to pick up the phone. NO, I won't beg and plead to get back together wiht him again, but YES I will answer and YES I will still want to have a relationship, but this would be the point in time where id forsure say NO and let him know, we need to WORK at it if he ever wants to see me again. You guys think Im crazy by loving him the way I do and maybe I am, but it's passion in me, and a real sense of self that he helped complete my life and I miss it and it's a huge piece in my life NOBODY else I don't think will ever be able to fulfill. Call me CRAZY if I seem that way, I don't mind. Say what you want, think what you want to think, but don't send me a three lette response like "get over him" it's not something easy I can wave a magic wand and do.

 

I know we both made a lot of mistakes, but the difference is I admit it and he admitted it too...problem is his ex has him, and I don't, but I believe with everything inside of me that they will FAIL and he will realize I was the one that was trully in love with him for the long run. She is a leach who is money and home hungry. I don't believe she'd stay faithful to him and DON'T believe she trully loves him. I am the one who would take care of him if he was down and out. If he went HOMELSS, I'd stil love him, take care of him and return favors he's done for me in the past. Not that ive ever been homeless , but he was there for me during the hard times. If anything TRAGIC happened, she'd be up and out, the moment he wasn't making money or somethin happened to his health, she'd be out. I know the type of girl she is, I may notKNOW HER, but the way she dangled the car payment over his head and babysitting her dog and useing his grocerystore membership for shopping and all the different excuses for having him around. I KNOW she will screw up!

 

Im not sitting here waiting for him to come back necessarily, but I do miss him dearly and I don't think any sourt of counselor will help with me not missing him? I have to CHOOSE to not miss him right? And I don't want to not think about him because I trully do love the man. I appriciate all of his kindness, ive seen him in action with how kind he can be and apparently cheating is one of them But I choose to forgive and forget and this time, if he does show up, i plan to be firm and keep my beliefs higher than any type of tricks he might try to pull to get me back in bed or make me his gf because hes lonely. But I do want to work on it with him ONE last time... Sometimes you can try 1000x to get something right, but until that time comes when you both realize you want the same thing, the 1001 time is the time it finally works out...... I guess thats kinda cheesy, but....Just venting about how I feel and I have a lot to say because I am stressed and trying to wind down from the long day at work.

 

But I trully do care still and tellin me to move on feels like a harsh thing to say to me when I honestly and trully deep down inside believe hes the one.

[pl3asehelp]

I think you're not getting the support you want because not many people would agree someone who loves you could cheat on you. You have this guy on a pedestal he doesn't deserve to be on and your self-esteem is so low you don't think you can do better than a guy who would cheat on you. You will probably be the only one on your side as long as what you want is to be with a guy who's cheated on you. You may not care about yourself, but others do.

[browneyedgirl36]

I think you're not getting the support you want because not many people would agree someone who loves you could cheat on you. You have this guy on a pedestal he doesn't deserve to be on and your self-esteem is so low you don't think you can do better than a guy who would cheat on you. You will probably be the only one on your side as long as what you want is to be with a guy who's cheated on you. You may not care about yourself, but others do.

 

Exactly. Trust me, I've read nearly all of your threads about this guy, from LONG before this last break-up, and I feel very confident in saying it was not a healthy relationship. You may really love him, but you're also extremely unhealthily attached to him, and you don't want to let go -- or even TRY to -- despite the fact that he has treated you badly over and over again, despite the fact that he went back to his ex and hasn't bothered to contact you in MONTHS. I too think this is a sef-esteem issue, and I understand not wanting to acknowledge that, but it's something you need to do.

 

Call me "lazy" if you will, but I stand behind my advice to stay NC and go forward with your life. There is nothing "lazy" about admitting to yourself that a relationship isn't going to work, that you've tried and tried and there's nothing else you can do. There is nothing "lazy" about respecting yourself enough to free yourself from a toxic relationship. There is nothing "lazy" about doing what you need to do to have the best life you can have and to make yourself open to good, healthy relationships. You can't try to make things work if the other person is unwilling/unable/unavailable to try. That's all there is to it. BOTH people have to be willing to make it work. BOTH people have to be prepared to do the work to be committed, faithful, trustworthy -- to do what needs to be done to have a healthy relationship. He isn't putting in the effort -- he is with someone else. You may think you can "fix" this, but if he isn't willing to try to fix it, it can't be fixed. THIS is why people are advocating NC, moving forward, etc. -- to do something for yourself so that you have the best chance at being ready for a healthy relationship with someone who is capable of doing that.

 

As for NC being a "game" -- I'm going to be blunt here and say I am absolutely sick of reading that statement on this site. If it's used to manipulate an ex to come back, then yes, it's a type of game, but what MOST people are advocating here is no contact in order to HEAL, to take care of yourself and give yourself the best chance of overcoming these feelings and, hopefully, finding yourself someone really great who really IS worth pursuing a relationship with.

 

As the previous poster said, you have this guy on such a pedestal -- no wonder you can't get over him! I don't say this to be harsh, but from EXPERIENCE. I was in the same place as you are not too long ago. I still love my ex, but I have acknowledged and accepted that it isn't going to work, that he isn't the "one" for me (I don't believe in "the one" anymore anyway -- I think there are a number of people out there who could be great for each of us). The minute I started accepting that he wasn't coming back, I started to feel FREE. I still care deeply for him, but I can see my future without him now and accept that. I came to this point by learning to love and respect myself more.

 

I won't keep posting here because I really think you're not ready to hear what people have to say. I will just leave you with one last thing: Nothing will change for you if you don't take action to change it. Pining away for him and being stuck in that place where you still want him back after everything that's happened is NOT going to change anything. It will only keep you stuck.

[Batya33]

I agree with Browneyedgirl and Please2help - by your logic, if I decided that some celebrity I met once was "the one" or similar then I should pine away and "wait" for him to reciprocate. I have friends who pined away for unavailable men giving much the same reasons as you -each one wasted years of her life -two of them gave up opportunities to have children because of all the years they wasted and really want them.

[delicous]

Well hes no celebrity and Im not trying to "pine over him." I believe and so do both of my parents that if you love someone you fight for it. They may not be together anymore, but they have shown me this and it's probably why I feel the way I do about it. I justify for him because I do love this man and if he comes back, "when" or "if" he comes back I will not be on enotalone everytime I have a problem or consult a friend or even a family member because they have already put on stamp on him. "I havn't." I still have faith, and I do believe no contact helps put things into propective and think realistically and I guess thats the reason why Im not mad at him for not contacting me in forever. No contact feels like a game when ur the dumpee because you keep telling yourself every day, don't think about him or her, don't talk to him or her and by the end of each day, you either "win" or you "lose." But that's what I mean by it being a game. I had no clue i'd see anybody post here today, was a little suprised to be honest.

 

If you don't like my choices, then I guess it's best to walk away and give up on me, you are just proving my point when it comes to if somebody cares they will fight. But obviously, Im stuck...And I do choose in a way to be stuck, but I am also broadening my life up for things, Im not just sitten in bed 24-7 crying or wishing he'd come back. I work luckily and thank GOD! And I cook on occation but not very often and I have a girlfriend I try to spend time with and a couple other guys to hang out with that Im not having sex with, but just getting to know. It's hard for me to move on when I feel like he was the one. I feel like I, in a lot of ways screwed things up. One side of me says that he will come back, the other side says that he's done for good and won't...And it's hard to pick a side.

 

I believe this isn't over, but maybe it is and I need to pull my big girl pants up and move forward in life and just stop thinkin about the possibilities, God knows and only he knows whats to come, if you believe and if you don't, im not knocking your beliefs either. I am not a religious person but I do have strong faith in whats meant to be will be. And I feel like he made a mistake and if he were to come back, id forgive him. I love him, thats what people that love eachother do, they forgive for their short commings. I can't wrap my finger around why people believe in giving up completely. I still have faith, and maybe Im crazy...But it is what it is and what will be will be. What I can say and the only that that holds true is that I do love him.

[Batya33]

"Well hes no celebrity and Im not trying to "pine over him." I believe and so do both of my parents that if you love someone you fight for it."

 

that's a misinterpretation of what I wrote. What's missing, blatantly, from your post and past ones is any sense that you love yourself enough to fight for yourself (not literally "fight" but you get what I mean, I hope). Because you're acting from a perspective of neediness, insecurity, undervaluing yourself, then you're not fighting from a position of strength and that, to me, is essential if you're trying to make a healthy relationship work. I also don't really buy that you're fighting "for love" in the positive sense -I think you're trying to convince yourself that pursuing an unhealthy arrangement is ok because you love him. "But I love him" is often not enough of a reason to pursue a relationship and in your case it's not, in my opinion because the relationship started out unhealthy and continued that way for a very long time. The real fight is to fight to get yourself to a healthy place from which you can give and receive love in a healthy relationship.

[LolaEliot]

Stop crying!!!

 

Be Strong & Carry On.

 

I can do it!!!!

[delicous]

Batya33- Read my last lost in Im in pain, or whatever I labeled it, its the most recent one. Thats hopefully my final thought on the matter, at least for a while. You are right, i gota love myself, its tough to when i let him walk all over me so much, like so much crap i let him do, and so many people including u here on enotalone tried there best to shield me from this hurt, i was just not wanting to listen, not wanting to look at the logic and stuck in dreamland and still am in dreamland, if he showed up, id still want him back even after all the hurt. it's a good thing hes staying away, i gotta just focus on other things .....its so hard to accept loss tho.im going to be working on it it though.

[Batya33]

Batya33- Read my last lost in Im in pain, or whatever I labeled it, its the most recent one. Thats hopefully my final thought on the matter, at least for a while. You are right, i gota love myself, its tough to when i let him walk all over me so much, like so much crap i let him do, and so many people including u here on enotalone tried there best to shield me from this hurt, i was just not wanting to listen, not wanting to look at the logic and stuck in dreamland and still am in dreamland, if he showed up, id still want him back even after all the hurt. it's a good thing hes staying away, i gotta just focus on other things .....its so hard to accept loss tho.im going to be working on it it though.

 

It's about both head and heart not just logic. We all agree it's hard to do. I just wanted to give my opinion that you're not fighting for love or for anything positive, or from a positive place. This post shows that you're aware of that. The more you tell yourself you're fighting for love or doing something productive by pining away, the less you'll be motivated to react differently to your feelings.

[PaintWithLight]

wow, this is an essay in extreme thinking. you will continue this dance with pain until you realized it is over. why delay the start of your new future? he is not the one. he is gone. you are doing all this to yourself alone. please see that the future has new possibilities for you.

[delicous]

Batya- I agree!

 

Paintwithlight: I know! lol,, but im trying my best to try to focus on a future without him in it. for once!

[delicous]

I know I have made an improvement, but had a set back. He hasn't appeared back into my life or anything, but I still have a light urge to see him again. I trully think if both of us decided to try to make it work and both of us actually worked at it, it would work for a long time, but....deep down inside, even if it did, it wouldn't last forever. It might last longer than before, but not for life. And I am realizing I need to look for somebody who is compatible with me to the point where I can see forever with. It's not easy and it's a slippery slope, but I know I can do it if I keep on pushing through and taking good care of myself. I have been trying to get more organized so that I can feel comfortable and confidant. I think by me being just a tad more organized, I may have more of a urge inside me to attract the right things and pursue what I need to in order to be a whole person and be my own person.

Thats the one thing i really do know I need to work on. I just need to get pushing forward and maintaining a poise. It's tough, it really is....I am such a dreamer and a lazy type of person, and can be very overly emotional, I can cry on queue. Im working to not cry as much and to pull my big girl pants on. I am 25 years old and am no young girl anymore and it's about time I start acting like it.

 

 

 

T

[delicous]

I am not 100% over this still, but its becoming more and more clear, everyday he stays away, i get a little bit stronger.

[delicous]

Sick to my stomache! Guess who decided to finally call?

[Batya33]

Sick to my stomache! Guess who decided to finally call?

 

What matters is how you reacted to his calling - hopefully you put your own health at a priority and ignored the call.

[delicous]

Batya33, you should know my actions by now when it comes to this man. I did tell him im not looking to just sleep with him and thats it. and guess who hasnt called in the last 3 days now? It was nice catching up NOOOOOOT!

[Batya33]

Batya33, you should know my actions by now when it comes to this man. I did tell him im not looking to just sleep with him and thats it. and guess who hasnt called in the last 3 days now? It was nice catching up NOOOOOOT!

 

Actually I don't because time has passed and humans aren't predictable robots. It sounds like you made it clear to him that you're still interested in a relationship with him (that is, if he called other than to arrange to hook up). That's surprising.

[delicous]

I can't believe im saying this, but I was moving on? I really trully wish he hadn't called me and I hadn't of gone out with him because now Im having a hard time "once again" trying to move forward and date other guys who are more deserving of me.