I was told to post here to try to stay strong, im counting on u!

[michellezheng]

I CANT do this, i cant date anyone else, and give my heart away...I already gave into him and it's not something I want back, I want him to remember me and come back. thats it! im done! it hurts so bad , nobody will ever understand what we were or anything. I don't CARE how well ppl think they know our situation!

 

At time of impact and at peak of emotions, this is all we said. I said this 3 years ago feeling hopeless about the fact that I may never see the person again. Now fast forward to today, I wonder what I was thinking back then

[delicous]

Had a great night, gave my number to 2 guys...one of them in which I am really hoping I hear from because he was laid back, didn't try hard and reminded me a lot of my ex...same body build, eye color, personality, couldnt really tell because he was drunk, but...it was nice meeting ppl and going out. I have a problem though and I am not getting over him. Im about to email him if I dont hear from him soon. its been a month!

[Silverbirch]

Hi Delicious,

I hope you are feeling better soon. Are you able to see a counsellor. I think you might get a lot of help from doing so if you are able.

[Batya33]

I CANT do this, i cant date anyone else, and give my heart away...I already gave into him and it's not something I want back, I want him to remember me and come back. thats it! im done! it hurts so bad , nobody will ever understand what we were or anything. I don't CARE how well ppl think they know our situation!

 

If you were willing to give your number to two men you were attracted to then of course you can go on a date with someone else.

[delicous]

psychics aren't real, I was really hoping for clarity to be this whole thing to rest, turns out they are just like counselling sessions, nothing magical about it. Pretty reasonable pricing compared to regular counselling sessions. Still disappointed for going to a shop like that for clarity, but she actually pointed out some things I should be working on such as my breathing, neediness and the fact that I need to let go of my ex. ha ha. thats it, she knew nothing of my past nor present, she had to "ASK" me where I work. You'd think she'd know and not have to ask... At least I don't have to be worrying about "missing out" on a reading... I did buy a couple things, nothing crazy, but yeah I am disappointed, will be for a while.. And WILL NOT be going back with the hopes of true future readings, this lady was seriously like a counselor, makes me upset...But maybe it's what I needed to wake me up and face reality.

[Batya33]

I don't think you need a psychic- all you need to know you already know and have known for a long time. But you might need a professional to help you decide what to do with all that you know.

[delicous]

She actually sorta pointed me in the right direction...like a counselor would, was not like predicting future like I thought it would be, but I think it helped a tad bit. I can't afford a professional who wants to charge 200$ an hour...so yeah, I may or may not go back, but she did tell me what I need to do to relax, things I should buy to relax, she even recommended a movie to watch and helped me with my breathing and learning to retrain my breathing because I havn't been breathing right for a while...I found that impressive that she noticed that, but everything else was just common knowledge.

[Batya33]

She actually sorta pointed me in the right direction...like a counselor would, was not like predicting future like I thought it would be, but I think it helped a tad bit. I can't afford a professional who wants to charge 200$ an hour...so yeah, I may or may not go back, but she did tell me what I need to do to relax, things I should buy to relax, she even recommended a movie to watch and helped me with my breathing and learning to retrain my breathing because I havn't been breathing right for a while...I found that impressive that she noticed that, but everything else was just common knowledge.

 

Yoga is far cheaper as is a number of DVDs that teach good breathing/relaxation techniques.

[delicous]

I lost my interest in Yoga... I want to get serious about writing because I feel like it's a locked up talent I should be using. I had a dream I was at my exs house for some reason. I think it was because someone died, but couldn't pin point who died exactly; I was drunk. I think at least because I was making out with a new guy, not my ex. Then I saw my ex go into his room and lay down on the bed, so I told the guy I was hanging out with, I gotta go lay down with him for a minute, hes the reason I came this way. He looked sad, and the guy understood. After that I was on the bed, only to find it wasn't my ex, it was some other guy and he had busted teethe. It was weird and a full head of hair, which mos def is not my ex.. I was mad when I woke up because it would of felt nice to at least see him in my dreams...

[delicous]

Dangit, I miss him!.... This isn't seeming to feel any better, Im not feeling like I love myself anymore than I did when I was with him. Whats the point of this whole "getting over him" thing....if it's not working, maybe its because he will some day be meant to be in my life? Just a thought in my crazy a** head.....lol

[delicous]

Im still having a hard time, but thinking pretty positive. Im doing good in my life for the most part, except a couple affairs I need to tackle, but still can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that he chose her. It's causing me to be a bit lazy and depressed over the entire thing. I wrote him email close to a month ago, he didn't respond, so what can I do really??

[delicous]

Already feelin a bit nautous and bam, I see him and his brother driving away from him and I's resturant. and I have a date tonight, feelin sick to my stomache tho

[abitbroken]

Many counselors work on a sliding scale. Also I have never seen a counselor (not a psychiatrist) charge $200 a session. I do not know where you get your numbers but I have seen $40-150 being a bit more realistic in price. Also, there are plenty of support groups. I remember telling you about groups for love addiction. Those are free.

 

I think you should stop chasing him before you get a restraining order slapped on you.

[abitbroken]

and I have a date tonight, feelin sick to my stomache tho

 

The last thing you need to do is to date! Don't get fixated on someone else. Go out with friends - female friends - to places you would normally take dates to if you want to get out and do things. Or with family. But you need to get yourself straightened out or you are only going to end up chasing someone else and you will be coming back here about the next guy. You can't attract anyone of quality if you are a mess, now right?

[Batya33]

Yoga was one example of many approaches that are not expensive and are far more effective than visiting a psychic. I'd be careful about indulging in doing this broad brush dismissal of advice or deliberately misinterpreting what is written so that you can make excuses to continue to chase this unavailable person. I hope you continue to make more positive choices.

[delicous]

Im not chasing him. I havnt wrote him in a month which was the last time I agreed to see him. My mind is just going off on it's over tyrants about the guy. And seeing him today didn't help things. It wasn't on purpose it was running into him. And a "restraining order" are you kidding me? Im not trying to stalk him, just can't get him off my mind and I have NOT let him know that. The last email i sent was very short and simple and did not mention anything about me missing or or me wanting him back, just that I hope we can be friends one day... Regardless abtbroken i see what ur sayin about the dating thing, but I thought I was ready, still kinda want to continue seeing diff guys, not stick myself to one guy, but keep gettin to know other guys but I also have been going out with my girlfriends and it has been a blast each and every time. Tonight actually wasn't a bad night, we went out , won't say where, and we danced a bit and it was nice...

 

Uumm he kept trying to kiss me and I let him a couple times, but tried not to keep letting him, made it pretty clear to him i didn't want to give him a kiss, but he kept trying still, which was more endearing than bothersome lol. But yeah the running into the ex thing sucked, it made me sick to my stomache but shortly after, I got up, looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself IM NOT letting him bring me down or ruin my night!

[delicous]

Going out again tonight with my girl- So shall be fun, I miss the guy a lot and I miss sex a lot... I don't really know how to deal with that temptation to contact him just for sex lol, but im trying to.

[delicous]

Going out has been helping tons...Met someone pretty spactacular.... go figure!

[princeslondon]

Hi Delicious,

 

Just want to say, I've sat and read your entire thread this evening. Bless you, you've come so far and have had such a difficult time if it. Take it from me, you will mend....you won't be one of those women who 'chooses' to move on, you just will one day, you'll get too tired of waiting and someone else which catch your eye. Be careful though, I think you tend to idealise men and their role in your life, you think a man will complete you (make everything rosy) but no, when a man comes along, that's just the start of the problems lol. I'm a bit like you I think. I'm 27 and was with a guy for a year when I was 21, he was a player, he got me pregnant, cheated on me and I had an abortion-awful. I never thought I'd get over him, I was obsessed, I used to drive to his house and if I saw his car/friends/family I'd get butterflies, I used to imagine him coming to get me and whisking me away to marry me. Lol. In the end I went backpacking to Asia for a year, missed him the whole way through, he had even called me before I left 'he safe, ill wait for you, love you boo' but 3 months into my travels, I found out he was in a new relationship. I was mortified, cried all day every day for about 2 weeks but then I got to Thailand and thought 'im gonna enjoy this beautiful place' when I came home, I saw him, he made a bee-line for me in the bar, all yellow, how are you doing, I've missed you....I just smiled and said I'm good, take care. I drove home in tears but I felt strong. He called a couple of times but never really saw him again. I then met a guy and gotmarried, it was all too fast, married for 3 years but more like friends so divorced. I then started dating a police officer from work...ten years older than me with 2 divorces, a child and baggage baggage baggage....awful relationship that I've only just got out of. Missing him like crazy, I got carried away with him, wanted marriage and babies but he is 40 and has done all that and could never really give me those things. I'm gutted, we were together 2 years, I loved his son like my own but we were so unhappy in the end. I felt like I was living a Half-Life and wanted someone who wanted to marry me and have a family and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. The breakup was messy, I initiated it but then backtracked and got needy, calling everyday, texting going to his place two times without being invited. Crying to him.....we slept together a couple of times which provided some relief for 30 mins but we still arnt together. His cop friend even said that I was harrassing him....that upset me, I just wanted to be near him, couldnt understand why it was kisses and sex one minute and 'dont contact me again' the next. Anyway, today was day one NC. I've managed it.....just. just wanted to tell u my story. Take care, we will get there xxx

[delicous]

Thank you for letting me know about your triumps and having faith ill get over it. I have the same faith, but it's tough some days more than others. It sounds like you have kissed a lot of frogs, which I can def relate to, I hope you find the one who deserves you.

 

I had a date Friday, it went good, but I wouldn't say there were sparks, maybe for him...But not for me. I was still super polite and sweet and everything. That day i thought I wasn't gonna go because i had ran into the ex which usually whn he gets on my find, i become in a sortof vegatative state lol. But this time, I didn't let him sink into my plans and thoughts, although he ran through my mind, it wasnt in an obsessive level.

 

Saturday I met someone really really great, but he might be too busy and not ready to settle down. I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me. I don't know if it was the right thing, actually I KNOW it wasn't but him and I were both very vulnerable towards eachother and wanted it. It had been quite sometime according to him, he told me he doesn't usually do one night stands or sleep with a girl after meeting her right away. I told him the same and we have remained in touch, however...I am starting to obsess because he took such good care of me "physically" but ...also "emotionally" because he had lots of questions and seemed to be into me, but at the same time, I felt like I was being interrogated in a playful way lol. So no obsessing this time, going to try to let it roll where it may.....Trying to appear somewhat busy and put together although I am still quite a mess on the inside.

 

lol- theres my story so far...to be continued....................

[delicous]

My moment of clarity is here. I am realizing he never treated me the way a lady should be treated. Just as everyone said, he treated me like a girl he didn't respect. It made me sick so so long, but now after just realizing with the man I am seeing now how great he treats me, ....it's opening up my eyes to the possibilities of happiness again.

[delicous]

Made a mistake. My moment seems to of passed lol. Guy im seeing is turning a bit needy. But I know he is leaving the country soon, so I don't know if thats why because he knows hes leaving soon and wants to spend as much time as possible with me, but....ya....Still missin the connection I had with my ex.

[Batya33]

My moment of clarity is here. I am realizing he never treated me the way a lady should be treated. Just as everyone said, he treated me like a girl he didn't respect. It made me sick so so long, but now after just realizing with the man I am seeing now how great he treats me, ....it's opening up my eyes to the possibilities of happiness again.

 

But it's not about comparison - it's still true that he didn't treat you properly - after all he was cheating on his gf for part of the time he was with you. just because it didn't work out with the new guy is irrelevant to this clarity.

[delicous]

I am with someone very nice and treats me well, he is a perfect gentleman. He opens the door for me, carried me when I got hurt and couldn't quite walk without worsening the pain, goes anywhere I would like to go, doesn't complain much, does my dishes, cooks, cleans, organizes and just everything. There is a big hang up, but I can't talk about it on here... Aside from, I can't bring myself to sleep with him a 2nd time. I just can't.... I let him know about the abortion and a little of my past, but tried to keep it as small detailed as possible.... he kept asking me about my past, so i finally opened up. I have a problem tho and I don't know if being in a relationship is going to help busy the past or fix the problem that lies deep inside of me. I am still very much in love with the ex still.....I can't not think about him and what hes up to, even if he doesn't think about me or contact me.... It hurts a lot and makes me cry.... I just am having a tough time with this man and getting past the emotions that were invested. And Its hard to accept he moved on or "is" working on it.

[delicous]

It's a very deep slippery slope getting over him. He was my first physical love, my first real love got married after we broke up within 5 mnths after moving out.... Im screwed up and felt tainted for some time.... But Im getting out of my funk by keeping the possibilities open and going out and moving around. Wish I could give details about who I am sorta seeing now. But its too much idenitifying information if you have been following my thread since the get go-

 

It's tough tho. I found someone close to perfect in every way and....it has to end because of circumstances beyond mine or his control....