delicous Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 It ended up being crazy and a mistake to go out with him...he kept pushing sexual things, like grabbing my lower back and scooting me closer...and yea, I kissed him and was a bit tipsy because of the drinks, but i kept telling him, im not going to have sex with you....it just got crazy and I got upset and told him to drive me home. Link to comment
delicous Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 Im just not over him, no matter how many guys I choose to date, it's not clicking with any of them.... It's hard to not date at all when there may be someone out there thats perrfect for you.... Im scared ill be alone forever and miss my chance at real happiness if I stop dating completely.... I trully wish he'd come back because I trully love him and want to be his women for life. He's clearly made his decison since he blocked me and has not tried to call once. It's been 2 months, I need to give up and just stop t hinking about him...but he's all I think of dangit, everytime I rest my head on my pillow, i think of him, it takes me close to an hour to get to sleep!!! It's so stressful on my phycie!!...Wish he'd come back, but I'm starting to really accept the fact that he isn't the one... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Are you in counseling? Link to comment
delicous Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Ms Darcy, No, Im not.......I can't afford it and have no time to go to anything like a support group, which I'd like to go to, but don't think id do well in a group setting...Im more of a one on one type of person....: / So I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, my entire day was full of stress and he was in the back of my head all day long, but....whenever I saw my guy at work ive been talking to talking to anothr girl, I flipped out.... Something is obviously going on with me thats deeper than me not being over you....I am just weird, I love you and always will, but for so long i thought YOU and my EX did this to me, this whole weird thing with me not wanting to let go of ayou or him, but it's something deeper.....I freaked out over a man I just met a week ago...He had to explain himself to me and let me know he wasn't doing anything wrong and like kept textin me......I felt for him and apologized and let him know ive been really hurt in the past by both of the dirt bags I let get inside my heart!.....He understood and told me to not apologize, he's been hurt by every girl he's known as well......So we have that in common... I do really like this guy, but whats going on with me seriosly??? Something major is and I need to go to couselling, i agree with that.... I still wish he'd come back, even tho I clearly am interested in someone.......I'd stop talkin to him for my ex. I love my ex.....But then the other side of me makes me feel like if hima nd I ever decided to as much as even "TALK" to eachother again, we'd need to make some type of pact prior to reconcyling again. It's getting to be rediculous.... Still wish he'd call tho....That feeling hasn't changed the slightest and maybe it's my ego over my heart, maybe it's my ego thats broken and not my heart at all??? Grrr it's hard to shake this feeling when I love him so much...but i gotto move on! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 You place too much importance on men. If you can't get counseling at least stop dating for a while. And spend the time you would be on date in reading self-help books and making female friends. I am very serious on that. Link to comment
delicous Posted December 1, 2012 Author Share Posted December 1, 2012 I think you are right Darcy, and all I can say is, I hate being alone........ I thought of him today and lastnight I cried for over an hour....I held it all inside at work and then the moment I get done with work, i explode with horomones or something....I don't know whats up with me. I hope he can't see or get any of my text I sent him while im blocked....itd be humiliating for him to read everything..... Link to comment
delicous Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 I feel like Ill never be over him...the more i think about why he ended it with me, the more I see what he may have seen....and it's not pretty.... Sooo, I was off and on with his man A LOT and when I come to reflect, I realize I was being just as bad as him. There was a few guys, but one guy inparticular I was not being faithful to this man while I was talking this man, even tho I never did anything with him physically, eexchanged pics, and we exchanged dirty thoughts and just a lot of CRAP I should have never been doing....... My ex who I still love may have seen this on my phone whenever I was in the other room......The timing kind of adds up....It probaly took him about 2 minutes to 4 minutes going through my phone while I was in the shower, well...right when I got out of the show, he was going to put his socks and shoes on and let me know he can't stop thinkin about his ex......... The more I think about it, the more I think he looked through my phone and decided to not bring it up because he didn't want to hear my excuses... I hate this.!!! Why was I doing that if I really loved him?? what if that really is what happened, what if he is still single and not back together with her?..............What if he comes back? How can I fix this, what can I do??? I tried contacting his mom and she didn't text me back, and his sister in law and she didn't either...The only other person I was sorta kinda close with was one of his bestfriends who lives literally 2 minutes away from me... Would it be weird to show up? I don't have his number, I never thought to ask him for it..... I think he might sit down with me and talk tho, and let me know whats on his mind or at least what he thinks about him and I and he will be honest, probaly ..."brutally" but...I think thats what I need......I don't know when to make my move. I need to talk to him again, I need to convince him to come back to me ! Well answer to that is kinda more than one because, he hurt me big time by constantly cheating on me with his ex girlfriend....So I gues I was talking to this other guy as a backup just incase he did end up disappearing again,because I got so use to him disappearing.... Anyways, I still love him and he knows this and it sucks he hasn't contacted me, this is forever.....he's not contacting me again, he woulda done it already....I even contacted his sister in law to see if she would let him know but she didn't even text me back....I just wanted her to tell him Id like to talk to him, I really feel like we should talk...... He needs to know I NEVER touched this other man and this was all through cyberspace through texting and thats IT!...... Well prior to be reflecting on that, I have dated and dated...And I finally let myself sleep with someone else for the first time.... It wasn't the greatest experience, but it was what it was...and I made the best of it.... The very next night I Slept with someone else who I have dated now 3x, I had him come over.... That was terrible......... I just can't help, but think he may have been the one and I ruined it, not him.... I tried contacting his sister n law, no text back and i textd her this morning....I tried texting his mother, no answer from her and this was like 3 or 4 days ago I just miss him, I love him and I want him back.....Why can't he forgive me when I forgave him? Or maybe thats a sign I didn't ever forgive him, bc if I did, why would I be keeping a backup plan? Im thinking about going to his bestfriends house , he lives about 2 mins away from me. Maybe he can talk to me and give me some insight into how my ex works...Ill just call my ex's name "sam..." So if he tells me how "Sam" is and how his brutally honest opinion, maybe itll help me move on, or maybe by him telling Sam that I stopped by, maybe, just maybe, I will get my last chance at happiness with him....I seriously feel like I won't click with anyone like I did with him, and the way him and I fit together "sexually..." I can't find that anywhere else......I may try dating one other person prior to me making this desperate of a plee.......I do like him, so maybe, but I doubt it, hes 21 and ill be 25 soon.... Im so confused right now, yet I get it, but I still don't accept it, I stll wish I could change his mind and make him look at me the way he did prior to all the drama ....I can't stop thinkin about him, i sleep in his shirt in hopes ill dream of him....crazy??? I know!..... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 A book I suggest is "Journey from Abandonment to Healing." Link to comment
delicous Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 Should I do this??? Go see his best friend? He's a nice guy and if I open up to him, Im sure he will tell me the truth about Sam...... I know it....I think it at least, but then what if he doesnt welcome me with open arms and I look like a crazy person??? Maybe I am crazy.......? I don't know....I still date other people and I am TRYING to move on nd let someone else in...I slept with 2 diff guys !!!! I feel like crap, I miss him so much! Link to comment
delicous Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 Im going out of my mind, I just want to cry...its pretty much the only thing I can do...... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 You are not thinking rationally. "Sam" is gone so stop contacting his loved ones. I think you should read the book I suggested. Link to comment
delicous Posted December 6, 2012 Author Share Posted December 6, 2012 Yea...i kno....she let me kno she doesn't want to get involved and said sorry...so i told her i was sorry too!! Link to comment
delicous Posted December 6, 2012 Author Share Posted December 6, 2012 I wish I could get out of this vicous cycle of missing him.... I want to move on, I do....It's just hard to train my mind to forget about him and actually do it. I miss him because the memories, there are so man and the chemistry was there. We had more chemistry than some couple married for 20 yrs.... Im not talkin about having a bunch of things n common, Im talking about those moments when we weren't doing anything and felt completely fulfilled with it because we were together. I miss those moments when we'd just be so full of eachother....Those moments where it was just him and I..... Therewere those moments and I screwed them up by assuming he was cheating all the time. Im NOT that person anymore... And its just too late...I never thought id say it and mean it like I do these days.... Link to comment
delicous Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Still must not be thinking "rationally"....whatever that even means.... Today was just as bad as the first day of break up, I swear I have learned nothing, I just miss him and wish he was still with me... feel like he died because its been so long Link to comment
delicous Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 I miss him a lot, but I know it's right to move on at this point....If he loved me, he would of never let me go like this with no contact at al... makes me sad and want to cry...Stilllll think of him every single day. Even when Im talking to so many other guys, I still think of him constantly. I hope he chooses to unblock me and tell me hes sorry and loves me, but.....he probaly never will, hes done for good....I hurt him and he hurt me Link to comment
delicous Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Still missin him everyday, but i sometime invision what id say and do if he were to ever show his face at my door step again...... One side says to tell him he had his chance and tell him goodbye, and then the other side of me can't help but want to jump into his arms and kiss him a million times...... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 When was the last time he contacted you? It's been 2 months since my ex reached out to me last - haven't heard from him since. I've been dating a lot too - and have slept with 4 guys in the 5 months since the BU eeek - but, none of them compare to him and what we had. I'm not dealing with as much emotional pain, but I definitely still want him back. Link to comment
delicous Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Its been 2 months since he contacted me and he only contacted me because I needed him....but yeah, no he hasnt talked to me in months...I miss him so much its rediculous..... I texted him but since Im probaly still blocked, he prob didnt read anything I sent him....I kinda wonder if there is a way for him to see them tho, if he really wanted to...?.....I found his email address from a while ago.......I thought about writing him something, but.....I have so much to say, itll probaly just make me look desperate and probaly phycotic.... But yeah this weekend was brutal, i was hopeing hed call me but he hasnt.....and i went to our resturant and could hardly keep it together because of all the memories with him next to me, him making that asian man laugh and just....the good times....last time we were there, he suprised me there and this was the lasttime him and I got back together......so it means something to me whenever I go there now..... Some guy at my apartment talked to me today... He is gorgeious, but still....I don't care that much, I love my ex and still hope he calls me....i know its sad at this point in time...hes never let this much time pass in the entire 2 yr prd of going on and off..... I still wish hed come back.....I know whats wrong with me and everything, but i don't really know how to adjust my way of thinking or to fix it entirely,, we had a lot of history.... A lot of the reason I miss him though is because I hate being alone... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Yep, I'm still in love with mine too. I've dated a lot since him and no one even comes close... And I dreamed about him all last night. I wonder if I'll ever truly get over him. 5 months post BU, I'm still in so love with him : ( Link to comment
delicous Posted December 25, 2012 Author Share Posted December 25, 2012 Yea.....im going out of my mind....nothing to do about it aside from put all of his crap away and out of site, Im sorta sick of it! And I remember you, we talked a lot, im sorry to hear yall didn't work out again!..... At this point in time I wouldn't even waste anymore thoughts on him, just as I should be doing.... Link to comment
delicous Posted December 27, 2012 Author Share Posted December 27, 2012 Starting to post here again, dont know if its good or bad thing......Hes definetly back with his ex girlfriend, good grief!!....He probaly will not stay with her indefinetly, once an ex, always an ex....in most cases, but who knows maybe they will make itand good for them....I hate that girl, I invision her as the evilest person on the planet, but thats only because she gets to have what Iveworked do hard to have..... He looks happy tho, just want to find my happiness.... Link to comment
delicous Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 I should of never ever emailed him...he hasnt emailed me back and probaly won't...i put myself out there in a BIG WAY....just to be ignored..it's pretty much killing me on inside, while I smile o the outside.... Link to comment
delicous Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Its rediculous how i still cry over this guy...hes totally moved on and im still hurting, i hate this feeling....and don't know how to be okay and just move forward without crying anymore.....its like a good thing he finally learned and is happy with her, its good for him and I do care about his happiness a lot, but it just is hard on me when I wanted to make him happy...... I feel so used and I feel like thats all thats ever going to happen to me is Im going to get used and thrown away like a piece of trash!.......or a toy..... I can't believe I let myself go through this for as long as I did..... I seriously cannot figure out the right direction in my life and I can't believe its almost been 4.5 months.....I want to die.....just so the pain can stop, I want the pain to stop and thats seriously the only way I won't cry anymore..... Link to comment
delicous Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Really miss him, and confused by other dudes ive let myself get close to..... Link to comment
delicous Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 I miss him still..haha whats else is new? Link to comment
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