delicous Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 pressure pressure.....lol Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Day3- Woke up, had dreams about him being very hot and cold in my dream...what do u know? Sounds like the person I describe in my awakeing, who would of knew hed appear to be the same pompous jerk in my sleeping life?.......Still thinkin about him, thought about waking up to stare at his hypnotising reptile like eyes...... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 i want to hold him again, time is not on my side Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 You can do this! : ) Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 Its crazy girl, I really don't know how much longer I can hold out, but im trying to have time ride it out............ Im in the dark on the phn with my bestie venting to her about how I miss him and want him back, then she goes and tells me she dreamnt about him and I getting back together like at a party at my place.....crazy..... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Make getting through the week your goal... The first several days are the hardest. But once you get through them, NC gets easier and easier. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 Im ready to contact him already...........but I know its not the right timeing yet....Ill feel it when its right......or he will.... He might not be the right person for me, but I swear Idwork at it to make it right with us, ........ Just trust is a huge issue Link to comment
delicous Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 Day 4--- feeling hurt, it was hard to get out of bed and face the day....hopeing throughout the day, I get happier.... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 End of Day 4-------Much like the beginning except went to work..................................... I am missing him still and he has not tried to contact me, I wanna call him so bad...... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Stay NC! You're doing good girl : ) Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks for being my cheerleader gynovru! lol....its tough tho, even trying to read and help other ppl on the forums is making me rethink and rethink him and I!!!! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Yeah I totally understand. These coming weeks are gonna be TOUGH for you, no lie. You'll be wanting him back for awhile. But you gotta push through these days - to get to the other side. The better side! Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 .............................what if i don't want to get to the other side, what if I trully feel like I caused him to break up with me for nagging too much, what if I just am really letting time ride it out and say yes if he comes back aagain????? I am so weak right now........ What if he really does love me and used him not getting his ex out of his head to cover up committement to me? I just have a lot of questions in my head....... I know they aren't the right questions.......and these thoughts aren't healthy, but i love him.... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 You have to tell yourself that... Just because you love him, doesn't make it right. Just because you love him, doesn't mean you need to be with him. He hurt you, and he dumped you. You have to want BETTER than that for yourself. You didn't push him away. He left on his own. Don't beat yourself up for that. How many times have you forgiven him? If he was the right guy, he wouldn't care about your neediness. And he wouldn't have left you! Link to comment
delicous Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 I had a dream about our unborn child....we would of had 2 girls...........In the dream, I was still very attracted to him, even though he had gained a ton of weight and had a very dark (ugly lookin) beard...... Our girls were adorable, they both had bright blonde hair and blue eyes and looked happy, they both got his dimples.... Ive been feeling pregnant latley, hopefully im not, but if I am, id keep them this time..... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Day #5 NC..... I am hurting inside still, Like I said....I had a dream about him lastnight and out unborn children...........Went through the entire day bouncing back and forth thinking about how he doesn't seem to care because if he really did give a damn about me, I wouldn't of been in tears as many times as he put me through it..................................... He kinda reminds me of the dad on "everybody loves raymond"..... But hes younger, but the way that may is so "emotionalless" is exactly how he gets when he is bothered by something, he shuts down , tunes everybody and everything out, except for what he lets in...... I don't know why I brought that up, I guess its just me venting about it....... I love this man with all my heart and soul and have sent the message to the universe on more than one occation, I wish he'd just return back to me.............. I wish he'd not of broken up with me and would of not blown out our candle... I miss his spontananity! Hes so funny to be around, always makes me smile and laugh.....Yet........There were times where he'd be right there and I'd feel alone, don't know if thats good or bad?................ I could be myself around him and he accepted it. What he refused to accept was my guilt trips, and for some reason after he came back to me, I was more guilt trippy than ever with him and I wish I wasn't and I can't believe I attacked him over such stupid things....... The important part of everything was him and I, the fact that we whithered the storm..... Instead I chose to try to be dictating and controlling and emotions and all the negative things a man runs from when thinking long term....................................... I miss him a lot still, and it's day 5 of NC .. ............and im sure ill continue to feel like this day 6, 7 and 8....... I miss him and can't wait to go to sleep to dream and hopefully hes in them.......I hope the universe brings him back to me again, but this time, I hope I can control my jelously and dictating ways, I feel like if I could just control my negative traits everything will work out between us. I think he was convinced I couldn't handle the long distance.......and he may come back after hes done with his job there, but then, maybe thats just made up in my head in la la land, he could really be trying with his ex gfm, but for some reason, thats not the energy im feeling........Im feeling like hes letting go of me because he trully doesn't want to put me through anymore tears. Annnnnd it sucks because I want him and I to work so badly, I havn't cried much, but I feel like the more days that pass the worse Im going to get.....It really is like a drug withdrawal!! Im telling you, I don't think Im goin to get any better..... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 You WILL get better. It just takes A LOT of time, and you have to be patient with yourself.... My constant pain has stopped. But it still hurts throughout every day... I'm just trying to get through each day. I am getting stronger, slowly but surely. And you will too. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 End of Day 5---- I worked hard today, stressed out about him not contacting me annnnnnd am not at all over him.. I havn't accepted that he doesn't want me because I trully believe that he still does, he is just scared. I don't know what else to do tho....I want to call him I miss him so much..... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 You will feel this way for many days to come. Just hang in there. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 So, ....what am I doing this for??? Is time supposed to take away and get rid of the feelings I have for him??? I really highly doubt it...Abscence makes my heart want him even more....and makes me more determined to treat him right... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 This time is meant to make you a stronger person, not weak and insecure... plus he broke up with you, so you need to let him go, for now.... This time is about focusing on you and building your life without him. In time, if things are truly over - your feelings will weaken and diminish, believe it or not. And once you build a great life without him... and especially once you give your heart to someone else - your feelings will go away. It. Just. Takes. Time. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Did you not read what I just said??....I am not getting better, im missing him more each day, not less.... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 It will be like that for weeks to come... It took me over 2 months to feel better, just to give you an idea. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 You said 5 months..... I can't do this type of feeling for 5 months.........I can't do this for 2 months.....I can barely do it for another week....Grrr I wish he gave me the respect I am trying to give to him... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 You're really attached to him - so that makes this NC period extremely difficult for you... When I was hurting really badly, I could barely stand it for another hour. It was so hard... But I've made it over 2 months now... and he just texted me again! - but I can see how much stronger I've become... I was so weak for so long. Link to comment
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