delicous Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 I don't know how im going to do with...already have expressed my concerns and he just seems to not understand me...he literally does not understand me..... whats worse? He thinks I need to talk to someone like a councelor....But how do I get him to join me? I think we both need it if we have any chance of it ever working out ....... Im major bummed Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I don't think he's truly committed to you... he's half in/half out... He's not treating you like he adores you. He's treating you like he almost couldn't care less. If you broke up with him today, it probably wouldn't bother him a bit... I know you DON'T want to hear this. But I'm afraid you're gonna get hurt again. Either decide to move on with your life while enjoying the time he DOES give you. Or dump him and move on finally. You're expecting him to be committed and loving - and he's NOT gonna be, not right now. No matter what you say or do. Again, I speak entirely from experience. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 I kno u do, but i wanna be with him... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Oh trust me, I know. I had a sex dream about my ex last night and woke up so sad! I want my guy too... But for reasons we can't understand, not every guy we love will love us back. It's not fair, it hurts, it's cruel, he said he loved me, but showed very different... But it's simply out of our control. I've been saying that to myself all week. I'd love more than anything to have his love again, his adoration back... but it's gone, and there's nothing I can do. You have to come to accept that, as much as it hurts. I was hoping your guy would change, but he's back to his hot/cold nature... When is enough enough for you? How long will you torture your soul with this? I tortured myself for 5 months, I lost him and realized I shouldn't have hung on because he was never going back to the sweet guy he was. That loving, committed guy is gone. And the sooner you accept it, the better. Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Anytime you're putting more into the relationship than the other person, it's a bad deal. The other person doesn't care as much... and it will ultimate fail. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 I think he does cocaine, or some other shtty drug! He told me his ex was demanding him to pay her back and thats pretty much the last time I heard from him, aside frm small hello and goodbye on the phn whn he has not tried to talk to me....I texted him, if he wants to be with me, he needs to show me and latley by not keeping in touch and being moody on our phn calls, hes failed to proove it.... Im so disappointed, but i think my heart is ok.... I basically let him know that im here for him and have his back and I hope we can move forward and stay with eachother this time........ grrr no txt back Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 So when is enough enough? At one point will you finally decide you deserve BETTER than this? Link to comment
delicous Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 he called lastnight, yet the same bs happened, like i do nothing but complain about how he can be doing better, and i asked him why hes with me and he tells me "I don't know" like doesn't that spell T h e end? Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 he called lastnight, yet the same bs happened, like i do nothing but complain about how he can be doing better, and i asked him why hes with me and he tells me "I don't know" like doesn't that spell T h e end? It does, but you're not going to end it. You are addicted to this guy -- he is like a drug -- intoxicating, but really, really bad for you. You know this, and yet you persist in letting him go in and out of your life as if he's going through a revolving door. Someone on this thread asked you "When are you going to start believing you deserve better?" I believe I asked you this same question over a year ago. Until you believe you deserve better, this treatment -- this hot and cold, loves-me-loves-me-not, push-pull drama -- is going to continue. You have to be willing to put a stop to it. The first thing that has to happen in order for you to do this is to ask yourself this question (and work toward finding the answer within yourself): What is it about ME that keeps me hanging on to a guy who has proven time and again that he can take me or leave me? Why don't I think I deserve better?" You have fooled yourself into thinking this is about HIM -- how much you love HIM, what HE thinks, feels, does, etc. It's not. It's about YOU and why you are willing to accept this treatment, why you think you are not worthy of something better and more healthy. Trust me, I've been there. Until you start looking to yourself and taking care of YOU and understanding why you have accepted such shoddy treatment for so long, all you are going to get is more of the same. I hope you are able to do that. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 He broke up with me for her.....THE END Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 How are you feeling? The BU you've been trying to avoid for weeks has finally happened... Hope you're doing okay! Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 I woke up feeling rested...could be because i smoked a bunch of weed lastnight, but I needed to relax my mind, what better way right? haha...i woke up and drove to the store, came back, tried working out for the first time in like 4 months ...... I gave up pretty fast, but I think it was my body telling me its had enough, ill try to be consistant every day and hopefully get stronger..... None, the less.....I still love him and wish him happiness and fullfillment, highly doubt that girl is going to keep him happy long term.......He has to realize you have to work at it in a relationship, ANY relationship, so...............this sucks, thought id be the one who turned him around to help him see him and I are perfect for eachother..... =( Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 I'm sorry that this is hard for you, but...you are better off, and you will see that down the line. I know that feeling of thinking you'll be the one who turns a guy around, makes him want to be a different person, etc., thinking that everything you do for him will work some sort of magic on him so that he sees how perfect you are for each other. I've been there, and I learned the hard way that it doesn't work that way. People are who they are, and they want what they want; we can't make them want or do anything. I had to learn that, while I can buy a run-down house and make it into a home, people are not "fixer-uppers." What you see is what you get, and if there is going to be any change at all, they have to change themselves. I think you're on the right track with the exercise, even though it was hard. Just take it slow and do a little every day -- even going out for walks in the fresh air is a great idea. Most of all, take care of yourself. I'm not going to lecture you about the weed thing, but...OK, I am, a little: Try to avoid self-medicating with any sort of substance (even if it's "natural") while you're trying to heal. Friends, family, work, healthy eating, exercise, fresh air, pampering yourself, doing things you enjoy, etc. are the best medicine. Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Delicious - You can get through this. It's gonna take a lot of work, but you can do it... 1. Stick to exercise, even if you're low on energy. 2. Start reading again. 3. Figure out your career/education - get a job you love. 4. Spend lots of time with friends and family. 5. See a therapist (I really recommend this for what we've been through). 6. Find an activity that you've always wanted to do and start. 7. Stay out of bed. The less you allow yourself to mope, the better. Basically, figure your life out for YOU, not based on him or any other guy. We wanted their love, it seemed like we had it, but they're jerks - not worth our time. They're not good enough. You can do this! You're strong. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 I made myself breakfast...pretty much after working out, or trying to.......i went back to sleep in bed and now its like almost 2 pm and I just made breakfast haha!....Tryin to get my best friend to come over so we can go to the mall and shop or just walk around and talk, but......i dont know if shes coming I did back peddle today, and lastnight....I texted and texted, tried calling ONCE....But the text weren't directly telling him I want him back, more like my idea of what I did to mess up our relationship and that I own up to it, and things he can improve but also let him know what I love about him and what kept me around for so long...... Guys, I seriously don't want this to be the end, does that make me dumb??? I am hopeing he can forgive me for nagging him and trying to change him, and just move forward with me............He told me he wants me to block him tho, and he has not txted me back anything after like 3 or 4 text that were a wee bit long and drawn out............... He told me I need to not let him back in again, even if he tried 3 wks down the road.....He wants me to get over him..........I hate this! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Guys, I seriously don't want this to be the end, does that make me dumb??? I am hopeing he can forgive me for nagging him and trying to change him, and just move forward with me............He told me he wants me to block him tho, and he has not txted me back anything after like 3 or 4 text that were a wee bit long and drawn out............... He told me I need to not let him back in again, even if he tried 3 wks down the road.....He wants me to get over him..........I hate this! It's NOT dumb that you still want him. You love him - and he's like a drug to you. It's VERY hard to stop. I couldn't stop for 5 months and let my complete *sshole of an ex drag me through mud. Because I COULDN'T let go! And that got me into so much trouble. When a guy shows you the door... take it. Pleading for their love back in any way isn't the answer. They let us go. Now we have to let go. Please stop contacting him. You HAVE to accept that this is over. You have to finally start moving on with your life. I seriously suggest you read "It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken". This book has been so helpful for me. When we're blinded by love and withdrawals, we do insane things. Like begging for a JERK back. It's ridiculous. And this book will help you realize that. Be STRONG - and stop contacting him. You have to believe you deserve better than this. And I really suggest you see a therapist. The actions we've exhibited during these BUs indicate we're codependent and insecure, which is why we put up with such jerks. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 As of today: Day 1.....I just am not there to want to really move forward, I just really wish I hadn't screwed up in result lost him for possibly forever.... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 You didn't screw up. He's the one that left. That's not a relationship that would've ever gone the distance. That's not a person you wanna give your time to. Give your time to someone who won't leave you. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 So I went shopping, didn't spend that much money....just stayed in the store for like an hour, had to kill time and not be at home sad...........I felt weak today and had to try calling, noticed its not blocked ......But i msgd him letting him know i wish he was just having a mind malfunction and he will come to his senses soon..... Link to comment
delicous Posted September 24, 2012 Author Share Posted September 24, 2012 DAY 2- Just woke up, didn't want to have to get out of bed and face the day with out him......Trying to work up the energy to eat something and excersize lightly since yesterdays work out actually made me sore, and it was only about 5 mins worth, I know I can do this.....Just havin a hard time not thinking about what he might be thinking about or possibly regretting,or kicking himself about.............or if he is feeling like I did day 1 prior to the slum? Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 I'm proud of you for not contacting him. Take one day at a time. Some days will be WAY better, others worse. It's just gonna take a lot of time. I cried after work tonight... but although I'm still hurting, crying does give me some relief. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Im sorry sweets....yeah to be honest, im going NC, but I do plan to answer if he calls.......and I kinda do plan to eventually call him, but letting time ride it out for right now... Day 2 wasn't that bad, YES, I did check my phone like every break I had to see if he calld, but he didn't................. After work, just watchin tv and going to fix some dinner, even tho im not even that hungry and im so sore frm the work out yesterday! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 You're doing well! Keep it up : ) Link to comment
delicous Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Is that well?? I guess it is compared to my crying, barely able to breath, texting constantly and being on youtube watching sad country music videos....haha Go US! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Yes that's well... for you! hehe But every one has to start somewhere! Keep it going. You're helping me too - if I know you're staying strong - I know I can too : ) Link to comment
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