delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 ......................maybe you are just stronger than I am?...........I don't know, but if he was reaching out to me like he is you, id not play games and go after what I want , but......Maybe thats where I went wrong, got excited too soon before he really prooved himself changed?.....I don't know, but I thought it was romantic when we rekindled this lasttime......he showed up at our fave resturant.... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I was extremely weak and vulnerable 2-7 months ago. I put up with him treating me like total ****... I begged for him back countless times. About 6 months ago, after our first BU, I showed up at his apt uninvited THREE times... I didn't want to lose him... he was like oxygen to me... I never thought I could resist 3 texts from him. But, you said it, he hasn't proved ****. So I'm not responding. There comes a point when, no matter how much you want/love/miss/desire/crave that person... you have to want better for yourself than being treated like garbage. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 I guess I just have blinders on still or something.... It's like this SO many people feel the way they do and woudl call him all sourts of names and slam the door in his face or block him from their life or change their number, move into another state possibley just because he was "honest." I see it like he has a problem just like anyone else does, he never laid a hand on me and just was confused, we brain washed eachother, BOTH OF US, not just him....He may just not know how to love...And I guess I seen that as an opportunity to show him, but all I ever did was make him afraid by being too insecure and too nick picky, now I may have lost him forever I think Im ready to try calling soon....This is getting to be a week now of not seeing/talking to him.. Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Why don't you wait for him to call you? Wouldn't that be better? Link to comment
delicous Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Day 6--- Went out shoppin with my best friend and went out to the club, was a little weird at first since itd been like 5 months since I last went out, but I warmed up and danced and what not......After the club when I got home, I called him.....I didn't wait for him to answer, but I guess he didn't block me, which is nice to know.....Then I sent him a couple pictures of me.............like one in my bra and the other layin in bed, like a face shot......I don't know why I had to break after only a week BUt Im not really sad, just kinda frustrated with myself right now.......................... Had I read your msg prior to this, I may have tried harder to not cave, but with alcohol running through me, it made it even easier to give into my wants VS needs..... lol Ill try again starting sunday to just stay out of contact, but honestly........I don't want to be out of contact with this man, I really can't not think of him, its weird, i know....... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 It's about will power... just like when you're on a diet... I've always wanted to contact my ex... he's been texting me lately and I REALLY WANT to text back... But I'm utilizing self-control and will power. He's bad for me. Until he gets help, until he says he wants to reconcile, until he shows remorse for everything... he's bad for me and only hurts me. So I have to say no. No to contacting him. When someone dumps you.... you have to have some self-respect. You calling him... you lost some dignity, again. You have to learn to want better for yourself. I know it's easy to think if we're in love with them, that's all that matters... But you have to change your thinking on that. They didn't treat us good, end of story. Link to comment
delicous Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 stillllll want him back, but im trying a lot less hard, but then i took those pics, so i dunno what im doing Link to comment
gtnovru Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 You're still trying. Stop trying to get him back. And focus on your life without him. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 I agree, dont kno why I put myself thru this for so long....time to cut him off.... Link to comment
delicous Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Its like being in a cult, i just can't get the idea of getting backtogether with him out of my head......But at the same time, im not crying, im not stopping my life because he's not in it right now....... I was hopeing for a phone call tonight, but I think its not gonna happen for a while......I have a feeling it will happen tho because I have some of his stuff like his clothes, socks, underware....... But I dunno, I know I need to let this go, its just hard! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Because you're addicted. I was too. Still am. It's hard. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 10th day without seeing him......I keep thinking to myself, is this really how its going tobe without him??? It's not that bad, just gotta keep busy! Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Yep I'm on day 34 not seeing him. It's hard at first... but you'll get used to it a little more every day. Staying busy is the answer! Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 I txtd him tellin him, i shouldnt of sent those pics..............hopeing he text back, but living life without him, if he doesn't.......ill be alright....Day 10 wasn't too dificult but at the same time, its hard accepting hes gone.....that we can't make it work and that he refused to help make it work.... ... Im starting birth control starting today, read the risk involved and its pretty serious if my body doesn't agree with the stuff, including death!!!!.......so yeah, but I need to get on the stuff and have needed to for a while now, hints the pregnancy lol...... Day 10- I woke up this morning 10 mins before alarm went off, got my bum out of bed, made my bed, put in my work out video and accomplished the entire video taking a short break prior to finishing I can already feel my body changing and this would only be the 2nd time working out since I started back up on getting over him and just working out for my own health... Im feelin okay without him though, in all honesty, I feel more determined to make it on my own without asking him for help again...EVER.....But at the same time, hes still in my heart and I have no clue when that will go away because he doesn't deserve to be in my heart.....seriously doesn't...... It isn't the end of the night yet tho, we will see what happens....... Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Yeah I feel the same way. I wish he didn't have my heart. It sucks : ( Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 I heart radio is on tv right now in vegas, which is where he is....dangit, soooo annnnnoyed!! I was doing up up til saturday when i called and sent him a a pic he doesnt deserve to see......... I just txtd him i wont ever forget him and prior to that txted him apologizing to him for sending pics and didn't know if hes back together with her.......GOD!! =( I love that PINK song "Blow me one last kiss" But yea, I just let him know, feel like im ttaking and dealing with things better than in the past times of going through this..........and then i told him i wouldnt ever forget about him.... GRR, i just wanna keep texting him until he responds!! But it's like he doesn't care, so whats the use? I would just drain myself, but im feeling all emotional all of the sudden, what is this, why am I all of the sudden feeling pain again just like the previous pain, just as intense? Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 It's a roller coaster of emotions. The emotions will come and go. What I know is... The SOONER you stop contacting him - the sooner he'll come back. He needs space - and you're STILL not giving him that. So think, every time you make contact - you push him further and further away. That's the truth - and if it keeps you from reaching out to him - then good. You HAVE to leave him alone. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 2, 2012 Author Share Posted October 2, 2012 I know lol!!! I back peddled this weekend and again today when I texted him, so I chose to do something for me, which today was as simple as putting in my work out dvd and busting BUTT trying to peddle forward and erase the backwards peddling lol........... Im gonna try my hardest to stoppppppp, i just am having a hard time accepting my loss, you know? Like.........I feel like it's turned into a game and I lost this round!!! I can be such a sore loser, I am highly "emotionally uncontrollably competative" I hate losing! I remember before he came back how much stronger I was feeling, I remember even going on here and trying to motivate others like me and you to stay strong and keep it all about YOU and not the dumper, dumpee.......I gotta start followiing my own positive advise and try my best to make myself happy without depending on a man for that security because that is really what it is, its security.......He makes more money, and can be very easy to depend on, heck......I put him on my Emergency contact list as the primary contact..... At least I know if I ever die or am in serious ill health that he will be the FIRST to know! haha, but seriously gotta try to snap out of it. BOTH OF US!! YOu girl, are going through what I was going through 2 weeks ago whenever he came back, but you are being strong and ignoring his bread crumbs...I think it's time for you to start looking at other men for a change and letting them take u out on dates and going out with ur girlfriends....you know? You are at that stage, I thought I could skip to that stage whenever I went out this weekend, but sadly, while being under the influence of alcohol, i chose to back peddle....I don't think u will tho, or do u want him??? I don't think he deserves you, you are way to strong to put up with anymore of his baggage...!! And same here, but I don't know, i feel like because nobody in my life really see's how him and I are together when it's just him and I, nobody can really possibly know how he treats me, you know??? But I was WRONG....And it's a big step for me to even admit that part... Makes me feel like I lost TWICE, once with winning his heart and twice when I had to admit someone else but myself and him were right.... I gotta get my head on straight, I gotto or hes going to really end up putting me into more pain.....and i can't do it, no more pain!!....I want pleasure...and not sexual kind, real happiness and true self satisfaction with myself, you know?....... Link to comment
delicous Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 I just wanna text him or call him and let him know how much I love him.....Not that it will bring him back or convince him to be back with me, but just so he knows, even though I know he already knows......... Its like what day 11 or 12? I lost count, this is so rediculous.......It's not easy letting go of my love Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Not easy at all. We loved them, gave them everything we had - and, in the end, they said NO THANKS. That's not easy. Throw in insecurity and the unhealthy need for validation and comfort from a man - it's one big mess for us. Talked with my ex for 7 hours via text today, writing back and forth. Somehow we ended up agreeing to a FWB situation - then he changed his mind bc he doesn't wanna use me for sex... so I probed him with more questions about his feelings for me. He says he doesn't want a relationship right now. And says, even when he does, he isn't sure if he'll want to be with me ever again... Blah blah blah. Time to let go of this loser once and for all. You should too. We're not getting anywhere waiting for them. Let go. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Aaaw Why would you agree to FWB? He probaly was testing you girl, to see if you have a backbone and see if you still would do anything for him....For some reason, guys are repulsed by that...... 7 hours of text, does ur fingers hurt? lol =) Yeah, I know what you are saying to just let go of him....But I texted him again today > ... It wasn't me begging for him back, but it was A LOT...like 4 or 5 text to him.... It was to create hope in him, really......Like I mentioned when we chose to hit the restart button we had no idea how to prevent the same pattern from happening....Annnnd it's true....We may both have been ready to be together forever, but that same pattern keeps occurring.....I also kinda let him know, I felt like I deserved to be cheated on bc of how we started things, but was hopeing it would STOP..........Thats the last txt I snt him..... It's so annoying not getting a response back ....... My bestfriend thinks he will come back, but do you really think he will??? For some reason, I feel like I have lost him this time............. Men can be so confusing and relationships......And it's not just with him, it's with my family, with my friends, co workers, maybe i really do need some councelling to learn how to have a relationship because I feel like Im hopeless unless I figure out how to be in one....... I don't even know if this makes since to you or not, but it just feels like something is missing within my personality.......Lack of emotion YET SOOOOOOoooo much obsessive emotion it's crazy....Maybe Im crazy? Haha, i don't know.....It's drivin me nuts tho!! I hope you and him can work things out, but he just doesn't seem like he's there yet and if he was, your agreement to be FWB back peddled that thought..... Link to comment
delicous Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 billionth day without him......doesn't help i had my alarm set to allyahc i dont wanna be alone..................grr i miss his sweet side Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Okay you have to exercise thought stopping... There is enough pain and memories to dwell over for months and years to come - but wouldn't we rather be over them? The more we allow ourselves to ruminate over everything, the more we DON'T move on... You have to accept this, as much as it suuuuucks. But you've gotta start moving on. You can't allow him to drag you down like this any more. You have to stop wanting to be with someone who doesn't want you back. What a waste of life to pine over someone who couldn't care less about us right now. Link to comment
delicous Posted October 4, 2012 Author Share Posted October 4, 2012 i thnk my birth control is making me hormonal, because, i just started monday, i doubled up but yea...like this whole week, ive been more emotionally affected than usual....Will this ever go away? I was super irritated at work from the get-go and like.....even right now, im irritated.....And of course, the fact that the ex is on my mind as much as he is, doesn't make my issues any easier........ Im hurting a lot, like he didn't even read my text??? He didn't even call me back??......I can't believe how much I still have faith in things eventually coming together like an unsolvable 1000 piece puzzle....!!! I have been doing good, like yesterday, i went to the store, bought grocerys and made dinner, cleaned up in the same night lol!....Im sorry, but thats not usually me OH and I excersized!..... lol, IN YOUR FACE DEPRESSION!!!.... But I couldn't fall asleep, I kept thinking about him and even when i STOPPED thinking about him, I finally fell asleep and dreamt a weird dream about fighting with his ex gf....like I wasn't not welcome but I wasn't welcome at his house, it was strange.....Hes been in a few dreams of mine latley, the other one was weird as well.....like he wanted to be with me, but he let me know he can't right now, but to have faith still or something, might be my self concience but, its distrurbing waking up and not hearing or seeing him or feeling him......... How was your day? Link to comment
gtnovru Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I think you're doing better. Just keep going forward. And start working on giving up the belief that he'll come back. He probably read your texts - but he doesn't care - if he cared, he'd respond. He just ignored you. So that alone should make you wanna say screw you to him. So forget him. My day was hard most of the day - full day of NC again. I'm ready to be over him. I don't wanna waste another minute on him. Link to comment
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