I was told to post here to try to stay strong, im counting on u!

[Batya33]

I broke.... and caved but i didn't ask for him back, it was more of a "this sucks missing you" type of email...I didn't say much tho, i said a couple lines, but nothing crazy, just couldnt help to let him know he was on my mind and it sucks.

 

But you could help it. The more you repeat that to yourself and take responsibility for your choices the more you have a chance of moving forward if you want to. "If you want to" -because you get lots of benefits from pining away and reacting to your feelings by contacting him.

[browneyedgirl36]

But you could help it. The more you repeat that to yourself and take responsibility for your choices the more you have a chance of moving forward if you want to. "If you want to" -because you get lots of benefits from pining away and reacting to your feelings by contacting him.

 

Agreed. As long as you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting the same results -- that terrible feeling when you contact him and he doesn't respond, or you contact him and he responds and it's not what you want to hear.

 

You CAN help it -- you just don't want to, at least not enough to do what is best for you. All of this can end, but it's up to you. You have free will; you have a choice. What will it take for you to finally look out for yourself and stop contacting this guy?

[delicous]

Being hit by a train "obviously" lol... jk jk, but yeah I know Bataya and broweyedgirl, had to confess my guilt lol!

[delicous]

I am going on my first date since I seen him last. It's not with him and I still believe inside of my heart he will realize his mistakes and miss me, but I'm not waiting on that anymore. This guy ill be going out with is smart, sexy and fun. So we shall see how it goes. I also have incorporated some new routines in my life, so hoping I see changes and feel more positive soon. Im eating healthier too, but I think I already mentioned that in one of my last post. I still have long way to go before the thoughts minimize. The other night, I wrote him an email letting him know I accept our breakup and wished him well. It made me feel better, theres no emotional emails hanging over my head that I keep wishing he will write or call, it's just out there. The truth which is that its accepted. He needs to realize Im not waiting around for him anymore, its over and that is final. Lastnight/thismorning, I chose to call into work, I just was having an overly tired morning and couldn't think of going to work. Plus, my other supervisor asked me out to the movies the other day which made me feel very akward, on top of that the co worker I like doesn't like me back or feel Im worth his time or something, I don't know, he's leaving soon to go to another job. I am happy and sad at the same time because I never really got to hang out with him as a friend.

 

Anyways this is turning into Dear Diary- haha...Hope the weekend is good for everybody!

[Batya33]

Have fun on your date!

[delicous]

I just had my first ever "hot yoga" class... Boy, did I feel new haha. I was stumblin around, so not flexible and had to walk out of the room twice because I couldn't stay in there any longer, was really hot and intense, my body was fighting me every step of the way, until the last 15 minutes in when we were doing mostly floor stretches...I wanna take a nap now, but can't blow my date off and Yes, we will most likely have fun, hes a fun guy for the most part....

[delicous]

Can't even shake him. Im so frustrated with myself right now!... Well my date was good, nothing bad about it really except.....I just shouldn't be dating yet, I guess? This is so lame how he can move right along like I never freagin existed!

[Batya33]

Nothing to do with him -you have no idea what he's doing and what he's doing is irrelevant. What matters are your choices -if you're ready to date, date, if not, don't. Nothing to do with him. That's great that you took a yoga class!

[delicous]

Hes back with his ex, its everything to do with him. I just wish it didn't affect me when I'm trying my best to move on. I'm going to my 2nd class tomorrow. Was going to go today, but... I didn't want to not eat, so I chose to eat haha. They say not to eat 3 hours before the session, and so yeah, didn't wanna break the rules. I felt very light headed tho, but at the same time, I know it will be very beneficial if I keep at it, so I will the best that I can.

[Batya33]

What I mean is it's irrelevant to your life how long it took him to date someone else. Glad you're doing the yoga!

[delicous]

I see, I see...Yeah I thought you were saying he's not the reason why I can't shake him lol!. It still hurts a lot, I still think about him daily, not one day goes by where I don't miss him and am feeling very hurt by what I let him put me through and what I put him through. Still feel the same, don't know what gives? I hope my soulmate meets me soon because I'm sick and tired of missing such a man and being alone really is not fun. I really wish my date went better but he was scratching at me in the back of mind the entire date, especially when the guy kissed me, I just couldn't shake the feeling I got whenever him and I were intimant and how great we "fit" and how smooth everything seem to "go"...Could just be me in denial about how bad it actually was, but I swear that part of our relationship was perfectly natural...it was the harder stuff that wasn't and I guess neither of us wanted to try to make it work any longer.

 

I def scared him away. Im focused on living my life and doing everything I want to do, but it's a serious blank space in my life that I want to fill and was doing it for a while with chocolates and chips and all crap!...I'm trying my best to not fill it with that anymore, instead I am trying to incorporate Yoga and diff Work outs, along with healthy cooking. So Im trying to take care of myself.

[Batya33]

My basic suggestion is next time don't get involved with someone who already has a girlfriend. I think that was the main reason for the drama/complications-he wasn't available for a relationship back then and you were always the "other woman" even when they were broken up.

[delicous]

Agreed. Problem is I still think about him returning... AND its daily I think of this. Pretty lame, I know.

[delicous]

Reading "Get The Guy frm Matthew Hussey" hope it helps with tips on keeping my next one lol!... Got to see my girls and hang with a new lad, i met while I was out. We are both "Pisces" which tells me RUN, but something about him intrigues me, so I think ill keep chatting with him and maybe arrange a date soon. We have similar interest and he was fun dancing with. Still waiting on my ex to email me or call me, but not anticipating it be today or tomorrow, just still have the anxiety inside of me about him. I started another spiral notebook journal with thoughts to him, poems and crap like that to help alleviate the grieving.... Still think about him often. It's going to get easier, I just need to learn to keep him at bay, so I don't go deep and chase him away again. I think he'd make a wonderful friend, if I could just let it happen in that sort of way.

 

Just thinking out loud, hope everyone had a great weekend!

 

Cheers to another successful weekend, it's getting easier, but it's still tough on my heart and head.

[confuscious10]

if it makes you feel any better who said we would get married ex cheated on me with someone, then after about five months propsed and just got married this weekend to her. He cheated on her with me during th eengagement an dstrung me along saying he wanted to work things out. Then a few weeks says no i dont want you, you turned crazy. I want to be with her. I wasn't happy when we were together. im devastated. i hate him yet I still wish he come back and give me th echance to show him but he got married after one year with her and had me around that entire year.

[delicous]

Thats Aweful!!!!!!!! Im so sorry Confucious10- if you read my earlier threads, you know that I was with a guy for 2.5 almost living together and a couple months after our breakup and me moving out, he married a new girl and had a baby with her!!? I can definetly relate to the same pain, but then this guy Ive been posting about this entirety of what?? Same amount of time, about 2 years comes along, leaves...and I know there are certain things both of us did wrong, but the BIGGEST mistake him and I made was getting back together so many times before we were actually thinking clearly!... Good Ridens to those slimeballs!

 

But I know what you mean HUGS!--- I miss my guy too regardless of how many other fish in the sea there are.

[delicous]

I keep imagining his dang ringtone playing from my phone!!!!! grrr and it's because I want him to call so I can "pretend" I don't care anymore and have moved on. When parts of me have, parts of me definetly hasn't. I still think about him, especially when I think of how much help he was when carrying in groceries lol.

[Batya33]

Just like with any thoughts that come into your head that are not productive, you can decide what to do with those thoughts -how to react- you can push them to the back of your mind using various strategies, etc. You need not be a victim of your own thoughts -you are in control as to how much focus to give those thoughts. For example if you wanted to diet and kept thinking about eating cake, you'd know how to control your reaction to those thoughts so that they did not get overwhelming and so you did not eat cake. Same thing here.

[delicous]

So my ex bf is like cake during a diet haha, I like it. Good metaphor, thank you Batya! I had an awful day, going to lay down and take a nap and relax. I'm ready to start trying to change my job, it's starting to get to me stress wise, which use to not, but the company over works us and under pays us... I i don't know why I do this, but I look at my phone and think about him. I even tried some relaxation techniques yesterday and it made me want to "communicate" with him and send him a message through my energy, I cried a lot lastnight + its that time of month which seems like everything is hightened emotionally and physically for me. I wish girls didn't have to go to work on the first 3 days of it lol.

 

Going to take a nap and try to stop obsessing so much about things I can't change...then hopefully wake up with more positive energy in me....

[Batya33]

Hang in there! And keep reminding yourself that you do know why you do what you do -because you choose to do it and you get some type of benefit or pleasure from it.

[delicous]

Thank you for the encouragement Batya, but did you ever have the feeling that your heartbreak may kill you? I literally am hurting so bad right now, it's not getting any easier, once again and I know I've said this in the past and was fine a couple days later, but I feel so alone. He made me feel so special and wanted and needed and desired and without that, it's hard to love myself. I know that probably makes no sense to the average human, but for me, lonliness feels like its going to cause me to go crazy.

[Batya33]

Thank you for the encouragement Batya, but did you ever have the feeling that your heartbreak may kill you? I literally am hurting so bad right now, it's not getting any easier, once again and I know I've said this in the past and was fine a couple days later, but I feel so alone. He made me feel so special and wanted and needed and desired and without that, it's hard to love myself. I know that probably makes no sense to the average human, but for me, lonliness feels like its going to cause me to go crazy.

 

I have had strong emotions like that, yes. You are in control over what to do about your loneliness. What three things are you going to do today to connect with other people?

 

Loving yourself is independent of what someone else gives you and if you don't first love yourself then you'll probably get confused (at the least) about what "giving" is all about on either end.

[delicous]

I guess what is hardest is knowing if I trully love myself or if I just trully seek the love that someone else has to offer? It's a hard thing to do. I am independent, but I don't think that is enough to make me happy and fulfilled. I have been brodening my social group by talking to random guys, even if I don't like them and also talk to ladies just chat a lot and try to smile at people. These last couple days have been draining to my sikey though.

 

1. Getting Waxed every other week which is nice for my skin

 

2. Being more social

 

3. Eating a bit healthier and bring my lunch to work

 

I don't know if thats the type of list you are looking for...

 

I have a date, but I think I want to cancel, I am not ready yet, but then the question comes to mind, when will I ever be ready? Is it something someone is "ready" to do or it just happens free and flowy at random? I want to be happy without my ex, but I still think about him daily, sleep with his stuffed animal he won me and think and think about things, it's hard to not, songs that come on, places I drive past SO MUCH is connected to memories of him and I.

[delicous]

I hate how I am anonomous but want to tell alll!! If I vent anymore, someone will def, if they havn't already figure out who I am! Ahh

I love that a hole and he has been consuming so much of my thoughts its geting to be overwhelming and then another situation happens that

just makes me cringe... I want to die! lo

[delicous]

I CANT do this, i cant date anyone else, and give my heart away...I already gave into him and it's not something I want back, I want him to remember me and come back. thats it! im done! it hurts so bad , nobody will ever understand what we were or anything. I don't CARE how well ppl think they know our situation!