She did it again...

[NewPhillyGuy]

She probably has not seen that I moved half of the money out. It's a joint account, so I can do whatever I want. I may take more. The new account is only in my name, so she'll need a lawyer to come after that. As for the credit cards, I did not specifically tell her, but I did say to her in an email that she needs to use her debit card now for any needs. The only money she can access with that debit card is the money I've left for her.

 

I'm not going with her crap about sending her "my proposal." She acts like some mighty queen making judgment. I told her, in return, to send me a list of property she wants from the apartment, and what I will do is agree, disagree, and adjust how much money she gets based upon what she actually takes from there.

 

Eventually, once all of her stuff is out, I will just say that's what you are getting as far as money. If she wants more, she'll have to come and get it with a lawyer. Let her burn through her money on a lawyer. We've been married for less than a year and I make more than her.

[hers]

How much more fo you make than she does?

[Moontiger]

NPG, make a list of the furniture in the apartment. Then, divided into three different lists: 1) Thing you bought before you got married, 2) things she bought before you got married, and 3) things you bought while married.

 

Whatever is on list 2, give her. Whatever is on list three will be more tricky. Select the items you want to keep (no more then half) and then ask your lawyer about given her whatever is left over. Make it clear you will not give her money for new things.

[hers]

Yes she shouldn't get money to buy furniture bc her standards will prob be far higher than yours and who's to say shell even spend it that way. Try to be a little flexible though. Like you keep the couch and tv and she gets the washe and dryer. Or however it pertains to what moon tiger suggested.

[JA0371]

Just here to offer some support. I think you did the right thing....being married a year or less..it shouldnt be too hard to divide your assets.

Hoping it doesn't get any uglier for you and she is more amicable about it.

[NewPhillyGuy]

I'm trying to hang in there, guys. Lucky for me, my friends and family have been awesome.

 

I had dinner with my cousin last night. I'm going out to dinner with my other friend on Friday night, and on Saturday night, all of my buddies that were in my wedding are getting together. We're heading up to the mountains where one guy lives, setting up a bonfire in his backyard, make some food, put back probably many beers, and talk this all out. I am so fortunate. I never thought the guys would care, but they all do, and they want to be here for me.

 

Last night, I slipped up a bit. Before meeting my cousin, I went to a bar for a few drinks. As the beer went down, I started to feel very sad, and I slipped. I sent her a text saying - how could you do this to me, how could you trash our marriage like this, I thought you were my girl.

 

The response I got back just confirmed it all even more. It was -

 

"Stop sending me manipulative texts. I thought you were my guy, and you told me you were 100% certain that you wanted a divorce, so we need to move forward now. You married me thinking I would change."

 

It's more of the same - you, you, you - everything is my fault, as usual! Nowhere in there do you see - "I know I treated you very badly. I know it's over and for the best, and I'm sorry." Not from her stuck-up mouth.

 

She's absolutely right, and it said it all to me. She basically admitted that she has a problem and she won't change it, and she never had any intention of changing it. Now, I got rid of her, and I need to move on and hope for better things.

 

I love how she called ME the manipulator. My response back to her was - "Don't mistake my human emotions of which you aren't capable. Getting rid of you was the best decision I ever made." She didn't respond to that.

[DN]

It was a mistake to text her - don't do that, it won't serve you or the divorce process. Take her number out of your phone to make it harder to do that when under the influence of alcohol and/or emotion.

[NewPhillyGuy]

A big mistake!

 

One of the reasons I have her number in my phone is when it's stored, I can block her calls. Now, they all go directly to voicemail, so I can at least hear a message if she has something to say relevant to the divorce. The phone won't ring when she calls, but I can see that I have a missed call and if there was a voicemail.

 

It was a mistake to text her - don't do that, it won't serve you or the divorce process. Take her number out of your phone to make it harder to do that when under the influence of alcohol and/or emotion.

[lostandhurt]

You need to move quickly on the divorce. She is being all business so that makes this easier on you. Who cares if she is upset or hurt? That is your ego talking wanting to hear that stuff. It is over so no need to stop looking backwards only forwards.

 

If you owned anything before you married then make a detailed list of those items. She isn't entitled to them as you are not entitled to her stuff. As far as the furniture goes it can't be worth that much and chances are since she moved home she has no where to put it so offer her the furniture and she can pay you for half it's worth. My guess is she will decline and if she wants to much for her half then tell her that it can be sold and split what it sells for. She won't like that either.

Now if we are talking about two thousand dollars worth of stuff total then don't fight with her on this. Legal bills will cost you way more so see the big picture. It is just stuff after all and you can get more later. Guys don't need much to get by anyways.

 

Your lawyer works for you but you need to do most of the work to keep the bill low. Make a list of what she owned and you owned when you married. Then make a list of how you want all this split. He can then type it up and send her the proposal. Make sure that you mention she will be paying half the legal fees. Once you file she has to Respond in a certian amount of time so once you start it is best to have everything ready. If you do this right you can have this over in 2 months and then just wait for it to be final.

 

Please stop texting her hoping for a response that is kind and caring. You know she is not that person.

 

 

Lost

[hers]

I like how she says you married her thinking she could change, sort of like a "ha! I showed you!"

 

Def no more texting her. Abusers always think they're being manipulated and they never see what they do as wrong. You're doing the right thing by leaving her.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Oddly enough, I haven't heard from the lawyer at all. I asked him to send me the no contest paperwork last week, and I have received nothing from him.

 

I talked it over with my cousin, and I think maybe this is a good thing. I really don't need him involved to negotiate with her. She's not coming after me with legal action, so I'm safe for now. Once she gets all of her stuff out this weekend (hopefully), I will be alone, and i'll get the keys back from her. Better for me to work it all out with her, save the legal fees, and once all is agreed, I can put the no contest divorce papers through, and all is done.

 

All of the money is safe, credit cards are safe. I"m giving her a time limit to get off my car insurance. I'm on her health insurance, and I believe she can't drop me until the divorce papers are final. That's deducted from her paycheck, so that should motivate her to pick up the pace.

 

If I can't get her to transfer her cell phone contract back to herself, I can suspend the line and the service charges. That should get her moving.

 

It was really my bank that saved me yesterday - I was able to move half the money into my name very quickly, and she can't get that without legal action now.

 

The way I see it - I am in a pretty safe spot for the moment. She can drag this on for months if she wants. We'll just be separated.

 

Maybe I'll have a new girlfriend by then

[hers]

Get therapy first to make sure your next gf isn't the same type you've always gone for! Fix the pattern!

[lostandhurt]

You can file without a lawyer so if he isn't working on it then call him and tell him you won't be needing him. You will need to do some homework though. Look for a mediator in your area. Mine was free but they are overworked.

 

Lost

[NewPhillyGuy]

Guys, today has been a very bad day.

 

Mid afternoon, I received an email from someone who attended our wedding, who happens to be a lawyer. He emailed me that he's representing my wife in our divorce. I thought we were going to do this uncontested, and I feel like for her to do this, she's planning something. This guy is also her father's drinking buddy....I know exactly where this is going.

 

Here's the bad news - when I got home from work today, I saw that she came to the apartment and has started stealing things. Among other things, she took a locked box of mine, which has credit cards, my passport, and a spare key to my car!!!

[hers]

Let her get a lawyer. She's entitled to one like you are. Just make sure yours is taking care of your stuff. And try to be flexible on some things.

 

Did you take pictures of all of your stuff? Have you contacted your landlord to change the locks?

 

Of course she's planning something. She's a manipulator and an abuser. You can't expect someone like that to go about things amicably.

[Moontiger]

Guys, today has been a very bad day.

 

Mid afternoon, I received an email from someone who attended our wedding, who happens to be a lawyer. He emailed me that he's representing my wife in our divorce. I thought we were going to do this uncontested, and I feel like for her to do this, she's planning something. This guy is also her father's drinking buddy....I know exactly where this is going.

 

Here's the bad news - when I got home from work today, I saw that she came to the apartment and has started stealing things. Among other things, she took a locked box of mine, which has credit cards, my passport, and a spare key to my car!!!

 

Call the police and report a theft. Tell them where she is and exactly what items she took.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Call the police and report a theft. Tell them where she is and exactly what items she took.

 

I tried, but as I expected, they didn't do squat. At first, they wouldn't even come here to hear me out. They told me I had to come to the station. I called again and got someone else, and explained my concern that she might come here and steal again. Then, they sent an officer. When I explained, they said there's nothing they could do, because we are married, the box is "ours", and has some of her items in there too. This is true - it also has her spare car key and the title to her car.

 

Nevermind the fact that if she was a decent, rational person she would say - hey, may I please have my items back today or tomorrow? Of course not! She has to take it and drive 2 hours away to where she is saying, and make me ask and probably have to go get my stuff back.

[hers]

Did you confront her about stealing it?

[NewPhillyGuy]

What I did was respond to her stupid lawyer. It's like - while you are busy emailing me to protect miss innocent over there...I gave him the full rundown on how she entered the apartment without my agreement, took property, and I also briefly mentioned that she was verbally abusive and commited several acts of domestic violent. I want to make sure this jerk clearly understand what she's been doing. I documented everything she's stolen, and asked him to advise her to promptly return everything, or I would follow with legal action.

[Moontiger]

What I did was respond to her stupid lawyer. It's like - while you are busy emailing me to protect miss innocent over there...I gave him the full rundown on how she entered the apartment without my agreement, took property, and I also briefly mentioned that she was verbally abusive and commited several acts of domestic violent. I want to make sure this jerk clearly understand what she's been doing. I documented everything she's stolen, and asked him to advise her to promptly return everything, or I would follow with legal action.

 

Good call telling her lawyer about the abuse. That might be enough for him to say to her "Look, don't make this any worse. Just give that back to him." Contact you lawyer again and see what the hold up is with the paper work is and tell him about the theft. Get the locks changed ASAP.

[Batya33]

What I did was respond to her stupid lawyer. It's like - while you are busy emailing me to protect miss innocent over there...I gave him the full rundown on how she entered the apartment without my agreement, took property, and I also briefly mentioned that she was verbally abusive and commited several acts of domestic violent. I want to make sure this jerk clearly understand what she's been doing. I documented everything she's stolen, and asked him to advise her to promptly return everything, or I would follow with legal action.

 

I would avoid talking directly to her lawyer. Have your lawyer talk to him. And definitely nothing in writing.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Batya, why would say that?

 

When I spoke with the police yesterday, they said everything should be writing. If not, I don't have a leg to stand on. The police even told me I should have called them this weekend when I asked her to leave, because then it would have been documented that she left voluntarily, and she would not be permitted to return.

 

I have no issue speaking with her lawyer directly. She's in the wrong here, and I don't need to pay my lawyer $300 an hour to spell out the obvious. Like Moontiger said, I'm hoping documenting the truth is enough to make her just go away.

 

I would avoid talking directly to her lawyer. Have your lawyer talk to him. And definitely nothing in writing.

[DN]

Batya is absolutely right that you should not be talking to her lawyer. This is why you need a lawyer of your own, they know exactly what should be said and what should not be said to avoid as many legal headaches as possible.

 

It seems she is determined to make this a messy divorce. You are not qualified to deal with the legal issues - remember the old maxim 'someone who defends themselves in court has a fool for a lawyer'.

[lostandhurt]

Things have changed dramatically I am afraid. You need a lawyer now for sure.

 

Get the locks changed today! You had to know she would not go away so easily.

 

Call your lawyer and tell him what has happened. If he is still interested in heloing you then pay him a retainer and get this thing going. If not ask around for another attorney you can use.

 

Seriously there really isn't a whole lot to argue over since you weren't married very long and have no children. She is just trying to get to you and it is working. Don't let her keep controlling how you feel. She is trying to abuse you still so see through this and stay calm.

 

The good thing about her having a lawyer is that you wiil not have to talk to her any longer. Keep seeing the big picture and since there isn't much to contest this should go easier than you think. Don't be to rigid or you will end up paying legal fees that are more than what you are arguing over.

 

Lost

[NewPhillyGuy]

Locks will be changed this afternoon.

 

As far as what I've said to the lawyer, there's nothing he could hold against me. She stole things and she was abusive. That's it in a nutshell. What I want to do is see what her lawyer is planning. Let him hit me with whatever is his ask, and then I'll get mine involved if need be. I feel like, after I've said everything, they might just go away.