NewPhillyGuy Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Finally heard back from my lawyer. He's calling her lawyer now. He said this will be very simple - not married long enough for alimony, we split the bank and property evenly, and she goes away. Link to comment
hers Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Small price to pay for the rest of your life with sanity. Be strong. Let him handle it all from here Link to comment
DN Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 What did he say about the stolen box and her still having keys? Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Hey Guys, here's the rub. MAJOR WEIGHT OFF --> the locks have been changed, and I paid the guy with a check from the joint account. Once the locks were done, I finally went down to the garage to make sure my damn car was still there, and all is good. My buddy offered to trade cars with me for a while, which would put my car 100 miles away for a while until I get the spare key back. My lawyer is freaking hilarious. I told him everything that she did, and then said how her lawyer contacted me. His response, and I pretty much quote, "You would have to be married 3-4 years and the judge would have to be SMOKING CRACK before he'd even consider alimony. All she will get is half the bank account, pretty much." He was like - listen, give me this guy's number, and I'll put a call into him. This isn't a big deal at all. He really did a good job of calming me down. I sent him all the paperwork about getting the lock changed, etc. So far, nothing yet about returning the stolen stuff. He's working that with her lawyer. Feeling hopeful, and going to see a shrink tonight. I cleared pretty much every symbol of her out of our condo tonight - no pictures, wedding crap, nothing. It feels a little empty, but I can live with it. Over time, I'll get it back to bachelor pad status. What did he say about the stolen box and her still having keys? Link to comment
hers Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Seems like things are falling into place. I'm glad to hear all this. Seems like you have a good bit of support around you Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I'm still worried about her having your passport. Let your lawyer handle it, but for you own peace of mine know that take (read:stealing) someones passport IS a crime: link removed Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 So now, we get into the details. I'm not surprised she's doing this - trying to nickel and dime me through the lawyers. She's already withdrawn half of our joint savings. Now, she is asking for more than that. She wants half of this month's rent back, because she moved out. She wants half the security deposit back, because I'll get it all when she leaves. She wants half of the money I paid from our joint accounts to pay off a student loan of mine, because it was only for my benefit. Now, I have to go through this exercise! My lawyer asked me to prepare a similar list of major transactions that were only for her benefit to offset what she's doing. This is so unbelievably petty. I got a huge kick in the pants from one of my longtime friends last night. He told me the reason he and none of my other guy friends have ever come to visit our apartment is because of her. They said since I got serious with her, I've become a completely different person. He said I became very quiet, reserved, never said much around her to avoid being jumped on. He said the night I called him to say I kicked her out was the first time I sounded like my old self, which he has not seen since before the wedding. I mean - WOW! Just WOW! I never, ever knew all of my guy friends felt like that! Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 See the good thing about real friends is that they love you no matter what and won't let their feelings for your SO affect their feelings for you. On my wedding day, one of my friends I told about Jared cheating on me asked if I was sure I wanted to do this and I was like "yea" and she gave me a hug and said ok I love you. and we haven't spoken of his cheating since. I know she still hates what he did to me but you wouldn't know it when she's around him. Same goes for my other friends. I love them for that. Regarding the money, is she wanting reimbursement for everything that was for your benefit while you were married? What about wedding costs? Who paid for the wedding? Link to comment
Applewhite Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I think you are becoming a little too negative and bitter yourself. You were already prepared emotionally and legally to give her half of what was in the joint account, so why be petty about it now? In terms of the other small things like half the rent etc, I think she has a point. She is the one who moved out. Just proceed with your lawyer and split things in half and be done with it. Why are you torturing yourself over it? Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I don't think he's being petty as much as maybe he's just in disbelief that she's doing that. But the second you start thinking she will be amicable about this is the second you've lost. She has you over a barel bc you're letting her. She's an abusive person. She will always win and you can't change that. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 I think you are becoming a little too negative and bitter yourself. You were already prepared emotionally and legally to give her half of what was in the joint account, so why be petty about it now? In terms of the other small things like half the rent etc, I think she has a point. She is the one who moved out. Just proceed with your lawyer and split things in half and be done with it. Why are you torturing yourself over it? Here's the thing. I think she's basically asking for an additional 5K plus half the bank. While I am sitting with in 6K of jointly generated credit card balances. Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Have your lawyer prepare statements and documents saying that. All acquired debt and all acquired savages during your marriage should be split Link to comment
Applewhite Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Ok so remind her that the 6k debt also has to be split. (via lawyers of course) Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 This is how her screwed up head works. Split the bank account, nevermind the debt she had a part in creating, and give me $$$ for every little thing. Ugh. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Keep up the good work. This is like watching a bad reality TV show. Stay strong...and keep posting! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 NPG, don't get to stressed. Just do as your lawyer says write up a list (call your bank to get any documentation you might need) of all your debt, savings, etc as a couple and send it to your lawyer. Fair warning, she will probably get her half of the months rent back (unless she left very near when next month rent was due). But just remember its a small price to pay to have an abusive spouse out of your life. Talk to your lawyer how her abusive behavior will effect the out come of all this. Do you have any documentation of what she has done? Witness? Police reports? etc? Link to comment
mheck06 Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I know I am WAY late on this post. But I would never let another human being treat me this way, man or woman. I honestly believe if you have a strong Alpha male presence people wont ever feel like they can treat you like this. I do understand that there is more at stake here than protecting your domain. But it is somehting to think about at the very least. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 So, you think I'm not a "strong alpha male" I know I am WAY late on this post. But I would never let another human being treat me this way, man or woman. I honestly believe if you have a strong Alpha male presence people wont ever feel like they can treat you like this. I do understand that there is more at stake here than protecting your domain. But it is somehting to think about at the very least. Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I wouldn't worry about comments like that NPG. Just carry on rebuilding your life and let others worry about their own personality types. Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 someone saying "I'd never do that" or "I'd never let that happen" is pointless. It doesn't serve you here. Worry about how to handle future relationships in therapy, where a solution is actually offered. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 not really sure what I am anymore. Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 You aren't anything she says you are Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 What I am is an idiot, who just had some of his dreams crushed. I was stupid enough to think this would be it. I could settle down, make a home, become a father. I'll never try that again. Link to comment
hers Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 You're only saying that bc you're hurt. This feeling will pass. You're not an idiot. Do you really think she's capable of being a good mother? Someone who will raise well-rounded children? Do you want that for the rest of your life? Or would you rather have someone who is a partner and wants to be a mom in order to love someone else so much instead of using the kid as bait or ammo? Stop thinking about what your future looks like and just handle the present Have you given anymore thought to therapy? Link to comment
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