ping pong show.....on our honeymoon

[PaintWithLight]

Have your own ping-pong show He won’t be interested in the strippers and prostitutes anymore...

 

I doubt this. He sounds like he needs to get his twist on in a major way.

 

Just a question to the OP, who is the one who selected this destination for the honeymoon? If he was the one pushing for it from day 1 then you do have a big problem. A honeymoon should not be an excuse for sexual tourism. The fact that he cannot see that this is so distasteful at such an early stage in your relationship is a huge red flag.

 

If this is the same guy who is moody, thinks of suicide and has regular out bursts of anger.... then it begs the question why you are getting hitched to him. I do not think he sees you as a life mate but merely the convenient woman for him over the last 6 years. Even the honeymoon seems to be viewed as a chance to get his sexual freak on rather than creating an emotional touchstone for the rest of your life together. This guys sounds really damaged and you have a hint of codependency. Any chance of halting the marriage until you get some counseling??

[Avacel]

Personally I think the idea of the ping pong show is disgusting, but I would most likely be interested in going around to see the prostitutes myself.

 

Although I understand where you are coming from, I also understand his position on it. It is something new that he may never get the chance to see... Let me ask you, is he someone that can afford to go to Thailand whenever he wants? This could be his only opportunity. I would be upset if I was going to a place I knew I would most likely never return to and I couldn't see or do the things that I was curious about. Now if this is some place that you can go to any time, then he should skip it.

[OptomisticGirl]

Personally I think the idea of the ping pong show is disgusting, but I would most likely be interested in going around to see the prostitutes myself.

 

Although I understand where you are coming from, I also understand his position on it. It is something new that he may never get the chance to see... Let me ask you, is he someone that can afford to go to Thailand whenever he wants? This could be his only opportunity. I would be upset if I was going to a place I knew I would most likely never return to and I couldn't see or do the things that I was curious about. Now if this is some place that you can go to any time, then he should skip it.

 

What exactly is so fascinating about prostitutes again? They exist the world over - don't need to go to Thailand to see them.

[Avacel]

What exactly is so fascinating about prostitutes again? They exist the world over - don't need to go to Thailand to see them.

 

It's just different. I don't think a Dallas prostitute would be as interesting as a Thailand prostitute, especially if it is an area that is full of them.

 

People just have different interests I suppose. This would interest me, just like something dumb (IMO) like golf would interest someone else.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's just different. I don't think a Dallas prostitute would be as interesting as a Thailand prostitute, especially if it is an area that is full of them.

 

People just have different interests I suppose. This would interest me, just like something dumb (IMO) like golf would interest someone else.

 

But how exactly do you 'see' a prostitute without being a client? Just walk down the street and watch them pick guys up?

 

Bit odd.

[Miss Firecracker]

I only read your first post, and I have no idea what half of what you said even means.

 

I would find a new boyfriend though.

[Hanz33]

Hi everybody thank you so much for your replies. I had read them a couple of days ago and decided to confront him about it. It went badly. I first said I didn't want to go and I said this is something I could not do on my honeymoon, and he said "ok". So. I thought I should at least explain myself on why I didnt; want to go and he got extremely offended. I was very calm about it (initially) and said how I didn't want our honeymoon to be tainted by it and he said I was beign unrealistic in thinking that it was going to be romantic 24/7. Which wasn't my point at all. I am glad to go down bangla road at night and see the "other" side of thailand but to sit infront of a lady who probably has no rights and is desperate and ergh I don't think I need to explain myself any further. Anyway, It turned into a yelling match. He said I always had my opinion and I wouldn't change and he may as well just go with whatever I want. Then he told me he was so angry that he could be so happy with me and then yet also be so frustrated and sad and not even live life when he is around me. The wedding is in the end of July. He wants to go to the ping pong show plainly out of curiosity - which I get. I was really upset to the fact that he couldn't understand my point of view and actually flat out refused to listen to it. I apologised for my behaviour.. which I don't think was the right thing to do but I found him with tears in his eyes in our room. So I ended up comforting him becasue I had upset him *sigh*.. So we aren't going to the ping pong show but his not happy that I bought it up. The worrying thing to me is my inability to speak to him about our problems. He walks away or tells me to shutup or go away or that he will not talk about it. How are we suppose to sift out our major problems if he does this all the time

[Miss Firecracker]

Manipulative

 

I think you have a long, hard life ahead of you.

[Hanz33]

How old is he? I wouldn't see that if they paid me. If it is important to him, there is a basic incompatibility between you two. I really don't think he realizes how unhappy you are with it. You must discuss it with him and after that you are allowed to get upset and consider other options.

 

He is 26. I don't think it is important to him but he's angry at the fact that I'm telling him I don't want to go becasue its distasteful especially on our honeymoon. He said a honeymoon is just a holiday becasue we have been together for 6 years. He said it won't be romantic at all. I wasn't expecting it to be over the top romantic we are there for 14 days, I would love to do the adventouris stuff, even walk down the streets of Patong's famous ladyboy roads. But watching a pong pong show after we just got married and on our honeymoon makes me sick.

[Hanz33]

Just curiosity

[Hanz33]

I see what you are saying and I get his point of view. I don't expect the honeymoon to be romatic 24/7. I'm assuming one or 2 days out of the 12 will be. I'm happy to go to the natorious lady boy streets and any other streets I can find. This ping pong thing is just a non-negotiable for me becasue it is our honeymoon.

 

He wants to go purely out of curiosity - which I get and if it was any other normal trip I would not particularly want to go but would go with him. Plus, this will most likely not be the only time that we ever go to thailand so he will have another opportunity.

[Miss Firecracker]

The whole story is making me feel sick. So many beautiful places to visit, and this guy wants to drag you through a slum.

[Batya33]

He is 26. I don't think it is important to him but he's angry at the fact that I'm telling him I don't want to go becasue its distasteful especially on our honeymoon. He said a honeymoon is just a holiday becasue we have been together for 6 years. He said it won't be romantic at all. I wasn't expecting it to be over the top romantic we are there for 14 days, I would love to do the adventouris stuff, even walk down the streets of Patong's famous ladyboy roads. But watching a pong pong show after we just got married and on our honeymoon makes me sick.

 

What he said about your honeymoon would make me sick, let alone his desire to see sleazy sex shows (no I did not google what the ping pong thing is -I don't think I need to!). Please reconsider marrying this person -if he respects you this little now and has such disdain about what should be a romantic time in your lives -why bother?

[Snny]

Then he told me he was so angry that he could be so happy with me and then yet also be so frustrated and sad and not even live life when he is around me.

Aw Hell no! If my fiance ever, ever told me this, our engagement would be finished. If this guy cannot make any compromises on honeymoon plans and say this relationship is "frustrating" and "sad" to put up because he can't "even live life" around you... these exact words clearly say "I'm not ready to get married at all" on his part. Pump the brakes now and decide if you really want to marry this chump.

 

He should never ever scream at you over this.This was a boundary he crossed and instead he outright disrespected you. There is NO excuse at all. He should treat you better if he's going to be your husband. What the hell is wrong with this guy?

 

Oh and the crocodile tears from him and making you apologize... sweetie, you did nothing wrong here. You had nothing to apologize for. "Curiosity" excuse, ... Boy, please. He had PLENTY of time to experience crazy wild sex shows before deciding to marry you. Who in their right mind goes to a degrading sex (or worse) on their honeymoon and think it's appropriate? This man is SO deranged and wants zero romance.

 

Please, please don't marry a guy who is like. And you decide to still marry him anyway regardless of what we all say, then seriously expect to live a marriage with no romance.

 

The whole story is making me feel sick. So many beautiful places to visit, and this guy wants to drag you through a slum.

I know, her fiance sounds very classy.

[Miss Firecracker]

If he treats you this way right now, I believe you will end up as no more than a slave to him. Hope you don't forget one day to get dinner on the table in time. He must get off on the idea of degrading young girls. Why would he give his money to an industry that promotes slavery? I hear that many of those young girls are seriously injured in that act, and some irreparably.

[Hanz33]

His a nice guy in general. Plenty of affection and doesn't expect me to get tea on the table etc etc. So I hope I didn't depict that. I think his main problem is he has to automatically defend himself when I question his opinions on something and automatically feels like I am attacking him and he naturally responds negatively. To put it blunly, I cannot disagree with him. I agree he has a bit of a twisted point of view about what a honeymoon should be, but I don't think it is enough to stop the wedding?? It does make me extremely nervous though...but the wedding is at the end of july and everything has been paid for (by my parents btw), god bless them.

[Miss Firecracker]

I guarantee if you tell all this to your parents, they will gladly help you get out if this wedding.

[Seraphim]

His a nice guy in general. Plenty of affection and doesn't expect me to get tea on the table etc etc. So I hope I didn't depict that. I think his main problem is he has to automatically defend himself when I question his opinions on something and automatically feels like I am attacking him and he naturally responds negatively. To put it blunly, I cannot disagree with him. I agree he has a bit of a twisted point of view about what a honeymoon should be, but I don't think it is enough to stop the wedding?? It does make me extremely nervous though...but the wedding is at the end of july and everything has been paid for (by my parents btw), god bless them.

 

If you can not disagree with him without him being severely put out your marriage is going to be VERY ugly. I think he should keep his proclivity for voyeurism out of the honeymoon and if he goes bananas because you disagree do not go through with a wedding because it is paid for. You will be back on here in 6 months asking for divorce advice.

[redrose85]

I agree with vic. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but your future with this guy is pretty transparent.

[Batya33]

His a nice guy in general. Plenty of affection and doesn't expect me to get tea on the table etc etc. So I hope I didn't depict that. I think his main problem is he has to automatically defend himself when I question his opinions on something and automatically feels like I am attacking him and he naturally responds negatively. To put it blunly, I cannot disagree with him. I agree he has a bit of a twisted point of view about what a honeymoon should be, but I don't think it is enough to stop the wedding?? It does make me extremely nervous though...but the wedding is at the end of july and everything has been paid for (by my parents btw), god bless them.

 

 

The ping pong show is the least of your problems -it's his way of treating you that's the far more significant problem. Who cares that the wedding has been paid for -that's only money- and I don't mean that flippantly because divorce will be far more expensive than a party. I canceled a wedding 6 weeks prior to the event and we lost some money- we and our families but it was "worth it". Don't get married because a party has been planned.

[Seraphim]

If you are not even married yet and he is showing bully tendencies you don't have a hope unless you stand up to him. My husband learned to be a bully in relationships from his father. I just have to face him down when I feel he is wrong or just being a bully.If you let him get away with it repeatedly you will set up a pattern for him constantly bullying you and you are re enforcing his bullying pattern. My mother-in-law has lived 54 years with a man who is a bully whenever anyone opposes what he wants. I am not sure how she does it.

[superfox]

This does NOT make for a happy marriage. I have to agree with everyone and it will be so much harder to leave once married.

 

Apart from the ping pong show you do realise that during this walk through the area he will be harassed for sex by every single woman you pass, even with you there. This will be nothing but an ego boost for him and humiliation for you.

[BellaDonna]

Apart from the ping pong show you do realise that during this walk through the area he will be harassed for sex by every single woman you pass, even with you there. This will be nothing but an ego boost for him and humiliation for you.

 

Good point. That alone would be enough reason not to go there, especially on a honeymoon.

[Snny]

I agree he has a bit of a twisted point of view about what a honeymoon should be, but I don't think it is enough to stop the wedding??

It's all about the fact of how he treated you when you approached a disagreement that poses a threat to YOUR relationship with him. He was not sensible and reacted like a child; not a grown adult who is ready for a lifetime commitment. He straight up bullied you and STILL behaved manipulative when he got what he wanted- an unnecessary apology from you.

 

It does make me extremely nervous though...but the wedding is at the end of july and everything has been paid for (by my parents btw), god bless them.

You should be nervous. I would be if I were in your shoes since this isn't something to be taken lightly at all.

 

Money should be the least of your concern here. You are choosing to spend the rest of your life with a man who does not respect you OR your upcoming marriage. Honey, if this marriage doesn't work out, you will pay more in getting a divorce than the amount of money you paid for a wedding. He has made it absolutely clear that he is not ready to be a mature husband for you and will fight for his "freedom" because he feels he cannot "live his life around you." Those were his exact words and you should not let it slide at all. You can get some of the money back from a wedding- better than spending extra in a divorce court if this guy isn't mature enough for a marriage.

[Hanz33]

He has agreed to go to a a pre-marital councelling. I'm hoping this will iron out these probs? At least he is saying he will go? I've just got to get the courage to talk about our disagreements without him flipping out on me. I'm fully commited to working this out without divorce