Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Oh, I think you have a BIG problem here... Is this guy really into porn (including weird porn) and how is your sex life? Does he push you to do things you don't want to do or pester you for sex like a dog humping your leg? err Loves porn, almost daily. Says our sex life is on a decline becasue we didn't have sex for one day..had it multiple times per day previous to that...and I could take or leave sex but try accommodate all the time. He always asks me to do stuff, almost every day, and says things like "you never do that to me anymore" if I decline, even if I did it the day before.. Funny you should mention the humping your leg...he literally pretends to hump my leg..drives me insane. There is very rarely a "lead" up to sex with romantics..it seems his romantics are to watch porn together which in some cases makes me feel sick to watch. Don't get me wrong I don't mind porn but I really have to be in the right frame of mind. I should add which I am pretty open about when I am anonymous is I was raped as a child between ages 5-13/14 and sex can unintentionally and all of a sudden bring on allot of negative emotions for me. He is aware that I was raped by 2 men consistently through that age bracket...which is another reason why I feel he should be more understanding about me not wanting to go see a sex show - I think I will probably feel extremely sick and disgusted and horrible for the rest of the trip. But perhaps I am being unrealistic in him understanding the connection - or burdening him with my unresolved issues. What really disturbs me about your post is that he seems to be showing absolutely no concern for your feelings or having this honeymoon be fun and special for YOU and is looking at is more as an opportunity to get his pervert on! This is the main concern for me too. I took his opinion into consideration and he literallaly told me to "shutup I don't want to hear about it" when I tried to explain why I didn't want to go, regardless of if he said "ok" when I said I didn't want to go. I mean, you're not even married yet and he's already 'bored' with normal sex with you, even in the context of a romantic honeymoon! . He believes becasue we have been together for 6 years that a honeymoon is just a holiday and that it won't be romantic. He said I will be very disappointed if I go over there thinking it is going to be romantic. I'm tired of being the one who always rights little notes, lights candels and runs a bath in hopes he may do it one day again... Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 The whole story is making me feel sick. So many beautiful places to visit, and this guy wants to drag you through a slum. I blame the environement he spends 6 months of the year in. HE works on an oil rig and allot of guys actually live over in thailand specifcally for the prostitutes and ladyboys. I think they have painted a magical land in his head...I'm sure it is for men. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I would consider it very distasteful to be supporting the sex tourism industry/human trafficking at all, even more so on my honeymoon. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Let me ask you, is he someone that can afford to go to Thailand whenever he wants? This could be his only opportunity. I would be upset if I was going to a place I knew I would most likely never return to and I couldn't see or do the things that I was curious about. Now if this is some place that you can go to any time, then he should skip it. We have enough money for him to go several times a year if he wanted too. I wouldn't want him to go without me though just becasue of what its known for and most of his mates go over to thailand for the prossies. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I blame the environement he spends 6 months of the year in. HE works on an oil rig and allot of guys actually live over in thailand specifcally for the prostitutes and ladyboys. I think they have painted a magical land in his head...I'm sure it is for men. My man never has mentioned needing that type of entertainment. He took me to Grand Canyon, Muir Woods in California, and Yosemite. He wants a clean life for his family. Are you proud of your fiancé? Does he treat you like a lady? You deserve better I think. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 I just can't explain to him Why it is wrong exactly.. I explained the povity, the rights of the girls, the desperation, the fact that it is our honeymoon. He didn't care less about those things. He couldn't understand why it was wrong to see it on our honeymoon either which I found hard to explain why in particular this was more wrong becasue it was a honeymoon...becasue he believes the honeymoon is nothing more than a holiday. I can't really explain my ideas or expectations of a honeymoon either other than, thats what I was told it should be? and what a great opportunity it would be to show him the love and care I have for him Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 My man never has mentioned needing that type of entertainment. He took me to Grand Canyon, Muir Woods in California, and Yosemite. He wants a clean life for his family. Are you proud of your fiancé? Does he treat you like a lady? You deserve better I think. Most of the time he does treat me like a lady until it comes to not getting sex or if he is angry/ I disagree with him. I am proud of what my fiance has achieved in his life and his smarts. He is extremely smart. My respect for him is declining just becasue of his lack of respect for me in general. Maybe its a vicious cycle. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I just can't explain to him Why it is wrong exactly.. I explained the povity, the rights of the girls, the desperation, the fact that it is our honeymoon. He didn't care less about those things. He couldn't understand why it was wrong to see it on our honeymoon either which I found hard to explain why in particular this was more wrong becasue it was a honeymoon...becasue he believes the honeymoon is nothing more than a holiday. I can't really explain my ideas or expectations of a honeymoon either other than, thats what I was told it should be? and what a great opportunity it would be to show him the love and care I have for him Does he know anything about the sex industry at all? Does he know that these girls are kidnapped or sold by their families at a very young age to become sex workers? Does he realize that he would be supporting modern day slavery? He is either completely ignorant or has no conscience. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 i explained this to him.. he simply said "shutup i don't want to talk about it. I wont go and theres no point in us talking about it becasue when you have an opinion thats what goes. Doesn't matter what I want to do" - something to that effect. - in saying that I think his point of view would be, if everybody is going, his not going to stop it by not going. His opinion is that he simply wants to see it out of curiosity. Which i get that point of view, don't agree but I get it. I don't get his point of view that it is the same as seeing it on a holiday as it is on a honeymoon - but I can't explain that bit to him. the thing that disgusts me is when he talked about "walking in there and just getting his chub on" (slang for getting err getting hard) which he would say " settle the f*** down I was joking. God you can't take a joke" - ergh - on our honeymoon with me beside him getting all wound up over a pretty thai girl I could never even start to look like. This made me feel horrible - I would hate to know how I am going to feel in thailand itself - but its booked so can't do anything about it - it cost us 5 grand all up. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 i explained this to him.. he simply said "shutup i don't want to talk about it. I wont go and theres no point in us talking about it becasue when you have an opinion thats what goes. Doesn't matter what I want to do" - something to that effect. - in saying that I think his point of view would be, if everybody is going, his not going to stop it by not going. His opinion is that he simply wants to see it out of curiosity. Which i get that point of view, don't agree but I get it. I don't get his point of view that it is the same as seeing it on a holiday as it is on a honeymoon - but I can't explain that bit to him. His thought process is frightening. I hope you reconsider this marriage. Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Frankly, I am surprised that you think it'd be ok if it wasn't your honeymoon. I think people in western countries don't really realize how bad the sex industry is. When I lived in a 3rd world country, all I had to do to find a pimp was walk to the mall, and they hand out business cards like it's nothing. I was handed my first business card when I was 15. Please think about that, OP. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 I understand how disgusting and immroral it is. How these girls, effectively don't have a choice and for us to watch on like its a freak show is fowl. Nevertheless I understand his opinion but I don't think its a very good way at viewing the world. I wouldn't want him to go into a place like that alone - although I trust him - It only takes once and consistant pushing and alchohol for somebody to cheat once. I don't think it would be that hard for a male to cheat over there. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 You are scared he will take the trip with the guys if you won't go. I think he will also. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 He knows my views on this. I will leave if he goes with them. Simple as that and I've made that clear. If he is willing to put our marriage at potential risk for a couple of days in Thailand with the 'mates' then that clearly shows me his level of commitment and I won't even question my thoughts on that matter. It would be a same-day decision. Link to comment
Snny Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Most of the time he does treat me like a lady until it comes to not getting sex or if he is angry/ I disagree with him. i explained this to him.. he simply said "shutup i don't want to talk about it. I wont go and theres no point in us talking about it becasue when you have an opinion thats what goes. Doesn't matter what I want to do" - something to that effect. - in saying that I think his point of view would be, if everybody is going, his not going to stop it by not going. His opinion is that he simply wants to see it out of curiosity. Which i get that point of view, don't agree but I get it. I don't get his point of view that it is the same as seeing it on a holiday as it is on a honeymoon - but I can't explain that bit to him. the thing that disgusts me is when he talked about "walking in there and just getting his chub on" (slang for getting err getting hard) which he would say " settle the f*** down I was joking. God you can't take a joke" Girl, for real. It's time to wake up and find another man who will respect you. It's good that you are realizing that this guy isn't good for you NOW than AFTER you have married him and are stuck coming up with money to divorce his ass. His responses are morbid and creepy beyond belief. You should never put up with this attitude. This is not how a loving husband treats his wife when dealing with arguments and disagreements concerning your relationship with him. How insulting is it to you that he wants to go see some 15/16 year old *** to get off while out on one of the most intimate trips he will ever take with his wife. I would be incredibly offended if I were you. If he can't live without this one experience harming your marriage with him, then he needs to GTFO. You deserve far better than to deal with a sex addict who continues to objectify you for sex (that's why he's being so nice to you). Watch him turn into a sexual predator in a few years- he's following that pattern in becoming one. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 You should take that same stance and leave if he can't show you some respect. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I understand how disgusting and immroral it is. How these girls, effectively don't have a choice and for us to watch on like its a freak show is fowl. Nevertheless I understand his opinion but I don't think its a very good way at viewing the world. I wouldn't want him to go into a place like that alone - although I trust him - It only takes once and consistant pushing and alchohol for somebody to cheat once. I don't think it would be that hard for a male to cheat over there. Why would you want to marry someone who you feel has a disgusting or "not very good way" of viewing the world? He is not your buddy or your work friend. You are making him your life partner - the person that you feel safe with, the person you see eye to eye with on the "basic stuff." He has shown you time and again that he is very rigid on things. He does not tolerate being questioned. I married a man similar and he almost broke me. And he could be really nice sometimes. BTW, i went on a trip with him somewhere and two other couples were going also - we didn't stay with them but would meet up for dinner at night. Anyway, i got food poisoning. Didn't expect him to sit by my side...but i certainly didn't expect him to go to a strip club either while I was sick! He said the other guys were "having a rough day" so he wanted to cheer them up! Not to mention his family and because they felt he was always right too felt that I should be kissing his feet to have such a wonderful man. He only pulled the strip club thing once, but I would have taken it over the belittling, the need to feel that he was always right, etc. for the entire marriage. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Oh god - things aren't looking good, from all of these posts but isn't it a good thing that he wants to get pre-marital councelling and was happy to go to marriage councelling? Theres still lots of hope isn't there? I'm scared now and one thing that has concerned me is his idea on how to raise children and my idea are completely different. but surely councelling will sort whatever needs to be sorted. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 He wants counseling? Or is that what you want? I got the feeling you weren't even sure he would do that. How does he want to raise children? Russell Brand's father took him to prostitutes when he was a teenager. He and his dad had sex with those girls in the same room. You have to choose your life mate carefully. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 i wasn't sure but only yesterday when we went to meet the preist who will be marrying us,he had suggested pre-marital councelling as a necessity (not becasue he thought we needed it) he didn't know us, it is just one of their requirements. So Brett seemed to jump at the idea of it and said it would be a really good idea to get some help for us. When I had called the place the preist had suggested and they were booked out my partner agreed that it was a good idea to find somebody else who would do it. I'm in the process of booking a solo appointment in june for me and 2 sessions for us in july. Unfortunately my partner, working on the rigs, I will only see him for one week before the wedding in the end of July which is making things harder for us. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 How does he want to raise children? We have just discussed over the past years, different scinarios of our actions towards our own children which have never met eye to eye with. E.g I believe that kids shouldn't be introduced to junk food prior to them asking for it then on occasion it is okay. My theory is why would you, as a carer for your child, introduce unhealthy food to your child unncessarily. I understand when they get older and go to birthday parties, see what other kids are eating it is inevitable. He said - why not? it tastes good. Who cares...Another thing was his sister is sleeping around allot and I feel sorry for her becasue her family has literally disowned her adn she has no where to go - I said she is crying out to be loved. He said - if my daughter did that i would drag her home tell her what a f****ing idiot she was and some other form of punishment. - My view is if our daughter is doing that we need to address it by being completely calm about the situation as to not push her away from us and make it worse. Those sorts of things. One other thing that got me thinking the other day - he said a guy at the rig said prostitution doesn't count as cheating becasue its hte postitutes job - you aren't telling her you love her etc. He said he wouldn't do it but gets his point of view..... does anybody else find this completely messed up? I can't justify this in any way shape or form. - does it sound like he is trying to test my boundaries? Link to comment
superfox Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 I blame the environement he spends 6 months of the year in. HE works on an oil rig and allot of guys actually live over in thailand specifcally for the prostitutes and ladyboys. I think they have painted a magical land in his head...I'm sure it is for men. It IS all for the men and it's ALL true. You will get nothing, NOTHING, from this. I was with a man for years who worked in exactly the same environment, I won't stereotype them as 'all these men' BUT in my experience a lot of guys working there are just not wired up right. The majority of them are on their 2nd/3rd/4th + marriages and the whole 4 on/2 off (or whatever weeks he works) is almost like a 'running away' from reality thing. I've had that admitted to me. When they are on their off time they come away with extortionate amounts of money, having been holed up with 100's of men for weeks they tend to go crazy. Again, i'll stress that not ALL men on rigs are like this. But yours is. I was told that this job makes it the easiest thing in the world to cheat on your partner with. I was told by a guy rigger. Because of the money they make they tend (again, not all of them) to be the most arrogant and flash people going. I also use to live in an area where they'd come back from offshore. It's not pretty. This is NOT normal behaviour and you should not have to put up with this. How many guys (in the real world) would think it's a great idea to take their new wife to a ping pong show? None. What would you get out of this trip? A suntan, nothing more. Apart from a little less self esteem. He's a bully and has sexual problems, I fully believe that he thinks this 'counselling' would be only to fix 'your' problems. I hate manipulative, controlling men like this. I am going away for a romantic weekend soon, a 'romantic' one, somewhere we both want to go to spend quality time together. We are also visiting friends later this year who live in Amsterdam, my OH told our friend point blank that he does not want to go to the red light district there - although we may visit some 'coffee' shops.. Everygthing is paid for? So what. It's still cheaper and less demoralising to walk out now than to get a divorce or hang on until the children are older or whatever. Tell your parents now how unhappy you are and tell them exactly why, tell your girlfriends and tell your priest. Stop protecting him. Link to comment
superfox Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 my partner and I were discussing about trying for a honeymoon baby ^^^^ I just caught this in your STD thread Hanz. Are you planning to conceive the baby after your new husband has got his rocks off at the ping pong show? That's really pretty sick. He won't even be thinking of you or your future or creating a new life. He'll be busy thinking of the poor woman who can shoot ping pong balls out of her va-jay-jay. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Sorry for the late reply thered allot of comments - which is great its really getting me to think about it. He had suggested Thailand. All is mates from the rigs keep harping on about it - but all for the wrong reasons. Many of them live over there purely for the prossies and lady boys. He is so curious about what the fuss is and I am happy to walk down the streets of patong so he gets to "quench his thirst of curosity". He went off his rails when I said no to the ping pong show though. Well to be fair, when i said i didn't want to go he said "ok" then i tried to explain why adn he went of the rails suggesting that his opinion wasn't being takin into consideration..but also telling me to shutup and that he didn't want to hear it when I was trying to explain my point of view. Its left me a bit confused. Yes its the same guy who thinks of suicide and a couple of days ago he told me again that he didn't even want to live life around me just after we had spoken about the show. In regards to haulting the marriage - well I have booked a 2 sessions of councelling with him and one on my own just before the wedding. I'm hoping I can at least get some closure on this whole thing becasue it has left me very nervous on what kind of guy I am actually marrying - not becasue of the show but becasue he wants to do it on our honeymoon and can't see my point of view one bit. Link to comment
Hanz33 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 ^^^^ I just caught this in your STD thread Hanz. Are you planning to conceive the baby after your new husband has got his rocks off at the ping pong show? That's really pretty sick. He won't even be thinking of you or your future or creating a new life. He'll be busy thinking of the poor woman who can shoot ping pong balls out of her va-jay-jay. Oh god no that went completely out the window when this happened - which was a very close window to that other post. Not only that but he completely flipped one day saying he didn't want a baby then flipped back again the very next day saying he did want one. I said to him I wasn't interested in a baby at this stage any more becasue it is a life time commitment and not something you can change your mind about once it happens. And he also mentioned that I pretty much made him want to kill him self this week after i mentioned the ping pong show biz He then asked me err 2 days ago I think it was - "why have you all of a sudden gone all weird about the baby thing" - I guess he just doesn't get it yet Link to comment
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