Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Anusha, the sooner you stop hoping to have anything to do with this man the better off you will be. Are you still working with your therapist, Anusha? chi Yes Im still doing therapy.I mentioned the whole thing to my therapist and she doesnt think that he will disapier or that I scared him away though.And I just want to be able to be "friends" with him and continue having contact nothing more. I was thinking,maybe his phone being of has nothing to do with me.I was used to call once a week and I had already called on Thursday so he probably wasnt expecting I would call anymore until next week.And when Im home I usualy have the number I talk to him turned of(so my parents wont find it out) so maybe the reason he let it of was because his wife was around or anything like that and it has nothing to do with avoiding me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Why don't you try to be friends with a man who is not married? I am friends with married men, but I am friends with their wives as well. Why don't you try to find a new boyfriend? One who is single!!! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 It doesn't sound as though this therapist is helping you if that is all she said Anusha. I think you need a different therapist. chi Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Why don't you try to be friends with a man who is not married? I am friends with married men, but I am friends with their wives as well. Why don't you try to find a new boyfriend? One who is single!!! Im still pretty hurt with this whole thing so Im not really thinking on dating others yet.And why I cant be friends with him? There are lots of people who are friends with their exes.I dont think that just because you arent in a relationship with somebody anymore that you should hate that person or never speak again. Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 It doesn't sound as though this therapist is helping you if that is all she said Anusha. I think you need a different therapist. chi Im not saying she agrees with that but she understand that I have feelings for him and want to remain in contact and so she tries to support me. Link to comment
superfox Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Im still pretty hurt with this whole thing so Im not really thinking on dating others yet.And why I cant be friends with him? There are lots of people who are friends with their exes.I dont think that just because you arent in a relationship with somebody anymore that you should hate that person or never speak again. Because you don't want to be friends with him, you want him to love you. Huge difference. If I had a friend who lied to me or used my money or used me or ignored me on a whim well they wouldn't be my friend for long, understand? And I am not friends with any of my exes. Link to comment
petite Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Anusha, what would you like us to tell you? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Im not saying she agrees with that but she understand that I have feelings for him and want to remain in contact and so she tries to support me. Does your therapist support your idea of remaining in contact with him? chi Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Does your therapist support your idea of remaining in contact with him? chi She didnt say it.While I was talking about what I have done(asking him to start going out again) she said she couldnt notice any position from him though.That the whole time he was justificating why it wasnt a good idea he never said the words "I want this or that".That he is usualy kind of vague by never saying directaly yes or no,he just push things to the future by saying things like "Not now" or "We need to give it some time to let the dust settle"(he say it often and that never let clear if is a permanent break then or just something temporary until things calm down). She also said that she doesnt think it was me asking him to go out again or calling him a few times on Thursday that caused him to put his mobile of and that she things he wont disapier and that by tomorrow his phone will be on again.I didnt understand why she thought that too though. Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Anusha, what would you like us to tell you? I just want you all to help me to figure out what happened.And reassure me that I didnt scare him away I guess.Im very worried and anxious about that and maybe if some of you pointed out other reasons for what it might have happened(that has nothing t do with what I did),it could help me to calm down. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 You really want to settle for 'just being in contact with a guy - who has lots of other women around' rather than trying to find someone with whom you could share everything? Do you see that with every progression you are agreeing to less and less from him while insisting he is the best thing in you life ever? - As someone else suggested if you are not strong enough yourself ask your parents for help from keeping you from contacting him till you have gone through the first waves of withdrawal symptoms, because that is what you are experiencing when you are not in touch with him. It's not a nice feeling - but the good thing is you will get through this if you make your mind up Link to comment
petite Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I just want you all to help me to figure out what happened.And reassure me that I didnt scare him away I guess.Im very worried and anxious about that and maybe if some of you pointed out other reasons for what it might have happened(that has nothing t do with what I did),it could help me to calm down. What happened? He happened! He. Does. Not. Care. About. You. He is a liar. A cheat and he is married. You want us to help you analyze his actions. There is nothing to analyze. It's a waste of time. Months ago we were all telling you that he was lying to you and you kept trusting him, spending your parents money on him and even after finding out that he is married, that he couldn't care less about you, really that's the truth, he has no respect for you - you want us to analyze his actions! His words? Please wake up! He is married! Has a wife! Is a liar! Has cheated on his wife, has lied to his wife, has lied to you, and used you, and caused you all sorts of problems. What has he done for you? Nothing but caused you stressed and worry! I am sorry but I think you need to find a new therapist, I can't see anyone in their right mind supporting your unhealthy contact with him. You can't have a friendship with him, he isn't a regular ex. You were someone he had an affair with. Affair. He cheated on his wife with you. There can be no relationship, no friendship, nothing. Please accept that whatever you had is over and just let go. Believe me, you will feel better, you will find someone else, something that can respect you, love you and want only you! There isn't anything else to say. Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 I see that being in contact with him isnt beneficial for me but I cant help that feeling of needing him.Is like without him on my life I just get so depressed,bored,anxious and irritated.I have tried to deal with it that one month and a half we been without contact but trust me I wasnt able to find anything that would overcome that.It just like in order to feel happy I need to have him around,even if is just with a weekly phone call. And I cant tell my parents I have been in contact with him cause they wouldnt like it all and get angry at me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Think of it this way -he was always avoiding you in the ways that mattered so you didn't scare him away -he was always away from you. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Many of have feelings that we choose not to react to because it's not appropriate to react in the way we wish to. Should his wife react to her anger by hiring people to hurt you physically? Probably not. So find another way to react to needing this man other than by contacting him. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 you need to change therapists. It is clear that this therapist is not helping you..chi Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 Many of have feelings that we choose not to react to because it's not appropriate to react in the way we wish to. Should his wife react to her anger by hiring people to hurt you physically? Probably not. So find another way to react to needing this man other than by contacting him. Like what for example? Trust me I have tried a lot of stuff but none of them seemed to give me the same level of happiness that I feel with him.They help for a while but is like they fill me 50% when talking to him feel me 100%.And I just cant stand being miserable anymore. Link to comment
superfox Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 It's not love, it's an addiction. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Anusha, I repeat....This therapist is not helping you. Please replace her.. Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 3, 2012 Author Share Posted April 3, 2012 His mobile was still of today,Im starting to think that maybe he changed his number even.I can believe he pulled the disapiering act on me,not after all I have done for him.I gave him a chance to sort things in a good way and what he does in return? Fool me.He said he wouldnt get bothered at me for asking to go out again and that we would continue having contact and now he just disapier.That was really low. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 *bangs head against wall* WHY???? there are a million single men in your area, i am sure. Why are you so hung up on this one lying, cheating, snake of a man, who is MARRIED, and now has a few new girlfriends, at least?! There are a million people you could actually have a real relationship with! Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 3, 2012 Author Share Posted April 3, 2012 *bangs head against wall* WHY???? there are a million single men in your area, i am sure. Why are you so hung up on this one lying, cheating, snake of a man, who is MARRIED, and now has a few new girlfriends, at least?! There are a million people you could actually have a real relationship with! I just cant help feeling so hurt and betrayed right now,how he could do it to me? Not that I thought he loved me after all he is married but no gratitude for all I did to him,no concern,nothing? I was about to sue him for the money thing but I gave him a chance and texted him saying that if he called me to explain things I would give up on that idea.I tried to sort it in a nice way but just look what he did.If he didnt want all that much contact or thought that us talking once a week was too much he could have said so.Disapering is such a mean thing to do,specialy to somebody that just tried to be nice him(despite he not deserving it much). Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I don't know the laws in your country, but i doubt you'd be able to get the money back. at all. those were gifts, even if you didn't know he was married!!! it makes him a scumbag, but not a criminal. so you know he's a scumbag and a liar and a cheater...... but yet you want contact with him..... and to stay "friends" with him. WHY!??? Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 3, 2012 Author Share Posted April 3, 2012 I don't know the laws in your country, but i doubt you'd be able to get the money back. at all. those were gifts, even if you didn't know he was married!!! it makes him a scumbag, but not a criminal. so you know he's a scumbag and a liar and a cheater...... but yet you want contact with him..... and to stay "friends" with him. WHY!??? He eluded me to take my money.He made me believe he liked me and wanted a relationship with me so I would give him money.He didnt force me to give him anything yes but he made me believe in something that wasnt true.So maybe that qualifies as extortion.Im not much sure about all that either and I would need to talk with a lawyer first to know which my chances are but I think maybe I could get something.Actualy I did talked a litle about that with a lawyer that went to my work once and she told me that since I gave it from free will and Im over 18 and with no mental problems his chances to get away from that get higher.But she also said that if I can prove I had some kind of emotional problem(like going trough a hard time,depression,etc) when I was with him I might get something.I do have a historical of depression and clear low self esteem so I could use that on my advange.And it isnt much about the money,my intention with that is to punish him for using me.Like to show him that he cant just use people and then get away like if nothing happen. And about wanting him,I cant really say why.I just feel on my heart that I want him and need him on my life to feel happy.Maybe is obsession or adiction like others have pointed out here but is just like I cant be well without him. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 So assuming that you would get some money back (which I doubt, I don't think you have a legal standing for extortion nor that he took advantage of you without your knowledge), would that be sufficient for you to accept that he won't be in your life anymore? As to revenge: while I understand you are upset about the whole situation, you willingly chose to remain in it for a long time while you knew exactly that he was just in it for the money, that he was married, that he has many other affairs. You need to start taking responsibility for yourself and your own feelings. Link to comment
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