penelope13 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 It's not right for her, but more importantly it's not right for YOU! Don't worry about her - you have so much on your plate there shouldn't be any room to worry about what she is doing or not. You can't hope that she has the strength to walk away from him in the hope that he will then come running to you. Regardless of what their future may hold - he is NOT the right person for you. Start taking some responsibility for yourself and your life Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 You are right,I shoud focus on me not her.And anyway like he told me once even though he had cheated on her before that is the first time she actualy catches something,so is my word against his.I bet he might have even had said to her that Im making it all up to separate them. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Who cares what he said to his wife. It's none of your business or concern and if you stop being involved in his life it really won't matter. Link to comment
blackwings Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 What should you do? Beg for him back and try to keep seeing him because if you were dumb enough to get to this position it's the best you're ever going to get. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Something weird happened on thursday.I got a call from his wife at 11pm followed by a text saying "Now I see why you left me alone,he is still with you right? Try to convince him to be with you after all you two deserve each other".And then she called again about half hour later.I didnt answer cause I was sleeping already but I got it really surprised when I saw it the next day.Oh yeah she called my mother too but didnt say anything and just said she called wrong(according to my mother but I thought that was strange and that maybe my mother just didnt want to tell me what she said).The next day she calls again at 8am but I didnt answer.After all the last time I called her she end up hanging on me and telling me to leave her alone and now that she needs me I should just answer? No way.I texted her saying that I have nothing to do with her husband anymore and that I havent seen him for more than 2 months even and for her to sort her problems with him and let me get on with my life in peace.After that what followed was a battle of texts where she would insult me and I would insult her.She would say things like "Now you want to have peace? You should have thought about that before geting involved with him","You didnt get out of all that,it was him who didnt want you anymore cause your money finished and you couldnt hold him with your body" and "Good you got some shame and woke up"(clearly being ironic).And when I said that I was glad he didnt want me cause now I was free to live my life in peace and find a man who deserved me while she was still there puting up with his lies and betrayals,she said "Good luck on finding a man but just watch out for him to not be married again ok?".I just said "Thanks,good luck on trying to find out who is his new mistress and on the next betrayls that will come and when it happens dont go calling me again,sort it with him".Maybe I was a bit harsh but I just feel like she deserved it.I have put up with a lot from her when I was with him(insults and aggression even) cause after all I was wrong but now that Im out of all that I just didnt feel that I should acept it anymore. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 I agree, sounds like he found a new mistress. Ignore his wife and him from now on and move forward with your life. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 I agree, sounds like he found a new mistress. Ignore his wife and him from now on and move forward with your life. I guess so too.You think I was too harsh with all that I said to his wife? Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 25, 2012 Author Share Posted March 25, 2012 I just searched for her call on my mother's mobile(I didnt buy the story my mother told me) and I found out that they talked for 11 minutes yesterday morning!!!!!! My mother havent mentioned anything about that to me and now Im wondering what she said.I feel like questioning her about it but then I will have to confess that I snooped on her mobile and Im afraid she might not like it much. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 25, 2012 Author Share Posted March 25, 2012 Any opinions about this whole situation? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 if i had to guess, the wife was interrogating your mom about where you were. maybe they were trying to figure out if you were still seeing him based upon times that the husband is 'disappearing.' i think it's your best bet to move on from the situation ASAP. stop thinking about him, stop contacting all of them, etc. focus on you! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Any opinions about this whole situation? Yes. You created the "whole situation" by choosing to hang out and hook up with a married man (not date because married men by definition cannot date). So, you, having created the situation can choose to take a different path. Before you get hurt (and I mean physically too -you have no idea if his wife has friends who might not limit their attacks to just nasty texting) I would stay as far away as possible and at some point maybe it will be a learning experience -once you decide to stop blaming his wife and others for what you chose to do once you found out he was married. Before that point if you really didn't know he was married then of course he was in the wrong. He's still in the wrong but that's irrelevant to the situation you created. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 25, 2012 Author Share Posted March 25, 2012 Yes. You created the "whole situation" by choosing to hang out and hook up with a married man (not date because married men by definition cannot date). So, you, having created the situation can choose to take a different path. Before you get hurt (and I mean physically too -you have no idea if his wife has friends who might not limit their attacks to just nasty texting) I would stay as far away as possible and at some point maybe it will be a learning experience -once you decide to stop blaming his wife and others for what you chose to do once you found out he was married. Before that point if you really didn't know he was married then of course he was in the wrong. He's still in the wrong but that's irrelevant to the situation you created. Im already out but still continue to get blamed for the whole thing anyway.I honestly havent met with him anymore since the last incident(about two months ago) where she caught us.It isnt my fault if he is still cheating on her and I cant be blamed every time he gets home late or does anything suspicious.I warned her btw that probably would happen when I told her everything a while ago but she chosed to continue with him anyway so now she has to face the consequences herself.His betrayls arent my problem anymore and so she should sort it with him and just let me out this whole thing.Dont you agree? Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 25, 2012 Author Share Posted March 25, 2012 if i had to guess, the wife was interrogating your mom about where you were. maybe they were trying to figure out if you were still seeing him based upon times that the husband is 'disappearing.' i think it's your best bet to move on from the situation ASAP. stop thinking about him, stop contacting all of them, etc. focus on you! You are right,I just questioned my mother about that and she told me everything.She didnt want to tell at first but after I pressured and said it wasnt fair that they expected me to be honest and open with them while they keep hiding me stuff she end up telling.His wife said that he has been arriving home late and showing up with some "gifts" too(what used to happen when he has with me) so she thought he was seeing me again. And now I get why his wife didnt question and acepted so easialy when I said I had nothing to do with him anymore,she had talked with my mother already. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 When you chose to be involved with a married man you chose the consequences including the wife assuming that he's still seeing you. Link to comment
petite Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Oh Anusha! I was really hoping that not hearing from you meant you guys were okay, I know how much you invested in this guy. It's really sad what happened to you, but you now need to move on and forget him, forget his wife and just concentrate on yourself. In the future if someone is acting weird, please tell them they either be completely honest and not hide you from their side otherwise you're out. You don't deserve this, and I think you'd be better off changing your number and not making contact with him and his wife. I do find it weird that you knew his colleagues (and I think a friend?) yet none of them knew he was married? What about this wedding band? Did he not wear one? Wish you all the best. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Oh Anusha! I was really hoping that not hearing from you meant you guys were okay, I know how much you invested in this guy. It's really sad what happened to you, but you now need to move on and forget him, forget his wife and just concentrate on yourself. In the future if someone is acting weird, please tell them they either be completely honest and not hide you from their side otherwise you're out. You don't deserve this, and I think you'd be better off changing your number and not making contact with him and his wife. I do find it weird that you knew his colleagues (and I think a friend?) yet none of them knew he was married? What about this wedding band? Did he not wear one? Wish you all the best. Thanks petite.I only knew his friends from work(we used to work together) and he hided from all of us that he was married.And about the wedding band he didnt use it at work or around me. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I just did something so stupid today.I called him and asked if we could start going out again.I know I shouldnt have for the obvious reasons like he being married or the money thing but I just couldnt handle it anymore.I cant let go and I have been thinking about him and missing him so much that I finally got sick of battling with my feelings and just gave in.He didnt say no directaly but I could notice that was what he wanted to say.He just kept saying that he thought wasnt much a good idea now since his wife was still watching him out(he even said that she goes to pick him up at work when she is free) and that she still bring up my name kind often what according to him shows that she havent forget it yet even after all that time(we havent meet for more than 2 months now).He also said that he doesnt want more problems(meaning all the mess that we went trough every time we got caught).He said he would think about it carefully and would let me know on monday but shortly after that I called him again and took the whole thing back.I told him to just forget it and that I thought better and decided it was better to just leave it.He said he agreeded with me and for me to not take it the wrong way but that his situation is just too complicated now and so that wouldnt be a good idea. I see his point after all our lives turned into a living hell after we got caught(me with my parents and he with his wife) and I also dont feel like going trough that again and Im aware will be pretty impossible to hide it from them and so the chances that we will end up being caught again are pretty high.My rational side seems to realize all that but my heart just cant stop wanting him.I felt so stupid and rejected after all that and couldnt stop wondering if maybe he just doesnt want me and is using all this as a excuse. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 He is not interested in having sex with you anymore. He can't have a relationship with you because he is married -he has that relationship with his wife. You'll just have to accept that you won't know whether he said no because he doesn't choose to cheat on his wife anymore or because he doesn't want you. You took that risk when you chose to call him and ask him to cheat on his wife again. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 He is not interested in having sex with you anymore. He can't have a relationship with you because he is married -he has that relationship with his wife. You'll just have to accept that you won't know whether he said no because he doesn't choose to cheat on his wife anymore or because he doesn't want you. You took that risk when you chose to call him and ask him to cheat on his wife again. I know what you mean and like I said he is right about it being risky and how much problems it could bring us if we got caught again(not just him btw,but me too since my parents would get really angry at me if they found it out) but I also cant stop thinking that if he really wanted it he would find a way.Like he told me once that his wife doesnt like that he has contact with his daughter(probably jeaulos from the kids mother) but even so he still call her from time to time hided from her(he got a number that she doesnt know about) and even meet her sometimes (like one time to handle her a bag that he had bought to her).So why he cant do the same for me? If he really wanted to be with me he would find a way even with all that right? Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Please people,I could really use some advice. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Stop chasing married men. And men who are not otherwise single. Let men chase you, buy you presents and take you out for dinners! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 If he really wanted to be with you he would start divorce proceedings ASAP and tell you that and ask you to please wait for him while he got his life in order. Short of that, you are right, he doesn't want you badly enough. That's life and there's a far higher risk of that sort of rejection when you go after someone else's husband. Link to comment
Anusha Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I never asked him to leave his wife,all I wanted was to continue being with him.But it seems he doesnt want it anymore,or at least not bad enough to face all the challenges it would bring.Sometimes I wonder if maybe he is just being resonable and Im just being selfish to expect that he would risk going trough all that hell again.But like I said before I cant help feeling that if he wanted it bad enough he would try to find a way. Link to comment
petite Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 You need to stop contacting him. Honestly, what do you expect when this is how you act? Do you expect him to respect you? Love you? Be there for you? Anusha, wake up, he does not care about you. he never cared about you and all he ever wanted was your money! He has a wife, she knows about the affair, you need to let go, if you don't let go now you're going to cause yourself and your family more problems. Please start going to therapy and start being open with your therapist about everything, you need help with this situation! Also put yourself in his wifes shoes, how would you feel being cheated on and then having that same woman calling your husband? You would be livid I imagine, as anyone would be! I think you really need to realize that, this man, the one you so dearly care about, dos not want to be with you, does not want to have sex with you, or have any type of relationship with you. He is married and has a relationship with his wife! Link to comment
somethngwrng Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Challenges it would bring? Like lying to and hiding from his wife, you lying to your parents? Honestly, reinvent your life because that sounds REALLY sucky. Get some hobbies and date other men. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.